a companion to 30 in 30

[Remec]

Stories? cool. I shall want to read

Please do...*sliding list over* My old ones could always benefit from more views. I will, hopefully, have new ones soon. *crossing fingers*

 

[butters]

waiting at the finish line, hands Angie her medal and throws the score cards up... 6's all round for that last one. did you watch the pairs ice skating in sochi? i'm guessing you did. their programme (swan lake russians) was more beautiful to watch than their rivals who got higher scores!

 

[Angeline]

waiting at the finish line, hands Angie her medal and throws the score cards up... 6's all round for that last one. did you watch the pairs ice skating in sochi? i'm guessing you did. their programme (swan lake russians) was more beautiful to watch than their rivals who got higher scores!

High fives you.

I have been watching though I didn't see all the pairs. I saw some gorgeous performances by the women though. The skater from Italy was so graceful and the 15-year-old Russian girl who skated to the music from Schindler's List was amazing. But I was thinking of Swan Lake anyway because of the Opening Ceremonies.

I'm still enchanted with the AS form. God bless Tzara for dropping it on us. It is such an interesting way to explore short poems, you know? I could keep writing them. I might. They have started to arrive fully formed in my head--that began in around the third week. I do think I need to write some non AS stuff though or I'll end up like that guy who couldn't stop lol.

 

[Tsotha]

Congratulations, Angeline. Never doubted you'd finish.

The AS format doesn't leave much room for discussion, I think; it's too short for that. And yet, the american sentences I like best either conjure a strong image or have some kind of twist half-way through. Some caught a bit more of my attention:

2-3 - a quirky remark at the end of an affirmation.

2-12 - This works well for what it leaves to the imagination; with "something that never happened", each person will think something different.

2-15 - Funny.

2-18 - Another that leaves to the imagination. Why is it inconvenient? It conjures a scene that is much longer than what is just written there. E.g., I imagined someone driving to the lake to show the moose to someone else ("let's go see the moose; it will be great!" ).

2-21 - My response: not really, no. The first thing I thought was that he was lying down on a hillside, upon flowers, whispering her name (so, someone in love). Then I thought he had written her name with petals (she looks through the window and sees it). And then I reached the end of the sentence, and thought he was whispering her name to the flowers on her grave.

2-24 - Conjures a complete scene in my mind with very few words.

 

[butters]

2-21 - My response: not really, no. The first thing I thought was that he was lying down on a hillside, upon flowers, whispering her name (so, someone in love). Then I thought he had written her name with petals (she looks through the window and sees it). And then I reached the end of the sentence, and thought he was whispering her name to the flowers on her grave.

what i saw there, tsotha, was he'd planted perrennial bulbs in autumn... come the spring/summer, her name appears each year

 

[Tsotha]

what i saw there, tsotha, was he'd planted perrennial bulbs in autumn... come the spring/summer, her name appears each year

Ooh, that's smart. Much more efficient than using petals. He'd also have to glue them to the hillside, now that I think about it.

 

[butters]

Ooh, that's smart. Much more efficient than using petals. He'd also have to glue them to the hillside, now that I think about it.

doesn't make me right, though... maybe the petals were individually plucked and strewn in a 'she loves me, she loves me not' affair. i like that it's open to interpretation

 

[Angeline]

Congratulations, Angeline. Never doubted you'd finish.

The AS format doesn't leave much room for discussion, I think; it's too short for that. And yet, the american sentences I like best either conjure a strong image or have some kind of twist half-way through. Some caught a bit more of my attention:

2-3 - a quirky remark at the end of an affirmation.

2-12 - This works well for what it leaves to the imagination; with "something that never happened", each person will think something different.

2-15 - Funny.

2-18 - Another that leaves to the imagination. Why is it inconvenient? It conjures a scene that is much longer than what is just written there. E.g., I imagined someone driving to the lake to show the moose to someone else ("let's go see the moose; it will be great!" ).

2-21 - My response: not really, no. The first thing I thought was that he was lying down on a hillside, upon flowers, whispering her name (so, someone in love). Then I thought he had written her name with petals (she looks through the window and sees it). And then I reached the end of the sentence, and thought he was whispering her name to the flowers on her grave.

2-24 - Conjures a complete scene in my mind with very few words.

Wow Tsotha thank you for all the feedback (you, too Ms. B). It is much appreciated.

I have come to think that this form works well if you try to leave it more open to interpretation. And I love that when you write them you concentrate on so few words and have no line breaks. That helps me understand how to speed up or slow down a line.

