How do you lower a sex drive?

[JimChat]

I am single and for the most part I'm fine with that. Been messed about with a bunch of times so really don't want to get into the whole dating thing again.

However, I do have a very high sex drive and given that I am neither attraxctive nor confident, it is often years in between odd nights of sex. I find this very frustrating and as I have never been arrogant enough to believe I am attractive I would rather find a way of reducing my sex drive, if not eliminating it altogether.

Does anyone have any ideas?

 

[bronzeage]

Masturbate more is the obvious solution.

If masturbation was the real solution, the human race would be extinct.

A better solution is to address the problems which make it difficult for you to find and keep a good relationship. Cherish your sex drive. Make it work for you. Relationships are hard work and without our sex drive, very few would be worth the effort. Then we go back to that extinction problem again.

Your sex drive is more than wanting to have an orgasm with another person in the room. It's what drives us to be close to another person. Make good use of it.

 

[JimChat]

My single status isn't my problem, as I am far happier single than I ever was in a relationship. No the problem is my sex drive, not my relationship status.

 

[NippleMuncher]

My single status isn't my problem, as I am far happier single than I ever was in a relationship. No the problem is my sex drive, not my relationship status.

Wanting a relationship or not, I think you missed the point of what bronzeage was saying. It isn't your looks that's keeping you from getting laid, it's your confidence and attitude. Work on those issues and finding a fuck buddy will be less of an issue.

If you truly want to suppress your sexuality and drive, then your best bet is to channel your attention and energies into work and hobbies, and stay away from porn. I think you'll find, however, that you can only suppress it for so long before you're going to need a wank or an insignificant other to quell your needs.

There is one other way that won't take any effort on your part and won't require a relationship or insignificant other. Buy a lifelike sex doll. All the sex you want, none of the relationship hassles to contend with, no one to get hurt.

 

[JimChat]

No, the main reason I don't get laid is that I simply don't want the hassle of a relationship. I'm cutting down on porn, as well as DIYing (its no fun anymore anyway) and buying a doll would just be sad.

 

[NippleMuncher]

You're still missing the point. You don't have to have a relationship to get laid. What is preventing you getting sex is between your ears, it has nothing to do with how you've been treated in the past. Your wanting to suppress your sex drive is only because you've given up and don't want to deal with your issues.

If you start analyzing your previous relationships and encounters where you've been hurt and figure out what happened that caused the pain. You'll find out what it is that attracts you to people who will hurt you. From there you consciously choose the people you hang out with and let into your intimate circle. It not only goes back to self confidence and attitude, it's about consciously creating your reality and who you interact with.

 

[JimChat]

So if a person doesn't want to have sex you assume there is something wrong with them rather than just accept that some people would be happier without this curse of a sex drive.

Odd.

 

[NippleMuncher]

So if a person doesn't want to have sex you assume there is something wrong with them rather than just accept that some people would be happier without this curse of a sex drive.

Odd.

There's no assumption, your own words are saying that you've got issues and rather than deal with them you'd rather ignore and suppress them.

Your words:
"I am single and for the most part I'm fine with that. "

Says that you'd really rather have friends and intimate relationships than be lonely.

"Been messed about with a bunch of times so really don't want to get into the whole dating thing again."

Says that you've been hurt and don't want to let anyone get close to you again.

"I do have a very high sex drive"

Says that you actually would like sex - regardless of what your fingers are typing. It is your brain that is the problem, not your body.

"and given that I am neither attraxctive nor confident, it is often years in between odd nights of sex. I find this very frustrating"

And there it is! You don't feel attractive or confident, which affects your ability to find friends, let alone a sexual partner.

"as I have never been arrogant enough to believe I am attractive I would rather find a way of reducing my sex drive, if not eliminating it altogether."

A complete admission that you'd rather hide than deal with your issues.

"Does anyone have any ideas?"

Yeah, don't hide from your issues, resolve them, and become a happier person for it.

