How do you feel about swapping, sharing or infidelity?

[Kenny9990]

Share your thoughts with this poll:

http://www.misterpoll.com/polls/453997

 

[Eilan]

What's the point of linking to a separate poll when you can just add a poll to this thread?

 

[emap]

Can have more options I suppose. Though I'm not seeing a reason for this, if you want her to sleep around tell her so, if she says no it's gonna stay no unless you give her a darn good reason for saying yes. If you want to sleep around tell her so, if she says no, listen to her because if you say yes she will find out and you will be short a girlfriend/wife.

If you are trying to find support to say look hunny these people like it, she said no and isn't going to change her mind anyway.

 

[DigitalDrifter]

We've considered it. Semi seriously.. To the point that some verry good friends of ours after one drunken night asked if they could sleep with us. Luckly ??? nobody had protection atm, and as we all were really, really wasted, we decided we'd talk about it in the future..

That hasn't happened yet, but we have had frank discussions about it.

 

[shewantsmore]

As long as there are no secrets from each other i cant see a problem

 

[Bandit58]

I did the poll, but it won't be accurate. Let me explain why.

Sir and I have had sexual play with other women (FMF). I have a regular female vanilla play partner - Sir is not involved with her sexually at all. Sir hasn't played with anyone else without me present. We don't involve other men ever.

As long as there are no secrets from each other i cant see a problem

That's how it works for us. I'm totally secure in my primary relationship, and Sir has said that if I ever start feeling "iffy" about doing this, then we will go back to being monogamous.

 

[gloriann]

Aren't swapping and sharing consentual whereas infidelity is, well, cheating? They're apples and oranges in my book.

 

[CWatson]

Infidelity? Bad. Period.

Swapping or sharing... different matter. It's not my place to judge, and if a couple can make it work without hard feelings, guilt, jealousy or recriminations, then more power to them. Could I do it? Probably not. I'm monogamous by nature, possessive, and insecure like the dickens. If I could be sure that my lover was only going to other people for the experience of it--fucking for fucking's sake, if you will--and that she had absolutely no emotional interest in them, I guess I could do it. Maybe. I dunno. If I ever get the chance to find out, I'll tell you.

 

[Bandit58]

Aren't swapping and sharing consentual whereas infidelity is, well, cheating? They're apples and oranges in my book.

The OP also doesn't define what he considers to be infidelity. Some people might consider chatting to others online as infidelity while others would consider anything from flirting to full sex to be cheating.

To me, anything which is kept hidden from a primary partner is cheating.

 

[bruisedangel]

As far as swapping and sharing, it's just not for me. I'm incapable of sharing both myself, and him, with another. Not when I've invested so much of what makes up the core part of me with him. As for infidelity, we've discussed so much what the other needs to give in order to make our relationship work for us, that I don't think it's an issue either of us needs to worry about. I get it, he's not dead. He's going to look at some women, and find them attractive. He's welcome to look, all he wants. However, when the looking moves from appreciation to desire...then we'll have an issue! For other couples, hey, whatever works, as long as both parties (or more than both, depending on the relationship!) are happy, great for them!

 

[miss_bopeep]

call me old fashioned... but. nope. nope and nope.

 

[gigi1968]

My sweet sir is married. His wife knows about me and the others involved in his life (currently just online others). He is involved in BDSM lifestyle she does not care for it. She is a swinger and he does not care for that. So it works for them.

He says you should see the faces of the guys she meets when he drops her off on her dates. They can not believe her husband would be willing to bring her to meet others. Then she explains, he is my safecall. Which in either lifestyle is important when meeting someone new.

 

[Lost_Yonder]

personally, i see monogamy as a social construct that we use to hide behind, protecting our own insecurities and equally constructed moral garbage. that being said, i do believe in relationships that are based on trust and communication. just open, free sex with whomever, while sounds nice on one level, is ultimately destructive for a relationship if there isn't equal openness. often "swinging" is used by one partner, usually the husband, to screw around and have his wife only enter into bi relationships and not with other men. most swinging is driven by male desires and fantasies - not all, but a lot of it is. it is not based on an equal relationship.

what about polyamory? why isn't that one of your options?

 

[PertPerth]

To me, anything which is kept hidden from a primary partner is cheating.

Ditto

 

[eudaemonia]

Share your thoughts with this poll:

http://www.misterpoll.com/polls/453997

I don't understand the reasoning behind limiting the poll to those in committed relationships.

personally, i see monogamy as a social construct that we use to hide behind, protecting our own insecurities and equally constructed moral garbage.

Why discount monogamy as an viable option, one that can be consciously considered and honestly chosen?

And are you suggesting that non-monogamous persons are free of sexual insecurities and other 'moral garbage' by virtue of being non-monogamous? If so, how does that pencil out?

what about polyamory? why isn't that one of your options?

Good question(s) to the OP.