"To keep the review thread clean..."

[pelegrino]

Many thanks to Trixareforkids for her kind comment and favoring Pandemos Aphrodite

 

[pelegrino]

Many thanks to zairusivi for favoring Arch Form

 

[Ashesh9]

Thank you Pel for 5-ing A Movie Actress

 

[pelegrino]

Thanks, greenmountaineer, for commenting on Arch Form
You are very correct in saying that no.1 could stand alone as a song (and a small arch form), that is how I view it too, as the whole lyrical message can be said to be contained in that 1st song.
Songs 2-6, are therefore (in musical terms) an expansion of the arch form thus:

1: ABCBA - 2: DEFED - 3: GHIHG - 4: GHIHG (varied) - 5: DEFED (varied) - 6: ABSBA (varied)

In poetry terms they are written as part of a narrative that is not only to include a trip to a town but also the whole weekend in that town, so the narrative is even much longer than what is presented here. The whole key idea is "any rebetiko" (speaking of rebetiko songs) will do to describe anything at all which the narrative maybe unable to express.
I do it that way because apart from writing short pieces I have to carry on with telling a story as correctly as possible, with references to classical and modern Greek culture etc, etc and how they connect to my particular narrative.
Thank you for your feedback, it is much appreciated and puts me again into big thoughts about story structures to be done in music settings.

Thank you also, playcatch, for commenting on Pandemos Aphrodite
It is much appreciated, but I find that what you say about the length of the poem, or its sentence "archaic structure" etc, is only a matter of opinion and taste.
Anyhow, I can only try to please… perhaps another time.

 

[greenmountaineer]

Thanks to Ash and pelegrino for your comments on "The Ruins of Carthage" and to Ash for his recommendation in NPR.

 

[greenmountaineer]

"Poetry can keep life itself alive. You can endure almost anything as long as you can sing about it."

James Wright

 

[pelegrino]

Thanks to Ashesh9 and tazz317 for commenting on Rocking Rain

 

[pelegrino]

Many thanks to munchausenbyproxy for favoring Asphalt Blues

 

[oggbashan]

What did I do?

My newly posted poem Muff Diving attracted three comments (and three so-so votes) within days.

I'm delighted with the number if not necessarily with the content of the comments. Most of my 'poems' linger barely read and unnoticed.

Thank you to those who commented and voted, even if you didn't like it. I appreciate the attention.

 

[Ashesh9]

thanx to Tazz for takin' the time to comment : esp. in this bleak Christmas season when commentators are on vacashuns' on my Children of a Lesser God as well as Why Pussy Worship ..?

 

[greenmountaineer]

Thanks to Ash and hmmnmm for taking the time to comment on "Joe Joe's at Hoooters on Christmas Eve."

 

[pelegrino]

Thanks to Ashesh9 for commenting on Loving Waves
Just as you say, Ash, for just one single letter, poetry would take a new meaning for me!

 

[Ashesh9]

Thanx to dear Tazz for commenting on Ankylosing Spondylysis , Spank .. wank ....rank ....... & Everyday trivia .... Harry for likin' Every day Trivia ...& Pained Love for LOL-ing Spank ...wank ....rank

 

[Ashesh9]

yes Pel I do feel like a vacashun' now'n then & thnx for commentin' on " trivia " & Fave-in' Spank Wank Rank !!

 

[pelegrino]

Thanks, Ash, for commenting on Low-Life Greeks For Every Age 1.
It's one of those half finished pieces that are left behind (this one for almost 3 years when I was writing "BIG SOUTH WEATHER no.3") and it is very difficult if not impossible to get into that same mood. Does it happen to you if you live something unfinished for a long time?

 

[Ashesh9]

thanks HoneyA & Tod for likin' & HoneyA & tjdhall for Fave-ing " Nothingness....is......"

