I know I will regret this..................

[MadamaMiniTopic]

Brat.

Ohayou-gozaimasu JadeFireFlysan
Oh Madama been much busy plan still very humble entertainments for esteemed Samurai Lover also much travel for finance.

See Purple Sagesan relenting wrong still . Very shame Madama to know this thing.

Ohhhh guess which one Madama in new epic movie see !!!!!

which one Madama ...smiles...click me..

Sayounara for now. Madama bring gift Samurai show for display later very kin key .

~ bows ~

.​

 

[MadamaMiniTopic]

Shitsurei shimasu Honorable Ones
Madama for to be jumping excitement. Finding pay gift for ravenous Samurai Warrior. Please for what you to think.

Samurai Valentine Duty Meat
http://i28.photobucket.com/albums/c224/rebecca000/valentinemeat.jpg

Madama also travels to be finding this one Vanilla Bust Puddingsan.http://i28.photobucket.com/albums/c224/rebecca000/bustpudding.jpg

Ohhh Madama travel shinshashen buy vendor machine perfect gift to put on Samurai lovers cake for Valentines Day

Vendor Machine
http://i28.photobucket.com/albums/c224/rebecca000/mensgoldticket.jpg

Oh Happy Winnings !!! Suki desu ka?
http://i28.photobucket.com/albums/c224/rebecca000/capsuletoys1.jpg

Its for the day Madama be very excited !!!Sayonara !!!

~ bows ~
​

 

[jadefirefly]

*claps happily*

Very nice gifts, Madama-san, I am certain they'll be perfect!

 

[MadamaMiniTopic]

*claps happily*

Very nice gifts, Madama-san, I am certain they'll be perfect!

Ohh Domo origato JadeFireFly-san
Madama feel very muchly confident they do you like.

~ smiles bows ~​

 

[MadamaMiniTopic]

.
.

Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaay shaaaaaaaaaaa click me

http://i28.photobucket.com/albums/c224/rebecca000/gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaysha.jpg

~ bows ~​

 

[RJMasters]

.
.

Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaay shaaaaaaaaaaa click me

http://i28.photobucket.com/albums/c224/rebecca000/gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaysha.jpg

~ bows ~​

Laughs

Domo origato, Madama. Consider my funnybone tickled. GTM

 

[FurryFury]

.
.

Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaay shaaaaaaaaaaa click me

http://i28.photobucket.com/albums/c224/rebecca000/gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaysha.jpg

~ bows ~​

Veddy funny!

Fury

 

[@}-}rebecca----]

I had this question posted in the wrong place initially in the BDSM Talk section where it was being caught up in other 'stuff'' so I dragged its sad lonely little self over here hoping it might refresh as a Mini Topic and I can hear a few different opinions. Many Thanks @}-}rebecca---


"Term SWITCH as used to describe blend of characteristics of both Dom/me and submissive in the one individual"

I was educated within a 'Lifestyle' understanding thats switches are very rare and often suffer greatly throughout their lives as the balance between a 'true calling' (for lack of a better way to describe ) within to really identify as both submissive and Dominant sets up immense personal challenge of constant conflict and little satisfaction in either genre. Reconciling the huge responsibilities of a Dom/me with the with those of a submissive/slave in their own situation just sounds like a nightmare to me. Hence I have never really challenged what I was taught and that I state once again is " that being a '24/7,Lifestyle' switch can present as a horrendous challenge and only exists with the rare individual."

We are going back in my personal experience many years in the above statement. Certainly not to be perceived as an online vs RL debate okay. As I know many who have been involved in BDSM and Ds pursuits for decades that have either experimented with online or use it as a tool to communicate in places such as the BB here.

If I personally remove the Ds interpretation of Lifestyle from the equation and look at it from a 'play/scene' perspective in a more BDSM part time sense I can understand how being a switch may be the 'best of both worlds' and entirely comfortable , attainable .

For the life of me I can't understand how in a Lifestyle 24/7 (ie the notion of recognising this is what you ARE as opposed to this is how you choose to play ) way of identifying your realization anyone would find it as desirable as I read others profess to . Its got to the point with me I am starting to wonder if being a 'switch' might be the current fashion trend so to speak.What I will admit to and I am not proud of the fact is that I am becoming cynical regarding people who use the term. I don't want to be this way. I would much rather learn and grow to understand better either way. Or is it possible that people are not getting enough support in their journey (for example via Mentors some of the more 'old fashioned' ideas) or perhaps are just to eager to find their niche. So taking on the mantle of switch seems a cover all insurance of sorts.

I have tried in my wording to convey things as clearly as possible which is not easy here at the BB. If I have offended anyone inadvertently you have my apologies in advance.

I would really like to LEARN something from this if possible.................listens

 

[FurryFury]

I consider myself to be deeply submissive sexually and in other ways.

Can I switch? Yes and damned well at times. My husband and I often "switch," while we play together. Why? Because we are both sub enough and open enough to attempt to give the other one what they want and need.

I am still a sub and so is he, because that is what he feels about himself. Deep down it's what we feel we are that defines our sexuality isn't it?

*nods*

That's my opinion.

Fury

 

[@}-}rebecca----]

I consider myself to be deeply submissive sexually and in other ways.

Can I switch? Yes and damned well at times. My husband and I often "switch," while we play together. Why? Because we are both sub enough and open enough to attempt to give the other one what they want and need.

I am still a sub and so is he, because that is what he feels about himself. Deep down it's what we feel we are that defines our sexuality isn't it?

*nods*

That's my opinion.

