"To keep the review thread clean..."

[twelveoone]

Thanks, 1201 for commenting on Matriculation Day and for the recommendation on NP. Once again you amaze me with your power of observation on which you base your feed back: I had written the verse from stanza 3 to stanza 12 as you suggest it should be done, and the first two stanzas were an afterthought, kind of slow introduction to the long song that follows. As it is, they can be omitted (in musical/lyrical terms) or included at will.

Thanks!

Stop, you fill my head...
ps pls PM Champ
she thinks I can't do this shit.

 

[HarryHill]

Stop, you fill my head...
ps pls PM Champ
she thinks I can't do this shit.

Lmao .

 

[todski28]

Thanks magnetron and 1201 for the comments,
magnetron for seeing what I was trying to do with the contrast
and 1201 for his thoughts

 

[greenmountaineer]

Thanks to 1201 for the mention of "Annie's a Lachrymose Ten Year Old" and Ash and Cleardaynow for their comments. I should have entitled it "Riddle" which it was.

Thanks also to 1201, Ash, Trix, and Maria2394 for their comments on the fly, excuse me, I mean on "The Fly."(couldn't resist)

 

[Ashesh9]

Thank you 12-oh-1 for commentin' on Birth of a God 'n Teeterin' & also Thanx are due to HoneyA for likin' ALS Challenge .

 

[pelegrino]

Thanks to Brokenbutfree for favoring Yahoo Accounts

 

[pelegrino]

Thanks, 1201, for commenting on Weekly Report 1.
You are right about "sadist", I'll change it as you suggest. It does not affect metre or melodic shape and it's a better word for a song.
12 of July 1688 is the battle day of William of Orange against James II of England in which the catholic cause was lost and the Irish Protestants ensured their supremacy in Ulster.
I'm calling County Antrim in Ireland to wish them well, but by mistake I'm calling somewhere else and I have to justify it.
See?

 

[twelveoone]

Thanks, 1201, for commenting on Weekly Report 1.
You are right about "sadist", I'll change it as you suggest. It does not affect metre or melodic shape and it's a better word for a song.
12 of July 1688 is the battle day of William of Orange against James II of England in which the catholic cause was lost and the Irish Protestants ensured their supremacy in Ulster.
I'm calling County Antrim in Ireland to wish them well, but by mistake I'm calling somewhere else and I have to justify it.
See?

Do now.

 

[greenmountaineer]

Thanks to NapoleanSolo, 1201, and OldBear for taking the time to comment on "Two Quaking Shakers."

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Thanks to Trixareforkids, greenmountaineer, pelegrino, Ashesh and Champagne for comments on A Quadruple Acrostic It was my first submission for what seems like years and you guys made it all worthwhile

 

[pelegrino]

Thanks to 1201 and Ashesh9 for comments on Our Last Card
To answer your question first, Ash, it is not to me one or two stories. I've worked at it as in a collage consisting of a few images, words said, and words left unsaid, though undestood, but I had (still have) formal difficulty with it. See Further:
1201, this is the process behind it:
Very frequently I write lyrics while at the same time humming a melody to fit their rhythm and also at the same time strumming or arpeggiating a guitar (mentally of course, with the inner ear, cause I don’t have always a guitar with me) to provide basic functional harmony.
That's what I was doing with this shit till the end of stanza 4, although the melody wasn't much to my liking. There I felt the need for a rhythmic change, but no melody for a chorus existed and I found my self humming that old tune "Those were the days", you must know it, Mary Hopkins sang it. Funny thing is, I noticed that the stanzas were fitting the rhythm of this song perfectly whereas the refrain which drove me to it did not unless I repeated some words and do other tricks. Wanting to finish the bloody thing, I just wrote another four stanzas and I repeated the refrain at the end. I discarded completely of course my own melody. Now, the original tune of that song (Those Were The Days) can be covered with too stanzas only and then the chorus should be sang, but I have four stanzas to cover and anyway a chorus break between stanzas 2 & 3 does not help the collage structure that I had in mind in lyrical terms.
As it stands (lyrically) now, stanzas 1,2, are the statement.
Stanzas 3, 4, are a style modulation shifting the emphasis and using a more "erotic" (?) "sexy" (?) language.
chorus 1 it is a break and an arrival somewhere else. (also in musical terms).
Stanzas 5, 6 are a dialogue (the narrator is joint by his muse).
Stanzas 7, 8 are a duet sung by both of them.
Chorus 2 is just a recapitulation (in meaning and in music)
Thanks for reading this small explanation of my working methods (music of the well known song of course will not be used under any circumstances and was only used as an aid to rhythmic construction, I am still without music for it).
I hope I did not fuck it up completely for you now. Thank you both.