Look, I'm not trying to be an asshole here. You've asked for help and I'm offering a solution to the REAL problem, not what you think is the problem. If you think that looks or talent have anything to do with being able to get laid, you're wrong. It is what is between your ears.

 

[JimChat]

I never said I didn't have friends. never had a friend with benefits nor ever wanted one cos that just complicates a friendship.

As for the rest. No, the problem is I'm sick and tired of relationships so I'm not having any more of them. My problem is therefore my drive which is the one thing that makes me yearn for a relationship. Get rid of it, end of problem.

As you can't seem to accept that I will say that your advice whilst I'm sure you feel its relevant isn't.

 

[NomadLady]

If you can't find a way to have a sex with a woman without a relationship then that is ALL between your ears...not your legs.

People here are really giving you some pretty good advice and you just aren't "getting it". Until I became a confident, sexually minded woman and stopped giving a damn what others thought...I was in your shoes. That "old" me doesn't exist anymore and I have plenty of offers for sex without a relationship to go with it and I am perfectly happy with that part of my life now.

I am not beauty queen material and have known that since all the beauty pageants in high school but I have something other women just don't....I understand my sexual needs, desires and I get them fulfilled on a regular basis and I don't have to go an beg for help with it. Confidence is so much of a turn on that looks fall WAY down the list.....

 

[JimChat]

But I don't want to have sex, in a relationship or out of it, and that means my drive is the problem. I don't want my drigfe as it is causing me real upset. Its not about just relationships, I don't want casual sex or one-night stands or any of that shit either. My high drive is a curse, not a boon as others here seem to think it is.

 

[NomadLady]

But I don't want to have sex, in a relationship or out of it, and that means my drive is the problem. I don't want my drigfe as it is causing me real upset. Its not about just relationships, I don't want casual sex or one-night stands or any of that shit either. My high drive is a curse, not a boon as others here seem to think it is.

Then get some Depo-Provera injectible birth control...that will shut down your sex drive.

 

[JimChat]

Can you get that in the UK? And does it work on guys as well?

 

[NomadLady]

Can you get that in the UK? And does it work on guys as well?

I would think it would be easier to get in the UK since you all don't have the FDA to deal with. It has been used since the late 60's here for pedophiles as chemical castration but is still not FDA approved for that use but studies have shown it works.
It killed my sex drive when I was married....after about two years of use so I stopped using it.

 

[JimChat]

Its one to look at. of course the sad thing is that when you ask about chemical castration they automatically assume you are a sex fiend like a potnetial rpaist or child molester or something. Sadly the notion that someone just doesn't want a sex drive isn't seen as normal so w3e are treated with derision if not outright disrespect, this thread rather proving the point sadly.

 

[Cattypuss]

You might want to look into Buddhism. Seriously. Ideas about how desire causes suffering and about how to let go of desire.

 

[SweetErika]

Its one to look at. of course the sad thing is that when you ask about chemical castration they automatically assume you are a sex fiend like a potnetial rpaist or child molester or something. Sadly the notion that someone just doesn't want a sex drive isn't seen as normal so w3e are treated with derision if not outright disrespect, this thread rather proving the point sadly.

If they automatically assume you're a predator, they should be happy to chemically castrate you at your request.

Find a doctor you can explain the situation to. Tell them you are not a predator in any way, but if assuming you are makes them feel better about giving you the medication, that's fine with you because not having a sex drive is your first priority.

You've been treated with nothing but respect in this thread. You asked a question, and you received tons of honest thoughts and advice. It's not our problem that you don't like any of the solutions you're given, it's yours.

 

[NippleMuncher]

Its one to look at. of course the sad thing is that when you ask about chemical castration they automatically assume you are a sex fiend like a potnetial rpaist or child molester or something. Sadly the notion that someone just doesn't want a sex drive isn't seen as normal so w3e are treated with derision if not outright disrespect, this thread rather proving the point sadly.

Honey, clearly, you don't want to look at or deal with your issues, so you should seek medical help to curb your enthusiasm. There are all kinds of meds that will kill sex drive, cause impotence, and a whole host of other extremely harmful side effects. Have at them and good luck.

