Feeling sad

[Kajira Callista]

I used to love coming here and talking to everyone about everything kinky. I felt as if we were a family of sorts.
I look at the names these days and don't really know anyone... even the ones I used to know.
My life is flying these days, I work 7 days a week in two different jobs. One requires me to work 10 hour shifts.
I want to belong here, maybe even need to, but I don't feel like I do anymore. Does anyone else ever have these feelings of not belonging someplace that used to feel like home?

 

[4yourpleasureiam]

people come and go. Places change and what was once a place we thought we owned now belongs to others and they look at the old owners as if they are strange. Yes we all feel that if we get around much. That is why they say you can never go home. Home is never where it was.

Just grin and bear it and you will make new friends and a new home in this strange place.

 

[LIVINRFANTASIES]

Home is Where the Heart Is

people come and go. Places change and what was once a place we thought we owned now belongs to others and they look at the old owners as if they are strange. Yes we all feel that if we get around much. That is why they say you can never go home. Home is never where it was.

Just grin and bear it and you will make new friends and a new home in this strange place.

Actually after 22 years retired in Florida we are going home. Home to family, old friends, and the small town where I was raised.
I'd love to tell the name of the little lane we are moving to, it's so fitting.
But the world is no longer safe.

Sadly after being on this forum only a short time it's not feeling homey. Too many members here just to nitpick and degrade each other. It shouldn't be this way.

 

[ThisIsMyRedShirt]

I used to love coming here and talking to everyone about everything kinky. I felt as if we were a family of sorts.
I look at the names these days and don't really know anyone... even the ones I used to know.
My life is flying these days, I work 7 days a week in two different jobs. One requires me to work 10 hour shifts.
I want to belong here, maybe even need to, but I don't feel like I do anymore. Does anyone else ever have these feelings of not belonging someplace that used to feel like home?

The Welsh have a word. Hiraeth. It has no direct English translation, but the University of Wales has attempted to define it as "homesickness tinged with grief or sadness over the lost or departed." Webster defines it as "a homesickness for a home you cannot return to, or that never was."

When I was a child, I never identified anywhere as HOME. I felt restless and unfulfilled. I remember listening late at night to the big rig engines rumbling through the passes of a mountain freeway in the distance and wondering where they were going and how long before I could follow. My first trip back to where I grew up after I'd left was marked with a sense of sorrow. I realized that, while I never connected when I was young, I had well and truly moved on in my life and never would as an adult. I had outgrown any need I had for this place.

The closest I came to HOME was the little three-bedroom I had with Sir W. I tried to make a life there but even then, I never made any major changes to the house I bought. I never painted the rooms, or planted anything besides a small garden each year. I hung very little on the walls; only a few family portraits and some artwork.

After he passed, the restlessness returned in full force and I find that I've moved on once again. I'm even less willing than before to have anything in my life that will tie me down; I've already decided that I won't commit to any more pets after the current two are gone. When I return to the place of my childhood, it's as more of a stranger than ever.

I've shared all that to say this; I think some of us outgrow our surroundings more often than others. I'm not yet sure that it's "healthy" or "good." It just is what it is. I miss the times I had here when SW was on the board, but he's not and so this little corner of the internet has lost much of what it once held for me. That doesn't change the importance of the people who remain. It just means that while I stopped for a bit - and even put down a few temporary roots - I was never meant to stay and that's just how it goes.

 

[desertslave]

I remember you from when I was new, and I've missed you. Just sayin'.

 

[pensivepoet]

The only home I know these days is the cab of a truck.
A jail cell on wheels.
I miss the home I had, but it no longer felt like home, and I no longer belonged.
Now, the friends I make today, will be the strangers of yesterday and tomorrow.
The people in my past that I miss are now someone else.
I miss times in my life
I miss the who I once or twice was in my life and saddened that I can't find my way back to that version of me.
But I understand life.
That everything is constant change and long term plans are no more than wishes in a dry well.
I think you're concentrating on a symptom rather than the disease.
You can get to Pluto faster and easier than you can get to yesterday.
It no longer exists.
I think maybe we need to build on what we wake up with everyday and realize that we can't turn it into something that's long gone.
And we need to look back carefully, with a quiet knowing.
Some kind of balance.
Or more likely, I'm full of shit and we need to drink more.
*hic*

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[ToPleaseHim]

Sadly after being on this forum only a short time it's not feeling homey. Too many members here just to nitpick and degrade each other. It shouldn't be this way.

Each forum has its own personality. You've been on the GB; that's not the place for homey comfort.

 

[ToPleaseHim]

KC, I remember you from when I was new and dared only lurk. The board has changed a lot since then, and I can only imagine how it must feel for it to be strangely different. You still belong, though. Your voice here is important.

 

[LIVINRFANTASIES]

Going Home----------again.

pensivepoet I was once a trucker. But I was a local company driver. I watched those over the road drivers and listened as they told tales of far away places in the USA.

