How to last longer than 1 minute?

[MadCum]

Hello, I read a lot about premature ejaculation, but something doesn't work for me.

Me and my girl have sex for years. When we have vaginal sex, with condom I last 3 minutes, without condom less than 1 minute (we love a lot sex without condom) . When she gives me oral, I cum after 15 minutes. Twice we tried anal and I cum in 10 sec, but she no longer wants anal :-(.

It's very frustrating for me because I want to make her cum from vaginal sex and I can't . She does not complain, because I finish her every time by oral or fingers stimulation. But I want to give her orgasm by vaginal sex . I need some advises to desensitization my penis or my brain. I tried condoms with benzocaine, but after 4-5 minutes my erection is gone. I tried not to think about what I am doing, also to focus on my breath. I tried to think at different stuff (pets, my bills, politics etc.). I tried to masturbate before sex and doesn't give me extra stamina. I tried Kegel for weeks, no improvement. I didn't tried pills. I tried a spray from a sex shop and at first I resisted 10 minutes but now.... Has no effect.

Daily stress and fatigue does not help :-(. Last night I lick her to cum and then in doggystyle position I was over after 15 seconds...

What can I do?

 

[Jada59]

Try tantric sex. You two sit facing each other and then you enter her, You can put your arms around each other, kiss, caress, talk, whatever. Just don't move your cock. Have her massage it with her pussy.

 

[taylorscock]

The good news

If that is happening without a condom, I presume she is very wet. That is awesome. You have got to slow down. Take your time. All us men can feel when we are about to come. You are going to need to train yourself to stop well before you cum. Literally stop, even pull out if you need to. You will remain hard. Once the sensation calms, go back to a slow fuck. You feel yourself starting to get to cumming, stop again. This takes practice. LOTS of practice!
Before long, you are going to be a champ. Trust me, it works!

 

[Bigspurt]

I'm not sure why but if I stop and put my tongue up against the roof of my mouth, it helps.

 

[TarnishedPenny]

Frustrating, maybe even embarrassing, but far from untreatable.

Google 'premature ejaculation'. You'll get thousands of sites, most of which suggest variations on what taylorscock has suggested above. Find one of those variations which please you and your GF. It will get better.

In the off-chance that it doesn't, your doctor can help. It's a surprisingly common problem.

Now, go find a mirror, stand in front of it and say out loud, "I am a brave man, for I had the courage to admit to an embarrassing problem for my GF's sake."

Kudo's to you for trying.

 

[Klinkster]

I let the first one go. Then, when I get hard again, I can go at it a second time and last a while.

 

[kurrginatorX]

Masturbate beforehand.

 

[Klinkster]

Masturbate beforehand.

But cumming in her twice...or more....is a lot more fun!

 

[Nezhul]

check out a post I made just this week in a similar thread:
http://forum.literotica.com/showpost.php?p=90116444&postcount=15

 

[jehoram]

Or wear two condoms, if one isn't doing the job of deadening sensation. (But do see a specialist about this.)

 

[taylorscock]

check out a post I made just this week in a similar thread:
http://forum.literotica.com/showpost.php?p=90116444&postcount=15

That is an excellent post. Well informed

 

[yukonnights]

I don't think anyone mentioned this: In addition to working on your stamina, try spending more time with your mouth on her before intercourse...bring her to the edge and then back off, etc. I've had women who cum almost immediately after I mount them when I've done this. Maybe even make it a "project" you both study and work on together.

And be sure to read Nezul's linked post

 

[tiny_tits]

I had a BF that had the same problem- so we always followed this:
(1) I suck him off
(2) He ate me while recovering
(3) He lasted much longer then fucking me.

 

[Klinkster]

I had a BF that had the same problem- so we always followed this:
(1) I suck him off
(2) He ate me while recovering
(3) He lasted much longer then fucking me.

We are similar....
(1) We fuck, and I cum in her
(2) I eat her while I recover, until she cums
(3) We fuck again, and we both get to cum
(4) Eat....and repeat....

