Got a vanilla. Best way to esplain

[EmpressFi]

By being honest and telling my vanilla partner about my needs and desires. They then have the option of joining me in my fun, allowing me my fun elsewhere, or deciding that this relationship isn't what they were looking for and they are free to seek elsewhere.

Get When Someone You Love Is Kinky by Easton and Liszt from Greenery Press and let your vanilla partner read it, or read it yourself to get ideas.

I would also recommend The Ethical Slut: A Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities, also by Easton & Liszt and available at Greenery Press From the books write-up: Beyond the often unrealistic ideal of lifetime monogamy lies an uncharted jungle of delightful options - everything from committed multi-partner relationships to friendly sex, casual sex, group sex and more. In this groundbreaking volume, "Bottoming Book" and "Topping Book" authors Easton and Liszt provide a road map for exploring this sometimes difficult, often rewarding territory. Warm, informative details about how to get your needs met, manage your jealousy, make agreements that work for all concerned, talk to your friends and relatives, and build a life full of all the sex and love you want.

If you are going to have multiple partners, you need to learn how to deal with them openly and honestly, so they can make informed, consentual decisions regarding how much and how long they wish to be involved with you.

Good luck!

my husband just ordered that book, The Ethical Slut: A Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities, yesterday. He and I have just moved from thinking about polyamory to actually living it. Well, not "just", we've been doing it since December.

If you're in a relationship with your "good vanilla", then you ought to respect him or her enough to tel them that you have this other relationship. It's been said before, all over this board that the key to a D/s relationship is trust. Well if this is more than a casual relationship, your good vanilla is placing the same trust in you that you have in your Dom and you're knowingly abusing that trust. I agree that this person, if you are sexually active with both of them, deserves to know what medical risks their being exposed to.

Tell them. If they cant handle it, perhaps its better they found out by you telling them, then by figuring out that your excuses for the markings were rubbish and feeling the fool.

 

[Etoile]

Discussion + permission = polyamory.

Sneaking + lying = cheating.

This is not flexible.

 

[wenchhh]

Empress, loved your bottom siggy line!