One long winter I was on a union strike. My nephew was a long haul driver. My wife wanted me out of the house. I went with Dennis for a "three day run". We ended up leaving central Illinois in dead of winter in Salt Lake city. Things happened and I wasn't home until a few days after New Years, gone over a week.
I'd never been away from my wife and kids. I was so happy to jump back in my company truck and be home every night from then on.

As a wise man once said, the grass really ain't greener on the other side.

As for homes and going home again, in 57 years of marriage we've lived in only three houses. Each felt like home.

Failing health made us decide after 22 years to buy another small home and return to where I came from. Yes, you can go home again. To us it's never been the house we've lived in. Love and family make a house a home!

 

[ValeriioN]

I used to love coming here and talking to everyone about everything kinky. I felt as if we were a family of sorts.
I look at the names these days and don't really know anyone... even the ones I used to know.
My life is flying these days, I work 7 days a week in two different jobs. One requires me to work 10 hour shifts.
I want to belong here, maybe even need to, but I don't feel like I do anymore. Does anyone else ever have these feelings of not belonging someplace that used to feel like home?

Nope, you can belong. It's all in your head.

 

[ToPleaseHim]

Nope, you can belong. It's all in your head.

Nice.

 

[ValeriioN]

Hmmm... maybe you don't. Do you like pleasing people?

 

[ToPleaseHim]

Hmmm... maybe you don't. Do you like pleasing people?

Not douche bags, like you are trying to be.

 

[ValeriioN]

ˈdo͞oSHbaɡ

 

[m2m]

it was nice

I don't suppose you will see this but thought it should be written anyway. We joined the same time and had lots of conversations and lots fun. We had a nice group of people but things change. People change. I have changed. The good times we had were really good times. Rumballs anyone? Thanks for the memories. Thanks for the fun.

 

[DVS]

I used to love coming here and talking to everyone about everything kinky. I felt as if we were a family of sorts.
I look at the names these days and don't really know anyone... even the ones I used to know.
My life is flying these days, I work 7 days a week in two different jobs. One requires me to work 10 hour shifts.
I want to belong here, maybe even need to, but I don't feel like I do anymore. Does anyone else ever have these feelings of not belonging someplace that used to feel like home?

KC, I know exactly what you mean. I too was a regular here and because my political leanings tended to get me into discussions with some here, I related this place more with hatred than with thoughts of BDSM tainted sex

Also, there's a length of time you go away and return and nobody even knows you've been away. There's a length of time when you go away and come back to a few people welcoming you back, but it's only a few.

Then, there's that long length of time you go away and when you come back, all of the names have changed and nobody even knows you. You are treated like a newbie, an outsider and even an invader of the new regular's space.

The length of time many of them have been here says 2015 or even 2016, and while many of them seem like they know what they're saying and seem friendly with other regulars, that word regular no longer includes me.

Oh, I understand a stranger coming into the mix, as we had our share of those, back when I was somebody who people actually listened to. But now, this place seems kind of impersonal.

I also understand being an outsider, in some respects and that's mostly my fault, for not sticking around. But, I had my reasons for not sticking around. Just go back and read some of those threads. It's not difficult to realize when your stay has outlasted your welcome.

I've tried boosting my threads. Some of you old timers might actually remember one of them. For those of you who are members of the "new regulars crowd", my signature has links to take you there. That is, if any of you are interested.

I guess you really can't go home again. And it's sad that this changing of the guard has to happen, but I know I'm no longer one of the "in" crowd. Again, I'm not blaming anybody but myself. Maybe I'd still be a regular, if I came by regularly. After all, that's what the word means. Out of sight, out of mind kind of fits, too.

And to top it all off, my stories were being stolen by some asshole who is/was making money off of them on Amazon. Have you ever tried to convince a place like Amazon that you are who you are and the other guy is a fake? I just gave it up.

Oh, I and a few others did post reviews to his "books" that might have stopped the guy from making any money, but to see someone else take my stories and be able to sell them word for word, not changing a damn thing but the title seems so unreal, but there it was, just the same.

So, yes, KC, I understand perfectly what you mean about this place. While I see some familiar names still here, I also miss quite a few who have gone. Many of those who have gone were part of the reason I was coming back so often. It's good that some of you have stuck around, but my experiences just kind of left a bad impression.

Life gives you little twists and turns and you are suppose to accept the challenge and go with the tide. But, in the process of that, the tide sometimes takes you to other places, and your memories of the places you've left behind fade in a shorter amount of time than you thought they would.

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[Bramblethorn]

And to top it all off, my stories were being stolen by some asshole who is/was making money off of them on Amazon. Have you ever tried to convince a place like Amazon that you are who you are and the other guy is a fake? I just gave it up.

Proving ownership is hard unless you've paid to register a copyright, but with Amazon there might be a way to bypass that. One of the rules of their e-self-pub system is that if the work is available elsewhere, you can't charge a higher price for it on Amazon.

