"To keep the review thread clean..."

[twelveoone]

Trix asked me a question & I replied to her [ she did Not feel offended by my reply but You rushed into an area which was totally between two individuals & nothin' to do with you ] .Also you keep on postin' Offensive personal comments e.g. all of whom are better Poets than you : WHY ???????
if you feel so strongly that you are so superior to me as a Poet why don't you take out a 30-sec Ad in CNN stating " 1201 is a FAAAAR Superior poet compared to ashesh9 " ?????!!!! Tell the whole world to wake up to your Glory , o Ageless Wonder ......... U might even attract some Hollywood Moghul with a Bound script for a made to order Ageing Megalomaniac ............

Give it a rest asshole, you seem to think that this is facebook poetry, Now twinkie do you see a difference between what you wrote and what GM wrote, when you figure it out you may be a better writer. As for being a better writer, probably, as for having more sense about not submitting ever fucking brain fart, definitely.
As for other stuff, three is the magic fucking key!!!!?????!!! At least Three better poets than you have told you about !!!????!???! That demonstrates an arrogance that surpasses mine. (and with little to back it up, I might add.)
As for being a better poet, I can demonstrate what is done, i.e. if I see it is there, I know the "tricks".

DO you miss your bud erectus, seems both you and he took a little delight in baiting, do you wish to explain your limerick? You bait, you reel in a monster. So cry and whine all you want.

Otherwise you and the turk can find a third jackass, buy a plane ticket to the US present your fucking cases in person. Why? Because three is the magic number.
Otherwise because this is the internet the only real recourse you and anybody else has is to do better.

 

[Ashesh9]

Take this Old Man ......

Give it a rest asshole, you seem to think that this is facebook poetry, Now twinkie do you see a difference between what you wrote and what GM wrote, when you figure it out you may be a better writer. As for being a better writer, probably, as for having more sense about not submitting ever fucking brain fart, definitely.
As for other stuff, three is the magic fucking key!!!!?????!!! At least Three better poets than you have told you about !!!????!???! That demonstrates an arrogance that surpasses mine. (and with little to back it up, I might add.)
As for being a better poet, I can demonstrate what is done, i.e. if I see it is there, I know the "tricks".

DO you miss your bud erectus, seems both you and he took a little delight in baiting, do you wish to explain your limerick? You bait, you reel in a monster. So cry and whine all you want.

Otherwise you and the turk can find a third jackass, buy a plane ticket to the US present your fucking cases in person. Why? Because three is the magic number.
Otherwise because this is the internet the only real recourse you and anybody else has is to do better.

Thou o resident , arrogant Jerk
Don't scowl , snarl or smirk ....
Your favourite terms are this :---
Fuck , asshole , fart & piss
Shows absolute Lack of class
'Nybody can take yer' arse !?!
You criticize my Punctuation ???!!!
In your drug induced psychedelic hallucina-'shun !!!???
Call yer'self a Monster ???
Yer' just a cheap Hustler
You have Racially Profiled a Poet as Turk
Unlike you he's Not a Certified Jerk
What is this Power of Three ???
Some unscientific irrationality !?!?
First learn to write gramattical English
Before you'll ever be fit to drink my Piss !
Who made you an Expert on Mumbai ???
In chilled Monsoon floods slumkids Do Cry !!!
Don't besmirch the Fair Name of Erectus
This is between U'n me --- it's just us .......
You wrote a Mean Limerick 'bout me
I responded in kind but a Numbskull like U eould'nt see .......
You've started this whole Warfare
But i'll End This My Way --- that's a Dare ?!?!?!?
Who made U an Unofficial Big Brother ???
Snoopin' on other Poets , Poetry , comments & chatter !?!?!?!

