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LIT CAMS (200 Free Tokens)ADULT TOYSVOD MOVIES

10 Reasons.......smile

P3 said:
Fairy Tales


What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?


A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time...."
A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit..."
Click to expand...


THEY WOULDN'T BELIEVE IT BUT I'M GETTING READY TO POST IT...


SMILE HON.....:kiss: :kiss:
 
P3 said:
BLOW JOBS!!!!

WHAT A GIRL HAS TO SAY ON THE SUBJECT


1. First and foremost, we are not obligated to do it.

2. Extension to rule #1 - So if you get one, be grateful.

3. I don't care WHAT they did in the porn video you saw, it is not standard practice to cum on someone's face.

4. Extension to rule #3 - No, I DON'T have to swallow.

5. My ears are NOT handles.

6. Extension to rule #5 - do not push on the top of my head. Last I heard, deep throat had been done. And additionally, do you really WANT puke on your dick?

7. I don't care HOW relaxed you get, it is NEVER OK to fart.

8. Having my period does not mean that it's "hummer week" - get it through your head - I'm bloated and I feel like shit so no, I don't feel particularly obligated to blow you just because YOU can't have sex right now.

9. Extension to #8 - "Blue Balls" might have worked on high school girls - if you're that desperate, go jerk off and leave me alone with my Midol.

10. If I have to pause to remove a pubic hair from my teeth, don't tell me I've just "wrecked it" for you.

11. Leaving me in bed while you go play video games immediately afterwards is highly inadvisable if you would like my behavior to be repeated in the future.

12. If you like how we do it, it's probably best not to speculate about the origins of our talent. Just enjoy the moment and be happy that we're good at it. See also rule #2 about gratitude.

13. No, it doesn't particularly taste good. And I don't care about
the protein content.

14. No, I will NOT do it while you watch TV.

15. When you hear your friends complain about how they don't get blow jobs often enough, keep your mouth shut. It is inappropriate to either sympathize or brag.

16. Just because "it's awake" when you get up does not mean I have to "kiss it good morning."



WHAT A MAN HAS TO SAY ON THE SUBJECT

1. First of all, yes you're obligated to do it. If you don't, we will find someone (younger, prettier and dirtier) who will.

2. Second, swallowing a teaspoon full of cream is a hell of a lot easier
than licking a dead fish.

3. You want to talk about farting? Does the word "queef" mean anything to you?

4. I will use your ears as I see fit. don't worry about it and be thankful I'm not pulling your hair.

5. When you're on your period, stuffing something in your mouth is the only way to stop you from bitching and moaning. Suck it up!

6. Speaking of which, if you are bleeding for five straight days, you need all the fluids you can get. Trust me.

7. You bitch about the taste, but trust me when I tell you that we get the short end of the stick in flavor country.

8. At least there is no danger of a dick bleeding in your mouth.

9. Play with the balls.

10. No matter how good you think you are at it, we've had better.

11. Caress the ass, too. We like that!

12. Make hay when the sun shines. It's "wide awake" in the morning now, but when you get old & fat and looking for some action, I gah-ron-tee it'll be "sound asleep."

13. If you swallow, then you don't have to worry about getting any on your face, now will you?
Click to expand...

LMAO.......OH STOP IT!!!!!!.....:rose:
 
Last night I had a wonderful talk with a special friend - made me smile alot

This morning my little one (whose Birthday it is today) woke up singing Happy Birthday to herself - made me smile

Had visions of frosting and sprinkles in certain spots on that special friend - made me smile

OK it's early yet and I'm still thinking of the 3rd one...soooo will post more later..

Hugggsss Stud - have a wonderful day!!!

Silky :kiss:
 
silkynsmooth said:
Last night I had a wonderful talk with a special friend - made me smile alot

This morning my little one (whose Birthday it is today) woke up singing Happy Birthday to herself - made me smile

Had visions of frosting and sprinkles in certain spots on that special friend - made me smile

OK it's early yet and I'm still thinking of the 3rd one...soooo will post more later..

Hugggsss Stud - have a wonderful day!!!

Silky :kiss:
Click to expand...