So if your stories are available free on Lit, it's against the rules for somebody to charge anything for them, and you or anybody else should be able to report the offending stories - I think there's a "tell us about a lower price" button at the bottom of the product details.

 

[cookiecat]

People come. People go. Nothing ever stays the same. I wish "oldies"'would take the time to share wisdom, get to know us. We aren't impersonal. We have to start someplace. We are all learning together.

Certainly there is something special about the friends you (meaning the "yous" who are lamenting about a magical, better long gone past) met then, just as we are now.

It is what it is. Better? Worse? Probably neither. Just different.

 

[Farawyn]

People come. People go. Nothing ever stays the same. I wish "oldies"'would take the time to share wisdom, get to know us. We aren't impersonal. We have to start someplace. We are all learning together.

Certainly there is something special about the friends you (meaning the "yous" who are lamenting about a magical, better long gone past) met then, just as we are now.

It is what it is. Better? Worse? Probably neither. Just different.

Well said.


I'm happy to be here. Now.

 

[Blue]

"Back in my day things were better and kids spoke to each other instead'a fidgetin' around with their digital thinggummywats!"
D)
I get this feeling too with TV channels I used to watch as a young Consilience.

And to top it all off, my stories were being stolen by some asshole who is/was making money off of them on Amazon. Have you ever tried to convince a place like Amazon that you are who you are and the other guy is a fake? I just gave it up.

Why not sue the guy? That's the most open-shut case of intellectual property theft ever. You could even sue for damages amounting to how much he's made from their sale.

 

[Bramblethorn]

Why not sue the guy? That's the most open-shut case of intellectual property theft ever. You could even sue for damages amounting to how much he's made from their sale.

Assuming USA, you can only get damages if you registered the copyright. Otherwise you're out of luck. (Basically, the courts don't want to deal with cases where both parties claim to be the original author.)

Also, the culprit is likely to be posting under a fake name from a different country, which makes suing really difficult. You're not likely to get legal costs back, let alone come out ahead. It sucks, but at least you should be able to get it taken down as an Amazon policy violation.

I occasionally include copyright traps hidden in the text of my story, so readers will know if they're reading stolen work.

 

[cascadiabound]

snip
I guess you really can't go home again. And it's sad that this changing of the guard has to happen, but I know I'm no longer one of the "in" crowd. Again, I'm not blaming anybody but myself. Maybe I'd still be a regular, if I came by regularly. After all, that's what the word means. Out of sight, out of mind kind of fits, too.

snip
Life gives you little twists and turns and you are suppose to accept the challenge and go with the tide. But, in the process of that, the tide sometimes takes you to other places, and your memories of the places you've left behind fade in a shorter amount of time than you thought they would.

I have not been around here nearly as long as you, but even in my relatively short time, I have seen a certain kind of turn over around Lit. People come and go.

This is a place where folks come when they need it. Often it is for a relatively short time, or is cyclical. You, (DVS) have contributed in a significant way to shape what this forum is now. Anyone who has looked at any of the archives even lightly will find your posts sprinkled everywhere and your voice is clear and valuable.

I think Lit is a bit like a river.... never the same place twice. Come swim in the place, swim with those you find here... be refreshed. When you go away, the river moves on. The banks erode here and there, while new sediments shapes sand bars...vegetation changes along the banks and while it is still familiar, it is also new and strange.

I for one am happy to see new people who contribute in valuable ways and see folks that have been around "forever" return to their old haunts...
It may not be the "same" but it can still be wonderful in a new way.

 

[DVS]

People come. People go. Nothing ever stays the same. I wish "oldies"'would take the time to share wisdom, get to know us. We aren't impersonal. We have to start someplace. We are all learning together.

Certainly there is something special about the friends you (meaning the "yous" who are lamenting about a magical, better long gone past) met then, just as we are now.

It is what it is. Better? Worse? Probably neither. Just different.

I think there's been a misunderstanding in why I posted what I did. I didn't say the past Literotica was better or magical. It was however different. I think maybe we were naive to assume what we started would continue.

Those of you who say this forum is not any worse or any better, just different, don't understand. There were reasons the cafe was created and the mother thread had been retired with the new forum system. The library was created and populated with past threads, so people could find the answers to their questions by searching for it. And I see at least that seems to continue like it did, in the main BDSM forum.

For one thing, you'd have to have been here, when AA created the term PYL/pyl. I do see another term has been created..."cononcon" is it? Did I spell it correctly? That's a good one. These terms make discussions easier for people to understand.

Maybe I'll stick around a while, and maybe I won't. Maybe I'll just come back from time to time to pester the new regulars. But those of you who say this forum isn't any worse or any better, just different, don't understand what I'm saying. And that's OK, too. Different isn't always a bad thing, but if it's so different from what was planned, back when this forum was created, something that was intended to remain has been lost.