 

[pelegrino]

Thanks Ashesh9 for commenting on
CUTTING OFF HIS SOCIALIST BALLS
The election is due this coming Sunday, so I don't know yet, but I don’t thing it will be landslide, just enough for them to say : "up yours ms. Merkel"
I don’t understand why I am been circumspect, I did mention the lady in question.
To quote myself:
"(cause you won't get it anyway,
and tough shit to you, Mrs. Merkel),"

 

[Neonurotic]

Thank you Maria, Ash and pelegrino for reading/commenting on my poem, "Cafe Oooh Latte". Much appreciated.


@Maria

 

[Neonurotic]

Thank you Trix and greenmountaineer the faves/for the feedback on "Beat Off a Different Circadian Drum"—I may do as you suggest after some distance.

 

[greenmountaineer]

Thanks to legerdemer for having favorited "Early Renaissance Men Having Grappa."

Much appreciated because it's one of my favorites too.

 

[pelegrino]

Many thanks to Seena Jawa for commenting on A Bach Gavotte and Low Life Greeks For Every Age.
I have disabled the voting SJ, cause marks don’t make me any wiser while comments like yours do, especially on the second poem.
I cannot really answer with a few words on your comment, I can only say that it is a very small part of a large scale structure, BIG SOUTH WEATHER no.3 and in it there are all shorts of subjects.
Some of the words used (as I think you understand), are not mine, but I find them realistic and to the point.
Maybe that is not poetry, but it is true. As for leaving a narrator to speak with his/her own words, I don’t think I had any right to stop them.
("A poet CANNOT do it for a reader"). I tend to agree here mostly, but not on all occassions, that is why I am in Literotica (free to do it for the reader-if need be).

 

[pelegrino]

Thanks Ash, for commenting on Two Nights Ago and I Have To Leave.
Both things you say are correct, plus deconstructing a mythical character (my latest mania, but I do it better with music ).

Thank you also, Anonymous (?) for your suggestion. On a park bench it would be awkward but I'll have it in mind.

 

[pelegrino]

Thanks to Tazz317 and to anonymous (?) for commenting and to R barron 86 for favoring I Wish I Was

 

[pelegrino]

Many thanks to painedlove for commenting on Breathing Cold Air

 

[pelegrino]

Many thanks to sissyfootslave2840 and to tjdhall2 for favoring Breathing Cold Air and to Seena Jawa for commenting on Loving Waves

Your comment, SJ, gave me a lot to think about:

I took Ashesh' comment to mean "Loving Wives", my reply to him is here.

I want to explain a few things in which your comment helps me a lot.
I write many times with an effort to make my pieces to stand alone as they are published, although they may be parts of longer unities. This is the case with this poem. It belongs to a dual song which starts as a general political commentary and it develops into a love song. Both parts belong to a big song cycle which you can see here
entitled "AN EASTER TIME BALLADE".
You will notice that both parts are written in the same rhythmic foot and that the first song entitled "Of Summer Seasons" has not been submitted yet (no active link), but its content together with the song under discussion can be seen here.
Looking at the song on which you commented, I agree absolutely with you that the first stanza does not belong to it and it is a gross structural mistake on my part which has not only destroyed the "Loving Waves" textually, but has also hindered the development of the musical idea behind both songs. I have written and orchestrated the music for the "Of Summer Seasons" song and I am satisfied with it, and also I have worked to a good extend with the "Loving Waves" song, but I have two problems with the second one. First, the stanza that you spotted has also bothered me (subconsciously maybe) and I was not very happy with it, and second, the transition between the two (done by modulation and change of tonal centre and style) could not be balanced well so far.
Reworking the music tonight, I think I am very near to solving the problem and finishing both songs to my satisfaction.
I have written the transitional stanzas between the two songs in italics for you to see easier.
Please, have a look and see what you make out of the whole unity in its new arrangement, if you have the time.
Regarding the phrase "and what else there's to reach", I know what you mean by "cheap". No, that is not my meaning. It is meant as "sky is the limit" for two people truly in love. Everything is reachable by them. I changed it a little here, I agree with you that it was a bit clumsy.
All in all, your comment has not only helped my verse in its new content and form, but also in the direction and form that my music takes. I feel indebted to you for both, and I hope once I finish with the second piece's music to put a (at list rough midi) recording on youtube for you to listen the whole thing.
Many thanks and best regards.