Happy Birthday to little one and I'm still smiling.....Oh stop with the sprinkles! and send me a cupcake.....LMAO.....Was good talking with you my dear friend. I'm so glad to see you come here also....so smile and a huge hug Silky:kiss:
 
"Never Lie To Girls"

There was a man resting and enjoying the view on the beach. He saw a little girl coming toward him, so he covered himself with the newspaper he was reading. The girl came up to him and asked, "What do you have under the newspaper?"

Thinking quickly, the guy replied, "A bird." The girl walked away, and the guy fell asleep. When he woke up, he was in a hospital in tremendous pain. The police asked him what happened. The guy says, "I don't know. I was lying on the beach, this little girl asked me a question, I guess I dozed off, and the next thing I know is I'm here."

The police went to the beach, found the girl, and asked her, "What did you do to that naked fellow?" After a pause, the girl replied, "To him? Nothing. I was playing with his bird and it spit on me, so I broke its neck, cracked its eggs, and set its nest on fire!"

Oh damn!!!!!! that could hurt!!!!!
 
This made me laugh so hard I cried.....:D


Actual Cybersex Log

Online computer users often engage in what is affectionately known as "Cybersex". Often the fantasies typed into keyboards and shared through Internet phone lines get pretty raunchy. However, as you'll see below, one of the two cyber-surfers in the following transcript of an online chat doesn't seem to quite get the point of Cybersex. Then again, maybe he does....

Wellhung: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like?

Sweetheart: I am wearing a red silk blouse, a miniskirt and
high heels. I work out every day, I'm toned and perfect. My measurements are 36-24-36. What do you look like?

Wellhung: I'm 6'3" and about 250 pounds. I wear glasses and I have on a pair of blue sweat pants I just bought from Wal-Mart. I'm also wearing a T-shirt with a few spots of barbecue sauce on it from dinner. It's smells funny.

Sweetheart: I want you! Would you like to screw me?

Wellhung: OK

Sweetheart: We're in my bedroom. There's soft music playing on the stereo and candles on my dresser and night table. I'm looking up into your eyes, smiling. My hand works its way down to your crotch and begins to fondle your huge, swelling bulge.

Wellhung: I'm gulping, I'm beginning to sweat.

Sweetheart: I'm pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest.

Wellhung Now I'm unbuttoning your blouse.
My hands are trembling.

Sweetheart: I'm moaning softly.

Wellhung: I'm taking hold of your blouse and sliding it off slowly.

Sweetheart: I'm throwing my head back in pleasure.
The cool silk slides off my warm skin.
I'm rubbing your bulge faster, pulling and rubbing.

Wellhung: My hands suddenly jerks spastically and accidentallyrips a hole in your blouse. I'm sorry.

Sweetheart: That's OK, it wasn't really too expensive.

Wellhung:I'll pay for it.

Sweetheart: Don't worry about it. I'm wearing a lacy black bra.
My soft breasts are rising and falling,
as I breath harder and harder.

Wellhung: I'm fumbling with the clasp on your bra.
I think it's stuck. Do you have any scissors?

Sweetheart: I take your hand and kiss it softly...
I'm reaching back undoing the clasp.
The bra slides off my body. The air caresses my breasts.
My nipples are erect for you.

Wellhung: How did you do that? I'm picking up the bra and
inspecting the clasp.

Sweetheart: I'm arching my back. Oh baby.
I just want to feel your tongue all over me.

Wellhung: I'm dropping the bra. Now I'm licking your, you know,
breasts. They're neat!

Sweetheart: I'm running my fingers through your hair.
Now I'm nibbling your ear.

Wellhung: I suddenly sneeze. Your breasts are covered
with spit and phlegm.

Sweetheart: What?

Wellhung: I'm so sorry. Really.

Sweetheart: I'm wiping your phlegm off my breasts with
the remains of my blouse.

Wellhung: I'm taking the sopping wet blouse from you.
I drop it with a plop.

Sweetheart: OK. I'm pulling your sweat pants down and rubbing you hard tool. Wellhung: I'm screaming like a woman.
Your hands are cold! Yeeee!

Sweetheart: I'm pulling up my miniskirt. Take of my panties!

Wellhung: I'm pulling off your panties. My tongue is going
all over, in and out nibbling on you... ummm... wait a minute.

