Getting my bottom ready for anal

[Eilan]

But it's not something I would suggest...am I afraid of the pain or the intimacy???

Are you afraid, period?

My first PIV experience was an awkward, painful meeting of two clueless, Litless virgins. My first experience with anal was WAY better than my first PIV experience. I didn't have an orgasm from it because I was way too focused on concentrating on the different sensations I was feeling. I had no pain or discomfort whatsoever. However, I think that there was a mental component to that first experience. I hadn't planned to have anal that day, and I think I was more relaxed than I would have been if I'd marked a date on my calendar and had to think about it for a few days.

Technically it is no different to PIV sex.

I'd have to disagree just a wee bit with this, but only in the sense that the vagina is self-lubricating and is also a little more naturally able to accommodate a penis because it has to stretch to accommodate a baby. Not that an ass can't be accommodating, of course. . .

 

[namron711]

Hey Momma,

I didn't read every post so I don't know if this was mentioned or not....

Your husband has to be incredibly slow and patient at first...whether it's his finger, cock or dildo. The trick is to just tease the opening / anus by pentrating it just a very little. it will take a while for the anus to become accustomed to the intrusion. When it does, it will relax and accomodate the whole thing, whatever that is. But he must go very slowly. Have him just barely put a 1/2 inch of his cock into your ass and then just wait, and wait and wait. He must not move any deeper until you are ready. You'll know when it's time for him to slowly proceed. You will be amazed at how he will eventually be able to slamfuck your asshole just as if he's fucking your pussy. Good luck and have fun.



Cranky

 

[LadyJeanne]

Are you afraid, period?

My first PIV experience was an awkward, painful meeting of two clueless, Litless virgins, so I guess it only makes sense that my first experience with anal was WAY better than my first PIV experience. I didn't have an orgasm from it because I was way too focused on concentrating on the different sensations I was feeling. I had no pain or discomfort whatsoever. However, I think that there was a mental component to that first experience. I hadn't planned to have anal that day, and I think I was more relaxed than I would have been if I'd marked a date on my calendar and had to think about it for a few days.

You may be on to something with the first time experiences. I've only dated one guy who suggested PIA. It was in the midst of PIV, and I was way turned on, so I was ok with trying. Next thing I knew, like almost as soon as I moaned yes, he was trying to push inside - WTF and ouch! I know now he was doing things all wrong, but the memory of even those seconds of pain is enough to turn me off trying it again.

Aside from that, PIA has never been an erotic hot button for me. I've never fantasized about it while masturbating, reading about it bores me, the thought of it doesn't turn me on. The only thing interesting about it is the potential for added intimacy.

 

[southernsky]

I tried to have anal sex once before, and the guy just pushed it in, and it hurt, and I swore off anal play for life. Then, I seriously decided that I could make this feel good. It's just for variety, and because honestly the perceived naughtiness of it all made me a little more horny It's also because I feel like I want control of my sexual pleasure, and I don't want any bad experiences to control my pleasure. I don't know if I don't like anal because I am embarrassed about things like farting and anything anal in general, or because it's a societal pressure not to like it, or because my body just doesn't respond to pleasure there. If this experiment just hadn't worked out, I wouldn't have pushed the issue, but I'm glad that I was able to overcome my thoughts and beliefs that my ass is a dirty place, and that anal play is something that's too uncomfortable to try and do.

Now I've worked up to moving the little vibe in and out, and turning it on slightly. I'm glad I tried this, because I had a mind exploding orgasm the last time I got the vibe all the way in and turned on a little and WOW I think I had to peel myself off the ceiling! Apparently my body's sexual preferences differ from what I think they are? I don't know but WOW!

I've been thinking about moving to something slightly larger, but I don't want to rush it, and I don't want to do anything to myself that hurts, even if it takes awhile to work up to something penis size. I'm thinking about going and getting a little bit larger vibe this week though.

One note- I've been making sure to buy seperate anal toys. I don't know how good the cleaning solution is that I have, and I'm sure you know this already, but the idea of using it anywhere else is just gross to me.

