In need of advise on men and their fantasies

[malstroem]

I'm in a relationship with a guy at the time being and he says he loves how openminded I am about most sexual things.
However, a few weeks ago he mentioned the standard male fantasy; the threesome with two girls, one guy.
He knows I'm bi, and in theory I'd love to do a threesome - actually I'd love to do two, one of each kind. But since he's straight and seems to be stupid enough to think that being in the same room as a naked man would make him gay, he wont do a MFM for me and he wont share me.
Then I suggested a MFMF as a compromise, but he wont do that either.

So, now I'm really in doubt if I want to do it or not.
Should I let him fuck somebody else when he wont allow me?
Or should I get into it and have a great time?

 

[BertrandVA]

Alot of guys do honestly feel that way, although being a guy myself, I suspect that sometimes the real hang up isn't necessairly doing a MMF so much as the thought of getting caught doing a MMF by friends or co-workers. I'd wait awhile and feel this out, especially if you think you'll have hard feelings about it later on.

 

[eyeshavya2]

all guys would love the fmf type thing......but if he really loves you he could do the mfmf thing....good luck in what ever cum out of this ....but it is a win win sition if all get off no matter what it is....

 

[BongoGal]

I have no interest in threesomes of any variety, but let's take a look at what you're saying. He wants an FMF, and you'd like one, too. You'd also be open to a MFM, but he is uncomfortable with that. You think that to do the FMF that you'd both enjoy, he should do something that he wouldn't enjoy. But why? It seems to me that you are missing out on something you'd like for the sake of some misguided idea that he should want a MFM.

 

[malstroem]

I have no interest in threesomes of any variety, but let's take a look at what you're saying. He wants an FMF, and you'd like one, too. You'd also be open to a MFM, but he is uncomfortable with that. You think that to do the FMF that you'd both enjoy, he should do something that he wouldn't enjoy. But why? It seems to me that you are missing out on something you'd like for the sake of some misguided idea that he should want a MFM.

He was the one who wanted a monogamous relationship in the first place, and I don't think it's fair that he gets to have sexual thrills with other women if I can't with other men.

 

[steelrfn]

For what its worth I agree with Bongo, if you weren't bi and he still wanted fmf it would be a different matter.

 

[guitman]

fantasies

Being in this type of sexual relationship should be about satisfying each others fantasies. He should be willing to share you if he is asking you to share him. The last poster said that just because it is something you enjoy, why should he do something he doesn't? Because a relationship is give and take, that's why. I don't buy into your boyfriends claim that homophobia is his reason for not wanting to share you. Its not like you're asking him to have sex with another guy. Sounds more like jealousy to me. I want to maximize my girls pleasure. It makes our bond that much stronger.

 

[steelrfn]

He was the one who wanted a monogamous relationship in the first place, and I don't think it's fair that he gets to have sexual thrills with other women if I can't with other men.

And that is your right, just table the threesome idea. The point I was making is that asking him to participate with a male is different than asking you to have another woman, because you would both enjoy her but not him.

 

[malstroem]

And that is your right, just table the threesome idea. The point I was making is that asking him to participate with a male is different than asking you to have another woman, because you would both enjoy her but not him.

Because I'm not asking him to take an active role in pleasing another man, I'm asking him to allow me the pleasure of two men at the same time.
Watching him while he fucks another girl wouldn't give me pleasure either, what difference does bi have to do with it when it comes down to intercourse between a man and a woman? The only difference is, before he fucks her, I can have fun with her.

 

[steelrfn]

Because I'm not asking him to take an active role in pleasing another man, I'm asking him to allow me the pleasure of two men at the same time.
Watching him while he fucks another girl wouldn't give me pleasure either, what difference does bi have to do with it when it comes down to intercourse between a man and a woman? The only difference is, before he fucks her, I can have fun with her.

So BOTH of you would be with her, but only you would be with him.
And, for the record, there are a lot of other reasons he may be against bringing in another guy, I am only addressing why a woman would be different in your case.

 

[yourboytoy22]

I completely agree with you on this Malstroem. He is being selfish and unfair. The bottom line is, you are fulfilling one of his fantasies for him but he is unwilling to do the same for you. He doesn't want you to have the pleasure of 2 men but he wants to fuck another girl and quite frankly is taking advantage of your bi-sexuality to do so. He is not willing to share you with another man but expects you to let him have 2 women.
Then again I don't know either of you and am simply an outsider looking in.

