"To keep the review thread clean..."

[butters]

thanks tods, trix and pelegrino for reads/comments on 'his sweet waters'

tods, sorry about the shit, man

trix - wanted to leave it ambiguous, for the reader to decide which vibe hits them most

pel, boxing seemed to work for this as i wrote it; and yes, i know about nightmares but - especially now - they're things of the past

 

[HarryHill]

thanks tods, trix and pelegrino for reads/comments on 'his sweet waters'

tods, sorry about the shit, man

trix - wanted to leave it ambiguous, for the reader to decide which vibe hits them most

pel, boxing seemed to work for this as i wrote it; and yes, i know about nightmares but - especially now - they're things of the past

Damn it you've snuck one in on me, papa spank

 

[butters]

Damn it you've snuck one in on me, papa spank

haha! you've already seen it, well, the live version.

 

[HarryHill]

haha! you've already seen it, well, the live version.

it still says curve instead of curves I assumed it was a typo when you wrote it but lake curve fits there in the enjambment too

 

[butters]

it still says curve instead of curves I assumed it was a typo when you wrote it but lake curve fits there in the enjambment too

oh drat and double drat - it IS a typo! thanks for spotting it H x

i originally wrote it as 'waters', hence 'curve', but changed it to water - think it'll have to revert to waters as i don't much like curves. ugh. my own typos = always my blind-spot as my brain's filling in what should be there. the amount of times i read through that, too. *facepalm*

 

[Trixareforkids]

my own typos = always my blind-spot as my brain's filling in what should be there. the amount of times i read through that, too. *facepalm*

I resemble this, far too often. Prose, is 10 times worse. I will never be a comfortable editor of my own work.

 

[champagne1982]

I know I have been absent from new poems here at Literotica for quite some time. Todski, thank you for the recommendation of my latest, I Laughed So Hard I Can't Breathe. As I've mentioned before, Mr. Williams holds a special place in my heart, since he had his surgery for the same reasons as mine. His unapologetic exposure of his congenital heart defect brought much needed awareness to his audience. It seems undiagnosed aortic valve defects are a leading cause in sudden cardiac death and just by being open and knowledgeable about the experience of open heart surgery and the continuing care needed, Robin had adults questioning their cardiac health and going to see their physician for a physical. We'll never know how many lives he saved, but we do know that his celebrity didn't cause anyone else to die, (apart from the obvious). So, his suicide is very close to what I call my 2nd re-birthday's 8th anniversary and I simply had to remember him as a "valve brother" somehow. I'll be sure to let you know how my annual echo turns out. I've been good so I'm not worried. Then again, I've always held surprises for my doctors.

Thanks to those who have read and commented on the submission. I appreciate the feedback.

 

[twelveoone]

You've started this whole Warfare
But i'll End This My Way --- that's a Dare ?!?!?!?
Who made U an Unofficial Big Brother ???
Snoopin' on other Poets , Poetry , comments & chatter !?!?!?!

No, I did not start this
and daring me, may be a mistake
and who made you the mouthhole of the disaffected?

Here

 

[pelegrino]

Thanks, Magnetron, for commenting on Choice Of Subject and for the spelling correction. It escaped me that one.
As for the meaning, I thought it was simple: It is a complaint about myself (and other artists) on our choices of subjects. On subjects we choose to create on. Sometimes there is no freedom (on ethical grounds) to choose a subject, yet we do it because we seem to value our freedom more than truth.
To give you an example, go into 1201's submission in favorite poems today. It is an antiwar poem written in the front by Owen. He was choosing the "right" subject to write about, been in the war. Just imagine him writing only about the beauty of the lilies in the battlefield. That would not be a right choice of subject to me.
See what I mean?

 

[Ashesh9]

this humble faqir gratefully thanks 12-oh-1 for commentin' on Born Brain Dead & voting 3 stars therein : 12-oh-1 probably doesn't know the visceral " emotional baggage " the word Faqir evokes in India ever since Sir Winston Churchill sneeringly called the Father of our Nation Mahatma Gandhi "a half-naked faqir " !?!
Wishin' 12-oh-1 & everybody here a Happy Indian Independence Day in advance !
[ India's Independence Day falls on the 15th August i.e. tomorrow ]

 

[pelegrino]

Happy Independence Day, Ash!
Here also is bank holiday 2moro (on the 15th).
Christian Orthodox Greece celebrates the Virgin Mary, the heaviest summer fiesta.
Very good business for church and other professions!

