LITEROTICA PODCAST
LIT CAMS (200 Free Tokens)ADULT TOYSVOD MOVIES

10 Reasons.......smile

YOU CRAZIES......LOVE YA ALL.....THANKS FOR THEM SMILES....AND
I'M GETTING OLDER....NOT SURE ABOUT NUMBER 10.....LMAO


KISSES AND HUGS:kiss: :kiss:
 
Chicken Wire
An old man in Mississippi is sitting on his front porch watching the sun rise. He sees the neighbor's kid walk by carrying something big under his arm. "Hey boy, whatcha got there?" "Roll of chicken wire."
"What you gonna do with that?"

"Gonna catch some chickens."

"You damn fool! You can't catch chickens with chicken wire!" The boy just laughs and keeps walking. That evening at sunset, the boy comes walking by, dragging behind him the chicken wire with about 30 chickens caught in it.

The next morning, the old man is out watching the sun rise and he sees the boy walk by carrying something in his hand. "Hey boy, whatcha got there?"

"Roll of duct tape."

"What you gonna do with that?"

"Gonna catch me some ducks."

"You damn fool! You can't catch ducks with duct tape!"

The boy just laughs and keeps walking.That night around sunset the boy walks by, trailing behind him the unrolled roll of duct tape with about 35 ducks caught in it.

The next morning, the old man sees the boy walking by carrying what looks like a long reed with something fuzzy on the end. ''Hey boy, whatcha got there?"

"It's a pussy willow."

"Wait up...I'll get my hat."


:D
 
STUDDOG said:
YOU CRAZIES......LOVE YA ALL.....THANKS FOR THEM SMILES....AND
I'M GETTING OLDER....NOT SURE ABOUT NUMBER 10.....LMAO


KISSES AND HUGS:kiss: :kiss:
Click to expand...

Hmmm, a couple of us gals
willing to test out that theory
and HE calls us crazy?! :rolleyes:
 
SexyWench said:
Hmmm, a couple of us gals
willing to test out that theory
and HE calls us crazy?! :rolleyes:
Click to expand...



Kisses you both.....I'm trying to be a good guy here and you two are tempting me with that theory...lol


Hugs you both:kiss: :kiss:
 
7 Degrees of Blonde...

FIRST DEGREE
A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning. The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment and said, "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up. The husband said, "Who was that?" The wife said, "I don't know, some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear."

SECOND DEGREE
Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar." The second blonde says, "Here, let me see!" So the first blonde hands her the compact. The second one looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me!"

THIRD DEGREE
A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head. The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it!!!" The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next!"

FOURTH DEGREE
A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She proudly says, "Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them." A friend says, "OK, what's the capital of Arkansas?" The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy: A."

FIFTH DEGREE
What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?
"Is it mine?"

SIXTH DEGREE
Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA freshman, sat in her US Government class. The professor asked Bambi if she knew what Roe vs. Wade was about. Bambi pondered the question then finally said, "That was the decision George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware."

SEVENTH DEGREE
Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby was the first to respond... As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, "I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman."
 
15 Facts About Men

15 FACTS ABOUT MEN

1. Men like to barbecue. Men will cook if danger is involved.

2. Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.

3. If you buy your husband or boyfriend a video camera, lock the door when you go to the bathroom.

4. Men like phones with lots of buttons. It makes them feel important.

5. All men look nerdy in black socks and sandals.

6. The way a man looks at himself in a mirror will tell you if he can ever care about anyone else.

7. Men are brave enough to go to war, but they are not brave enough to get a bikini wax.

8. Women take clothing much more seriously than men. Men never walk into a party and say "Oh, my God, I'm so embarrassed; There's another man wearing a black tuxedo."

9. Most men hate to shop. That's why the men's department is usually on the first floor of a department store, two inches from the door.

10. If a man prepares dinner for you and the salad contains
three or more types of lettuce, he is serious.

11. Men own basketball teams. Every year cheerleaders' outfits get tighter and briefer, and players' shorts get baggier and longer.

12. No man is charming all of the time. Even Cary Grant is on record saying he wished he could be Cary Grant.

13. Men are self-confident because they grow up identifying with
super-heroes. Women have bad self-images because they grow up identifyingwith Barbie.

14. When a woman tries on clothing from her closet that feels tight, she will assume she has gained weight. When a man tries something from his closet that feels tight, he will assume the clothing has shrunk.

