AMA - Super answers your questions

[supercollider00]

Despite submissive males being a large part of the Lit population on the BDSM part, there's relatively little discussion about them. At least little good discussion ha! And several threads over the years have turned rather bizarre due to a few users. So feel free to ask questions to this little male submissive. I'm happy to answer.

I'll answer basically anything within the realm of reason.

 

[Bramblethorn]

I understand submissive women often get hit with the expectation that "submissive" means instantly submissive to any dom who takes an interest. Does the same thing happen to submissive guys, or is the dynamic different?

 

[supercollider00]

I understand submissive women often get hit with the expectation that "submissive" means instantly submissive to any dom who takes an interest. Does the same thing happen to submissive guys, or is the dynamic different?

I think this has more to do with expectations from Dom/mes that are toxic really. Having dabbled as well in M/M play, it's definitely something that you see from men that are just bad Doms. That said, it has happened with some Dommes but rather rarely. I think anyone that's more experienced in D/s understands that play or a sub actually submitting doesn't happen before discussion, consent, safewords, etc.

 

[Bramblethorn]

Thanks! Another question, then: have you always known you were submissive, or is it something that you figured out over time?

 

[supercollider00]

Thanks! Another question, then: have you always known you were submissive, or is it something that you figured out over time?

I've always known that I'm submissive sexually. That said, I'm not submissive otherwise at all.

 

[IrisAlthea]

I've always known that I'm submissive sexually. That said, I'm not submissive otherwise at all.

Do you feel that it complicates things, being submissive sexualky but not otherwise? Do you feel that it has been difficult to merge the different sides or that others gave had trouble making sense of it?

 

[supercollider00]

Do you feel that it complicates things, being submissive sexualky but not otherwise? Do you feel that it has been difficult to merge the different sides or that others gave had trouble making sense of it?

I think it's not that uncommon? Not sure there really, but yes it has made things complicated sometimes. In general though Dommes have seemed to appreciate my go-get attitude in life in general, and that yet I wilfully and gladly submit otherwise.

 

[Wand3rlust]

I think it's not that uncommon? Not sure there really, but yes it has made things complicated sometimes. In general though Dommes have seemed to appreciate my go-get attitude in life in general, and that yet I wilfully and gladly submit otherwise.

Does a Domme have to be a Domme in lifestyle, or just sexually? Can it not be either? Or are you then another label?

Sorry, I know this isn't quite the right question..

 

[supercollider00]

Does a Domme have to be a Domme in lifestyle, or just sexually? Can it not be either? Or are you then another label?

Sorry, I know this isn't quite the right question..

I've never been one to say that someone has to be specifically X or Y. Of course we all have our attractions and preferences, but I also feel that any D/s dynamic is quite unique (or should be!). It's not about not being picky (quite the contrary) but finding someone and a dynamic that fits both people.

As for the label part, that's a good question. Not quite sure which label I should use for myself. I do see small aspects of D/s as being important to do at all times, such as titles, respect, etc. But I'm not one for 24/7 servitude methinks!

And don't be sorry, it's a really difficult question to answer which means it's a good question

 

[Wand3rlust]

Sometimes trying to find info is like walking a minefield... and I'm asking from a differnt perspective to you. So I appreciate the time taken to answer.

 

[supercollider00]

Sometimes trying to find info is like walking a minefield... and I'm asking from a differnt perspective to you. So I appreciate the time taken to answer.

And everyone experiences things differently making it so difficult to explain and reflect on a lot of things related to D/s. Nothing is black and white, there's just so many nuances. Feel free to ask anything else

 

[cookiecat]

How does your submission come out? Are you service oriented? Do you like to worship your partner (ie feet)? Cuckold? Chastity?

 

[supercollider00]

Thanks for the question cookiecat

Outside of actual play, my submission does come out in small gestures to make my Domme's life easier. It can be as simple as finding books for an interest or finding out information, etc. As for within play, chastity, denial, worship, humiliation and impact play are all ways in which my submission comes out. I'm not one to a have a laundry list of things I need, and really love exploring the aspects that please a Domme. I really do think how both domination and submission comes out will vary from dynamic to dynamic though.