Since you mention those two in that context, I state my opinion:
Churchill was a conservative English colonialist and a mediocre historian who did not understand well normal historical processes and who wrote history from the winner's point of view only.
Gandhi was a socialist and a great visionary and history has proved that by now.
He always is one of my guiding lights.

 

[Ashesh9]

Rejoinder ?!?

No, I did not start this
and daring me, may be a mistake
and who made you the mouthhole of the disaffected?

Here

The Correct Word is Mouthpiece Not Mouthhole : do Google the Oxford University Dictionary & you will find there is No such term as Mouthhole !!! You have started seeing " holes" where None exist Old Timer !!!

 

[twelveoone]

The Correct Word is Mouthpiece Not Mouthhole : do Google the Oxford University Dictionary & you will find there is No such term as Mouthhole !!! You have started seeing " holes" where None exist Old Timer !!!

Keep it up. I will keep voting.
I used fakir, and mouthhole is also more appropriate, piece implies some thing, hole implies an absence.
And both uses are rather minor provocations compared to what you have been hurling.
And as I pointed out to you, India as a political entity was a British invention more or less, of which certain parts chose not to go along.
Now what are you going to blame me for next. The hedge that prevented the people from getting untaxed salt from the sea?

 

[champagne1982]

It seems that there are some people posting snipes at each other that makes me think we need a "To Keep The Review Thread Clean, Clean" thread.

Take a moment to think how well this exchange would fit into your private messages folks, otherwise, I, and I'm sure I'm just one of a few considering it, may decide to make my interesting thread count shorter, simply by ignoring the few who carry on in a public thread as if no one else wanted to put a "thank you" or a "you're welcome" here, on a thread meant for this latter sort of discussion.

Seriously... tiresome.

Sorry just my opinion.

 

[pelegrino]

It seems that there are some people posting snipes at each other that makes me think we need a "To Keep The Review Thread Clean, Clean" thread.

Take a moment to think how well this exchange would fit into your private messages folks, otherwise, I, and I'm sure I'm just one of a few considering it, may decide to make my interesting thread count shorter, simply by ignoring the few who carry on in a public thread as if no one else wanted to put a "thank you" or a "you're welcome" here, on a thread meant for this latter sort of discussion.

Seriously... tiresome.

Sorry just my opinion.

I don't mind if some social, political, technical or grammatical points are been discussed and we digress from the main subject of the thread for a little while. I try to stay away from direct personal confrontations, but I do agree that this place is for thanking people and discussing maybe a little some points made through comments on our poems. In that sense, how can we prove to anyone that they are not discussing "points made on their poems" and are diverging into matters served best through personal messages?
A public disagreement on some topics (kept in civilized tones) can be quite educational sometimes. This one is as such to me, but I also see it like you do, Champ.

 

[Ashesh9]

It seems that there are some people posting snipes at each other that makes me think we need a "To Keep The Review Thread Clean, Clean" thread.

Take a moment to think how well this exchange would fit into your private messages folks, otherwise, I, and I'm sure I'm just one of a few considering it, may decide to make my interesting thread count shorter, simply by ignoring the few who carry on in a public thread as if no one else wanted to put a "thank you" or a "you're welcome" here, on a thread meant for this latter sort of discussion.

Seriously... tiresome.

Sorry just my opinion.

Sorry Champ : i will now cease to respond to the last riposte & i also wholeheartedly agree with your View that this is a Thread to Thank Commentators , Recommenders & Favourite-ers : humble apologies fir havin' deviated from the Objective of this thread , sorry .

 

[champagne1982]

I don't mind if some social, political, technical or grammatical points are been discussed and we digress from the main subject of the thread for a little while. I try to stay away from direct personal confrontations, but I do agree that this place is for thanking people and discussing maybe a little some points made through comments on our poems. In that sense, how can we prove to anyone that they are not discussing "points made on their poems" and are diverging into matters served best through personal messages?
A public disagreement on some topics (kept in civilized tones) can be quite educational sometimes. This one is as such to me, but I also see it like you do, Champ.

