Mature stories: your opinions please

qdata

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Jun 16, 2003
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Among my feedback messages I had a request for an older woman in my stories - he wanted her to be in her 50s or 60s. That sparked off my story Nurse Colwell and the Colonel.

That got me thinking: what about a really old woman? Bony, wrinkled, rheumatic ... Could such a one get it off with a young man in his prime? The more usual 'May / December' format is the decrepit old man taking on a nubile young woman. In my story Gaygan and Clive I reversed that and I wondered how the idea seems to the readers. In the short time since it was published the story has attracted a reasonably favourable rating (4.64 from 14 votes) but how does it come across? Is the idea realistically viable or does it leave you having to suspend belief to accept the scenario?
 
Most of the stories with a broken down old man and a young nubile woman probably center on gold digging, and that situation is very real and easy to latch on to.

When reversed in reality, the woman seems to trend toward those who have managed to maintain their looks as much as possible as they age. They aren't usually old and bent, with masses of wrinkles.

Thus, IMO, this scenario does force the suspension of reality a little more than the other.

This only applies when the gold digger element is thrown in, however, as both scenarios are fairly far-fetched without material gain thrown in. The older person is going to have to have aged very well and give the impression of actual attraction without material gain involved, if you want to avoid the need to suspend reality more than usual.
 
Reincarnation helps ... I think.

Darkniciad said:
The older person is going to have to have aged very well and give the impression of actual attraction without material gain involved, if you want to avoid the need to suspend reality more than usual.

The main idea of the story demands that she should be very old and thus, in normal circumstances, not an object of desire. The idea of some kind of reincarnation - that Clive was her husband somehow returned to her - was something which emerged as I wrote the story. The idea almost wrote itself into the plot and was not there when I started writing: strange how a story or character can take over :confused:

Be that as it may, I thought the idea was sufficient to explain Clive's initially subconscious attraction to the old woman. But I suppose reincarnation is another of those imponderables of life. Oh well
 
qdata said:
The main idea of the story demands that she should be very old and thus, in normal circumstances, not an object of desire. The idea of some kind of reincarnation - that Clive was her husband somehow returned to her - was something which emerged as I wrote the story. The idea almost wrote itself into the plot and was not there when I started writing: strange how a story or character can take over :confused:

Be that as it may, I thought the idea was sufficient to explain Clive's initially subconscious attraction to the old woman. But I suppose reincarnation is another of those imponderables of life. Oh well

I can see the lines of the reincarnation theme running through the story, I work from a pure fantasy standpoint, so something like that is hardly outside my broad range of what I can accept as reality with little difficulty.

A little more setup of Clive's similarities to Petey earlier in the story might have helped it pulse a bit more strongly. A few more hints about little things like the way he walked, liking old music and t.v. shows that Petey liked, or something similar would have established the theme for Clive a little earlier and edged it over the line toward reality a bit more for me.

That's just me though, I'm only one person reading the tale. It's the combined feedback from several perspectives that gives you a real sense of things, so don't take it as disheartening. It's a good story from an ususual angle, and that's never a bad thing.
 
Darkniciad said:
I can see the lines of the reincarnation theme running through the story, I work from a pure fantasy standpoint, so something like that is hardly outside my broad range of what I can accept as reality with little difficulty.

A little more setup of Clive's similarities to Petey earlier in the story might have helped it pulse a bit more strongly. A few more hints about little things like the way he walked, liking old music and t.v. shows that Petey liked, or something similar would have established the theme for Clive a little earlier and edged it over the line toward reality a bit more for me.

That's just me though, I'm only one person reading the tale. It's the combined feedback from several perspectives that gives you a real sense of things, so don't take it as disheartening. It's a good story from an ususual angle, and that's never a bad thing.

Thank you for taking the time to read the story and making thoughtful responses. I value your input.
 
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