Deal with PTSD and its effects

[Naughty_Misty]

I have a problelm that I am really struggling with. My husband has a severe case of PTSD. He has been prescribed Celexa, Remeron, Ativan and Buspar to help with the worst of the symptoms of his PTSD.

My question is this - Is it the PTSD or is it one (or a combination of all them) the medications that makes it difficult for him to achieve orgasm?

He has no problem getting aroused or even staying aroused. However, the last two times we tried to have intercourse he wasn't able to achieve orgasm. We did talk about it and it seems the issue occurs even if he masturbates.

Is there a "time" that is better to attempt sex (so that he can achieve orgasm, too) is "better" than others? If it is related to the medication (as opposed to the actual psychological issue) would we better trying intercourse before he takes the medication? Sex at the "beginning" or the "end" of the dosing period?

Does anyone have any suggestions or experience as it relates to a situation like this?

 

[Guest]

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[SweetErika]

All of those medications can have sexual side effects like trouble orgasming, though Buspar is actually pretty good in that realm. Your husband should talk to his prescribing doctor about trying different medications or doses if the inorgasmia is a problem for him. For instance, he may be able to try Wellbutrin instead of the Celexa, and cut down the Ativan as much as possible. The Celexa is likely the main culprit here, and because it builds up in the system and is long-acting, having sex before he takes it probably won't make any difference at all (though you could certainly try sex when he has the least amount of meds in his system to see what happens).

Quite a few years ago, I tried Celexa and Buspar for PTSD-related anxiety and depression. I ended up having to ditch the Celexa because the sexual side effects were making my conditions worse. Buspar didn't have any sexual side effects for me or my husband, when he tried it for anxiety a few years ago.

I don't know what your husband's PTSD is related to, but that can certainly cause problems as well. However, since you said he has no problem with arousal or sexual activity, my money's on the medication(s). And the bottom line is he needs to talk to his doctor, or another doctor who knows psychotropic meds and PTSD intimately, if it's a concern and/or he wants to try to change anything (he should absolutely NOT change his dose or stop any medications without talking to his doctor first, because that could seriously injure or kill him).

 

[Naughty_Misty]

It may be possible to lower the dosage of one or more of the medications.

All of those medications can have sexual side effects like trouble orgasming, though Buspar is actually pretty good in that realm. Your husband should talk to his prescribing doctor about trying different medications or doses if the inorgasmia is a problem for him. For instance, he may be able to try Wellbutrin instead of the Celexa, and cut down the Ativan as much as possible. The Celexa is likely the main culprit here, and because it builds up in the system and is long-acting, having sex before he takes it probably won't make any difference at all (though you could certainly try sex when he has the least amount of meds in his system to see what happens).

Quite a few years ago, I tried Celexa and Buspar for PTSD-related anxiety and depression. I ended up having to ditch the Celexa because the sexual side effects were making my conditions worse. Buspar didn't have any sexual side effects for me or my husband, when he tried it for anxiety a few years ago.

I don't know what your husband's PTSD is related to, but that can certainly cause problems as well. However, since you said he has no problem with arousal or sexual activity, my money's on the medication(s). And the bottom line is he needs to talk to his doctor, or another doctor who knows psychotropic meds and PTSD intimately, if it's a concern and/or he wants to try to change anything (he should absolutely NOT change his dose or stop any medications without talking to his doctor first, because that could seriously injure or kill him).

His PTSD is related to the time he spent in Iraq with the US Army...

The most likely culprit is the anti-depressant Celexa. Ironically, it is also a drug used to treat premature ejaculation in men. My main fear is that he might want to attempt to "go off his meds" to solve the problem. I agree completely with SweetErika about NOT changing or stoping his meds.

As soon as he can get an appointment with the VA I will encourage him to speak to his doctor. In the mean time, I'm concerned about - ummm well, him getting blue balls or something like that from the inability to cum. I mean I will do my best to NOT get him stimulated, but by the same token I don't want to have to "sneak" around masturbating in the shower or something silly like that either.

I am hoping that someone would be able to shed a little light on how to remedy the situation that will be pleasurable (no pun intended) to both my husband and myself.

 

[SweetErika]

His PTSD is related to the time he spent in Iraq with the US Army...

It's probably not related, then.

Is he doing talk therapy as well as the medication?

The most likely culprit is the anti-depressant Celexa. Ironically, it is also a drug used to treat premature ejaculation in men. My main fear is that he might want to attempt to "go off his meds" to solve the problem. I agree completely with SweetErika about NOT changing or stoping his meds.

As soon as he can get an appointment with the VA I will encourage him to speak to his doctor.