 

[shelly2inme]

You are not the problem

It is nothing to do with you and there is nothing natural that you can do to change your bodies sexual capacity. There is a biological and physiological disparity between male and female human’s sexual capacity. Some men can fuck long enough to make a woman cum. Especially if she cums easily like I do. However, most women are capable of multiple orgasms. So, even if you use unnatural sprays and pills and vacuums you are still fighting nature. You might get her off once but then what? That is enough because that is all that you can do? The solution is to get over jealousy and being possessive. If you love her more than you love yourself and you want her to experience sex to the degree that she is capable, not the degree that you are capable, then share her body with other safe guys. My husband is very good in bed and can fuck me to orgasm but I can have 20 or 30 orgasms or more. So, he shares me so that I can enjoy my potential and he ends up having more sex than ever in his life and more intense sex because it drives him wild to watch me fuck. Of course that is a socially shocking concept to many. And therein we find the real problem. Social taboos that are unnatural lead to frustrations. Unhealthy jealousy leads to frustration. If you have sincere questions PM me.

 

[Nezhul]

It is nothing to do with you and there is nothing natural that you can do to change your bodies sexual capacity. There is a biological and physiological disparity between male and female human’s sexual capacity.

This is just wrong.

There is no inborn "capacity" to last longer or cum faster. No.
ALL men, without exception, are capable of lasting as long as the king of sex himself. This ability is just as common in us as the ability to walk on two legs.

BUT, sexual stamina is a skill, not an ability. And it should be treated as such - learned, developed and practiced. Some people simply have natural gift and have a basic understanding of what the right way is - others need help with it.

In fact, understanding that your body is fully capable of lasting long is a very good first step in mastering one's stamina. Performance anxiety, just like any other anxiety - is your enemy, a thing that undermines your stamina a lot.
I'm not talking about blind belief here, or repeating the "I can last longer" 100 times in front of the mirror like mantra. I'm talking about understanding. Humans are one of the rare few animals for whom sex lasts longer than a few seconds.
Why is that? It's not there for us to enjoy it! No. It is detrimental to make ourselves vulnerable for such a long time, so why is it that we developed such an odd quality? We could, you know, be like moose - aim carefully, then do 1 hard deep thrust - and both you and your lady orgasm, then go each their own way.

It's not without a reason that we have longer sex times. It's an evolutionary adaptation, that out species developed. And as such, barring extremely rare genetic circumstances - EVERY man has this adaptation. I'm not a biologist but I've heard a theory that this has to do with attempt by nature of physically clearing another man's sperm (should it be there) from woman's reproductive organs, literally creating small negative pressure that pulls the swimmers slightly back and messes with their ability to reach the egg cell. Remember, that it takes up to two days for them to reach the egg cell, so there's time. Basically, from nature's perspective, the longer you fuck - the more you mess up the previous contender's payload, thus giving your own more chances to reach the goal and procreate.

Again, this is an evolutionary adaptation that every man has from birth.

Telling men that it's a question of natural ability is just letting them down, really.

But sexual stamina is a skill, just as I said before. And as every skill, it can be done wrong, or it can be done right without you actively learning it. Some men just naturally discover such things as keeping a calm mind, or maybe they are not involved enough to feel anxious about their performance - and that serves them well.
Other men, have a lot of anxieties, and it serves them badly. Furthermore, with each bad performance those anxieties grow and grow. Or they find a workaround (like cumming fast then having round #2) and never try to improve.

But you should improve, I think.

 

[TarnishedPenny]

I agree 100% with Nezhul.

Men's sex organs include, yes, 5.8" (NA avg) of swollen willie, but they also include the brain and the latter can learn, change.

There's nothing wrong with having a first orgasm before proceeding to a second, slower one. That's great! But it's not curing the problem; it's finding a workaround for it. So are things like wearing two or three condoms or numbing creams. They work, too, but don't solve the basic problem, either.

Men can - can - can - learn to extend their pre-orgasm time. It's simple. It works. Any sex therapist or doctor who has learned about such will tell you the same thing. It's a learning process and you can get your GF involved in the process, which is a win-win.

 

[Lustymarriedmomcantgetenough]

I'm not sure why but if I stop and put my tongue up against the roof of my mouth, it helps.

It might have something to do with the vasovagal system. If you relax the soft palate (and relax your tongue) then your body immediately relaxes. This is s good calming technique, and is used in meditation and therapy.
So, it makes sense by pressing on soft palate, it does the opposite!

 

[Lustymarriedmomcantgetenough]

If that is happening without a condom, I presume she is very wet. That is awesome. You have got to slow down. Take your time. All us men can feel when we are about to come. You are going to need to train yourself to stop well before you cum. Literally stop, even pull out if you need to. You will remain hard. Once the sensation calms, go back to a slow fuck. You feel yourself starting to get to cumming, stop again. This takes practice. LOTS of practice!
Before long, you are going to be a champ. Trust me, it works!