Fury

Hey Miss Fury ........smiles

Yes totally see what your saying. I wouldn't have the ordacity to disagree nor do I see any reason to. Considering what I was taught came from a 'Lifestyle Mentor I am starting to wonder if I have inadvertently open a can of whoop ass Lifestyle VS BDSM Kink worms. Which is not my intention.

If I attempt to define you (which I am not) and you disagree I have learnt nothing more than to offend someone I respect. I don't have an agenda for that in anyway.

lurrrrve miss rebecca

 

[FurryFury]

Hey Miss Fury ........smiles

Yes totally see what your saying. I wouldn't have the ordacity to disagree nor do I see any reason to. Considering what I was taught came from a 'Lifestyle Mentor I am starting to wonder if I have inadvertently open a can of whoop ass Lifestyle VS BDSM Kink worms. Which is not my intention.

If I attempt to define you (which I am not) and you disagree I have learnt nothing more than to offend someone I respect. I don't have an agenda for that in anyway.

lurrrrve miss rebecca

Miss Rebecca,

I wasn't offended. I was merely attempting to converse and explain my POV.

*hugs*

Fury

 

[~Blacklace~]

I'll just bring it on over here then

Quote:
Originally Posted by ~Blacklace~
dearest rebecca, I respectfully disagree. Of all the switches I know, none suffer in that sense. We do have a rough go in terms of being taken seriously perhaps. But I find great satisfaction in my choice, and have learned to integrate the two to better highten my experiences.
Sometimes Im not the best at putting my thoughts into words, so to type out a longer thought out response to your post, would surely take me the better part of the day lol.



hello Blacklace.....smiles
Thank you so much for your reply. I actually shifted (in a very primitive fashion ie cut and paste ) this question over to the Cafe. In a Thread I have there "I know I'll regret this but..........". I am so grateful I didn't miss your reply here.

If you will stick with me for a moment on this. I won't ask you to qualify yourself further after this point , its your life, your definition and I am no one to judge, your happy end of story.

You said "But I find great satisfaction in my choice, and have learned to integrate the two to better highten my experiences.

Now may I ask about the word 'choice'. In my experience its not about 'choice' its who you are , not a range you choose from. Am I just getting caught up in semantics here please ?

Kind regards and respectfully

@}-}rebecca-----

You are quite correct about choice, by no means did I get to choose lol, its just who and what I am and I cant deny either part of me. My wording was off lol, I hadnt had enough coffee yet I spose!
But I guess what I meant was rather my choice to accept both sides and learn to accomadate. In the beginning I was quite confused as to why A. or B. didnt fully satisfy me. I hadnt yet heard the term switch and what it meant. I just knew I liked both sides of the paddle, for lack of better examples I tried to conform myself to stricly one or the other and it just wasnt enough. Many 'choose' to bottle themselves up. I chose not to.
Which leads to another subject which irks me and gets me going lol...the fact that our community and lifestyle is about acceptance of who and what we are regardless of, and yet there are still some who stigmatize/stereotype others for their choices. (the OneTrueWayers) I have had to deal with so much of that, as have others. But I wont hijack lol, just trying to explain myself a little bit better

 

[@}-}rebecca----]

I'll just bring it on over here then




You are quite correct about choice, by no means did I get to choose lol, its just who and what I am and I cant deny either part of me. My wording was off lol, I hadnt had enough coffee yet I spose!
But I guess what I meant was rather my choice to accept both sides and learn to accomadate. In the beginning I was quite confused as to why A. or B. didnt fully satisfy me. I hadnt yet heard the term switch and what it meant. I just knew I liked both sides of the paddle, for lack of better examples I tried to conform myself to stricly one or the other and it just wasnt enough. Many 'choose' to bottle themselves up. I chose not to.
Which leads to another subject which irks me and gets me going lol...the fact that our community and lifestyle is about acceptance of who and what we are regardless of, and yet there are still some who stigmatize/stereotype others for their choices. (the OneTrueWayers) I have had to deal with so much of that, as have others. But I wont hijack lol, just trying to explain myself a little bit better

Its Blacklace Hijack your heart out. No 'flight regulations' on this Thread land the Concorde on its roof I'll applaud. I am happy you brought your comments over , thank you in fact.

You seem to have accepted your full potential....smiles. I don't want to stigmatize/stereotype, I have at times usually via ignorence or insecurity, I am human. My goal however is to understand, most of all from people that are sincere. There are some aspects of BDSM kink/fetish that I find disturbing or have an aversion to but providing they fall into lets say SSC for this purpose (ie not abusive, don't harm children , animals etc etc) then they simply become hard limits for me full stop. Being submissive is not a 'choice', how I express that is.

One question though have you noticed any influx in the numbers of switchs or do you think its much the same.

If you have any further comments to add Blacklace please feel free to do so.

kind regards

@}-}rebecca----

 

[dexwebster]

For the life of me I can't understand how in a Lifestyle 24/7 (ie the notion of recognising this is what you ARE as opposed to this is how you choose to play ) way of identifying your realization anyone would find it as desirable as I read others profess to.

I think most of this is really referring to the "non-lifestyle" switching you mentioned. A top here (Netzach?) once commented that while it had been some time since she'd been beaten (a few years maybe? I don't recall the comment verbatim), she couldn't fathom doing the same thing in terms of topping. She couldn't have gone that long. Conversely, a dear friend of mine calls himself a switch: he routinely does and enjoys both. He will also say flat out that he is intrinsically a bottom in a way he is not a top--he craves it, needs it as opposed to just enjoying it.