I'd just suggest reiterating that changing or stopping his meds on his own can be extremely dangerous and it often takes people many tries to find the right combo and amounts that work for them, so it's absolutely something he needs to keep working with his doctor on until they get it right.

In the mean time, I'm concerned about - ummm well, him getting blue balls or something like that from the inability to cum. I mean I will do my best to NOT get him stimulated, but by the same token I don't want to have to "sneak" around masturbating in the shower or something silly like that either.

I'm guessing blue balls isn't going to happen, especially if he's already had the same result while masturbating. He might have wet dreams, though. Maybe one of the guys here who have experienced inorgasmia w/ antidepressants can shed some light on the results in this realm.

While you're waiting for the appointment, you should talk to him about how he wants to handle this so you don't have to feel like you need to sneak around when you're horny.

Have you tried prostate stimulation by chance? If not, that might be something to check out. If nothing else, it might help him ejaculate or have a lighter orgasm.

 

[Jackotheshadows]

I used to take one of the sexual side effect "friendly" anti-depressants, Wellbutrin. Never had a problem with orgasm, but Mr Happy would sometimes just not get into the game. It was pretty frustrating, particularly when your really excited, but nothing's happening. If it's the inability to have an erection, but not a problem with orgasm, he may want to think about one of the ED drugs out there. If it's both, then that will require some changing dosages of his anti-depressants. Above all, be honest with him, but stay away from criticism of his performance. It's a vicious cycle, sometimes, and in men without medications or other issues, performance anxiety can be a killer, let alone if you add the other things in. I always felt more guilt about not making my partner feel good, than about my own pleasure, so you may want to see if he's willing to play other ways with you. That might make him feel a little better about the situation (at least until he gets to a doctor and figures out things), and takes care of your needs, too.

Just two cents....

 

[doncarlos]

It is not clear why this situration necessarily is a problem especially if a woman likes to have extended sex several times. A man who does not release easily is much better able to satisfy her than one who climax more quickly. If the guy can get a solid erection soon a number of times during a love making night and only have one solid orgasm in the moring, the lady in most cases will feel very fullfilled. - Much of the philosophy of Tantric sex takes that direction.

For a man with that configuration, sex can be extremely rewarding because the time spent on actual wonderful intercourse can be extended immensely.

 

[Eilan]

It is not clear why this situration necessarily is a problem especially if a woman likes to have extended sex several times.

I was once in a threesome situation in which the third didn't disclose that he was on meds that affected his ability to orgasm until sex was painful for me. It's all fun and games until someone gets raw.

 

[bailadora]

It is not clear why this situration necessarily is a problem ......

Because she cares about his pleasure in addition to her own?

 

[doncarlos]

Because she cares about his pleasure in addition to her own?

In my opinion your question is an oversimplification because it seems to measure a man's pleasure by the number of releases he gets. It ain't necessarily so.

Many men, yours truly included, DELIBERATELY strive to reduce/postpone, if not minimize, ejaculations because it vastly extends the time you can keep going and going almost like the famous Bunny. Additionally, as is well known, if you try to hold off on the release, when the explosion finally happens it is an absolutely mind blowing experience. For some men and women this is a MO beyond compare.

Of course this is only one way to skin a cat. For others the path to happiness may be a different one.

 

[qrayze]

Have you tried prostate stimulation by chance? If not, that might be something to check out. If nothing else, it might help him ejaculate or have a lighter orgasm.

I was thinking of this as I was reading the thread. Could help if he's open to it.

 

[Curious_in_Cali]

I am not advocating that he gets off the meds if they are helping him, but if he decides to get off of them please know that there are other options that might help him reduce symptoms of PTSD. There is a book that I can't recommend enough for facing PTSD...it is called The Mood Cure by Julia Ross. It addresses all sorts of mood imbalances through questionnaires and offers supplementation protocols to ease all kinds of symptoms. I have seen it bring life changing relief to many people I have recommended it to. That said, my heart goes out to you and I wish you and your husband the very best as you work toward finding a solution that is right for you both.

 

[BrazenFellow]

This one's fairly common. Only a doctor can say with certainty (Duh. Sky is also blue.) which medication it is, but a lot of troopers report similar issues on anti-anxiety and anti-depression drugs. They don't report it as "I can't get off" or "I can't get it up," but rather as: "I've become Love God; behold my Purple-turreted Panzer of Pussy Pleasure."

A synthetic approach between drugs and therapy is absolutely essential. Do be advised that the military employs a lot of shitheels who think they're capable of handling battlefield psychological stress issues but are barely suited to counsel trophy wives about guilt stemming from fucking around on their banker husband with the Mexican lawnboy. I've heard of a tank commander being advised, by his headshrink, to "just get over it."