Sweetheart: What's the matter?

Wellhung: I've got a pubic hair caught in my throat.
I'm choking!

Sweetheart: Are you OK?

Wellhung: I'm having a coughing fit! I'm turning all red.

Sweetheart: Can I help?

Wellhung: I'm running to the kitchen, choking wildly.
I'm fumbling through the cabinets, looking for a cup.
Where do you keep your cups?

Sweetheart: In the cabinet to the right of the sink.

Wellhung: I'm drinking a cup of water. There, that's better.

Sweetheart: Come back to me lover.

Wellhung: I'm washing the cup now.

Sweetheart: I'm on the bed arching for you.

Wellhung: I'm drying the cup. Now I'm putting it back in the
cabinet. And now I'm walking back to the bedroom.
Wait, it's dark, I'm lost. Where's the bedroom?

Sweetheart: Last door on the left at the end of the hall.

Wellhung: I found it.

Sweetheart: I'm tuggin' off your pants. I'm moaning.
I want you so badly

Wellhung: Me too.

Sweetheart: Your pants are off. I kiss you passionately our
naked bodies pressing each other.

Wellhung: Your face is pushing my glasses into my face.
It hurts.

Sweetheart: Why don't you take off your glasses?

Wellhung: OK, but I can't see very well without them.
I place the glasses on the night table.

Sweetheart: I'm bending over the bed. Give it to me, baby!

Wellhung: I have to pee. I'm fumbling my way blindly
across the room and toward the bathroom.

Sweetheart: Hurry back, lover!

Wellhung: I find the bathroom and it's dark. I'm feeling around
for the toilet. I lift the lid.

Sweetheart: I'm waiting eagerly for your return.

Wellhung: I'm done going. I'm feeling around for the flush
handle, but I can't find it. Uh-oh!

Sweetheart: What's the matter now?

Wellhung: I've realized that I've peed into your
laundry hamper. Sorry again. I'm walking back to the bedroom now,
blindly feeling my way.

Sweetheart: Mmmm, yes. Come on.

Wellhung: OK, now I'm going to put my...you know...thing...
in your... you know...woman's thing.

Sweetheart: Yes! Do it, baby! Do it!

Wellhung: I'm touching your smooth butt. It feels so nice. I
kiss your neck. Umm, I'm having a little trouble here.

Sweetheart: I'm moving my ass back and forth, moaning. I can't
stand it another second! Slide in! Screw me now!

Wellhung: I'm flaccid.

Sweetheart: What?

Wellhung: I'm limp. I can't sustain an erection.

Sweetheart: I'm standing up and turning around,
an incredulous look on my face.

Wellhung: I'm shrugging with a sad look on my face, my wiener
is all floppy. I'm going to get my glasses and see what's wrong.

Sweetheart: No, never mind. I'm getting dressed. I'm putting
on my underwear. Now I'm putting on my wet nasty blouse.

Wellhung: No wait! Now I'm squinting, trying to find the night
table. I'm feeling along the dresser, knocking
over cans of hair spray, picture frames and your candles.

Sweetheart: I'm buttoning my blouse.
Now I'm putting on my shoes.

Wellhung: I've found my glasses. I'm putting them on. My God!
One of our candles fell on the curtain.
The curtain is on fire!
I'm pointing at it, a shocked look on my face.

Sweetheart: Go to hell! I'm logging off, you loser!

Wellhung: Now the carpet is on fire! Oh nooooo!

Sweetheart: Bye!!!

:p
 
"The Bottle"

A man enters his favorite ritzy restaurant and while sitting at his regular table, he notices a gorgeous woman sitting at a nearby table all alone. He calls the waiter over and asks for their most expensive bottle of Merlot to be sent over to her knowing that, if she accepts it, she is his. The waiter gets the bottle and quickly sends it over to the woman, saying this is from the gentleman over there. She looks at the wine and sends a note over to the man.

The note reads:
"For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, a million dollars in the bank, and seven inches in your pants." The man, after reading her note, chuckles, and sends a note of his own back to her, and it read: "Just so you know, I happen to have a Ferrari Testarosa, a BMW 850iL and a Mercedes 600SL in my garage, and I have over twenty-five million dollars in the bank. But, not even for a woman as beautiful as you, would I cut three inches off. JUST SEND THE BOTTLE BACK."


