getting involved in a physical only relationship?

[deliciously_naughty]

I find that I have two types of sex-only relationships

1. The Fuck Buddy
This is someone who you find sexually desirable. You don't want a one nighter, but for whatever reason, you don't want a friendship or much beyond the sex. This is an extended booty call. Period. This can be empty, but is a good rebound experience. But to my experience they only last for a short period of time before you start resenting that they don't want to know more about you or they irritate you beyond words.

2. The Friends with benefits.
This is when you have a connection beyond sex. You can hang out and go to dinner and have fun that in non-sexual. You have no claim on one another, but are honest if in fact you are having sex with people other than each other. This is the place I now am. I can't handle a relationship for a large number of reasons, but I don't want to be celibate or have one night stands. The fwb can evolve into a relationship or die down to friendship. Just be careful not to let it drag on forever...someone will fall in love (a warning)

But every person has different boundaries

 

[millieteases]

I think it's very tough. A one night stand is one thing, but an extended sex-only relationship is tough. The professor is right - we're raised in a culture that places an extraordinary amount of significance on this act - and that influence ends up in the relationship, whether we want it or not.

The only time I tried it worked out poorly- we were both relieved when it was over, but neither of us really wanted it to end - we just couldn't invest the emotion necessary to get it to a higher level. It hurt.

 

[Lust Engine]

i'm sure i could write a huge, indepth comment on this subject...however, i'll be different today and just add that i am not built that way...i need more than just the sex, even if it's good hard fucking sex...i feel empty and used afterwards...i've tried it so i do speak from my own experience...and i'm not built that way...

belle

To which we all adore how you're built!

No complaints here and no need to justify it; I'm in the same boat. There's something that folks like us just crave beyond the physical release & I find no shame in that whatsoever.

 

[spankableBelle]

To which we all adore how you're built!

No complaints here and no need to justify it; I'm in the same boat. There's something that folks like us just crave beyond the physical release & I find no shame in that whatsoever.

Thank you, Lust

Nice to know there's a guy that feels the same way ;0...as i'm sure there are more that do...i'm glad that i tried, but in the end it was a miserable parting...i don't know if admire is the right word, but those that can do the sex only with or without the friendship, well, i know that there are times that i've wished that i could do that, and handle it emotionally, but i've learned that i'm better off with just friendship and sex with myself than i am the other way around, if there's an option that doesn't include an actual relationship.

belle

 

[tom_novak]

Great responses, everybody

I love how deeply everbody's getting involved with the subject. In a way being involved with someone 'only' sexually isn't a lot different than any other relationship, because it's nearly impossible to remain entirely anonymous to each other. After some time with my phone-sex lover I realized that I liked her as much as a person than as a sexual partner. We had a few conversations about meeting in person but it was finally decided that we should keep our distance. I think in a way that keeps the emotional distance as well.

In time it all comes to a head. The best thing is realizing what kind of relationship you're able to have. Sometimes you're not ready for the emotional connection. Yet we are people and we have physical needs, even those as simple as getting a hug.

I hope to keep conversing with you all.

TN

 

[Champagne]

Romantic

I think I'm a hopeless romantic...I have a hard time imagining giving myself physically without some feeling attach. I fall easy, and hard. I was just curious if this is a just me problem.

No I am a hopeless romantic too. In a used to be sex-only relationship with a married man. Its tough, and I get hurt alot, but I can't let him go no matter how hard I try. Sometimes I can just have a convo wioth someone and I'm in love. I sometimes wonder if its romance or deperation?


Champagne

 

[Lust Engine]

Thank you, Lust

Nice to know there's a guy that feels the same way ;0...as i'm sure there are more that do...i'm glad that i tried, but in the end it was a miserable parting...i don't know if admire is the right word, but those that can do the sex only with or without the friendship, well, i know that there are times that i've wished that i could do that, and handle it emotionally, but i've learned that i'm better off with just friendship and sex with myself than i am the other way around, if there's an option that doesn't include an actual relationship.

belle

Given the choice of being a cold heartless bastard or a regretful lover, I think you made the choice in your relationships that fit you. Each one of us handles sex differently physically as well as emotionally. A little spice from one side only makes the other side a little more taboo and interesting. The grass isn't always greener but we've all agreed to tend our own emotional lawns a little differently. Kudos to you Belle on your strength and resolve.

 

[Freya]

Well emotions are inevitable when you are sharing yourself sexually with someone. Again, it's a matter of how you handle those emotions.

My fwb threw a new twist into our relationship last night by telling me he loved me....granted he was meaning as a friend, but that word has always been strictly avoided in reference to us, prior to this. In fact, he near shit his pants once when I joked about being in the throes of passion. So like I have said, I do think there are some serious emotions brewing beneath the surface...just neither of us are prepared to face them at this time. Last night was the first time also that any hint was made of anything more serious.

So I guess you guys are correct......maybe it's impossible to have a emotionless fwb relationship.

 

[themanwhocant]

I think everyone has managed to work it out now, somrething which I've talked about to people with and came to a similar conclusion.