There are people who have switched, and now grown from that period in their lives, there are people who switch, but prefer (to varying degrees) one side of the other. I think this is where most people fall, whether they're 70-30 one thing or another, or 98-2. But that doesn't necessarily make them switches. Even someone who has a long standing love affair with triple-chocolate fudge ripple brownie ice cream usually at least likes the taste of vanilla. They just really, really love their chocolate.

Me? For now, given my lack of experience, I'm more apt to bottom, because having the want to do something isn't the same as having the confidence and abilities to do it, and it's a lot easier to learn when you're not the one that's supposed to be in charge. But I've done enough to know that I like both--that I crave both. I wouldn't be happy if I couldn't do both. I mostly don't call myself a switch right now even though I think I am, partially to avoid that stigma of trendiness (although I occasionally run into a different one of trying to avoid labels, which is apparently a popular thing to do, because everyone must be a special and unique snowflake), partially because I'm new enough in the public scene that I can get away with just saying I'm open to suggestions.

For right now, all that's fine. I'm content to learn and play with different people and experiment and what not. But if and when I get to a point where I want a settled relationship, I can see it becoming a problem.

My one real option is pretty much finding another switch, both as a matter of necessity (while poly is theoretically possible, I know my introverted self, and having the mental energy for one relationship is hard enough let alone trying for two), and preference (in a lot of cases, it is the duality of a switch that appeals to me; I'm very seldom that strongly attracted to non-switches). Exactly how close to 50-50 they'd have to be in order for me to be satisfied is something I'm not sure of. I'm not positive of how close I am to 50-50.

Could I be with someone like my friend, where the interaction is inclined to lean towards a particular dynamic? If I can't, I imagine it will, like you said, become a much more difficult path. Will I be perpetually unsatisfied if I don't get to really submit to someone (or dom or whatever it happens to be in any given relationship)? Will I settle for it anyway?

 

[RJMasters]

I would like to throw a few thoughts(ahem write a book) out on this mini topic of switches.

My mind has changed alot over accepting the duality of a person being a switch. Much of the flux in my thinking goes hand in hand with the Nurture over Nature debate. Basically does a person chose to be a switch or are they born that way. I think it is very rare to find someone who is a 50/50 split down the middle switch, as most switches tend to lean to one side more then the other. Of course we got labels (winks) to cover that too. If a person is more oneside, then we say they are a Dominant with Submissive tendencies, or a Submissive with Dominant tendencies. Of course if a person doesn't like the stigma attached to either of those, they can defer to the top and bottom tendencies labels as well. Whateva....

I think the confusion for me on this issue stems by being taught how dominance and submission are exact opposites of each other. The image of course taught me was how each being totally opposite of each other make "one whole" within the D/s relationship. This of course leaves no room in my thinking for swtiches and of course my own experience just seem to confirm that being a switch is just not possible.

From the nature vs nurture debate I learned that people can be born either dominant or submissive, or they can learn to be one or the other. Again we see the absence of switches being mentioned here, however it did open my mind to new possibilities. Is it possible that a person can be born with a dominant nature, however be foreced into submission and learn to find or even crave submission. I can wrap my head around that sure. Can a person be born of a submissive nature and be forced by life's circumstances to become dominant? Sure, why not, that's not so far fetched.

Ok so now my thinking is a bit more opened here on this topic and I begin to think of other things....like let's add some koolade to the mix here.

What if I am born with a particular nature, but I have kinks which I desire which are normally associated with the opposite nature? AH-HA! This is where I found a big kink in my thinking....because I normally associate certain activities with either being dominant or submissive. A sadistic submissive?...hmmm that throws me for a loop.... its hard for me to wrap my mind around that. A dominant masochist? Again my narrow minded thinking causes more of my confusion. Of course to make sense of it, this would be a person who might be a dominant but bottom for pain play? Or a submissive who might top for pain play. At this point my poor hamster is getting fustrated and tired trying to run this wheel to make sense of it all.

It was then I realized that pain play is neither a dominant or a submissive thing, but a sensation. So upon this realization I began to look at people in a different light.

So we got.....

Born dominant and is dominant
Born submissive and is submissive
Born dominant but learned submission
Born submissive and learned dominance
Born dominant but with sexual kinks associated with submissive acts aptly called "bottoming"
Born submissive but with sexual kinks associated with dominating acts aptly called "topping"

Then I hear of those who claim to have been born with both, and those who claim they learned both. So I thought about the possibility of that. At first outright rejected the notion because remember I was taught to believe that dominance and submission are opposites. To me it is almost laughable that someone would claim to be born with both. But when I stop to think about it, what evidence to I have to support that this is not possible? None really. If I accept a person can be born with one or the other, then why is it not in the realm of possibility that a person can be born with a little bit of both? I know those who claim to be very dominant when it comes to men but submissive when it comes to women and visa versa. I also know people who claim it has nothing to do with gender but with some kinds of people they tend be more dominating and with others are very submissive to. Shurgs....hmmmm...scratches head. Now I can more easily accept the idea that a person has learned, and takes pleasure in being both....that is an easier thing to grasp. So now I got:

Born dominant and is dominant
Born submissive and is submissive
Born dominant but learned submission
Born submissive and learned dominance
Born dominant but with sexual kinks associated with submissive acts aptly called "bottoming"
Born submissive but with sexual kinks associated with dominating acts aptly called "topping"
A person born with a mix of a dominant and a submissive nature
A person who is born neutral but has learned both.

Is anyone getting this? Does any of this make any sense or are you laughing. My hampster gave me the bird and left along time ago. Said something about fuck this...I am outta here.