 

[twelveoone]

Thou o resident , arrogant Jerk
Don't scowl , snarl or smirk ....
Your favourite terms are this :---
Fuck , asshole , fart & piss
Shows absolute Lack of class
'Nybody can take yer' arse !?!
You criticize my Punctuation ???!!!
In your drug induced psychedelic hallucina-'shun !!!???
Call yer'self a Monster ???
Yer' just a cheap Hustler
You have Racially Profiled a Poet as Turk
Unlike you he's Not a Certified Jerk
What is this Power of Three ???
Some unscientific irrationality !?!?
First learn to write gramattical English
Before you'll ever be fit to drink my Piss !
Who made you an Expert on Mumbai ???
In chilled Monsoon floods slumkids Do Cry !!!
Don't besmirch the Fair Name of Erectus
This is between U'n me --- it's just us .......
You wrote a Mean Limerick 'bout me
I responded in kind but a Numbskull like U eould'nt see .......
You've started this whole Warfare
But i'll End This My Way --- that's a Dare ?!?!?!?
Who made U an Unofficial Big Brother ???
Snoopin' on other Poets , Poetry , comments & chatter !?!?!?!

yeh, yeh
thread screams "read me ash"
Let's see if Kilmer was a sapling...
Ash would be a
jimsonweed?

ps, the Mean Limerick was not just about you,
see that is the problem its always about you

pss I don't recollect using the word "fart", what brings to mind this foul wind?
Did you decide to proofread?

psss If you really want attention, you really should be more attentive as to where you seek it

Now Ash, I recommend people actually do read comments, think about what the poem is doing. It is a great learning tool, to actually think about what the poem is doing.

pssss I am truly sorry for mortally wounding erectus for that fine tribute to me, by referring to his protagonist as Steven Segall. That was brutal. I should go find it, so others can see my shame...
...nah, too lazy.

FREE SPEECH ROCKS???!!!!???!??!
abuse it carefully

 

[twelveoone]

ps the power of three, generally means no charges will be filed in your home country.
Five is better.

 

[Ashesh9]

Thanks to HoneyAdored for comments on a Resident , Arrogant Jerk

 

[greenmountaineer]

Some interesting articles today in Tzara's thread on Meter and 1201's Power of Three for those interested in poetry craft.

PS: A belated thanks to all for their comments on "Forgiveness."

 

[HarryHill]

A thanks to those that have visited my vault, posted on the npr, or written a poem this week, carry on.

 

[pelegrino]

Thanks to Todski28 and Magnetron for commenting on "Quiet Day".
Thanks also for the favoring, Tod.

 

[Ashesh9]

thank you Magnetron for your comment on the Resident , Arrogant Jerk

 

[pelegrino]

Thanks to Trixareforkids, Tazz317 and todski28 for their kind comments on Interpratation

 

[twelveoone]

You have Racially Profiled a Poet as Turk
Unlike you he's Not a Certified Jerk

RU Egyptian or Russian? was the basic premise of your first email to me, which sounded like certified jerkdom to me, I was not on the boards for months, so I was clueless as to what is was about or who you are

What is this Power of Three ???
Some unscientific irrationality !?!?

answered, with links, did you read?

First learn to write gramattical English
Before you'll ever be fit to drink my Piss !

Ayurvedic? check your former PM's breath

You've started this whole Warfare
But i'll End This My Way --- that's a Dare ?!?!?!?
Who made U an Unofficial Big Brother ???
Snoopin' on other Poets , Poetry , comments & chatter !?!?!?!

I would rethink this, Vānara-boy, all of it in detail

Signed
twelveoone
He who beats the 30 almighty?!!!???
and yet stoops to swat at gnats (i.e. Ashesh9)
*which does nothing for my street cred, incidentally, but, I do get tired of your cheap-ass demagoguery, even allowing for your misunderstanding, no that is not
demi-godery, but is often confused as such in certain susceptible minds.

 

[Ashesh9]

RU Egyptian or Russian? was the basic premise of your first email to me, which sounded like certified jerkdom to me, I was not on the boards for months, so I was clueless as to what is was about or who you are

answered, with links, did you read?

Ayurvedic? check your former PM's breath

I would rethink this, Vānara-boy, all of it in detail

Signed
twelveoone
He who beats the 30 almighty?!!!???
and yet stoops to swat at gnats (i.e. Ashesh9)
*which does nothing for my street cred, incidentally, but, I do get tired of your cheap-ass demagoguery, even allowing for your misunderstanding, no that is not
demi-godery, but is often confused as such in certain susceptible minds.

Forget former PM our current imcumbent PM Modi rocks ! While commenting on my Verse you characterized same as " cheap-ass " again using your fave word Ass !? Will you ever be free of your workin' - class antecedants ?