 

[TBKahuna123]

You may be on to something with the first time experiences. I've only dated one guy who suggested PIA. It was in the midst of PIV, and I was way turned on, so I was ok with trying. Next thing I knew, like almost as soon as I moaned yes, he was trying to push inside - WTF and ouch! I know now he was doing things all wrong, but the memory of even those seconds of pain is enough to turn me off trying it again.

I tried to have anal sex once before, and the guy just pushed it in, and it hurt, and I swore off anal play for life.

OK I've had a theory for years, but I'm always leery to say it for fear I'll sound like a typical guy trying to justify wanting anal sex. Here goes though: I think 90% of the women who aren't interested in anal sex feel that way because of a bad first experience just like this. It's been universal with the women I've dated. I never pushed the issue because I wasn't sure I really knew what I was doing either, so I couldn't argue with them. Still it's very telling that almost every person who's tried it with someone they trust and someone who understands what it takes to make it enjoyable, has reported a good experience. Almost every woman who says they enjoy anal sex talks about a partner who is attentive and listens and does the right things. Coincidence?

I'll be honest, until recently I had never really thought about it as "intimate". To me it was just something different, something for those really wild nights when things get crazy. After reading some threads about anal here on Lit though, I started thinking back on my marriage. Anal sex has never been a huge part of our sex life, but every time I can recall wasn't some wild and crazy night. Every encounter was intense, but not really a wild pounding pornlike romp. My wife doesn't like anal in a doggystyle position, it hurts for her, so she prefers on her side. The result is that every memory is of this intensely close experience with a lot of kissing, caressing, full body contact, etc. That's when I really started to realize how intimate it could be.

The question is why? Hmm.. I think i sense a new thread coming on.

 

[raven2]

You may be on to something with the first time experiences. I've only dated one guy who suggested PIA. It was in the midst of PIV, and I was way turned on, so I was ok with trying. Next thing I knew, like almost as soon as I moaned yes, he was trying to push inside - WTF and ouch! I know now he was doing things all wrong, but the memory of even those seconds of pain is enough to turn me off trying it again.

Aside from that, PIA has never been an erotic hot button for me. I've never fantasized about it while masturbating, reading about it bores me, the thought of it doesn't turn me on. The only thing interesting about it is the potential for added intimacy.

One thing my wife and I have found (we both like anal very much) is that you definitely need to take time to get her ready. Toys and stimulation help. Lots of lube and and slow careful prep with toys and fingers help. She also seems to be able to loosen up better and have less dscomfort, the more stimulated she is.

 

[Wyldfire]

I appreciate all of the feedback.

Earlier yesterday my husband and I watched porn and he played with me with our new vibrator and his fingers. He got 2 fingers in my bottom, but it hurt when he moved them. So last night we went and bought new lube last night and this stuff called anal-ese....My husband was able to go very deep and fuck me for a very long time. But I was so numb and that goop had got on my pussy so I couldn't even come last night. He said his cock got numb too, but he came anyway because the thought of being in my ass was too incredible.

Anyway the stuff didn't wear off for a few hours. And it still hurt later. And just felt strange.

Of course today I checked this and saw that people had wrote and learned some new things.

Please keep leaving any tips you have and I'll read up on it in the Anal Sticky (?)

There's another anal lube(I'll try to find the name of it), that is a thick slippery lube that is similar to the anal-ease but doesn't numb you up anywhere near as much.............. Truth to tell it was so subtle and mild the husband didn't get numb.

Another suggestion for you is to slowly start adding anal play to your own masturbation. Start with a small toy and slowly work towards moving it in and out. Once you can cum comfortably and not be sore afterwards find a slightly larger toy and go through the process again. Tell your husband to be patient. Keep going through this process until you can masturbate yourself to climax with a toy that is the same size as your husband.

Another suggestion that may help him is for you to use the small toy you're using in masturbation and use it anally on yourself while he is vaginally pleasuring you. He should be able to feel the toy in you as he is pleasuring you. Some men find that almost as satisfying as the actual deed of anal sex.