It was then I finally realized that the real problem here is trying to stuff a human being that is infinate in scope into something i could understand. Sorry RJ it just isn't that simple. Labels are fine to help us define things and help us to understand concepts, but they are not sufficient to explain what or who a human being is, or can be.

The journey into D/s/BDSM is a journey of discovery about who we are. Often we discover our primary nature and then become very exclusive and even mistrusting of anything which may devate from that. We seem ok with making up more and more labels to try to allow for the differences, yet I think this falls short.

Are there more and more switches? I don't know...perhaps people like Blacklace have expereinced both seperately and learned that seperately they were not happy, content or satisfied. Being able to express and experience both did allow for them to be happy, content and satisfied. And whether you are dominant, submissive or and mixture of both, isn't that really in the end the goal?

If someone says to me they ae a switch, they might not have a clue what they are saying and I might not understand what they mean. I could spend days asking question after question till we both worked out some kind of understanding...

OR

I could just ask them...are you happy? Are you content? Are you satisfied expressing or experieincing who you are? If they can say confidently yes...Then the best kind of knowledge or understanding I could ever hope to have about what a switch is would not come from any kind of explanation, but from just observing the expression of their being and who they are.

 

[greenmands]

RJMasters Sir, I haven't read anything like that since I read 'The White Goddess, a historical grammar of poetic myth' by Robert Graves. I understood that, and I understood your 'book' Sir. Very thought provoking. Thank you.

 

[@}-}rebecca----]

I hope Madama approves I just read this article by a submissive called laciee[N] and I thought I might share it here..............

Part 1
Shibari is an art, one that affects the sub (me) in more ways than one. There is the feel of the ropes surrounding your body as an extension of His hands, there is the helplessness in being bound before someone to be used at will, there is the erotic beauty of knowing you please Him as He looks at You ready for His touch, and there is the closeness of working together to create beauty.

Shibari is often used to refer only to the ropes, and the art of tying someone within those ropes. Thanks to the never-ending patience and guidance of a special Master, I have learned it goes beyond the external to the whole foundation of a relationship.

When I was first introduced to shibari, I was tied into a basic shinju and sukaranbo and teased until the slightest touch on the ropes led me to ecstasy. They added a dimension to the play, making it so I always felt wrapped in His touch. I was kept on edge, with my body constantly stimulated and wanting. I quickly learned to long for His ropes, to welcome them as they enveloped by body. I learned the freedom to be found within the restraint. I came to treasure the ability to leave my every movement open to His direction.

Next, I was taught suspension. I was so uncomfortable in this level of vulnerability in His ropes that I struggled against them instead of allowing them to envelop me. I will never forget Him laughing in my ear as I’m suspended with the ball of one foot touching the ground, fighting the ropes and my own lack of balance. He stepped up to touch me and calm me with His hands, and whispered into my ear "Why are you struggling? Where do you think you’re going? Do you honestly think you’re going to fall?"

We spoke about it afterwards. We reviewed what had happened and discussed my feelings. He also started to teach me about the ropes. Through patience and His unending honor, He taught me to trust in the ropes and to revel in the helplessness found within them. He taught me ways to help me keep my balance and to control my breathing. He showed me little things that become second nature so I no longer focus on what is happening to me and instead just let myself feel.

I have come to love His ropes, aching for the moment they’re put on and missing them when they’re removed. He says the biggest problem He has now is keeping me from dropping so deeply into subspace before He even has me bound completely. There is a freedom to be found within the ropes that I had never dreamed of. They confine while allowing me freedom to move, and they enhance my own sensuality, holding me tight and allowing me to give up everything to Him. Within His ropes, I know my every movement is His to control, that I am helpless and vulnerable to this Man.

But even more than the ropes, shibari incorporates a whole lifestyle. Shibari is consensual D/s in its truest form. I give up every right to Him, but only because He has earned my respect and trust. He does not demand anything of me, and would want nothing of me that I don’t give freely. In the time we’ve been together, He has taught me to give of myself in ways I didn’t think were possible. He demands nothing of me, but rather commands my submission through what I myself want to give Him.

The goal of shibari is not punishment, nor is it control, as many westernized D/s’ ers seem to practice. It is a mutual effort of the Dom and sub to build the best, closest relationship possible. There are no safewords used, scenes are not negotiated, and the concept of "safe, sane and consensual" is not vocalized. Instead there is an honor to be found within the Dom to respect the sub and ensure no harm comes to her in exchange for the total control she gives Him.

To many, shibari may seem extreme. Bondage and suspension can be torturous and painful. In addition, deep humiliation is often used, and the sub really is the Dom’s "object" to be used as He wishes. But this is all used to break down any false inhibitions between the sub and Dom and is never meant to be harmful. Instead, it diminishes and eventually removes any barriers between the two, forming a bond and dependence between the couple that is indescribable.

Shibari brings with it an innate respect for your partner, a desire to please, a closeness and bond I have not witnessed elsewhere. Admittedly, my experience is based on one Master, the Man who owns my soul. I don’t know if it is the same for everyone. I do know a comment I hear frequently in demos or at the local dungeon focuses on the obvious bond and unspoken communication between us.

Master and I are still in the process of learning each other and tightening this bond. His integrity ensures that this is a long-term process. Every day deepens my attachment to and respect for Him. I find myself looking for new ways to please Him, my reward a kiss from Him, or a pat on the head, or a simple "thank you". I serve Him not out of fear of His reaction if I don’t, but because I crave His reaction when I do. I constantly find myself in new situations with Him, and I can almost see the bond between us strengthen as I give more and deeper of myself. I hear the change in His voice as I give yet another portion of my soul to Him. I watch the smile on His face as I learn to hide nothing from Him. I feel His own soul react as I reach into myself to give Him back some tiny portion of what He has given me. And I feel myself continue to search for ways to please Him further.