If that's not deserving of a punch in the neck, nothing is.

Don't be afraid to push, with your man, to get a shrink that he's comfortable with and works with him. I know the US Army is fucking horrible about keeping guys together after tours, but speaking with old buddies in private is usually a good thing; it helps to construct a shared reality and discuss with people who were also in the same puddle of shit.

Drugs are typically overprescribed (that cocktail of four is pretty what the fuck inspiring on my end, but I'm aware of at least five guys in Canada on same/similar and all four at once as well - but I don't believe that was done through the CF, I might be wrong), but do be aware that they are sometimes necessary to help deal with the worst of the avoidance issues and some triggers.

As a joke regarding said triggers, try not to wake him up at five in the morning with the azzan (Muslim call to prayer) while burning garbage and holding a hair dryer on maximum two inches from his face for that authentic Iraq smell and "at least there's a breeze" sensation.

There's a good military-everything forum over at TankNet with a lot of serving and formerly serving troops. They'll be supportive, he can talk minutiae, maybe discover a couple extra channels for help he was unaware existed. Primarily US, but it's an international community there.

 

[Naughty_Misty]

"I've become Love God; behold my Purple-turreted Panzer of Pussy Pleasure."

I have never laughed so hard in all of my life as I did when I read that line. Thanks, I needed that. A huge kudos for the link that you posted, I will pass that along to him as soon as I get done posting here.

Have you tried prostate stimulation by chance? If not, that might be something to check out. If nothing else, it might help him ejaculate or have a lighter orgasm.

I was thinking of this as I was reading the thread. Could help if he's open to it.

Thanks for that tip, I know that it is something that he is open to so we will have to try that out.

It's all fun and games until someone gets raw.

EXACTLY!!!!!

 

[bailadora]

In my opinion your question is an oversimplification because it seems to measure a man's pleasure by the number of releases he gets. It ain't necessarily so.

Many men, yours truly included, DELIBERATELY strive to reduce/postpone, if not minimize, ejaculations because it vastly extends the time you can keep going and going almost like the famous Bunny. Additionally, as is well known, if you try to hold off on the release, when the explosion finally happens it is an absolutely mind blowing experience. For some men and women this is a MO beyond compare.

Of course this is only one way to skin a cat. For others the path to happiness may be a different one.

I don't know how you leapt to the conclusion I was talking about multiple male orgasm, DC. The way I read that post, he couldn't orgasm AT ALL on at least two occasions of sex, not to mention other instances of masturbation. No orgasm is a far cry from reduced orgasm. Totally different kettle of fish. Once or twice is no big deal, IMO but if it begins to happen on a regular basis, then Houston - we have a problem.

I can't speak for Misty, but I know that if it were my man having issues, hell yes, I'd be concerned. Most people who love each other are going to care whether or not their partners reach orgasm, so I don't think my question is an oversimplification at all. And oddly enough, while I've seen many women here on Lit say it doesn't matter to them if they reach orgasm because the intimacy is enough, I don't ever recall seeing that sentiment expressed by a man.

 

[Naughty_Misty]

I don't know how you leapt to the conclusion I was talking about multiple male orgasm, DC. The way I read that post, he couldn't orgasm AT ALL on at least two occasions of sex, not to mention other instances of masturbation. No orgasm is a far cry from reduced orgasm. Totally different kettle of fish. Once or twice is no big deal, IMO but if it begins to happen on a regular basis, then Houston - we have a problem.

I can't speak for Misty, but I know that if it were my man having issues, hell yes, I'd be concerned. Most people who love each other are going to care whether or not their partners reach orgasm, so I don't think my question is an oversimplification at all. And oddly enough, while I've seen many women here on Lit say it doesn't matter to them if they reach orgasm because the intimacy is enough, I don't ever recall seeing that sentiment expressed by a man.

Bailadora,

Yes - you read the post correctly. It is unable to orgasm AT ALL. It has been approximately 3 weeks since he HAS been able to orgasm. So yes, as you so correctly observed HOUSTON!!! FIRE!!!!

I'm still willing to keep trying to get him to ejaculate, I'm just worried about the psychological impact that this may eventually have on him. It's not just frustrating for me, but for him as well. At some point logic tells me that one of two things will happen... Either A - he'll actually ejaculate or B - the frustration will turn to discouragement which will turn to no more nooky for Misty.

 

[bailadora]

Three weeks? Yeah - that's got to be hard on his morale. I hope you guys can get the meds straightened out.