Hardwood74
Experienced
- Joined
- Feb 6, 2010
- Posts
- 34
Well spoken HMIPU. We all have standards in our lives and we all live by them. Within reason that is OUR choice. It doesn't necessarily have to do with facts, they can be debated and should be. But this is not the place where that will be decided. OP made a decision and set a standard for how she wants to live her life based on that experience.
Because of her new experiences with her boyfriend she is questioning that standard. Did she set it too broadly, maybe smoking is OK and other drugs are not, what about my child? She is looking for ideas and thoughts about her personal standards, and I think that is a healthy way to approach things. You test your opinions against those of others and you use that information to sort things out. Sometimes the past experiences are too painful and real and you can't change YOUR standard. Sometimes other information lets you find a way to change things.
OP my advice is to find information from trusted sources, then look inside yourself and decide if you can live with someone that smokes or will your past experiences make that so difficult for you that you will never be comfortable. Is this a dealbreaker for you if he never changes? Does he offer other things in your relationship that let you look past this if there are changes in where and how he smokes (not if he smokes, that probably will never change). It may be the right choice, it may be the wrong one, but make it a decision you make based on what you know and feel.
Because of her new experiences with her boyfriend she is questioning that standard. Did she set it too broadly, maybe smoking is OK and other drugs are not, what about my child? She is looking for ideas and thoughts about her personal standards, and I think that is a healthy way to approach things. You test your opinions against those of others and you use that information to sort things out. Sometimes the past experiences are too painful and real and you can't change YOUR standard. Sometimes other information lets you find a way to change things.
OP my advice is to find information from trusted sources, then look inside yourself and decide if you can live with someone that smokes or will your past experiences make that so difficult for you that you will never be comfortable. Is this a dealbreaker for you if he never changes? Does he offer other things in your relationship that let you look past this if there are changes in where and how he smokes (not if he smokes, that probably will never change). It may be the right choice, it may be the wrong one, but make it a decision you make based on what you know and feel.