This may not be shibari to most, but it is what shibari has become to me. I trust this Man. I entrust my body’s health to Him when suspended, the only available touch His ropes and His hands and His choice of implements. I have given Him my heart, knowing He knows of all the scars, all the spots worn weary through misuse, and feeling those scars heal as He strengthens them daily with His presence. I give Him my soul, to lead as He chooses, to take into the depths of hell if He desires, secure in the knowledge that He will walk beside me every step of the way.

Before Master entered my life and so patiently commanded my submission to Him, I never knew the joy to be found in submitting simply because this Man has so thoroughly earned my respect and trust. And because I know I reach unexpected depths by following His lead and holding nothing of myself back. I cannot imagine a truer form of submission for myself than what He is teaching me. And I give thanks every day that this Man claims me as His.. His sub, His lover, His friend and His partner.

Part 2

This is an addendum to "From a sub's point of view". I wrote the first when Daniels and I were fairly new as a couple, and even newer to each other as a 'bondage dyad'. The first post is about shibari as an artform, and how some of the ideology behind it has affected the relationship between Daniels and I, and my own personal growth. This post is a lookback from a couple of years down the road, and talks about how my feelings have changed, or how I've grown even farther with shibari as part of my life.

I was having a difficult time with this, with figuring out what might be different. We had taken two months 'off' from our busy schedule of shibari performances, and have focused on us as a couple instead of a performance team.

It had been a month since I'd even been in His rope. Until last night. Last night, for the first time in a long time, we played with rope strictly for us. Instead of teaching a class, giving a demo, or doing a performance in front of a group, He suspended me for the sole reason that He wanted to do so.

The first thing I noticed was how out of shape I am *laughing*. Positions that have become second nature were felt in the pull of unused muscles. I do a meditative type breathing during a suspension, and was having a difficult time keeping to that last night, something that rarely happens. Next I noticed how ultra intense everything seemed. I *like* intense, but everything seemed to have a heightened reality to it last night. Then, somehow I lost track of what was going on as I slipped into the headspace that is sometimes missing from a performance. I do remember Him kneeling to check on me as I was suspended horizontally.. Him checking to see how I was doing and me being unable to find the words to explain just how well I was feeling. I remember that special smile of satisfaction on His face as He slowly began to untie me until He could hold me tight in His arms. We sat there on the floor just holding each other, reveling in that feeling of calm, and whispering sweet nothings into each other's ear. Our hearts beat together, each beat shouting "YES!!! THIS is what it's all about!!!" Now, 12 hours later, I still feel an amazing peace with the world, and a constant reminder of just how precious shibari is and what it brings to us. We live together as Master/slave. But we also have jobs, raise a family, have social commitments and all the rest. In the mad rush of making and selling rope, doing performances, and all the myriad things that happen in life it seems I'd forgotten some of what makes what Daniels and I have so special.

Has the way we do shibari changed over the years? Absolutely. We have made it more ours. We've found what we enjoy and perfected it. We've tried new things and honed our skills. And even more, the life we live behind it has broadened and deepened. We work together much more smoothly as a team, and not only in rope play. Putting our dyad first has become second nature to each of us and we each have an unimaginable faith that the other will do whatever is possible to continue our growth.

Looking back, I'd have to say we haven't "changed" so much as "evolved". And like evolution, what works and encourages survival has strengthened and become even better. To Daniels.. my Master, my nawashi, my lover, my partner and my best friend.. thank You.. for always being there for me, for letting me give to You, for allowing me the chance to grow with You, and most of all.. for being You.

 

[@}-}rebecca----]

Better Late than Never Productions........

RJMasters Sir, I haven't read anything like that since I read 'The White Goddess, a historical grammar of poetic myth' by Robert Graves. I understood that, and I understood your 'book' Sir. Very thought provoking. Thank you.

Greenmands, your post above just reminded me its often not enough just to "think" to yourself how much you enjoyed 'sharing/reading' something here at the BB.

I originally didn't comment on the posts by the following people as I listened, learned and enjoyed not only the process but the outcome. I had no specific comments to make I indulged in the pure pleasure of 'listening'.

however.......................

~Blacklace~ , dexwebster and RJMasters Thank You for your contributions on the topic of 'switchs', I learnt more reading your words than I have in a long time. You each shared an insight which I appreciate deeply.......

@}-}rebecca----

 

[Evil_Geoff]

... It was then I finally realized that the real problem here is trying to stuff a human being that is infinate in scope into something i could understand. Sorry RJ it just isn't that simple. Labels are fine to help us define things and help us to understand concepts, but they are not sufficient to explain what or who a human being is, or can be.

The journey into D/s/BDSM is a journey of discovery about who we are. Often we discover our primary nature and then become very exclusive and even mistrusting of anything which may devate from that. We seem ok with making up more and more labels to try to allow for the differences, yet I think this falls short.

....I could just ask them...are you happy? Are you content? Are you satisfied expressing or experieincing who you are? If they can say confidently yes...Then the best kind of knowledge or understanding I could ever hope to have about what a switch is would not come from any kind of explanation, but from just observing the expression of their being and who they are.

*whistles and claps, stomps his feet... *

Bravo! Braaaaavo! Ding, ding, ding RJ nails this one on the head!

