How do i have anal...without it hurting!??

[Roxie1986]

My partner wants to try anal, and i have only ever done it twice before.. It hurt so much that i never did it again.. and didnt plan on it till the subject was brought up..

I trust my partner and want to be with him in every way i can.. This is the only fantasy he has that hasnt been fulfilled and i want to be the one to fulfill it...

Can anyone help? Any suggestions will be greatly appreciated..

 

[OzArrian]

Two essential ingredients...patience and lubrication. Your partner has to be damned sure he is aware that he just can't go at it like the Charge of the Light Brigade. Whenever I've done it in the past with my girlfriends I always use anal play in the foreplay as a way of easing the stress/fear, so lots of licking and playing with fingers down there. That usually helps too.

Best of luck and hope you enjoy it more...

 

[iluvyou3638]

Two essential ingredients...patience and lubrication. Your partner has to be damned sure he is aware that he just can't go at it like the Charge of the Light Brigade. Whenever I've done it in the past with my girlfriends I always use anal play in the foreplay as a way of easing the stress/fear, so lots of licking and playing with fingers down there. That usually helps too.

Best of luck and hope you enjoy it more...

what he said. and also douche. it's gross, but it prevents grossness in the bedroom.

 

[wisec715]

I found it easier when I play with a vibrator down there. it helps relax the muscles....oh and yea, and a TON of lube. Doesn't hurt to be super turned on either.

 

[Roxie1986]

thank you x

 

[SweetErika]

Have you read through the Anal section of The Blank Manual sticky yet?

If not, it's well worth the time it'll take for you AND your partner to read it (as someone else mentioned, it's critical for you two to be on the same, correct page).

My history was similar to yours, so we did a lot of research together and came up with a plan that I thought would work for me. That plan included lots of good lube, orgasming and anal foreplay first (I agree, a smaller vibe is great for foreplay), giving myself clitoral stimulation before and during penetration and him staying still while I controlled the speed and depth of penetration.

Because of my negative associations with pain, successful, completely pleasurable anal took a good amount of time and trial and error. Basically, we tried, and if it hurt at all, we stopped for that session and picked it up another time so I wouldn't create new connections about it being painful with him. Eventually, we were able to do enough fine tuning that everything just fell into place, and we haven't had any problems since.

So, I'll add plenty of communication, knowledge and caring to patience and lube on the list of necessary ingredients.

 

[OzArrian]

Have you read through the Anal section of The Blank Manual sticky yet?

If not, it's well worth the time it'll take for you AND your partner to read it (as someone else mentioned, it's critical for you two to be on the same, correct page).

My history was similar to yours, so we did a lot of research together and came up with a plan that I thought would work for me. That plan included lots of good lube, orgasming and anal foreplay first (I agree, a smaller vibe is great for foreplay), giving myself clitoral stimulation before and during penetration and him staying still while I controlled the speed and depth of penetration.

Because of my negative associations with pain, successful, completely pleasurable anal took a good amount of time and trial and error. Basically, we tried, and if it hurt at all, we stopped for that session and picked it up another time so I wouldn't create new connections about it being painful with him. Eventually, we were able to do enough fine tuning that everything just fell into place, and we haven't had any problems since.

So, I'll add plenty of communication, knowledge and caring to patience and lube on the list of necessary ingredients.

Nicely put...like so much that is sexual, hell even everyday clothed life, being willing to address your discomfort or fear with small steps and a bit of trust and knowledge should help. And for an incentive, just think of all the taboo pleasure

 

[shiny5437]

Practice makes perfect!

You sound to be currently apprehensive about anal and naturally so. But if you practice on your own and start to associate it with being a pleasurable experience then your motivation to do it with your partner will increase.

Also, if you get used to sticking things up your ass then you'll get more confident about your man penetrating you and knowing that you can take it. I started with a finger, added a couple more and then progressed into getting my own dildo.

The anus is basically a muscle and like all muscles can be trained.

Also you can experience the messy bits of anal on your own and work out your own strategies to cope.

As a straight guy I've never been penetrated by anybody else but I've done plenty of anal play on my own and would definitely feel less apprehensive than about it than if I hadn't done any.

One more thing, as a guy I get most of the fun out of prostate stimulation so what do the ladies get out of it?

 

[Bottomlover]

I think it's a big help if he understands what it feels like. If he explores his own ass first with fingers and then toys, and then progresses to trusting someone else (you) to do it for him, it might give him some very helpful insight.