For what it's worth, I was you! Trust me when I say that what you're going through IS NOT normal. I've been there, I know what it's like, and medical castration is NOT the way to deal with it.

As I said, good luck.

 

[Cattypuss]

Um... to the OP... why are you also posting in the personals??

 

[CelticKnotted]

My single status isn't my problem, as I am far happier single than I ever was in a relationship. No the problem is my sex drive, not my relationship status.

There are statuses that exist between being in a relationship and being single.

I suggest you work toward one of those places in which you can enjoy sex and involve yourself in the emotional troubles of a relationship.

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

Its one to look at. of course the sad thing is that when you ask about chemical castration they automatically assume you are a sex fiend like a potnetial rpaist or child molester or something. Sadly the notion that someone just doesn't want a sex drive isn't seen as normal so w3e are treated with derision if not outright disrespect, this thread rather proving the point sadly.

Well, truthtold it's not normal. Sex drive leads to sex leads to pregnancy leads to the continued survival of our species. That's the normal, biological wiring of the brain.

 

[turner28]

I am single and for the most part I'm fine with that. Been messed about with a bunch of times so really don't want to get into the whole dating thing again.

However, I do have a very high sex drive and given that I am neither attraxctive nor confident, it is often years in between odd nights of sex. I find this very frustrating and as I have never been arrogant enough to believe I am attractive I would rather find a way of reducing my sex drive, if not eliminating it altogether.

Does anyone have any ideas?

Hello,

first yo have nothing to be ashamed of, not everyone has a picture perfect body. I know I sure don't lol. As fo rslowing yourself down, try this.

My hubby has an uncanny way of killing the moment by laughing at things I try to seduce him with. So when the frisky hits you make a joke out of it see if that helps. If not I have other suggestions.

E.T.

 

[JimChat]

Not usual I'll grant you but I disagree that it isn't normal. Society saying that the majority dictates normality is the reason we had segregation and all kinds of discrimination throughout the ages.

CelticKnotted, I'm too shy for the whole one-night stand thing as I need emotional connection to sleep with someone, and I've never had a friend with benefits, none of my female friends have ever seen me as anything other than a friend nor I them.

 

[LizzyDark]

Do NOT go out and get shots or pills for female birth control, which is what depo is. The chemical castration effect is permanent, so, if you changed your mind in five years, met the woman of your dreams, and wanted to have kids, you likely wouldn't be able to. Aside from the whole destroying your sex drive, it also will make your genitals look strange, and has a slew of other negative side-effects on male health, like possibly growing man-boobs and mood swings. Most doctors won't even go along with it unless you are a convicted sex offender.

If you're really thinking of using chemical assistance to diminish your sex drive, the least damaging would be anti-depressants. Most anti-depressants have a predictable side-effect of diminishing sexual appetite, and you also sound like you might need the anti-depressing effects as well. Plus, unlike taking female birth control, if you do change your mind down the road, your sexual appetite will return after a few months of going off the meds. You'll also be far likelier to find a doctor willing to prescribe it, and if you are in the UK, it'll probably all be covered.

 

[Felix_Jones]

Do NOT go out and get shots or pills for female birth control, which is what depo is. The chemical castration effect is permanent, so, if you changed your mind in five years, met the woman of your dreams, and wanted to have kids, you likely wouldn't be able to. Aside from the whole destroying your sex drive, it also will make your genitals look strange, and has a slew of other negative side-effects on male health, like possibly growing man-boobs and mood swings. Most doctors won't even go along with it unless you are a convicted sex offender.

If you're really thinking of using chemical assistance to diminish your sex drive, the least damaging would be anti-depressants. Most anti-depressants have a predictable side-effect of diminishing sexual appetite, and you also sound like you might need the anti-depressing effects as well. Plus, unlike taking female birth control, if you do change your mind down the road, your sexual appetite will return after a few months of going off the meds. You'll also be far likelier to find a doctor willing to prescribe it, and if you are in the UK, it'll probably all be covered.

Not an entirely bad idea.