 

[@}-}rebecca----]

The bob Harris Essays ~ One

I have been wondering recently what to do with this thread. Don't panic I didn't hurt myself doing so........smiles. Small, delicious act of fate reminded me of the Essays of bob Harris , beloved boy of Master Doug Harris . Sadly as some of you would be aware bob Harris died a few years ago, though the legacy of education in his words for some lives on. Aspects of his writing has had a profound affect on me over the years, its been a pleasure renewed to visit them again in days recent. More so to have this opportunity to share..............

There are 19 Articles/Essays that I hold currently and will post here over the next week. Please feel free as usual to use this thread inbetween the posting of them to make comment should you desire to.

Kind regards

@}-}rebecca-----


Whose Way is Right?
(and who cares, anyway?)

Ever since the creatures known as mankind first came into existence, there has been only one characteristic that has remained constant. How we look, how we dress, how we structure every social unit from the single family up to the world society, has undergone a continual evolution. Not even the basics of gender have remained constant. No longer is it just an issue of male versus female. Today we face the ever-growing questions presented by the rapid increase in the number of transgender persons.

Each successive generation has brought with it new ideas, new challenges, new definitions. Advances in the technologies of communication and travel have caused an explosion in the mixing of cultures. It is no longer possible to find a single race or tribe of people who have not been influenced in some way by the technology of some other culture.

Everything that has ever defined mankind, from the individual level to the world society as a whole, has continually undergone, and continues to undergo, change. Change is the only constant that has not changed and there is no reason to believe that it will not be the only constant that will not continue to change in the future.

For the most part we look upon change as being good. By continually changing, we feel that both as individuals and as a society, mankind is growing, progressing, coming ever closer to becoming that ever-elusive "perfect" society. Of course the paradox here is that no one can agree on what that perfect society is. So we continue to change, continue to "grow", so very pleased with ourselves that by doing so we have somehow become better than the generation before us.

But while we continue to strive to change and grow, we also struggle with how to hold on to our past, incorporate the changes brought by the previous generations into our current view of what the world should be. Our history is our roots. It is the place from which our journey through life begins. Our home. Home is a very comfortable place to be. We need desperately to feel secure in that no matter what happens, if the change our generation brings fails to bring improvements but instead only brings increased problems, home will still be there for us.

Our Leather Community is no different. Both individually, and as a community, we are in a great struggle to redefine, restructure and redirect just about everything considered to be a tradition of our culture. But just what are those traditions? Because our written history is so incomplete, no one can definitively say. We have bits and pieces. A few members left that were part of this or that group which, depending on which part of the present community we identify with, are looked at as being the roots of our culture. But even those few who are left do not always remember those early days the same way. What was an absolute in the early groups on the west coast were not necessarily a part of the absolutes of the early groups from the east coast. What are considered as the basics of the gay community are not consistent with those of the heterosexual community.

So we struggle to somehow define what is traditional. And in that struggle, instead of becoming more cohesive as a community, we become more segmented as each group demands that the other groups accept their idea of what traditional is.

What seems odd to me is that for several years now, we have pushed the concept of celebrating our diversity. Accepting all people into our community regardless of gender, race, sexual preference and especially fetish preference. Yet we find so many frictions occurring between various factions of our community because of those diversities. Celebrating our diversity seems to have somehow become warped into being celebrate our diversity as long as you agree that our way is the standard, the only true and correct way, which everyone should strive to follow.

While the recorded history may be sketchy, information about the modern state of the lifestyle is abundant. Thanks to the Internet, anyone with an opinion on who we are, where we come from, what we stand for or the way we define ourselves and our relationships, can establish themselves as an instant authority on the subject. With so much information available, so many conflicting opinions being easily accessible, it is no wonder that we, as individuals, have such a hard time trying to figure out just where we fit into the picture and how to structure our relationships.

For the most part, there appears to be a growing consensus that there is no one right way. We can pick and choose from the magnitude of opinions, those that make the most sense to us personally, and structure our involvement in the lifestyle and the manner in which we define and conduct our personal relationships, in the way most comfortable for us. If how we choose happens to coincide with the choices made by the majority of the rest of the community, that's great. If not, that's fine too.

It is unfortunate that we have no way of accurately tracking the beginnings and evolutions or our culture. For many of us, there is only emptiness when we look back to catch a glimpse of home before facing the challenges presented by yet another change on the horizon. Not realizing of course, that home is where they are right now. That where they are now is the basis for any changes they may make during their journey through this lifestyle. Not until they become comfortable with where they are today, the definitions they use to describe themselves, the structures upon which they have built their relationships, will they realize they are home.

On the other hand, there are those of us who can look back and see our starting point fading off in the distance as we are taken, sometimes kicking and screaming, further down the road. Forced to change, whether we want to or not, because the way it was no longer exists or is no longer useable. Yet at the same time, desperately holding on to whatever portion of home we can, whatever portion can be incorporated into the new home we have today.

It does not matter which of these two groups--either those who identify with a particular past or those whose beginnings are not clearly defined--you identify with. It does not matter whether you look forward to change in the hope that the rest of society will move closer to your vision of what a perfect society means; or if you feel that society has already changed too much and dread the thought of more changes to come. It doesn't matter if you have defined protocols passed down from a past generation that you choose to honor by continuing their practice, or if you see no reason for establishing, defining or practicing any protocols at all. When it comes to deciding on your where your place in the overall community is, it just doesn't matter.
What does matter is that you respect and honor whatever decision the other individuals of the community have made for themselves.