 

[silverwhisper]

re: the grossness that iluvyou3638 mentioned: using a condom is probably a little easier. :>

ed

 

[KarennaC]

Gonna check out the Blank Manual myself... My boyfriend and I tried anal, it hurt like hell, and he said he wouldn't try it again because he didn't want to hurt me. Last weekend, though, he did a little anal play with me and now wants to try anal sex again. So now I'll make that part of the Blank Manual required reading for both of us.

 

[ZoeBird]

What about using something like Anal-Eze? http://www.mybodyvibes.com/store/bv126.asp

Although desensitizing creams shouldn't be used as a replacement for being slow and gentle with anal sex.

 

[silverwhisper]

zoebird: anal-eze and the like are fantastically stupid products, if you ask me. they don't do jack to alleviate pain: they just make you unaware of it and that's never a good idea, if you ask me.

ed

 

[KarennaC]

A guy I used to date wanted to try anal with me, and bought Anal-Eze to make it easier. He smeared the stuff on me, started to try to penetrate my ass...

and had to give up because the stuff made his cock go numb.

 

[shiny5437]

I think it's a big help if he understands what it feels like. If he explores his own ass first with fingers and then toys, and then progresses to trusting someone else (you) to do it for him, it might give him some very helpful insight.

Sex equality in the bedroom - great idea!

 

[silverwhisper]

karenna quoth:
and had to give up because the stuff made his cock go numb.

bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! omg, that's hysterical!

ed

 

[satindesire]

zoebird: anal-eze and the like are fantastically stupid products, if you ask me. they don't do jack to alleviate pain: they just make you unaware of it and that's never a good idea, if you ask me.

ed

That's -very- true. You definitely want to know if you have torn or are bleeding during anal, and numbing products are a dangerous way of coping with pain that can be trained away with patience.

 

[slarsit]

Anal Se

I became interested in anal sex with my wife and bought a how to book on anal sex. I started out by using a latex glove and lots of lube to educate my wife, gently, to having something up her rectum. We would watch porns and into lots of foreplay to get her super horny. Once she said she was ready, I started with just the tip of one finger and slowly, with her consent, pentrating her and ending up with the whole finger in her. I keep that up until she came to the big O with the help with her vibrator. This went on for a couple of weeks until she said she wanted me in her. Again lots of lube and taking a very slow process.
For some reason she has bigger and better orgasms with anal sex than vaginal and I really like the tight fit and to experience her so turned on. The secret is accepting this is a process that takes time and patience, but the payoff is great.

 

[tinklers]

My ex used to enjoy anal and we used plenty of lube. used finger and then two fingers first covered in lots of lube until she was nice and slippery. Then i would normally let her feed me in with her hand very slowly until she felt comfortable with me taking over.

Best position for her used to be missionary rather than say her on top or doggy.

she used to really enjoy it and was normally her asking for it rather than me

 

[Star of Penumbra]

From a male who has both given and received anal sex- yes, you need a LOT of lube and a LOT of patience. Tongueing is generally the best way to prepare someone for receiving anal, but fingering works wel too.

If it's her first time (and considering the bad experiences she's had with it in the past, I'd say to go ahead and treat it like it is), start with one finger. Lube it up VERY well, and gently stroke and massage her anus for several minutes. The best advice I can give is to let HER decide when her anus is actually penetrated- once properly relaxed, a person's anus will sort of loosen, and anything resting against it, like a finger, or a penis, will sort of be gently pulled in. She's likely to tense up again right after this happens, but after the first time this happens, it should be easier to proceed with the second one.

Trying to force ANYTHING into a person's anus if they're not ready is a BIG, BIG NONO. Not only will it hurt like hell, even for someone who's used to being anally penetrated, it may very well cause damage.

Time, patience, and LOTS of lube are what you need most. Until you've done it a few times, as a ule of thumb, you should use about half again as much lube as you think should be enough.

 

[satindesire]

You might also try the "Pavlov's Dog" way of easing yourself into anal.

You'll need four tools for this technique.... a sex friendly flavored lube, condoms that fit smaller sex toys, and two different softer dildoes or anal penetrators...one slightly larger than the circumference of his thumb, and one a bit bigger than that.

When he's giving you oral sex, he should use a small amount of the sex friendly flavored lube and gently penetrate your anus with his PINKY, making sure that with every centimeter you are comfortable and relaxed.

The introduction of the pinky during oral will eventually, after a few weeks, become normal and quite comfortable for you. You can move up to an index finger once you are ready.

The same applies. During oral sex, the pinky and then the index finger can be introduced (not at the same time!) slowly and with plenty of lubrication. Once this becomes normal, the thumb can be used.