As a side note on this point you might find it stimulating to buy two toys of the smallest size and introduce the idea to your husband of EACH of you having a toy in you anally while having vaginal sex. I personally recommend a small butt plug. They tend to be shaped to help you hold them in and they have a flanged base so that you have less concern of them "slipping all the way in" and being difficult to retrieve. I will not use a toy anally unless it has some method of retrieval like a flanged base or some other means of making sure I don't have issues getting the toy back out.

 

[LadyJeanne]

OK I've had a theory for years, but I'm always leery to say it for fear I'll sound like a typical guy trying to justify wanting anal sex. Here goes though: I think 90% of the women who aren't interested in anal sex feel that way because of a bad first experience just like this. It's been universal with the women I've dated. I never pushed the issue because I wasn't sure I really knew what I was doing either, so I couldn't argue with them. Still it's very telling that almost every person who's tried it with someone they trust and someone who understands what it takes to make it enjoyable, has reported a good experience. Almost every woman who says they enjoy anal sex talks about a partner who is attentive and listens and does the right things. Coincidence?

I'll be honest, until recently I had never really thought about it as "intimate". To me it was just something different, something for those really wild nights when things get crazy. After reading some threads about anal here on Lit though, I started thinking back on my marriage. Anal sex has never been a huge part of our sex life, but every time I can recall wasn't some wild and crazy night. Every encounter was intense, but not really a wild pounding pornlike romp. My wife doesn't like anal in a doggystyle position, it hurts for her, so she prefers on her side. The result is that every memory is of this intensely close experience with a lot of kissing, caressing, full body contact, etc. That's when I really started to realize how intimate it could be.

The question is why? Hmm.. I think i sense a new thread coming on.

I don't think it's a coincidence at all. The attitude and approach a guy takes toward any kind of sex makes a huge difference in the way a woman experiences it, and vice versa for men with women.

Imagine a woman with a yen to try a strap on with her bf. He's not so into the idea of putting anything in his ass, but she continually pushes him to try it and 'accidentally' keeps brushing her fingers on his asshole or pushing one in, and is constantly bringing it up and making him feel like he's not pleasing her because he won't do it.

Would you blame him for thinking his feelings were being ignored in favor of her obsession with something she just "knows" he'll like if he would just try it? Would you blame him for getting pissed off and never wanting to do try it? With a different approach, he might very well enjoy the prostate stim and have a great orgasm, but when it's done so crudely, he's going to form a deep animosity toward the idea.

 

[TBKahuna123]

I don't think it's a coincidence at all. The attitude and approach a guy takes toward any kind of sex makes a huge difference in the way a woman experiences it, and vice versa for men with women.

Imagine a woman with a yen to try a strap on with her bf. He's not so into the idea of putting anything in his ass, but she continually pushes him to try it and 'accidentally' keeps brushing her fingers on his asshole or pushing one in, and is constantly bringing it up and making him feel like he's not pleasing her because he won't do it.

Would you blame him for thinking his feelings were being ignored in favor of her obsession with something she just "knows" he'll like if he would just try it? Would you blame him for getting pissed off and never wanting to do try it? With a different approach, he might very well enjoy the prostate stim and have a great orgasm, but when it's done so crudely, he's going to form a deep animosity toward the idea.

You're absolutely right, but I don't think a lot of guys ever stop to look at it like that. I think when we are young we tend to view sex selfishly, probably because it's all we're taught.

 

[kiwichyck]

Some have said that they feel PIA to be more intimate than PIV, which I totally believe. To me, that would be a more compelling reason to try PIA, and why I'd be open to it if my SO were interested, and I trust him. But it's not something I would suggest...am I afraid of the pain or the intimacy???

Probably both. My first anal experience was horrible. I spent years cringing when I happened to see porn with anal scenes, and I thought anyone that liked it was some kind of pain freak.

DH and I began a quest to spice up our sex life and he asked about trying anal. I figured, what the hell, and turned to my computer for inspiration.....hello Lit!
It took about 10 minutes for me to figure out that my previous experience was a dismal failure because we were approaching it like a second pussy. After adding time, patience and lube it was a crashing success.