Personally, I have chosen to follow in the footsteps of my Master, just as He followed the footsteps of His Master, whose background was forged in the ways and protocols established in the early biker communities of the Southeast (U.S.). Those ways and protocols have been incorporated, as best as possible, into the way Sir and i structure our relationship. Changes in society in general, as well as changes in the Leather/SM society, have forced us to alter or amend some of those protocols. Others we have chosen to alter or amend to accommodate our own personalities and life situations.

We do not ask that you follow us, but we do ask that you respect our right to do so. In return, do not expect us to follow you, but we do respect your right to go whatever way you choose.

There is room for all of us. There is no reason to force divisions by ultimatums of do it this way or else. Let's try to "celebrate our diversity" in the fullest sense, and not limit ourselves to what any one group thinks is best.

 

[Lord Argon]

smiles a wonderful thing to post rebecca

 

[@}-}rebecca----]

The bob Harris Essays ~ Two

The bliss continues.........

The Spark

Imagine that you are a gay male in your early twenties. The year is 1961. Before the dawning of the "Age of Aquarius" and the sexual revolution that was to follow.

It's a Saturday night. You're full of expectations but also extremely nervous. You have never tried this before but it is becoming more and more a major part of your fantasies. You're not exactly sure what to expect. All of your friends have declined to join you in the adventure saying it's not for them, too risky, too dangerous.

Where you are heading is just a little hole-in-the-wall place, down a small alley in a not so good section of town. As you reach the alley you look down into the darkness. A small neon light points the way, shedding just enough light to let you make out the row of motorcycles parked beneath it. Your instincts say turn and run. Your desires say go inside.

As you walk in the door you are immediately overcome with the smell of smoke, stale beer, leather and testosterone. Your heart beats faster. Your palms begin to sweat. Your instincts are still saying run. But those desires make you stay.

As your eyes adjust to the dim light, shapes begin to emerge. Shapes of men. Hard- looking men. Not the type you have been used to seeing in the other gay bars. Most are wearing the protective leathers of a biker, complete with their club colors on their backs.

As you look around, you notice that standing besides some of these men are younger looking guys. Instead of leather, they are clad simply in cut-offs or jocks. Most are wearing either a leather or chain collar held closed by a lock. Some are on a leash, the handle of which is being held by one of the men in leather.

With great relief, you realize that other than a few quick glances, your entrance has drawn very little attention. Taking a deep breath, you move slowly towards a secluded corner, away from much of the activity. A place from which to observe.

You watch as the men in leather engage in conversation, slowly sipping the beers sitting on the bar in front of them. But your attention is drawn to the boys in the collars. Standing quietly, their hands behind their backs, their heads slightly lowered. They move only to light a cigarette or cigar for the man they are beside or order them another beer as they take the last swallow from the one they have.

You see their stoic faces change ever so slightly with just the hint of a smile as they see the pleased look from the man they serve. You see how they beam with pride when the man playfully rubs their heads as he brags to the others how good his boy serves him. You watch as the other boys snap-to even more, hoping they too will be bragged on. It's a subtle, playful yet serious competition to see who can be the fastest, most attentive and you sense the feeling of pride that will be awarded the winner.

You watch, not quite understanding exactly you are witnessing, but everything inside of you says you wish that it was you standing there. Lighting His cigarette, ordering His beer, smiling at His praise. The desire is strong, the need great. But as to how to get it, you have no clue.

Finally, needing something to drink yourself, but too scared to approach the bar, you slip quietly out the door into the alley, ready to head back to the safety of more familiar surroundings. Just as you begin to think you're in the clear, made it out without being noticed, you hear a deep, strong voice behind you.

"Where ya going so fast boy? Hell boy, you just barely got here. Why ya leaving so soon?"

The voice stops you dead in your tracks. You feel like running but your feet refuse to move. Slowly you turn around. Standing there, silhouetted by the glow of neon, is the figure of every leatherboy's fantasies. Tall, with wide shoulders and a muscular chest that angles down to a thin waist. His leather jacket and chaps hug every muscle. The strong features of his face are mostly hidden by the bill of his biker's hat, revealed only by the glow of a draw on his cigar. Although your instincts now yell RUN, those desires turn the yells into whispers, barely loud enough to hear.

You try to speak but all that comes out is a stammering of " I I,I,I,I,I,I,I,"

"Didn't think anyone noticed you did ya boy? Well, actually, you got quite a bit of notice, made a pretty big impression. Don't feel bad though boy that you didn't notice. You weren't meant to."

Walking towards you, in the glow from his cigar, you can begin to make out his eyes. There is a kindness, gentleness about them, very much at odds with the hardness of the rest of his features. You don't know or understand why, but looking into his eyes you feel calmed, safe. With the final step that brings him straight in front of you find yourself automatically placing your hands behind your back, your head slightly lowering, your eyes down.

With a gentle touch, he raises your chin. As your eyes meet, the world you knew up till now disappears. Your fears and apprehensions suddenly fade. You see a new world in his eyes and you immediately know it is there, in that world, is where you want to be.

A slight smile is all that betrays his satisfaction. "I was fairly certain, watching you back in the bar, that you would have it. I'm generally not wrong about such things. Some of the other guys noticed it too. And sure enough, it's there. The spark. I can see it in your eyes. Only someone very special has that spark. Only someone with that spark has what it takes to be a boy. That's why I followed you out here.

"Something inside you brought you here tonight, helped you overcome your fear and walk through that door. You know this is what you want. The question is: are you ready to explore who you are, what you're made of and what you're capable of? Are you ready to find your limits, then give every ounce of energy you have to push beyond them? Are you ready to understand the joy, cherish the peace of mind, celebrate the pride in knowing you've done your very best serving another willingly, lovingly, to the fullest extent of your capabilities? If you are, then follow behind me boy, proudly, back into the bar and I'll help you begin your journey."