Once a thumb can easily be inserted into your anus (again, with plenty of lube and with you relaxed) then you can graduate up to the toys. I recommended using a softer dildo or anal toy because of the natural 'give' the product will have. Use a condom for any toy that goes into your anus, makes for really fast clean up.

Now that a few months have gone by, and anal penetration by toys has become the norm, you can then finalize your 'training' by trying anal sex!

Doggy style is a nice way of starting because he can hold still (And should!) while you ease back against him, taking the speed and depth of penetration at your leisure. Any sharp, stabbing, ripping pains or signs of blood should cause the IMMEDIATE halt of anal play. (Also, give your anus a break from penetration for a week or two to heal.)

Viola! Anal sex, slow but steady!

 

[Roxie1986]

You might also try the "Pavlov's Dog" way of easing yourself into anal.

You'll need four tools for this technique.... a sex friendly flavored lube, condoms that fit smaller sex toys, and two different softer dildoes or anal penetrators...one slightly larger than the circumference of his thumb, and one a bit bigger than that.

When he's giving you oral sex, he should use a small amount of the sex friendly flavored lube and gently penetrate your anus with his PINKY, making sure that with every centimeter you are comfortable and relaxed.

The introduction of the pinky during oral will eventually, after a few weeks, become normal and quite comfortable for you. You can move up to an index finger once you are ready.

The same applies. During oral sex, the pinky and then the index finger can be introduced (not at the same time!) slowly and with plenty of lubrication. Once this becomes normal, the thumb can be used.

Once a thumb can easily be inserted into your anus (again, with plenty of lube and with you relaxed) then you can graduate up to the toys. I recommended using a softer dildo or anal toy because of the natural 'give' the product will have. Use a condom for any toy that goes into your anus, makes for really fast clean up.

Now that a few months have gone by, and anal penetration by toys has become the norm, you can then finalize your 'training' by trying anal sex!

Doggy style is a nice way of starting because he can hold still (And should!) while you ease back against him, taking the speed and depth of penetration at your leisure. Any sharp, stabbing, ripping pains or signs of blood should cause the IMMEDIATE halt of anal play. (Also, give your anus a break from penetration for a week or two to heal.)

Viola! Anal sex, slow but steady!

thank you all who replied.. i think satins way is prob best for me as i had two really bad experiences before and i wanna ease my way in..... thank you all x

 

[klippert]

nice and slow.....

My partner wants to try anal, and i have only ever done it twice before.. It hurt so much that i never did it again.. and didnt plan on it till the subject was brought up..

I trust my partner and want to be with him in every way i can.. This is the only fantasy he has that hasnt been fulfilled and i want to be the one to fulfill it...

Can anyone help? Any suggestions will be greatly appreciated..

And good lube (ID glide). The male perspective, and a gentleman I might add. I have enjoyed the pleasures of anal sex with nearly all the ladies I have luv'd. Start with finger or a toy (plug) to get use to the intrusion. Condoms are good too, they help with less friction...

I had the pleasure of learning a valuable technique.....I learned this from a Lady, she was 42 I was 19.......First don't just shove in.......and most important: You work his cock in......even with lube, you will have much more pleasure IF you set the pase. Another little tid-bit, First try being on top, you will be in complete control or in the spoon. MrsK's first time (happen to be with me) she was on top. I also have to think, that my cock (no bull cock) more thick than long, I taper a bit, thick at top 2/3 then slightly less thick towards the base......if you partner is a well hung man, LOTS of LuBe....

Just one's opinion!

 

[Submission13]

My partner wants to try anal, and i have only ever done it twice before.. It hurt so much that i never did it again.. and didnt plan on it till the subject was brought up..

I trust my partner and want to be with him in every way i can.. This is the only fantasy he has that hasnt been fulfilled and i want to be the one to fulfill it...

Can anyone help? Any suggestions will be greatly appreciated..

Start slowly and on your own terms. Make sure your mood is right. Most men are able to have a little bit more sense of their partner after they have already cum at least once. Go slow and use lots of lube. It is best if the receiver has control of the speed of penetration. Perhaps have him lay on the bed and lower yourself onto him. Perhaps have him stand up and back up. Oh more lube, then use more lube! Try and try again, would a glass or two of wine help you relax?

 

[klippert]

Watch this with him....

My partner wants to try anal, and i have only ever done it twice before.. It hurt so much that i never did it again.. and didnt plan on it till the subject was brought up..

I trust my partner and want to be with him in every way i can.. This is the only fantasy he has that hasnt been fulfilled and i want to be the one to fulfill it...

Can anyone help? Any suggestions will be greatly appreciated..

http://www.pornhub.com/view_video.php?viewkey=2322b146460825507c6a