It is certainly not sex without feeling. Because thats not possible. It is sex with feeling, but both parties understand how far it goes, they care for each other, but they don't spend all day and all night thinking about each other, and it doesn't become a full blown relation ship.

Again, yes with the friend thing. You can't have sex with someone you don't trust, and if you become really good friends with someone, you of of course trust them, and hopefull they trust you.

It benifits both parties, and as long as u both understand the boundries, give a lot of communication, no-one gets hurt, and it's fun for all

 

[psyche]

fuck buddy

I am currently involved in a sexual relationship. Both of us were looking for the same thing. Certainly there is a sense of friendship that has evolved over the course of our relationship, but we really have set very clear boundaries. We do talk about other things, but sex is certainly the foundation.

From my point of view it has been the most amazing sexual relationship I have ever been in. He seduced me completely because he knew all of my sexual fantasies. It is so hot to have a man who knows so much about you sexually, and someone who is willing to experiment with different things. By the time we meet in real life, after his hot messages and phone calls, I am ready to jump him the minute we hit the door! He is also the most knowledgable sexual partner I have ever had.

No matter what happens in the end, and no matter how long this lasts, I will never forget him or the fun we have together.

 

[DuckLover]

fuck buddies

I haven't had any major problems doing the fuck buddy routine, which I'm in now. We tried dating when we first met, but found that we didn't have that much in common. However, we are VERY sexually compatible.

One huge key to success was being explicit with each other at the beginning that this was just about sex and that neither of us was looking for it to go further. Each of us has called it off at one time or another because of becoming romantically involved with someone else. When that didn't work out, we wound up calling the other.

I don't see that there's much emotion at all in the relationship; I'd be hard pressed to really describe her as a "friend." We don't go out and do stuff together, except as a brief prelude to sex. Sex is the alpha and omega of our relationship.

I fully, 100%, and in all ways agree with the above posts about quality though. This casual sex is a lot of fun, and is often physically better than what I've had before. (She's quite adventurous and we love exploring new stuff!) However, there is no depth and little pillow talk. It _is_ shallow, no doubt about that. The sex I had with my previous (and serious) girlfriend was much more fulfilling and joyful. Given the choice, I would always pick sex with serious gf, even if it meant giving up a little bit of kink and/or physical sensation. The emotional depth, that entire dimension, adds so much more meaning and satisfaction.

I'm really looking forward to giving up the fuck buddy for the girlfriend (hopefully sometime soon, I'm ready for something more serious), though in the meantime she's a hell of a lot of fun!!

 

[Munachi]

for me it can work or can't work. i had several things that were somewhere between fuckbuddies and friends with benefits (i think in most cases it is difficult to distinguish clearly), and they all worked for a while and then ended for different reasons (moving away, one of us finding someone they fall in love with, etc.) - but currently i am with someone that way and feel very frustrated right now as i start to realize i want more. i am not yet sure what to do, i don't want to end it, because... well... i guess you can imagine. but maybe that would be better for me, to end it. or to tell him, at least. not sure yet what i will do.

 

[DD's]

I had a fuck buddy for a little while. He was awesome in bed. I have only been with one man my entire life, so to experience someone else who would do about anything was a huge turn on.

I am married, but the hubby has just not been to interested lately. This man at my work started paying attention to me, we started flirting, he started dropping hints, and before I knew it, we were doing it.

He kept telling me I would fall in love with him because we knew that we were just for the sex, I told him don't count on it. I never did fall in love, just in lust. He loved to eat pussy, and he did it well and for a looong time!

He did eventually start to get on my nerves because he was always whinning about work. Also, the reason I did not fall in love because even though I cheated on my husband, it was not because I did not love him, it was because I needed some sex! This FB of mine would have been in real life a terrible boyfriend because he was dating someone at the time, he was fucking me and another girl, so I would not want someone like that.

He eventually moved, but I stopped seeing him before he left, I just could not handle it anymore. Even though I did not fall in love with him, there was sometimes some jealousy there, then sometimes he got on my nerves.

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

It fundamentally is a personal issue. Some can compartmentalize better than others. It is a large part dependent on how important emotions are to great sex with you. With me, not necessarily that necessary. Can help, but the lack will not destroy it. And there are many kinds of emotions that coincide with sex. Including hate or anger. Thus the grudge fuck. I admit to finding the idea of a grudge fuck appealing. I also like the fuck buddy thing. And I like relationship sex. They all have some value to me. But that's because I like variety, contrast, new experiences. It's just me.

 

[Fflow]

The Real Deal

I had two experiences with this. The first was clearly a fuck-buddy relationship that, in short order, evolved romantic entanglements (at least on my part.) It was great for the first little while, but then left me somewhat crushed when it ended. I felt like an ass.