 

[malstroem]

So BOTH of you would be with her, but only you would be with him.
And, for the record, there are a lot of other reasons he may be against bringing in another guy, I am only addressing why a woman would be different in your case.

You can turn it around, BOTH of us can be with a guy too, it's his choice that he doesn't want to.
And based on your theories, the only fun I can have with her is oral and/or play with toys, does that mean he should only be allowed to do that with her? That'd just seem ridiculous.

I can understand that there can be more reasons why we wouldn't want to bring others into our sexlife, it's really only the differences between mff and mmf I'm interested in.

 

[malstroem]

I completely agree with you on this Malstroem. He is being selfish and unfair. The bottom line is, you are fulfilling one of his fantasies for him but he is unwilling to do the same for you. He doesn't want you to have the pleasure of 2 men but he wants to fuck another girl and quite frankly is taking advantage of your bi-sexuality to do so. He is not willing to share you with another man but expects you to let him have 2 women.
Then again I don't know either of you and am simply an outsider looking in.

On the other hand, I enjoy playing with woman, why shouldn't I enjoy a mff too?

 

[BongoGal]

He was the one who wanted a monogamous relationship in the first place, and I don't think it's fair that he gets to have sexual thrills with other women if I can't with other men.

The monogamy part ends when a threesome begins. The way I'm looking at it, you and he both get to have sex with each other, and with the FMF, you'd both "have sexual thrills with other women". Sounds fair so far. But then a MFM scenario is proposed. If he were open to it, it would be fair to both to do it. Instead, he is grossed out by the idea. It's not fair to make him feel uncomfortable so that you can do other guys.

Consider this hypothetical scenario. Imagine that your guy has this hang up about MFM, except that he'd be willing to have his brother be the other M. That might be cool for you, but if he demanded that you and he do a FMF with your sister as the other F, it might very well be a problem for you even if your sister might be willing. Would you say that you'd be the unfair one if you refused to do the one you liked and not the one you don't like? Everyone has things that they really just don't want to do, and I think it's unfair to pressure people into doing something that grosses them out.

 

[malstroem]

The monogamy part ends when a threesome begins. The way I'm looking at it, you and he both get to have sex with each other, and with the FMF, you'd both "have sexual thrills with other women". Sounds fair so far. But then a MFM scenario is proposed. If he were open to it, it would be fair to both to do it. Instead, he is grossed out by the idea. It's not fair to make him feel uncomfortable so that you can do other guys.

Consider this hypothetical scenario. Imagine that your guy has this hang up about MFM, except that he'd be willing to have his brother be the other M. That might be cool for you, but if he demanded that you and he do a FMF with your sister as the other F, it might very well be a problem for you even if your sister might be willing. Would you say that you'd be the unfair one if you refused to do the one you liked and not the one you don't like? Everyone has things that they really just don't want to do, and I think it's unfair to pressure people into doing something that grosses them out.

But is it fair that simple because I'm bi, that he then gets to have sex with other women while in a closed relationship?
I see your points, I really do, but how can he expect me to be openminded sexually and worship me for it, if he isn't willing to do it himself?
It's not the first of my fantasies he has reject and I'm certain it wont be the last. Why should I let him get his kinks on when he wont for me?

 

[BongoGal]

But is it fair that simple because I'm bi, that he then gets to have sex with other women while in a closed relationship?

Again, I think that it is fair because you BOTH get to have sex with other women. With no MFM, you BOTH don't have sex with or around other guys.

I see your points, I really do, but how can he expect me to be openminded sexually and worship me for it, if he isn't willing to do it himself?

The thing is, you ARE bi and you ARE open-minded sexually, whether he expects you to be or not. If he is not bi and feels uncomfortable with being in a threesome involving two guys, that's his hang-up/problem/choice/whatever. I'll bet that there are some things that you might be unwilling to do that he actually might do and that you would resent it if he got annoyed that you wouldn't play along. All I say is to try to see it from his perspective.

I suspect that the monogamy aspect is the biggest problem for you and that it may be a deal-breaker.

Jeez, I think I've blabbed on long enough on this subject.

 

[malstroem]

Again, I think that it is fair because you BOTH get to have sex with other women. With no MFM, you BOTH don't have sex with or around other guys.