 

[twelveoone]

Forget former PM our current imcumbent PM Modi rocks ! While commenting on my Verse you characterized same as " cheap-ass " again using your fave word Ass !? Will you ever be free of your workin' - class antecedants ?

Ass !?
as in
Ass in Nine

Agni I invoke, the housepriest
come remove this housepest
or at least singe his butt
this exclamation demon
And 1 billion cried
100 billion tears
and emptied their colostomy bags
until the Ganges flooded with salt water
so salt water crocs could gnaw his hide

sadly this was omitted from the Rigveda
when some unknown avatar bagged #31

look ash, all you have to do, is cut down on the ?!??!?!?!?, instead of writtin' four a day, cut it back to maybe three a week, focus a bit on those, and when you write a piece of tripe, don't defend it, unless of course you do have a point, or its an Anon makin' some smart ass comment.

Trix was there to help, Tess was too, CDN also, I believe my original comment was something like if you use excess punctuation everything else must be pristine.

Ass is a good word. Its what Jesus rode, when he road into town, or maybe I was watchin Tarantino's version, much better than Gibson's. I can hardly wait for Michael Bay's.

 

[todski28]

Thanks to all for their comments on depression house, I did a little read up and cluttered work spaces can be a trigger for depressive spirals, so I wanted to hammer it all home and make the whole poem feel like depression, but wanted an out for it so I created the Amy name to give me a vent on the building darkness

 

[greenmountaineer]

Thanks to all for their comments on depression house, I did a little read up and cluttered work spaces can be a trigger for depressive spirals, so I wanted to hammer it all home and make the whole poem feel like depression, but wanted an out for it so I created the Amy name to give me a vent on the building darkness

I can't find it to read. Can you post a link?

 

[todski28]

I can't find it to read. Can you post a link?

http://www.literotica.com/p/depression-house

 

[Ashesh9]

Ass !?
as in
Ass in Nine

Agni I invoke, the housepriest
come remove this housepest
or at least singe his butt
this exclamation demon
And 1 billion cried
100 billion tears
and emptied their colostomy bags
until the Ganges flooded with salt water
so salt water crocs could gnaw his hide

sadly this was omitted from the Rigveda
when some unknown avatar bagged #31

look ash, all you have to do, is cut down on the ?!??!?!?!?, instead of writtin' four a day, cut it back to maybe three a week, focus a bit on those, and when you write a piece of tripe, don't defend it, unless of course you do have a point, or its an Anon makin' some smart ass comment.

Trix was there to help, Tess was too, CDN also, I believe my original comment was something like if you use excess punctuation everything else must be pristine.

Ass is a good word. Its what Jesus rode, when he road into town, or maybe I was watchin Tarantino's version, much better than Gibson's. I can hardly wait for Michael Bay's.

A solitary child was not a "piece of tripe" : your comment "i wonder how the kid can shiver in Mumbai where the average temperature is 80 deg. " is ignorant , callous & insensitive . Thanx to Climate change we have seen Temperature dip to 8 deg also in Winter ( blame it on Global Warmin' ) . If you were reborn as a beggar kid shivering in cold , wet Monsoon while well shod , well clad Gentry passed by it would be just desserts for you .
Am glad you have started using Indian words like Agni , Ganga , Vanar in your diatribes to me : here are some more --- Parbat , Vayu , toofan , makaan ......google them & use 'em in future .....

 

[Ashesh9]

Thank you Trix for comments on Sorrow is a double edged sword , Haibun --Food , Edit...to ...Medit ....(ate) , Sublime vs Ridiculous & thak you HoneyA for tge 'dication to my Style !!

 

[todski28]

Thank you GM for the comment on my poem depression house, I enjoyed your thought provoking comment a lot, comments like this

As an aside, the dropping of articles and possessive adjectives seems to be more popular now just as you have done in the first stanza, "(The)door opens, (my)senses assaulted/(the)stench hits.... Maybe I'm old-fashioned, but I can't seem to wrap my head around writing that way. No offense intended; I've seen butters do the same and she's accomplished as you have become IMO.

The only reason I can think of has to do with the mantra that the Imagists(Ezra Pound, etc.) shouted: eliminate anything that doesn't contribute towards the image, which certainly is the case here, but I have a bias that as much as possible we should try to write like people speak, so that's where I part ways with this style.