From an intimacy viewpoint IMO sex doesn't get much better. I think it's something to do with the potential for pain and necessity of really being into it. With PIV I can do it pretty much anytime anywhere with minimal mental involvement. It's no skin off my nose to have a quickie even if my mind is occupied with other things, not much fun, but nevertheless it can happen. With PIA, if I'm not 100% into it, then it just can't happen. I have to be focussed on the moment and the sensations. It isn't something that can be 'done to me'.

There is also elements of other things that make it so intimate. Like I can't help but think "OMG his cock is in my ass!!" which is still surprising, enlightening, empowering. And then "OMG his cock is in my ass.....and it feels great!" which is slightly naughty, and secretive. I sometimes have a little sly giggle to myself when I spend time with friends and family and think "I'm sooo naughty and they have NO idea!"

We don't succeed every time we try. I still never know with 100% accuracy when I want it, or when I'm ready for it. Mostly I just get all warmed up, he will put just the head of his cock in, and I control the action from there. I just wriggle around and push against him as I feel comfortable. I guess we probably did it 5 times before I actually allowed him to move at all! Thats also part of the intimacy factor. For anal to be any good for me, I have to have total control. It sucks when it happens, but if I say no more, then I know with absolute certainty that he's getting up to go wash, and there's no more talk of anal until the next time I want to go for it.

As for the pain factor. To start with you will probably expect it. Only trying and experiencing it with no pain will change that. Like others have said, you can experiment with it yourself, but for me, anal play is not a turn-on during masturbation. The best part for me is allowing myself to allow DH to play with my ass, I hope that makes sense.

If you want to try it then don't be afraid to suggest it to your partner. My best experience with anal so far was the day that I just said to myself "what the hell, just try it!" I'd spent a couple of weeks reading up on everything I could find and I was curious. We were in the middle of making love and the thought just popped into my head. I simply said something along the lines of "Fuck it - Go ahead and stick it in my ass." Believe me, I did not regret it. That was one of the best orgasms I've had in recent memory. When it all goes well, my asshole honestly feels like a second larger clit and the sensation of his cock sliding past the opening is toe-curlingly good.

Quote:
Originally Posted by kiwichyck
Technically it is no different to PIV sex.

I'd have to disagree just a wee bit with this, but only in the sense that the vagina is self-lubricating and is also a little more naturally able to accommodate a penis because it has to stretch to accommodate a baby. Not that an ass can't be accommodating, of course. . .

Yes. I was meaning just from a purely physical point of view - ie: penis being inserted in oriface.

 

[1_hotlilmomma]

slow

Things have slowed down in the physical department in this house due to the children being back from spring break (I think). But I still am enjoying everyone's advice and thoughts on this subject. I promise if anything good happens to let you know about it.

 

[Ocher]

Slightly off topic, but my partner and I are pretty new together. In short, I'm very Vanilla, and he's not...

He wants everything, and we've already have a night of me screaming death threats when I couldnt handle it. I'm very sub though, and have Alot of trouble saying what I like, dont like, can and cant handle. I'm also used to alot of abusive relationships, and this is starting to show when I have trouble telling him "Not tonight" on the anal

Also, I freeze up (really, literally.. entirely paralysed) with anal, so it takes alot to get me ready and then work on it. He's learned to go slow after that somewhat traumatic experience, but it does make saying no even harder.. (Ok, I dont say no, its not a 'me' thing to do, but it makes making excuses impossible)

Any ideas?

 

[LadyJeanne]

Slightly off topic, but my partner and I are pretty new together. In short, I'm very Vanilla, and he's not...

He wants everything, and we've already have a night of me screaming death threats when I couldnt handle it. I'm very sub though, and have Alot of trouble saying what I like, dont like, can and cant handle. I'm also used to alot of abusive relationships, and this is starting to show when I have trouble telling him "Not tonight" on the anal

Also, I freeze up (really, literally.. entirely paralysed) with anal, so it takes alot to get me ready and then work on it. He's learned to go slow after that somewhat traumatic experience, but it does make saying no even harder.. (Ok, I dont say no, its not a 'me' thing to do, but it makes making excuses impossible)

Any ideas?