15. Male menopause is a lot more fun than female menopause. With female menopause you gain weight and get hotflashes. Male menopause - you get to date young girls and drive motorcycles.

*snickergiggles* Sorry, Stud Dog, had to post it :kiss:
 
Walkin' In A Doggie Wonderland

(sung to the tune of Walking in a Winter Wonderland)

Dogs tags ring, are you listening'?
In the lane, snow is glistening'.
It's yellow, not white -- I've been there tonight,
Marking up my winter wonderland.
Smell that tree? That's my fragrance.
It's a sign for wand'ring vagrants;
"Avoid where I pee, it's my property!
Marked up as my winter wonderland."

In the meadow dad will build a snowman,
following the classical design.
Then I'll lift my leg and let it go, man,
So all the world will know it's mine-mine-mine!

Straight from me to the fence post,
flows my natural incense boast;
"Stay off of my turf, this small piece of earth,
I mark it as my winter wonderland."
 
YOU JUST MIGHT BE A BLUE NECK (Northerners --- the opposite of Rednecks) IF:

Instead of referring to two or more people as "y'all," you call them "you guys," even if both of them are women.

You think barbecue is a verb meaning "to cook outside".

You think Heinz Ketchup is really SPICY.

You would never stop to buy something somebody was cooking on the side of the road. (e.g., boiled peanuts).

You don't have any problems pronouncing "Worcestershire" sauce correctly.

For breakfast, you would prefer potatoes-au-gratin to grits.

You don't know what a moon pie is.

You've never had an RC Cola.

You've never, ever eaten okra -- fried, boiled, or pickled.

You eat fried chicken with a knife and fork.

You've never seen a live chicken, and the only cows you've seen are on road trips.

You have no idea what a polecat is.

You don't see anything wrong with putting a sweater on your dog.

You don't have bangs.

You would rather vacation at Martha's Vineyard than at Six Flags.

You would rather have your son become a lawyer than grow up to get his own TV fishing show.

You drink either "Pop" or "Soda"- instead of "Cokes".

You've never eaten and don't know how to make a tomato sandwich.

You have never planned your summer vacation around a gun-'n-knife show.

You think more money should go to important scientific research at your university than to pay the salary of the head football coach.

You don't even have one can of WD-40 somewhere around the house.

The last time you smiled was when you blocked someone from getting on an on-ramp to the highway.

You don't have any hats in your closet that advertise feed stores.

You have more than one professional sports team in your home state.

The farthest south you've ever been is the perfume counter at Neiman Marcus.

You call binoculars opera glasses.

You can't spit out the car window without pulling over to the side of the road and stopping.

You don't know anyone with at least two first names (i.e., Joe Bob, Faye Ellen, Billy Ray, Mary Jo, Bubba Dean, Joe Dan, Mary Alice).

You don't know any women with male names (i.e., Tommie, Bobbie, Johnnie, Jimmie).

You don't have Maw-maw's & Paw-paw's.

You've never been to a craft show.

You get freaked out when people on the subway talk to you.

None of your fur coats are homemade.

You have no idea who the Allisons or Pettys are.
 
Last edited:
Re: 7 Degrees of Blonde...

P3 said:
FIRST DEGREE
A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning. The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment and said, "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up. The husband said, "Who was that?" The wife said, "I don't know, some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear."

SECOND DEGREE
Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar." The second blonde says, "Here, let me see!" So the first blonde hands her the compact. The second one looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me!"

THIRD DEGREE
A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head. The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it!!!" The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next!"

FOURTH DEGREE
A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She proudly says, "Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them." A friend says, "OK, what's the capital of Arkansas?" The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy: A."

FIFTH DEGREE
What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?
"Is it mine?"

SIXTH DEGREE
Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA freshman, sat in her US Government class. The professor asked Bambi if she knew what Roe vs. Wade was about. Bambi pondered the question then finally said, "That was the decision George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware."

SEVENTH DEGREE
Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby was the first to respond... As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, "I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman."
Click to expand...


LMAO.....Oh those Blondes......:p
 
Re: 15 Facts About Men

lunarsubmissive said:
15 FACTS ABOUT MEN

1. Men like to barbecue. Men will cook if danger is involved.

2. Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.