The 2nd, though, was perhaps even worse. It started with a close friend who was in a committed relationship. It was never my intention to start something, but when a guy is dressed as a nun, and a woman is dressed as a naughty Catholic school girl, shit sometimes happens. If it had been a one-time thing, I think I could have coped with it. What happened, instead, was that I became her guy on the side. As she moved through three or four relationships, I was always there as her sex pal, and friend. There were times when she was between relationships, and I pushed for us to try it, but she refused. After a while, I felt sick in my heart because I knew I wanted something more. I knew I was being dishonest with myself, and codependant to boot. Eventually, I ended our friendship entirely, which was agonizing for both of us. After a few years, we were able to be friends again, but this time without benefits. (We're both married now.)

If I need to get off, I can masturbate. I don't need a hole to dump my cum in. For me, what really gets me off is emotional intimacy, closeness, knowing another person really well, and being known deeply by that person.

What I'd recommend is to do the hard work of discovering who you are, what you want for yourself, and then going out and getting it. If you're hungry, you don't need chips. You need a healthy, balanced meal. The same is true for relationships. Get yourself the real deal.

 

[Lifeguard326]

Edited

 

[christian1971]

FWB (Friend With Benefits)

I had one for several months, at first it was the best thing we had get together have sex all day sometimes sleep together and not worry about things. But as time went on it started to feel and become more then just a FWB thing and we both weren't ready for a serious relationships. Just have to make sure that if you do start one get some ground rules and stick to them! We mite try to get together and still have sex but not like we did.

 

[dizzy]

I am always up front with a woman i want for a fwb. I state the goals quite clearly and let them know that i am not interested in a deep relationship but that i still want to have fun and am wondering if they feel the same way. When they say yes then its on. It usually goes anywhere from 1-18months and if I find she is starting to become attached I just let her know its time we move on because i'm still not interested in a deep relationship.

Heck, i've even had a woman do a check on me when she felt like i was getting too emotionally involved and she dropped me like a hot potatoe, lol. Hey, we just want to have fun in life right? If your not ready to be in a deep relationship they why stop having fun?? We're all adults here and we should be able to agree to have no holds barred fun and sex. So yes, emotions get in the way sometimes but that is part of the game. Best thing to do is cut ties early and don't drag it out.

 

[sharpchick]

I haven't had any major problems doing the fuck buddy routine, which I'm in now.

One huge key to success was being explicit with each other at the beginning that this was just about sex and that neither of us was looking for it to go further. Each of us has called it off at one time or another because of becoming romantically involved with someone else. When that didn't work out, we wound up calling the other.

For me, that is the key. It always blows my mind. . . almost everyone expects the woman in a straight relationship to be the one who will develop a romantic attachment, but that hasn't been an issue for me. I've really lucked out this time - because the current FB is a major commitment-phobe, and is really into this for the sex only.

Like DuckLover, when either my FB or I meet someone we want to be involved with, we stop having sex with each other, and there are no hurt feelings on either side. Both of us know exactly where we do and do not fit in to each other's lives.

 

[DadsReady]

just me

i heard this woman at work, who is a single parent, say 'there just isnt time for a man right now'. thats how i feel as well. working all week, coming home and cooking dinner and trying to keep an eye on my kiddo or spend time with him, my ass is whooped by late evening lol. then on the weekends its the usual chores. add to that two bad marriages, and, well, you get the picture. i met a nice woman a few months ago, we started spending time on the weekends together, but it was getting too serious for me, i had to back off. maybe im the one who is fucked up in the head, but for the present time, there is just too much going on, i dont need or want any kind of relationship at the present time, and i definitely dont need any more drama lol. and i do enjoy my alone time as well. i know we all have those special needs at times, i could get into a physical only relationship with someone, but i guess it would have to be someone who was in the same position as me and/or felt the same about it as me.

 

[Fflow]

Just one thing...

I don't know if I am a freak, or what, but I've always wanted deep, emotional, committed relationships. The few I had that weren't were entirely unsatisfying. I don't need a sexual partner to get off. I have a hand. What I've always craved is intimacy. Don't we all, if we are to be truthful, have a desire to be loved completely, in all our aspects, to be known completely, and to be loved not just despite our flaws and fears, but because of them? Don't we all want a partner in life, not just a sex buddy, provider, or wife, but a partner who stands strong on their own, but stands with you as well?

Sure, it is hard wading through the walking wounded, the shell-shocked, broken hearted folks who suffer and reach out for external fulfillment, but there are some folks who have lived through that and come to another place. I was afraid of sharing my heart, of taking emotional risks, for so long. The fear I felt stopped me from experiencing relationships until I was nearly 30. I guess that, when I finally came to the place where I was secure enough to put myself out there, I knew that I didn't want something shallow.

Sex is great, but sex with love, with a loving partner, is way better.

xoxo

srw

 

[sharpchick]

I was just wondering while reading through this thread, at what age dose the FWB or Fuck Buddy become a reality? Is it something people are into at a young age of their twenties or is it later in life after you have done the whole relationship thing a few times and are not into the games anymore?

Lifeguard326

I'm 47 and have been divorced/single for about half my adult life, beginning at 29. During those times, I've generally, but not always, had a FWB when I wanted one.