silverwhisper
just this guy, you know?
- Joined
- Mar 30, 2005
- Posts
- 11,319
i'm offended by your lack of title!
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What made you laugh your ass off today?
- Thread starter Eilan
- Start date
midwestyankee
Literotica Guru
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- Sep 4, 2003
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- 32,076
Hear, hear! I just read that thread and need to clean the tears from my cheeks before I can do any more work.Eilan said:The "..get more moderators" thread is fucking hilarious!
Iyou guys.
Oh, what the hell. It's after 5 on a Friday afternoon. Why should I be trying to do any more work when there's a whole weekend ahead of me in which to go to my desk so as to avoid the yard work.
Saucyminx
High heels and attitude
- Joined
- Jan 23, 2005
- Posts
- 6,251
Why you should never take your husband shopping with you.
Letter:
Mrs. Fenton,
Our store is considering banning your family from ever shopping with us unless your husband stops his antics. Below is a list of offenses over the past few months all verified by our surveillance cameras.
MEMO
Re: Mr. Bill Fenton - Complaints - 15 Things Mr. Bill Fenton has done while his spouse/partner is shopping:
1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in housewares..... and watched what happened.
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.
6. September 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.
8. September 23: When a clerk asks if they can help him, he begins to cry and asks Why can't you people just leave me alone?'
9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, and picked his nose.
10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, asked the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.
11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
12. December 6: In the auto department, practiced his "Madonna look" using different size funnels.
13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browse through, yelled PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"
14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumes the fetal position and screams "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!"
(And; last, but not least!)
15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door and waited a while; then, yelled, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here .
Ok, i would love to take this guy shopping--then again i've been known to have been asked to leave several stores for my shenanigans.
Letter:
Mrs. Fenton,
Our store is considering banning your family from ever shopping with us unless your husband stops his antics. Below is a list of offenses over the past few months all verified by our surveillance cameras.
MEMO
Re: Mr. Bill Fenton - Complaints - 15 Things Mr. Bill Fenton has done while his spouse/partner is shopping:
1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in housewares..... and watched what happened.
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.
6. September 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.
8. September 23: When a clerk asks if they can help him, he begins to cry and asks Why can't you people just leave me alone?'
9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, and picked his nose.
10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, asked the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.
11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
12. December 6: In the auto department, practiced his "Madonna look" using different size funnels.
13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browse through, yelled PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"
14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumes the fetal position and screams "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!"
(And; last, but not least!)
15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door and waited a while; then, yelled, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here .
Ok, i would love to take this guy shopping--then again i've been known to have been asked to leave several stores for my shenanigans.
pleasteasme
*Endangered Species*
- Joined
- Jun 3, 2001
- Posts
- 16,389
EJFan said:the best thing i've read all day:
i
Yeah, put that on your bumper!!!
Denae
Solitude's Muse
- Joined
- Mar 28, 2004
- Posts
- 6,061
http://www.azcentral.com/offbeat/articles/0807LetterThreat07-ON.html
Threatening letter to police has return address on envelope
Associated Press
Aug. 7, 2006 07:55 AM
NEW YORK - A taunting missive containing a white power that was sent to a police station ended with "Catch me if you can." Police had no trouble catching the suspect: He signed the letter and included his return address on the envelope.
Abdullah Date, 18, was charged with sending the threatening letter to the 73rd Precinct in Brooklyn and ordered held without bail, according to a criminal complaint unsealed Thursday in Brooklyn federal court. The white powder turned out to be harmless.
Authorities said Date, who was arrested Tuesday, has had other run-ins with police. But the complaint only addressed an incident last month in which Date allegedly threw vials of crack out of the window of his Brooklyn home while police watched.
The obscenity-filled letter, which authorities said was mailed in anger over the drug bust, said: "Ha, Ha (you) thought it was anthrax." It ended with "Catch me if you can," and was signed "Abdullah Date," according to the complaint. His home address appeared on the envelope, it said.
Threatening letter to police has return address on envelope
Associated Press
Aug. 7, 2006 07:55 AM
NEW YORK - A taunting missive containing a white power that was sent to a police station ended with "Catch me if you can." Police had no trouble catching the suspect: He signed the letter and included his return address on the envelope.
Abdullah Date, 18, was charged with sending the threatening letter to the 73rd Precinct in Brooklyn and ordered held without bail, according to a criminal complaint unsealed Thursday in Brooklyn federal court. The white powder turned out to be harmless.
Authorities said Date, who was arrested Tuesday, has had other run-ins with police. But the complaint only addressed an incident last month in which Date allegedly threw vials of crack out of the window of his Brooklyn home while police watched.
The obscenity-filled letter, which authorities said was mailed in anger over the drug bust, said: "Ha, Ha (you) thought it was anthrax." It ended with "Catch me if you can," and was signed "Abdullah Date," according to the complaint. His home address appeared on the envelope, it said.
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midwestyankee
Literotica Guru
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- Sep 4, 2003
- Posts
- 32,076
sassy_girl1963
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Sep 19, 2005
- Posts
- 866
quoll said:
Me either!
midwestyankee
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Sep 4, 2003
- Posts
- 32,076
Yep....in between classes and whenever I'm not crowd surfing.Saucyminx said:So, um, just had to ask. . . spend a lot of time on the college downtime web site? hmmmmm???
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midwestyankee
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Sep 4, 2003
- Posts
- 32,076
Actually, I found that link elsewhere at Lit.Scalywag said:
sassy_girl1963
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Sep 19, 2005
- Posts
- 866
bobsgirl said:Paybacks are hell.
So BG, just how are you thinking of getting back at Yank?
EJFan
Absolute Genius
- Joined
- Jan 19, 2004
- Posts
- 6,591
this email (my friends know me well):
How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened when she brings it
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?!
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts a sentence with "A man once told me..."
-------------------------------------------------------------------
How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Why do men fart more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?!
A woman who won't do what she's told
-------------------------------------------------------------------
I married a Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%.
It's called a Wedding Cake.
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Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.
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Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
-------------------- -----------------------------------------------
In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Man and rested. Then God created Woman.
Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.
How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened when she brings it
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?!
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts a sentence with "A man once told me..."
-------------------------------------------------------------------
How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Why do men fart more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?!
A woman who won't do what she's told
-------------------------------------------------------------------
I married a Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%.
It's called a Wedding Cake.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
-------------------- -----------------------------------------------
In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Man and rested. Then God created Woman.
Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.
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Guest
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