3. If you buy your husband or boyfriend a video camera, lock the door when you go to the bathroom.

4. Men like phones with lots of buttons. It makes them feel important.

5. All men look nerdy in black socks and sandals.

6. The way a man looks at himself in a mirror will tell you if he can ever care about anyone else.

7. Men are brave enough to go to war, but they are not brave enough to get a bikini wax.

8. Women take clothing much more seriously than men. Men never walk into a party and say "Oh, my God, I'm so embarrassed; There's another man wearing a black tuxedo."

9. Most men hate to shop. That's why the men's department is usually on the first floor of a department store, two inches from the door.

10. If a man prepares dinner for you and the salad contains
three or more types of lettuce, he is serious.

11. Men own basketball teams. Every year cheerleaders' outfits get tighter and briefer, and players' shorts get baggier and longer.

12. No man is charming all of the time. Even Cary Grant is on record saying he wished he could be Cary Grant.

13. Men are self-confident because they grow up identifying with
super-heroes. Women have bad self-images because they grow up identifyingwith Barbie.

14. When a woman tries on clothing from her closet that feels tight, she will assume she has gained weight. When a man tries something from his closet that feels tight, he will assume the clothing has shrunk.

15. Male menopause is a lot more fun than female menopause. With female menopause you gain weight and get hotflashes. Male menopause - you get to date young girls and drive motorcycles.

*snickergiggles* Sorry, Stud Dog, had to post it :kiss:
Click to expand...


Oh that hurt sweetheart.....;) :kiss:
 
SexyWench said:
Walkin' In A Doggie Wonderland

(sung to the tune of Walking in a Winter Wonderland)

Dogs tags ring, are you listening'?
In the lane, snow is glistening'.
It's yellow, not white -- I've been there tonight,
Marking up my winter wonderland.
Smell that tree? That's my fragrance.
It's a sign for wand'ring vagrants;
"Avoid where I pee, it's my property!
Marked up as my winter wonderland."

In the meadow dad will build a snowman,
following the classical design.
Then I'll lift my leg and let it go, man,
So all the world will know it's mine-mine-mine!

Straight from me to the fence post,
flows my natural incense boast;
"Stay off of my turf, this small piece of earth,
I mark it as my winter wonderland."
Click to expand...

A dog's mind....got to love them.....lol:kiss:
 
SexyWench said:
YOU JUST MIGHT BE A BLUE NECK (Northerners --- the opposite of Rednecks) IF:

Instead of referring to two or more people as "y'all," you call them "you guys," even if both of them are women.

You think barbecue is a verb meaning "to cook outside".

You think Heinz Ketchup is really SPICY.

You would never stop to buy something somebody was cooking on the side of the road. (e.g., boiled peanuts).

You don't have any problems pronouncing "Worcestershire" sauce correctly.

For breakfast, you would prefer potatoes-au-gratin to grits.

You don't know what a moon pie is.

You've never had an RC Cola.

You've never, ever eaten okra -- fried, boiled, or pickled.

You eat fried chicken with a knife and fork.

You've never seen a live chicken, and the only cows you've seen are on road trips.

You have no idea what a polecat is.

You don't see anything wrong with putting a sweater on your dog.

You don't have bangs.

You would rather vacation at Martha's Vineyard than at Six Flags.

You would rather have your son become a lawyer than grow up to get his own TV fishing show.

You drink either "Pop" or "Soda"- instead of "Cokes".

You've never eaten and don't know how to make a tomato sandwich.

You have never planned your summer vacation around a gun-'n-knife show.

You think more money should go to important scientific research at your university than to pay the salary of the head football coach.

You don't even have one can of WD-40 somewhere around the house.

The last time you smiled was when you blocked someone from getting on an on-ramp to the highway.

You don't have any hats in your closet that advertise feed stores.

You have more than one professional sports team in your home state.

The farthest south you've ever been is the perfume counter at Neiman Marcus.

You call binoculars opera glasses.

You can't spit out the car window without pulling over to the side of the road and stopping.

You don't know anyone with at least two first names (i.e., Joe Bob, Faye Ellen, Billy Ray, Mary Jo, Bubba Dean, Joe Dan, Mary Alice).

You don't know any women with male names (i.e., Tommie, Bobbie, Johnnie, Jimmie).

You don't have Maw-maw's & Paw-paw's.

You've never been to a craft show.

You get freaked out when people on the subway talk to you.

None of your fur coats are homemade.

You have no idea who the Allisons or Pettys are.
Click to expand...



You eat fried chicken with a knife and fork.....say what!!!!!!!!OMG!
 
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