Shankara20
Well, that is lovely
- Joined
- Sep 20, 2005
- Posts
- 58,546
"Family" can be a loaded word. "Family of Origin" Family of Choice" - all can have strong feelings. I have made a discovery and am tossing that story out here. This story is about adoption and re-connection. You comments and stories are welcome.
Here is mine - to date at least....
What a gift I have just received - my birth-mother’s family! I was adopted at birth 70 years ago. I always knew I had been adopted but had no information about my birth-parents. I have always been OK not knowing figuring there were good reasons people made the decisions they did. It was just part of “my story”. Not knowing my heritage and later on not having “family health history” was a bit unsettling, but, oh well.
In the late 1980’s I requested my adoption records from the state and an organization that connected those who were searching to re-connect after an adoption. Nothing came of the searching at that time. I had my birth-mother’s given name, date and place of her birth and the number of people in her nuclear family. Off and on I would do a Google search with that info, but with no success.
Not so long ago, following a conversation with my sons about DNA tests, I pulled out that old file and reconnected with that organization. They did some searching and found a family in the 1930 census record that appeared to be the family that included my birth-mother. The 1940 census showed that same family only the name of the female child had changed - she was now going by her middle name. Searching using her new name opened up a wealth of information eventually leading to this one family. Crafting a hopefully somewhat non-disclosing message, I called and left a message with that family.
Two week sago I received an email wondering why I had called. 1) I was not positive this was the family I had been looking for and 2) I did not want to dump information on them that was not mine to tell, these was a good chance my birth-mother had not told anyone about me. So we sent back and forth a dance of emails eventually leading to a phone conversation with my totally-new-to-me, and me-new-to him as well, 1/2 brother. He is a delight! And he confirmed my story enough to remove doubt.
My birth-mother is alive at 88 years and in rather good health. My brother and his/my sister are discussing how to approach their/my mother after the first of the new year. No one wants to bring up much past pain or create new pain for anyone, (there is a good chance my conception was from a non-conceptual act), so forward movement will be on tender toes. There is plenty of opportunity for strange turns in this story. But today I am continuing an exciting, rewarding, wonderful, email adventure with a wonderful man and discovering new family.
My “knowing” of who “I am” is changing; my self-circle is expanding; my personal “road signs” are changing. It is all a bit overwhelming and moving- Wife says I’m a bit hyper, but come to think of it, the “who-done-it” mystery book I was reading is not holding my interest - and I have not been searching and posting pics here.
And my whole holiday to-do-list is shot to hell…..
Thanks for your interest.
Shank...
Here is mine - to date at least....
What a gift I have just received - my birth-mother’s family! I was adopted at birth 70 years ago. I always knew I had been adopted but had no information about my birth-parents. I have always been OK not knowing figuring there were good reasons people made the decisions they did. It was just part of “my story”. Not knowing my heritage and later on not having “family health history” was a bit unsettling, but, oh well.
In the late 1980’s I requested my adoption records from the state and an organization that connected those who were searching to re-connect after an adoption. Nothing came of the searching at that time. I had my birth-mother’s given name, date and place of her birth and the number of people in her nuclear family. Off and on I would do a Google search with that info, but with no success.
Not so long ago, following a conversation with my sons about DNA tests, I pulled out that old file and reconnected with that organization. They did some searching and found a family in the 1930 census record that appeared to be the family that included my birth-mother. The 1940 census showed that same family only the name of the female child had changed - she was now going by her middle name. Searching using her new name opened up a wealth of information eventually leading to this one family. Crafting a hopefully somewhat non-disclosing message, I called and left a message with that family.
Two week sago I received an email wondering why I had called. 1) I was not positive this was the family I had been looking for and 2) I did not want to dump information on them that was not mine to tell, these was a good chance my birth-mother had not told anyone about me. So we sent back and forth a dance of emails eventually leading to a phone conversation with my totally-new-to-me, and me-new-to him as well, 1/2 brother. He is a delight! And he confirmed my story enough to remove doubt.
My birth-mother is alive at 88 years and in rather good health. My brother and his/my sister are discussing how to approach their/my mother after the first of the new year. No one wants to bring up much past pain or create new pain for anyone, (there is a good chance my conception was from a non-conceptual act), so forward movement will be on tender toes. There is plenty of opportunity for strange turns in this story. But today I am continuing an exciting, rewarding, wonderful, email adventure with a wonderful man and discovering new family.
My “knowing” of who “I am” is changing; my self-circle is expanding; my personal “road signs” are changing. It is all a bit overwhelming and moving- Wife says I’m a bit hyper, but come to think of it, the “who-done-it” mystery book I was reading is not holding my interest - and I have not been searching and posting pics here.
And my whole holiday to-do-list is shot to hell…..
Thanks for your interest.
Shank...