I admit I may have a blind spot here. I just raise the question because I like to think about elements of writing, so don't think I'm looking for a response unless I'm missing something as in "blind spot."

They make you question what and why you wrote what you did are the building blocks to understanding your own poetry and make you think about it some more. Also it is the second time you have called me on it, the first time I wasnt sure as to why I had done it, now I actually understand what I was trying to convey.

Here goes,

This manifestation of "depression" is an internal thing, I tried to avoid solidifying the house in the first stanza to convey that it is not an actual physical structure, merely an intenalisation of how depression can hit you, then the walk through is the after the first assault you kind of get stuck in this state of mind, trapped by it, without even realising it. I switched up to using definitive articles through the rest of the piece because once in that state of mind it is almost a physical thing that shrouds your thoughts and creates such weird emotions and feelings, that you don't even notice as irrational until well after it has passed.

But your point is taken, thank you for the explanation on why this style of write doesn't work for you and gives me yet more things to think about when writing

 

[twelveoone]

A solitary child was not a "piece of tripe" : your comment "i wonder how the kid can shiver in Mumbai where the average temperature is 80 deg. " is ignorant , callous & insensitive . Thanx to Climate change we have seen Temperature dip to 8 deg also in Winter ( blame it on Global Warmin' ) . If you were reborn as a beggar kid shivering in cold , wet Monsoon while well shod , well clad Gentry passed by it would be just desserts for you .
Am glad you have started using Indian words like Agni , Ganga , Vanar in your diatribes to me : here are some more --- Parbat , Vayu , toofan , makaan ......google them & use 'em in future .....

Keep it up.
A well versed poet, would not have used such cheap ploys and even a slightly above dim one would have worked on it. Your poem was tripe, your use of the child, so that you can something to say even less. Your defense absurd. ...as a poet?
If you had something serious to the you wanted the reader to consider, you might have worked on it, maybe even cut back a little on the ??!!!????
Now you half-witted demagogic mooch, my "diatribes" are responses to what?
Your diatribes.
OK, here is your big chance tell me why your work is better than a three or a two. As poetry, don't keep shifting to the "subject matter".

I saw a dead child
I so full of life
and seven billion others
somehow it isn't fair
Maybe Ash could take his place??!!!!????
So he can be reborn as a snail, to be stepped on
by Oldbear
and round and round it goes
the circle jerk of words
done by jerkish circles
that perpetuate their own

Go on Ash, say something so I can claim you are callous to the plight of dead children everywhere. Because you sure as shit you didn't take his place. And neither did I, because we can't.
And so blame it on global warming? WTF. Complex issues are always solved by simple reasons, right? No, only demagogues pull that crap.
Here is a problem and a an easy solution. Crap poetry is easily improved by just a little thought. Try a little problem solving on something you may be able to accomplish. You got about five years before it's all computer generated anyway.
And then it will be the IT guys that are responsible for coatless kids. I like that one, work on it Ash.

 

[greenmountaineer]

Thank you GM for the comment on my poem depression house, I enjoyed your thought provoking comment a lot, comments like this

As an aside, the dropping of articles and possessive adjectives seems to be more popular now just as you have done in the first stanza, "(The)door opens, (my)senses assaulted/(the)stench hits.... Maybe I'm old-fashioned, but I can't seem to wrap my head around writing that way. No offense intended; I've seen butters do the same and she's accomplished as you have become IMO.

The only reason I can think of has to do with the mantra that the Imagists(Ezra Pound, etc.) shouted: eliminate anything that doesn't contribute towards the image, which certainly is the case here, but I have a bias that as much as possible we should try to write like people speak, so that's where I part ways with this style.

I admit I may have a blind spot here. I just raise the question because I like to think about elements of writing, so don't think I'm looking for a response unless I'm missing something as in "blind spot."

They make you question what and why you wrote what you did are the building blocks to understanding your own poetry and make you think about it some more. Also it is the second time you have called me on it, the first time I wasnt sure as to why I had done it, now I actually understand what I was trying to convey.