 

[wicked woman]

Despite submissive males being a large part of the Lit population on the BDSM part, there's relatively little discussion about them.
....

I'll answer basically anything within the realm of reason.

Anything specific that you would like us to know about submissive males?

 

[supercollider00]

Anything specific that you would like us to know about submissive males?

Not all of us are incredibly toxic as one might think There's some genuine male submissives that aren't just thirsty. Also, we're not all "betas" (hate the terminology and concept of alpha/beta).

 

[wicked woman]

Not all of us are incredibly toxic as one might think There's some genuine male submissives that aren't just thirsty. Also, we're not all "betas" (hate the terminology and concept of alpha/beta).

I appreciated your last comment. To my knowledge, I've not met/known an alpha male submissive...although I noted that you posted in another thread than you are not submissive outside of a specific relationship. But it makes sense, since there are a number of women who are submissive but whose basic personality is not submissive. Fetlife even has a group about submissive women with dominant personalities. I should know.

 

[supercollider00]

I appreciated your last comment. To my knowledge, I've not met/known an alpha male submissive...although I noted that you posted in another thread than you are not submissive outside of a specific relationship. But it makes sense, since there are a number of women who are submissive but whose basic personality is not submissive. Fetlife even has a group about submissive women with dominant personalities. I should know.

I think that has a lot to do with culture as well though. The stereotype of the man is to be an "alpha" and strong, etc. So it's actually quite taboo to be submissive and show vulnerability (and let's face it, that's a huge part of D/s). So perhaps a lot of the men that aren't submissive in all facets tend to be overshadowed by other types of submissives or just not as willing to put themselves out there in various ways. I think it's the same mechanisms for women, just with different stereotypes and much stronger cultural stereotypes sadly.

Thanks for the great question as well

 

[Deleted member 3041612]

Hi, although I post here every now and then (not very often), I’m still trying to understand certain aspects of this lifestyle.

What is a recurring theme for yourself in your approach to the submissive role? I’d like to know what drew you into the acceptance of this for yourself?

What is the farthest you’ve ever gone into submission without losing yourself?

 

[supercollider00]

Hey BlackCaramelCreme and thanks for the great questions

1- Recurring themes
I think connection and vulnerability are two of the main recurring themes for me. I get absolutely 0 pleasure from submitting to a random play partner. I need to have a connection which takes time. I think this is due to my view of submission as a gift and responsibility because of how much vulnerability it shows. Otherwise if you meant in submission itself... Making my Domme happy and not in the sense of oh I'm such a good sub, but genuinely trying to make my Domme happy through our deep connection. It's a very powerful connection.

2- Acceptance
Although I knew that I was attracted to D/s at a rather young age, I think it took a long time for me to accept myself as being so submissive because it goes against a lot of my other personality traits in general. I learned to accept it really through understand how much I crave it, and how (once I had found a Domme that really understood me) beautiful and powerful it is. Getting that sense of harmony after a scene really helps to ground myself and understand it.

3- Farthest
I won't go into too much graphic details as I don't kiss and tell too much. In a few play sessions however, I do remember very specifically the feeling of "more of this as much as you want Ma'am" despite pain or humiliation. You still feel those elements, but you're so much in the zone that it's not about you, but about your partner and it feels almost like you're watching it all as a third person. There's these moments of falling and where you almost feel is if you aren't yourself. It's in these moments that I sometimes do have to remind myself where I am, and safewords if needed. I've felt on the verge of tears several times as well, and it's not through pain but really just how emotionally powerful it is. Sorry, I'm finding it quite hard to describe my feelings so it feels like a huge jumble. I hope it makes a bit of sense!

 

[Deleted member 3041612]

Thank you so very much. In some ways, I’m getting clarity, but since I’m so new to it, it feels...distant.