----------------------------------------------------------
"Equal Opportunities"

A young boy asks his father, "Dad, is it ok for us guys to notice all the different kind of boobs?"

Surprised, the father answers, "Well, sure son, we wouldn't be normal if we didn't.... there are all kinds of breasts...depending on a woman's age-- In her twenties, a woman's breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her thirties to forties, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After fifty, they are like onions."

"Onions, Dad?"

"Yeah, you see them and they make you cry...."

Not to be outdone, his sister asks her mother, "Mom, how many kind of penises are there?"

The mother, delighted to have equal time, answers, "Well, daughter, a man goes through three phases. In a man's twenties, a man's penis is like an oak, mighty and hard. In his thirties and forties, it is like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his fifties, it is like a Christmas tree."

"A Christmas tree?"

"Yep, dried up and the balls are only there for decoration..."


:p
 
In every country
Young Son: Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?

Dad: That happens in every country, son.



:D
 
STUDDOG said:
This made me laugh so hard I cried.....:D


Actual Cybersex Log

Online computer users often engage in what is affectionately known as "Cybersex". Often the fantasies typed into keyboards and shared through Internet phone lines get pretty raunchy. However, as you'll see below, one of the two cyber-surfers in the following transcript of an online chat doesn't seem to quite get the point of Cybersex. Then again, maybe he does....

Wellhung: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like?

Sweetheart: I am wearing a red silk blouse, a miniskirt and
high heels. I work out every day, I'm toned and perfect. My measurements are 36-24-36. What do you look like?

Wellhung: I'm 6'3" and about 250 pounds. I wear glasses and I have on a pair of blue sweat pants I just bought from Wal-Mart. I'm also wearing a T-shirt with a few spots of barbecue sauce on it from dinner. It's smells funny.

Sweetheart: I want you! Would you like to screw me?

Wellhung: OK

Sweetheart: We're in my bedroom. There's soft music playing on the stereo and candles on my dresser and night table. I'm looking up into your eyes, smiling. My hand works its way down to your crotch and begins to fondle your huge, swelling bulge.

Wellhung: I'm gulping, I'm beginning to sweat.

Sweetheart: I'm pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest.

Wellhung Now I'm unbuttoning your blouse.
My hands are trembling.

Sweetheart: I'm moaning softly.

Wellhung: I'm taking hold of your blouse and sliding it off slowly.

Sweetheart: I'm throwing my head back in pleasure.
The cool silk slides off my warm skin.
I'm rubbing your bulge faster, pulling and rubbing.

Wellhung: My hands suddenly jerks spastically and accidentallyrips a hole in your blouse. I'm sorry.

Sweetheart: That's OK, it wasn't really too expensive.

Wellhung:I'll pay for it.

Sweetheart: Don't worry about it. I'm wearing a lacy black bra.
My soft breasts are rising and falling,
as I breath harder and harder.

Wellhung: I'm fumbling with the clasp on your bra.
I think it's stuck. Do you have any scissors?

Sweetheart: I take your hand and kiss it softly...
I'm reaching back undoing the clasp.
The bra slides off my body. The air caresses my breasts.
My nipples are erect for you.

Wellhung: How did you do that? I'm picking up the bra and
inspecting the clasp.

Sweetheart: I'm arching my back. Oh baby.
I just want to feel your tongue all over me.

Wellhung: I'm dropping the bra. Now I'm licking your, you know,
breasts. They're neat!

Sweetheart: I'm running my fingers through your hair.
Now I'm nibbling your ear.

Wellhung: I suddenly sneeze. Your breasts are covered
with spit and phlegm.

Sweetheart: What?

Wellhung: I'm so sorry. Really.

Sweetheart: I'm wiping your phlegm off my breasts with
the remains of my blouse.

Wellhung: I'm taking the sopping wet blouse from you.
I drop it with a plop.

Sweetheart: OK. I'm pulling your sweat pants down and rubbing you hard tool. Wellhung: I'm screaming like a woman.
Your hands are cold! Yeeee!