Here goes,

This manifestation of "depression" is an internal thing, I tried to avoid solidifying the house in the first stanza to convey that it is not an actual physical structure, merely an intenalisation of how depression can hit you, then the walk through is the after the first assault you kind of get stuck in this state of mind, trapped by it, without even realising it. I switched up to using definitive articles through the rest of the piece because once in that state of mind it is almost a physical thing that shrouds your thoughts and creates such weird emotions and feelings, that you don't even notice as irrational until well after it has passed.

But your point is taken, thank you for the explanation on why this style of write doesn't work for you and gives me yet more things to think about when writing

As does your explanation for me, tod. I'm going to re-read the poem with what I highlighted above in mind. I'm not dogmatic about anything, poetry or otherwise, so I may get a different perspective.

 

[pelegrino]

Thanks to Trixareforkids for commenting on What For?

 

[Trixareforkids]

About the Sex

Than you GM for recommending and commenting on AtS. Your and (thank you as well) Peligrino's comments have me thinking about some minor edits.
Todski, thank you for commenting, I agree the edits went a long way towards making it a better piece. 30 edits was painful to me, but apparently I needed to do it, change the way I think, or just make me think, about what I've written and why and try to refine it.
Honey, thanks sweets . Now for itals <I> text </I> same for bold, just use a "b" instead.
Ash, thanks for stopping by and leaving a hello.

As for turning off voting. With unibombers, friendly 5ers, and a serious lack of readership, scores don't much matter and all I really care about is the insights of or connections made with other people. So maybe if people can't vote they'll be more inclined to comment. If not, oh well, I haven't lost anything.

Edit: Thanks to Magnetron for making me laugh by giving it to me hard.

 

[Ashesh9]

Keep it up.
A well versed poet, would not have used such cheap ploys and even a slightly above dim one would have worked on it. Your poem was tripe, your use of the child, so that you can something to say even less. Your defense absurd. ...as a poet?
If you had something serious to the you wanted the reader to consider, you might have worked on it, maybe even cut back a little on the ??!!!????
Now you half-witted demagogic mooch, my "diatribes" are responses to what?
Your diatribes.
OK, here is your big chance tell me why your work is better than a three or a two. As poetry, don't keep shifting to the "subject matter".

I saw a dead child
I so full of life
and seven billion others
somehow it isn't fair
Maybe Ash could take his place??!!!!????
So he can be reborn as a snail, to be stepped on
by Oldbear
and round and round it goes
the circle jerk of words
done by jerkish circles
that perpetuate their own

Go on Ash, say something so I can claim you are callous to the plight of dead children everywhere. Because you sure as shit you didn't take his place. And neither did I, because we can't.
And so blame it on global warming? WTF. Complex issues are always solved by simple reasons, right? No, only demagogues pull that crap.
Here is a problem and a an easy solution. Crap poetry is easily improved by just a little thought. Try a little problem solving on something you may be able to accomplish. You got about five years before it's all computer generated anyway.
And then it will be the IT guys that are responsible for coatless kids. I like that one, work on it Ash.

soon Computers will be writing Better Poetry ? that is your Prediction ? so between demagogues , " Fakir"s & the IT industry ya gotta puzzle yer' aged head on which is the Lesser evil !

 

[Ashesh9]

explana-'shun

RU Egyptian or Russian? was the basic premise of your first email to me, which sounded like certified jerkdom to me, I was not on the boards for months, so I was clueless as to what is was about or who you are

answered, with links, did you read?

Ayurvedic? check your former PM's breath

I would rethink this, Vānara-boy, all of it in detail

Signed
twelveoone
He who beats the 30 almighty?!!!???
and yet stoops to swat at gnats (i.e. Ashesh9)
*which does nothing for my street cred, incidentally, but, I do get tired of your cheap-ass demagoguery, even allowing for your misunderstanding, no that is not
demi-godery, but is often confused as such in certain susceptible minds.

you had written feelingly 'bout the October Revolution in one of your Epic poems & somewhere also about the Egyptian Goddess Isis or perhaps Ishtar so I was genuinely confused on whether you were Russian or Egyptian . I PM ed you did not racially profile you publicly as you did to Toquinn who had put Istanbul somewhere in his Poem & you Publicly called him in your Condescendin' tone "Turk " just like you have publicly called me Vanara-boy , fuckin' asshole , Fakir etc such lovin' Nicknames .........You are really a Work of Art ....Old-Timer ...