Have you ever been put in a position where someone else’s (outside your relationship) feelings was jeopardized?

How would you describe the connection with your Domme?

Do you have an online Domme or an in real life one?

Because of how things have come out in the media about how others have approached the BDSM lifestyle and treated harshly for it, have you considered a contract to be written up for rules of engagement? Or is this something that can’t truly be defined due to the creativity and circumstances of possibilities?

I understand people evolve, likes and tastes as well. What has changed inwardly about yourself and your choices?

What have you noticed about the changes in/with your Domme since you both began?


Forgive me if any of these may be too personal. You don’t have to answer if it is.

 

[supercollider00]

No worries, and of course your mileage will vary between different subs, etc. That said, there's relatively few threads on here with male subs that aren't just grovelling and complaining so I thought my views might balance that a bit haha. And feel free to ask anything really, if I'm not comfortable I won't answer or just send a PM

Some of the questions here are a bit more difficult to answer as I technically don't have a Domme right now. I'm in a trial period with someone to see if things can possibly work, but I'm still personally uncertain and things just take time.

1- The connection
For me at least, it's difficult to not get feelings involved when in kink because it's something I just really feel. It's a very deep connection that leaves you more vulnerable than many others. You come to know someone in a completely different light that is rather liberating honestly. Many other subs are able to put relationships, kink, etc in completely separate categories, it varies a lot I think.

2- Engagement / Contract
I would never ever play with someone seriously within D/s without having discussed at length our expectations, our wants, needs, limits and desires. I dislike the word contract, but writing rules, boundaries and expectations on a document can help both parties understand and engage with them to see compability. Communication is always important, but even more so in a BDSM context.

3- Changing tastes
I'll try to keep this short but many many things. A big part of that is pure preferences of types of play. For example, learning that I'm perhaps more of a masochist than I believed when I was younger, enjoying humiliation, etc. The biggest change though is definitely inwardly. I find that having been able to be so vulnerable with people and really reaching deep into the nether has helped understanding myself better as a person, and finding my grounding in general. I'm not a "freak" and really just a normal person with a professional career, etc but I find that BDSM has helped me find a sense of harmony when everything else might be in pure chaos or stress for example.

4- Changes in/with a Domme
Speaking in more general terms, this has varied a lot. One of the funnest things has been helping someone realize fantasies or discover new interests. I've had one Domme realize how much she adores giving out pain through playing with me to the point of getting tears of joy after a scene because of how much I was giving myself. One of the bigger changes is also always when your Domme starts showing more vulnerability on her side as well for example, which is beautiful and emotional.

 

[Deleted member 3041612]

These are an awe inspiring set of answers. Thank you. I know everyone is different and I do appreciate your interpretation of questions presented.

 

[Deleted member 3041612]

What is something about you that most would be surprised to know? (Random question, not a sub question)

What gives you more joy, to give a gift wrapped gift or receive a gift wrapped gift?

What is a part of your personality that makes you rather unique? Or that makes you stand out from a crowd?

 

[supercollider00]

1- This one varies a lot depending on who would be surprised. But for here... I started yoga during the pandemic and found myself surprised at how much I really enjoy it despite not being flexible at all. I enjoy the challenge of it and the variety between harder physical aspects and meditation.

2- I much prefer giving a gift, but the best part for me is managing to think of a gift that suits that person.

3- Another difficult question. I've been told that I often think outside of the box which makes me very different than most others. I also think that the weird variety of cultures I have, combined with my work/etc culture makes me rather different than most people.

 

[Deleted member 3041612]

Would you rather go to a concert in a stadium or an arena or would you prefer an open air, out in the open one?

What is your favorite thing to cook for yourself?

What is your fav sport (do you like sports) in the Olympics?

When was the last time you had a good, honest belly laugh?

Do you carry your cellphone in your back pocket or in the front?

(Everyone here gets random questions. You shouldn’t be any different)