 

[Remec]

Yay! Another one finished! Good job, Angeline (great even on occasion...I really like 2-30)...are you restarting right away or taking a short break?

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Happy dancing here Ange

 

[Angeline]

Yay! Another one finished! Good job, Angeline (great even on occasion...I really like 2-30)...are you restarting right away or taking a short break?

Thanks Remec. I will decide tomorrow whether to keep going or not, but I should probably break for a while to sort through my poems. I haven't even done that yet with the stuff from the poem a week thread! I hope to tighten up some of those poems and submit them to a few places. Maybe I'll wait until a few of us are ready to try the 30/30 again for the next go round. I really do prefer writing with company.

Happy dancing here Ange

Thanks Annie!

 

[Tsotha]

I'm back to select some of those written after I finished my 30/30 run.


UYS:

1-11 - I really like the image of the dream person for whom reality is like quicksand...

1-20 - The second stanza changed completely the idea I had formed for the nice, shy guy presented at the beginning. It's like the first stanza is the surface assessment, and the second stanza his mother's insight.

1-24 - I found it interesting that the first half (before I even read "I took you from your bed") already pointed toward the meaning you'd add on the second half. I like the images you use on the first half, all the way from "I dreamt I was a flood" to "sweeping to the sea". The second part is good, too, but I especially like the end ("I gentled to a ripple"). Hm, apparently I like it all.

1-30 - I thought it was funny, and putting those 6 words in a format actually gave them some kind of sense and direction (at times).


Tristesse:

3-28 - It was funny. This is an example of what I was saying earlier about american sentences; you've setup a scene and then ended with a ba-dum-tsh remark.


Remec:

2-11 - It catches one's attention with the format (that's important ). It also had interesting line breaks, which didn't come when I expected them.

2-14 - Very strange. Conjured two different scenes in my mind. The first reading pointed toward a simple box of mementos, from places he has traveled to that can no longer be visited, for some reason. The second reading, a person who left "pieces" inside a box, a box he can no longer visit because it has been cordoned off with police tape!

2-15 - I like your use of "digital tears" in this one, you expanded that little bit into a full message that is interesting. I like how digital tears takes a sarcastic tone (like "shark tears", I guess), but also describes the reality of a relationship that only exists virtually (that is, it isn't real, because it doesn't have a point of contact with real life. Yet for him, it was real because it was important).

2-21 - Cool AS, it starts a bit fuzzy but conjures a complete scene by the end of 17 syllables.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Thank you it is interesting to see someone elses take on my poems ....... I would like to point out the reality of 1-20 though. It was my ex, his Mother thought the sun shone from out of his backside, but in reality he was a bastard to me with his punishments of month long silences for things, like asking to learn to drive/go to work/ have a baby .......... all normal everyday things but they would take the attention from him.

 

[Tsotha]

Thank you it is interesting to see someone elses take on my poems ....... I would like to point out the reality of 1-20 though. It was my ex, his Mother thought the sun shone from out of his backside, but in reality he was a bastard to me with his punishments of month long silences for things, like asking to learn to drive/go to work/ have a baby .......... all normal everyday things but they would take the attention from him.

Oh! I see. I read the "she" on S2L1 as if it were his mother, not a third person. And indeed... Now it reads completely different (punishments for her, rather than himself). Thank you for explaining that to me.

 

[Tsotha]

Let's see how the song theme goes. Starting with a dud; rushed to post before midnight, and still missed the deadline. Oh well.

 

[Angeline]

Let's see how the song theme goes. Starting with a dud; rushed to post before midnight, and still missed the deadline. Oh well.

I decided to join you and painful_rapture for another round of torture.

Love the song idea but will you tell us the songs? I read your first poem and thought of a Bob Dylan song, but I'm probably wrong.

 

[Tsotha]

I decided to join you and painful_rapture for another round of torture.

*hugs Angeline* Thank you, thank you! Whew, I'm so relieved that it isn't going to be a wall of Tsotha...

Love the song idea but will you tell us the songs? I read your first poem and thought of a Bob Dylan song, but I'm probably wrong.

Oops. Fixed. I'm posting the song's title and a link to the lyrics right there with the poems, from now on. Or perhaps it would be better to put them here? I'm not sure.

The idea is to use either a line or the title of the song as inspiration for an "all of a sudden passion suddenly" style piece. That is to say, it should help see me through the 30 in 30, but I can't guarantee that it will make sense.