Perhaps you could write things down instead of trying to talk. Or go through one of those checklists the BDSM folks use, and mark down the things that are ok and the things that are off-limits. Being submissive doesn't mean no limits, or that you aren't allowed to say no. Nor does it mean that your way is wrong and his is right. I think if you post this in the BDSM forum, you'll find that safe, sane, and consensual is what their relationships are about. You'll also find that they will stress communication, communication, communication for any relationship.

And you might want to start seeing a counselor to help you deal with the abusive relationships in your past. Otherwise, you are likely to end up in another one.

 

[vato]

I hate anal too, for all the same reasons....

Surprise surprise.

A lot of the threads here on 'getting her to admit she likes anal' and 'how to get her to like anal' merely solidify my aversion to guys who are obsessed with getting his dick up her ass.

Why not just mention my name instead of cowardly pussyfooting around? Maybe if you weren't such a sly bitch you'd just link right to my thread.
https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=402659

I can also tell you I've never, ever run into a guy who would so much as consider my putting even a fingertip in HIS ass.

As I said in post 97 of the above linked thread;

I play with my ass when I masturbate, but she is much too conservative (at this point) to try it on me. I'd be all for it. Poke my prostate baby!

I've mentioned to her that she can do whatever she likes to me, and that I'd be open for her to do anything that I've done to her. She seems to be OK with me being giver, and her being the taker at this point. I'm alright with that too.

Norajane, if you PM me your address, I'll shit in a box and overnight it to you.
Maybe if you're lucky it'll still be warm when it arrives.

vato

 

[Wyldfire]

Surprise surprise.


Why not just mention my name instead of cowardly pussyfooting around? Maybe if you weren't such a sly bitch you'd just link right to my thread.
https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=402659


As I said in post 97 of the above linked thread;


Norajane, if you PM me your address, I'll shit in a box and overnight it to you.
Maybe if you're lucky it'll still be warm when it arrives.

vato

Now Vato, no need to get ugly here.......... Nora's got the right to her opinion. I may not agree with her opinion but she has a right to it. I may not understand why she chooses to be so vehement on her opinion in a thread were A. The lady who started the thread is asking questions on the subject, B. She has stated a willingness and DESIRE to partake on the subject, and C. No one has stated anything negative on the subject except for her.

But hey I don't have to understand it. If she bothers you you can always use the Ignore option. I personally can't seeing as I'm a very curious person and not seeing a post would have me disabling ignore anyways. This site is all about the first amendment so she can say what she wants where she wants. I just think it's in poor taste to spew vitriol in a thread that has had nothing but positive input.

 

[Norajane]

Now Vato, no need to get ugly here.......... Nora's got the right to her opinion. I may not agree with her opinion but she has a right to it. I may not understand why she chooses to be so vehement on her opinion in a thread were A. The lady who started the thread is asking questions on the subject, B. She has stated a willingness and DESIRE to partake on the subject, and C. No one has stated anything negative on the subject except for her.

But hey I don't have to understand it. If she bothers you you can always use the Ignore option. I personally can't seeing as I'm a very curious person and not seeing a post would have me disabling ignore anyways. This site is all about the first amendment so she can say what she wants where she wants. I just think it's in poor taste to spew vitriol in a thread that has had nothing but positive input.

Well, if vato had quoted me in context, it might be more clear that (a) I wasn't the only one who had some issues with anal, (b) that I was replying to someone else who had expressed some issues and (c) I wasn't spewing vitriol.

Originally Posted by FallingToFly
Wow. I so love you..

I hate anal. With a soul-deep, primitive passion that has nothing to do with the act itself and everything to do with the way it's been presented, over and over again, in my sexual experiences.

Unfortunately, most guys do see it as a secondary pussy, or a substitute pussy. No matter HOW much lube they use... it still fucking hurts if they try to just ram it in. Sometimes I'm so tempted to return the favor, just so they understand the "Because, you dumbfuck, it hurts, that's why not!" that anyone male, female, or otherwise, will get if they ask if they can do anal with me.

There are a lot of very lucky wives, girlfriends and boyfriends in this thread, considering the sensitive and sensible way you all approach this topic.