I agree. If you need to stop for a while, switch to cunnilingus, then continue slow penetration. Repeat.

Oh! Also, make sure you are well rested and have gotten enough sleep. That will help tremendously.

 

[Nezhul]

It might have something to do with the vasovagal system. If you relax the soft palate (and relax your tongue) then your body immediately relaxes. This is s good calming technique, and is used in meditation and therapy.
So, it makes sense by pressing on soft palate, it does the opposite!

Oh, I never heard about that! Could maybe use it.

 

[Zeb_Carter]

Then you could always go the local adult book store and by some desensitizing gel. That might help, but read the label, it might also desensitize her g-spot.

I used it once, once. to make me last a long, long time. The first thing my wife asked me afterwards, what did you put on your dick?, I told her and she said, it made me numb too." Oops.

That was the last time. But that was back in the '70s so they may have improved since then. IDK. Never used them after that. Really didn't need to before that.

 

[Nezhul]

AFAIK, they didn't. Both gels, sprays and condoms are known to decrease her sensitivity as well.
Also many people struggle with staying hard when using them. Or struggle to actually cum. I personally don't see why you would want to use such a product - I mean, if you can't enjoy sex - what's the point of having it? I would rather have several rounds.

 

[MadCum]

Thank you all for your tips.
I eat her before intercourse all time and after that I am so horny that I cum in seconds, like a teenager at his first sexual act. I love to eat her


Shelly2inme, sorry but I can't do that.

 

[Klinkster]

Thank you all for your tips.
I eat her before intercourse all time and after that I am so horny that I cum in seconds, like a teenager at his first sexual act. I love to eat her


Shelly2inme, sorry but I can't do that.

Tell me about it!
I would either eat her before, or stop fucking and theneat her to O, and then back to fucking so I could get mine.
Lot of times, I blew my load wherever I was aimed. No touching, just the excitement of her orgasm made me cum.

 

[Mac98]

I'm not sure why but if I stop and put my tongue up against the roof of my mouth, it helps.

This is incredible!! hahahah thanks for sharing!!

This is just wrong.

There is no inborn "capacity" to last longer or cum faster. No.
ALL men, without exception, are capable of lasting as long as the king of sex himself. This ability is just as common in us as the ability to walk on two legs.

BUT, sexual stamina is a skill, not an ability. And it should be treated as such - learned, developed and practiced. Some people simply have natural gift and have a basic understanding of what the right way is - others need help with it.

In fact, understanding that your body is fully capable of lasting long is a very good first step in mastering one's stamina. Performance anxiety, just like any other anxiety - is your enemy, a thing that undermines your stamina a lot.
I'm not talking about blind belief here, or repeating the "I can last longer" 100 times in front of the mirror like mantra. I'm talking about understanding. Humans are one of the rare few animals for whom sex lasts longer than a few seconds.
Why is that? It's not there for us to enjoy it! No. It is detrimental to make ourselves vulnerable for such a long time, so why is it that we developed such an odd quality? We could, you know, be like moose - aim carefully, then do 1 hard deep thrust - and both you and your lady orgasm, then go each their own way.

It's not without a reason that we have longer sex times. It's an evolutionary adaptation, that out species developed. And as such, barring extremely rare genetic circumstances - EVERY man has this adaptation. I'm not a biologist but I've heard a theory that this has to do with attempt by nature of physically clearing another man's sperm (should it be there) from woman's reproductive organs, literally creating small negative pressure that pulls the swimmers slightly back and messes with their ability to reach the egg cell. Remember, that it takes up to two days for them to reach the egg cell, so there's time. Basically, from nature's perspective, the longer you fuck - the more you mess up the previous contender's payload, thus giving your own more chances to reach the goal and procreate.

Again, this is an evolutionary adaptation that every man has from birth.

Telling men that it's a question of natural ability is just letting them down, really.

But sexual stamina is a skill, just as I said before. And as every skill, it can be done wrong, or it can be done right without you actively learning it. Some men just naturally discover such things as keeping a calm mind, or maybe they are not involved enough to feel anxious about their performance - and that serves them well.
Other men, have a lot of anxieties, and it serves them badly. Furthermore, with each bad performance those anxieties grow and grow. Or they find a workaround (like cumming fast then having round #2) and never try to improve.

But you should improve, I think.

This really resonated with me. It was an interesting read, and thanks for sharing. But I do wish you would have offered some of the techniques or exercises to learn how to pace yourself rather than work around it.