I've written two others before in the writing live thread, as an experiment:

No Quarter
Communication Breakdown

As you can see, I'm just taking some idea from them and going with it without trying to keep true to the song.

 

[Remec]

I'm back to select some of those written after I finished my 30/30 run.

Remec:

2-11 - It catches one's attention with the format (that's important ). It also had interesting line breaks, which didn't come when I expected them.

2-14 - Very strange. Conjured two different scenes in my mind. The first reading pointed toward a simple box of mementos, from places he has traveled to that can no longer be visited, for some reason. The second reading, a person who left "pieces" inside a box, a box he can no longer visit because it has been cordoned off with police tape!

2-15 - I like your use of "digital tears" in this one, you expanded that little bit into a full message that is interesting. I like how digital tears takes a sarcastic tone (like "shark tears", I guess), but also describes the reality of a relationship that only exists virtually (that is, it isn't real, because it doesn't have a point of contact with real life. Yet for him, it was real because it was important).

2-21 - Cool AS, it starts a bit fuzzy but conjures a complete scene by the end of 17 syllables.

Thanks for the notes. It was nice to get a little peek into how some (and which) of my 30/30 run were received, and in what way(s) they may have worked or come across so I can look back and have something to think about the next time those themes or poetic forms should crop up.

 

[Angeline]

*hugs Angeline* Thank you, thank you! Whew, I'm so relieved that it isn't going to be a wall of Tsotha...



Oops. Fixed. I'm posting the song's title and a link to the lyrics right there with the poems, from now on. Or perhaps it would be better to put them here? I'm not sure.

The idea is to use either a line or the title of the song as inspiration for an "all of a sudden passion suddenly" style piece. That is to say, it should help see me through the 30 in 30, but I can't guarantee that it will make sense.

I've written two others before in the writing live thread, as an experiment:

No Quarter
Communication Breakdown

As you can see, I'm just taking some idea from them and going with it without trying to keep true to the song.

Awww.

I like doing these with company. I feel like a fly on the wall that everyone sees crawling around when I do it alone. Oy what an image!

Hey I was close on the song! I thought you were referencing Dylan's Keep on Rainin The Levee's Gonna Break. I know, close but no cigar, right?

 

[Tsotha]

Awww.

I like doing these with company. I feel like a fly on the wall that everyone sees crawling around when I do it alone. Oy what an image!

Hey I was close on the song! I thought you were referencing Dylan's Keep on Rainin The Levee's Gonna Break. I know, close but no cigar, right?

You were really close, actually! Both Led Zeppelin and Bob Dylan's songs are based on an earlier song by Kansas Joe/Memphis Minnie.

 

[Tsotha]

1-3b

Damn, painful_rapture. Are you mocking us? Now I want to see b's up 'till the 1-30.

 

[painful_rapture]

Damn, painful_rapture. Are you mocking us? Now I want to see b's up 'till the 1-30.

I didn't see anything saying it was against the rules to post more than what was asked for...
No mocking intended.

 

[Tsotha]

I didn't see anything saying it was against the rules to post more than what was asked for...
No mocking intended.

It's not. It is just that by the end of the 30 poems, people comment about feeling drained... So, posting twice? That's like someone running a stretch of the Marathon backwards.

I meant nothing by it, really. Post away!

 

[todski28]

http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?p=52095191#post52095191

been at work since 4am so forgive me if this is unclear fatigue sucks!!

the feeling of loss is reinforced in interlocking patterns from first to last line, the internal rhyme helping to keep a rhythm and pace that disrupts on the final line that leaves that feeling of "disquiet" that lingers marking this piece for me a really good write. a

these phrases work as punctuating blows to drive the point home.

now fading away

tapestry,
Abandoned to moths

This mystery of intention, convoluted,
Turned around, on itself, brought low,
Muted.

time never goes back, never relents;
Beauty is an illusion, slipping away.

a few words I think could be cut to help the flow of the piece but all in all I really like it.

(sorry for the throwing out of so many random poems of late been so busy that all I can manage is the odd off the cuff piece before running back to work) I still want to get this done as well as a lot more poems in the trivial thoughts thread time is the harshest task mistress of them all)

 

[Neonurotic]

I didn't see anything saying it was against the rules to post more than what was asked for...
No mocking intended.

It's fine if you have more poems than requested, you can keep going. There have been others (very, very few) who have a series of poems on a particular day then just one the next. Just signify the extra the way you did with b, c, d, etc. The idea is to produce fresh poems every day for 30 days in row and more is just bonus.