I hate anal too, for all the same reasons. I consider myself lucky not to have run into many guys who were interested in anal sex. Only one really wanted it and he approached it just as you described, so I stopped him before he got anywhere. A lot of the threads here on 'getting her to admit she likes anal' and 'how to get her to like anal' merely solidify my aversion to guys who are obsessed with getting his dick up her ass. I can also tell you I've never, ever run into a guy who would so much as consider my putting even a fingertip in HIS ass.

My SO has tried anal sex a few times with a past partner and said he didn't really care for it all that much...Mr. Happy is a big fan of the pussy and he fits very nicely there.

If he really wanted anal penetration, I would probably give it a try (keeping all the great How To tips in mind!), but he's fortunately not so interested in going there.

 

[Wyldfire]

Well, if vato had quoted me in context, it might be more clear that (a) I wasn't the only one who had some issues with anal, (b) that I was replying to someone else who had expressed some issues and (c) I wasn't spewing vitriol.

Comments withdrawn. I do see the lack of context. Apologies.

 

[Norajane]

Comments withdrawn. I do see the lack of context. Apologies.

No worries.

 

[Norajane]

Surprise surprise.


Why not just mention my name instead of cowardly pussyfooting around? Maybe if you weren't such a sly bitch you'd just link right to my thread.
https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=402659


As I said in post 97 of the above linked thread;


Norajane, if you PM me your address, I'll shit in a box and overnight it to you.
Maybe if you're lucky it'll still be warm when it arrives.

vato

So you're still obsessed with ass?

 

[vato]

So you're still obsessed with ass?

BURN!

 

[Eilan]

So you're still obsessed with ass?

Pop spew!

 

[rthnck]

Because it's there

Well after reading through these threads I decided to chime in. I have trouble with the idea that no woman really likes anal, they do it only because their SO asks, etc. I have to admit that my own interest was more along the lines of "because it's there". Something different to try. My SO did have to be convinced to try and ended up enjoying it (as did I). It's still something reserved for special occassions and the stars have to be in perfect alignment to be successful but for me "it's the journey not the destination" that contributes to the enjoyment. With any sex act it's always going to be "different strokes for different folks"

 

[Gypsy_Lis]

Well after reading through these threads I decided to chime in. I have trouble with the idea that no woman really likes anal, they do it only because their SO asks, etc. I have to admit that my own interest was more along the lines of "because it's there". Something different to try. My SO did have to be convinced to try and ended up enjoying it (as did I). It's still something reserved for special occassions and the stars have to be in perfect alignment to be successful but for me "it's the journey not the destination" that contributes to the enjoyment. With any sex act it's always going to be "different strokes for different folks"

I would have to agree with some of you...no woman really likes anal sex because their partners are not helping them to relax and they are not willing to give it a try or just to please their partners (I may be wrong). I, for one, love anal sex because my last partner was very attentive to me. After much discussion, we agreed that I had to learn to relax with lots of anal foreplay, k-y jelly and some different strokes around and inside the anal area. Both of men and women have to learn how to relax together, not to rush until they are comfortable and it will bring lots of pleasure. It just takes time, patience and practice until both partners are comfortable or just go back to the boring sex life.

Gypsy_Lis

 

[LadyJeanne]

I would have to agree with some of you...no woman really likes anal sex because their partners are not helping them to relax and they are not willing to give it a try or just to please their partners (I may be wrong). I, for one, love anal sex because my last partner was very attentive to me. After much discussion, we agreed that I had to learn to relax with lots of anal foreplay, k-y jelly and some different strokes around and inside the anal area. Both of men and women have to learn how to relax together, not to rush until they are comfortable and it will bring lots of pleasure. It just takes time, patience and practice until both partners are comfortable or just go back to the boring sex life.

Gypsy_Lis

You see sex as boring without anal?

 

[Gypsy_Lis]

You see sex as boring without anal?

No way! I love it. I was just saying for the others if they are not trying hard enough to give anal sex another chance. (Sorry about that---oops, my bad!!)

Gypsy_Lis