Sweetheart: I'm pulling up my miniskirt. Take of my panties!

Wellhung: I'm pulling off your panties. My tongue is going
all over, in and out nibbling on you... ummm... wait a minute.

Sweetheart: What's the matter?

Wellhung: I've got a pubic hair caught in my throat.
I'm choking!

Sweetheart: Are you OK?

Wellhung: I'm having a coughing fit! I'm turning all red.

Sweetheart: Can I help?

Wellhung: I'm running to the kitchen, choking wildly.
I'm fumbling through the cabinets, looking for a cup.
Where do you keep your cups?

Sweetheart: In the cabinet to the right of the sink.

Wellhung: I'm drinking a cup of water. There, that's better.

Sweetheart: Come back to me lover.

Wellhung: I'm washing the cup now.

Sweetheart: I'm on the bed arching for you.

Wellhung: I'm drying the cup. Now I'm putting it back in the
cabinet. And now I'm walking back to the bedroom.
Wait, it's dark, I'm lost. Where's the bedroom?

Sweetheart: Last door on the left at the end of the hall.

Wellhung: I found it.

Sweetheart: I'm tuggin' off your pants. I'm moaning.
I want you so badly

Wellhung: Me too.

Sweetheart: Your pants are off. I kiss you passionately our
naked bodies pressing each other.

Wellhung: Your face is pushing my glasses into my face.
It hurts.

Sweetheart: Why don't you take off your glasses?

Wellhung: OK, but I can't see very well without them.
I place the glasses on the night table.

Sweetheart: I'm bending over the bed. Give it to me, baby!

Wellhung: I have to pee. I'm fumbling my way blindly
across the room and toward the bathroom.

Sweetheart: Hurry back, lover!

Wellhung: I find the bathroom and it's dark. I'm feeling around
for the toilet. I lift the lid.

Sweetheart: I'm waiting eagerly for your return.

Wellhung: I'm done going. I'm feeling around for the flush
handle, but I can't find it. Uh-oh!

Sweetheart: What's the matter now?

Wellhung: I've realized that I've peed into your
laundry hamper. Sorry again. I'm walking back to the bedroom now,
blindly feeling my way.

Sweetheart: Mmmm, yes. Come on.

Wellhung: OK, now I'm going to put my...you know...thing...
in your... you know...woman's thing.

Sweetheart: Yes! Do it, baby! Do it!

Wellhung: I'm touching your smooth butt. It feels so nice. I
kiss your neck. Umm, I'm having a little trouble here.

Sweetheart: I'm moving my ass back and forth, moaning. I can't
stand it another second! Slide in! Screw me now!

Wellhung: I'm flaccid.

Sweetheart: What?

Wellhung: I'm limp. I can't sustain an erection.

Sweetheart: I'm standing up and turning around,
an incredulous look on my face.

Wellhung: I'm shrugging with a sad look on my face, my wiener
is all floppy. I'm going to get my glasses and see what's wrong.

Sweetheart: No, never mind. I'm getting dressed. I'm putting
on my underwear. Now I'm putting on my wet nasty blouse.

Wellhung: No wait! Now I'm squinting, trying to find the night
table. I'm feeling along the dresser, knocking
over cans of hair spray, picture frames and your candles.

Sweetheart: I'm buttoning my blouse.
Now I'm putting on my shoes.

Wellhung: I've found my glasses. I'm putting them on. My God!
One of our candles fell on the curtain.
The curtain is on fire!
I'm pointing at it, a shocked look on my face.

Sweetheart: Go to hell! I'm logging off, you loser!

Wellhung: Now the carpet is on fire! Oh nooooo!

Sweetheart: Bye!!!

:p
Click to expand...

OMG Stud - you told me you didnt' keep logs....geeshhhhh :D
 
silkynsmooth said:
OMG Stud - you told me you didnt' keep logs....geeshhhhh :D
Click to expand...



Oh stop it!!!!! I need a running record to use to get cupcakes.

:D
 
STUDDOG said:
Oh stop it!!!!! I need a running record to use to get cupcakes.

:D
Click to expand...

hands you cupcake....extra frosting and sprinkles...there ya go darlin...enjoy....i'll help clean the frosting off later. :D
 
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