The thing is, you ARE bi and you ARE open-minded sexually, whether he expects you to be or not. If he is not bi and feels uncomfortable with being in a threesome involving two guys, that's his hang-up/problem/choice/whatever. I'll bet that there are some things that you might be unwilling to do that he actually might do and that you would resent it if he got annoyed that you wouldn't play along. All I say is to try to see it from his perspective.

I suspect that the monogamy aspect is the biggest problem for you and that it may be a deal-breaker.

Jeez, I think I've blabbed on long enough on this subject.

Based on that logic, shouldn't he only be allowed to play orally with another woman? Because that's all I can do.

We're both into BDSM, this is the first thing I've as much as considered not doing with him. He is the one who constantly sets the limits as to what we do.
After he has refused everything public which is a huge turn on for me (he will kiss me in public, but no tongue and not if there're people around, etc), I wonder why I should let him have the sexlife he dreams of when he yet again wont do what I'm into.

As for the monogamy part, I wanted an open or a poly relationship, he wanted monogamy. We had a negotion going on and the result was monogamy but only because we were sure it'd be fair to both of us.

 

[ima6uldv8]

I haven't read all the replies but I would take into account how much he means to you and how his behavior could affect your future relationship. Me? I'd say no to him. But that's just my humble opinion. Unless its something you really want to do, that is.

 

[ima6uldv8]

Double post. Stupid cell phone.

 

[Ilovemymilf]

He needs to get over his homophobia, man up and give his wife what she wants, especially if he is getting his jollies with a ffm. Just because he and some dude are naked and doing the same woman doesn't mean he is gay or even bi. And who knows he may end up playing with the guy after all and really liking it . I would love to share my wife with another man and give her the pleasure of a lifetime. Just my two cents.

 

[ima6uldv8]

After reading your last post, I'd say he's way too uptight for you. And it sounds like he only wants the relationship on his terms. Not an attitude for a healthy or satisfying relationship.

 

[steelrfn]

Sounds to me like you two need to do some more talking. Perhaps you could each pick a fantasy that is mutually acceptable and start from there. Maybe he just gets to watch you and a woman or something. Perhaps you can get one of your fantasies in return. If you tell him you aren't comfortable with him doing a woman, he has no leg to stand on.

 

[muffalo]

I think a lot of people assume FFM is a common, and, for a lack of a better word, reasonable, fantasy for a guy. But I don't buy it.
I think most people don't take into account that, bisexual or not, YOU are the one accommodating for the experience. Just because you are bisexual, doesn't guarantee you're going to enjoy a particular situation, or girl, or that it may not change your attitudes on sexuality after the experience. I think you're taking more of a risk than him by entering a FFM. So therefore, yes, it is a bit one-sided.
I don't know, I have never had a threesome, and don't have much of a sex life, so I am not speaking from experience. However, as a guy, I know that there are a LOT of pressures growing up to make sure that FFM makes a guy a hero, and more of a man, whereas a MMF makes you gay or queer. It's not based on anything, only beer ads and advertising in general. And because of that I get kind of frustrated.
If a guy really wants to please his girl, he will compromise, in my opinion. A MMF does not make a man gay, and I don't feel like a guy has to be considered bisexual for this to happen.
If this has to do more with jealousy and monogamy, then I wouldn't know what to say. But like I said, as far as sexuality, a lot of it, especially with guys I've known, is superficial and created and supported by patriarchal societies.
Hope that helps a bit. Just my opinions, especially considering I was always fond of the short, but extremely fun chats we had a while back...
Hope it works out!

 

[Emerald_Lilly]

Wow mal, I almost feel like I could have written your posts for you.

My husband is extremely uptight but we have had MFMF and FMF. When we were with the other couple hubby made sure that he was very far from the other guy. Both the other girl and I are into pretty much anything and both of us would have loved loved loved dp. The other hubby was open to it. Mine was not. Since then I have realized that it pisses me off that he gets what he wants and i can't get what i want because of his hang-ups. And that is what really pisses me off ... not that he isn't interested in being with a guy (I'm not asking him to), but to not allow me to be with two men and pleasure them and have them pleasure me at the same time totally sucks and is totally a double-standard.

So, long story short ... I don't think you are being unreasonable at all and agree with everything you have said here.

 

[ShyGuy68]

I personally think it would only be fair that he shared you with another guy, if you were to share him with another girl.

If you were my partner, I don't think I would mind sharing you at all, but there might be something that only you and I would do together, to keep that special.