Don't get me wrong, gentlemen. I believe I simplified what the thread was originally purposed for, I agree that commenting on what was exchanged over in the comments on individual poems is useful, often educational and certainly provides clarity on murky points of view. I've recently noticed that a discussion on poetics fell into the gutter with slurs and prejudice. I can't find that interesting or entertaining.

 

[pelegrino]

Thanks to Ashesh9 for commenting on "Choice of Subject".
No big deal, Ash, my life is full of wrong choices, but I like them.

 

[butters]

thanks, champers (and magnetron - my homework's late) for comments on 'his sweet waters'.

champs: the different presentation of anymore/any more was all about speed and word-emphasis, the first more casual, conversational, whilst the second intended as more defined, more considered and, given i wanted this open to interpretation, perhaps loaded one way or the other... a dark interpretation allowed, even encouraged.

the reason i used it at all was as a clear message at the start that i/the N used to have them and it not being a case of never having had them. i'll revisit it and rethink. thanks

 

[todski28]

Thanks champ for your comment on damaged goods, the mirroring of gm's comment indicates that what I was attempting was too much writer interference, I was trying to show that I broke up with the woman, we were just not compatible except in the bedroom.

 

[greenmountaineer]

Interesting excerpt from Garrison Keillor's "The Writer's Almanac" today:

It was on this day in 1940 that Winston Churchill delivered a speech to the House of Commons with the famous line: "Never in the field of human conflict was so much owed by so many to so few." The Battle of Britain was raging, and he was referring to the small group of the Royal Air Force who had successfully held off the much larger Luftwaffe, the German air force.

Churchill wrote all of his own speeches, and he was a gifted orator, but people thought that his vocabulary and style of speaking were old-fashioned. But after the beginning of World War II, Churchill's dramatic rhetoric fit the mood of the country.

His father, Lord Randolph Churchill, served in the Parliament and was a talented debater, famous for making spontaneous speeches. Winston, on the other hand, labored over every speech. He brainstormed, researched, planned out the speech in his head, then dictated it aloud to his secretary. From there, he revised it several times and typed it up in what he called "psalm form." His speeches looked like blank verse poetry on the page, so that the rhythm and pauses were laid out just how he wanted them. Before Churchill delivered a speech, he would practice over and over, sometimes in the bathtub.

Technically speaking, I'm guessing few, if any, of his speeches were in blank verse, that would be beside the point.

 

[butters]

thankyous to Harry, GM and Trix for your thoughts on invisible man. i'll definitely give them some thought because i can see exactly what you mean - the gift of being able to see something through others eyes/perception is invaluable for perspective. thankyou!

also Trix, H, Ash n Tazz for comments on at last... Trix, you've made me see it in an entirely different light - as if it spoke of africa or some barren, drought-stricken plains. as such, what you said makes sense. when i wrote it, i was looking out onto my front garden from upstairs - the patch of grass was brown and bare, baked earth showed all over where we'd not had rain for over a month and it was hot. the rain finally decided it was too heavy and fell onto my heavily-leaved trees, setting them to dance, and i could almost feel the roots of all my plants (big and small) reaching to the surface for the water as the normally vociferous birds sat shoulder to shoulder, not looking very happy about things. HOWEVER, since the readers didn't know the context, and looking through your eyes i was able to put it aside, the first half really does read as though it's addressing something far larger than my little garden. don't quite know how to fix that yet, unless i lead directly with a title.... like English Summer, lol

thanks!

 

[Ashesh9]

Thanks to Tazz for comments on f-u-c-k & Harry for liking & favouriting Guilty Pleasure .

 

[butters]

thanks to all who've added comments to at last and to invisible man. i've tried to answer as best can over there but not found a way around the problems yet due to my own limitations.

 

[pelegrino]

Thanks, 1201 for commenting on Matriculation Day and for the recommendation on NP. Once again you amaze me with your power of observation on which you base your feed back: I had written the verse from stanza 3 to stanza 12 as you suggest it should be done, and the first two stanzas were an afterthought, kind of slow introduction to the long song that follows. As it is, they can be omitted (in musical/lyrical terms) or included at will.

Thanks!