 

[twelveoone]

well it is about time you got off your dead ass GM
and it about time NPR got bumped back to the top
and aren't ya'll just fuckin lucky ya got me to say this shit and take the f'en heat.

 

[greenmountaineer]

well it is about time you got off your dead ass GM
and it about time NPR got bumped back to the top
and aren't ya'll just fuckin lucky ya got me to say this shit and take the f'en heat.

Term of endearment in Jersey, 1201.

A few came close for NPR, but I prefer just to hyperlink w/o comment in that thread and comment on the poem's page instead.

Not much commenting going on there; seems to come and go.

 

[Angeline]

Just letting y'all know I'll have limited internet access for the next few days, so if you need help of the moderator variety, contact Bronze. See you again soon.

 

[twelveoone]

August Is Over by Pelegrino.

Fine, why? Surely some thoughts?
I see a rather extensive comment by GM.

 

[twelveoone]

Term of endearment in Jersey, 1201.

A few came close for NPR, but I prefer just to hyperlink w/o comment in that thread and comment on the poem's page instead.

Not much commenting going on there; seems to come and go.

if ,and the big if, one fifth attempted to comment at least with 1/5 the acumen you do (and others)...
Well I hope I ripped Koba a hole. And TQ, well I suggested....

 

[pelegrino]

Thanks to greenmountaineer for his extensive, very helpful and very considerate comment on
August Is Over
all points made taken onboard.

Thanks also to Magnetron for recommending the above poem in NPR.

 

[champagne1982]

I'd like to offer a quick apology in advance for my submission of 5 poems to the erotic poetry list. It's a series and each one individually isn't very long.

 

[Angeline]

I'd like to offer a quick apology in advance for my submission of 5 poems to the erotic poetry list. It's a series and each one individually isn't very long.

A pre-submission mea culpa! Don't see those too often.

 

[champagne1982]

A pre-submission mea culpa! Don't see those too often.

lol .. yeah. I bet you can guess which series it is too. I'd love for Ferdia Glenfadden to visit and post his Boys I'd Like to Feed.

 

[Angeline]

lol .. yeah. I bet you can guess which series it is too. I'd love for Ferdia Glenfadden to visit and post his Boys I'd Like to Feed.

Oh well everyone will love the BILFs. How can you not?

 

[champagne1982]

Oh well everyone will love the BILFs. How can you not?

I bowed to the Lit sweeper rules though. Changed the title just now to MILF #1 through 5. Men I'd Like to Fuck. Then I can submit them without apology or clarification. Not that the names of grown young men wouldn't be an indicator of everything being legal if not "proper"

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Thank you to GM for the heads up for Blushing Lucy in New poetry recommendations and for kind comments from Magnetron, JWren also probably tazz if I knew what he/she was talking about.

 

[Tsotha]

I bowed to the Lit sweeper rules though. Changed the title just now to MILF #1 through 5. Men I'd Like to Fuck. Then I can submit them without apology or clarification. Not that the names of grown young men wouldn't be an indicator of everything being legal if not "proper"

Koba, you filthy pedophile! There you go again!

Seemed appropriate.

I haven't cared much for poetry, of late, but this is something I'm actually curious about.

 

[champagne1982]

LOL
indeed