This time you answer in a voice that rings out with confidence and conviction, "Yes Sir, Thank You Sir".

Turning so as not to let you see the joy in his smile, he begins to walk back towards the bar, and in a voice slightly more than a whisper, you hear him say "Good boy".

Time was, that unless you showed what was referred to as "the spark", you would not be permitted to find the secretive world of the Leatherman. You would not know you were being watched and evaluated until they were ready to let you know. Many came hoping to be chosen, most never were. Only those whose behavior showed respect, whose eyes possessed the fire of desire were even considered. Only those who were betrayed by their look of longing and hunge, surrounded with a determination inspired by need, would be given more than a fleeting glance and be invited in.

There are many still today who watch and evaluate from a distance, waiting for the glimpse of that s
ame spark. There are still many today who will only invite those who possess that spark into their world. Would they find it in you? Would they see in you the respect and desire? The hunger, determination and need? Would they see the qualities they feel are necessary to separate those capable of continually providing a top level of service from those who will never understand the joy of putting another's needs above your own? Will they see you as someone worthy of their time, effort, dedication and affection?

They will if your desire is strong enough--and if that spark, your essence, gives you away.

 

[@}-}rebecca----]

smiles a wonderful thing to post rebecca

Thank you Argon, makes me quiet happy to know another finds bob's essays as wonderful as I do .

I never had the good fortune to meet him , though I have it on good authority from one who knew bob Harris that he was in fact very humble and eluding to him being special would have caused him some embarassment.

Guess bob wouldn't have been to thrilled with me then.....smiles

 

[@}-}rebecca----]

The bob Harris Essays ~ Three

EXPECTATIONS
Where Fantasy Meets Reality

It all seemed so perfect. Sir was all you could ask for in a Master. Strong, authoritative voice. Eyes that could look straight through you. Hands with a grip that wouldn't let go no matter how hard you struggled. And when dressed in leather, Master was the image that dreams are made of.

In the dungeon Master was skilled at every fetish you enjoyed and many you had never tried. Master could take you places that you didn't even knew existed and bring you back again with a tenderness only a lover could give. You had spent a few weekends together, enough to know that this was the person you wanted to serve for life. Mr. Benson had become reality. You had found that "perfect" Master.

The slave was a wonder to behold. Perfectly on point at every turn. Never a misqueue. Never a hesitation in obeying an order. In play, slave took all You could give and was ready for more. And when slave looked at You with those hopeful eyes, filled with admiration, Your heart melted and Your chest swelled with pride. Certainly this time, You had met the "perfect" slave.

Although both felt ready to make a contract for life, it was agreed to start with a six month trial. The slave would move into the Master's home. As usual in today's society, both incomes would be needed, so both would retain their jobs.

The first two months were fine. The slave's training was going great and slave enjoyed being in protocal. slave didn't mind at first that slave was working a full time job as well as taking care of the home, the shopping, cooking dinner, the laundry etc, etc, etc. slave didn't notice at first that the time between play scenes was growing longer and longer. Instead of every night, it was maybe once every three or four days. But that was ok. slave knew Master had a very demanding job and that sometimes Master came home tired. Too tired to notice all the things the slave had taken care of for Master since slave had gotten home from slave's job.

Likewise the Master starts to notice more and more that little things aren't being taken care of like they were. The dirty dishes from last night's dinner were still in the sink this morning. The "yes Sirs" aren't flowing quite so quickly and slave was actually questioning some directives.

After five months the Master is no longer Prince Charming. In fact He's beginning to look more like the Prince's horse's you know what. And the slave is just one more boy wannabee that can't make the grade. Both decide it's time to split. Both go away discouraged and hurt, each blaming the other for the breakdown. What both of them failed to realize was that even in paradise it rains.

Story sounds familiar doesn't it. We've all seen it happen. Perhaps it happened to you, maybe even more than once. Why? Why do so many Master/slave relationships, that seemed so perfect in the beginning, wind up on the cutting room floor? Expectations, that's why.

We forget that Master/slave relationships have the same everyday pressures that every other type of relationship has plus the pressure of maintaining the Master/slave aspect. It's not an easy chore. It takes constant work and, most importantly, it takes constant, open, honest communication.

Both parties enter into a relationship with certain expectations of how that relationship should work. How the other party should act and react. When those expectations don't correspond exactly to reality we become disappointed.

We may try to hide that dissapointment at first, (things will always get better). We may try subtle (or not so subtle) hints in the hope that the other will pick up on what we are trying to tell them and suddenly change to our way of thinking (did i see the light bulb go on this time or was it just a reflection - damn, Master did it again, must have just been a reflection).

Before you know it the disappointment has turned to resentment which in turn becomes outright anger. The downward spiral has begun and another M/s relationship goes down in flames.

Communication. Talk till it hurts. Talk till you can't talk anymore without gettin lockjaw. Talk. Openly and honestly right from the beginning. Before any contract is considered much less signed.

Know as much as you can about each other. Where you come from. Not just what geographical area but socialogically, philosophically and emotionally. Where do you wish to go. What do you want from this relationship. What to you expect to get from this relationship. What guidelines are we going to put in the contract to allow us to talk about problems as they arise.

Talk!!!!! Let each other know exactly and precisely and completely as you can what your expectations are for yourself, the other and the relationship.

And when you're not talking, listen. Listen to what the other person is saying. Don't be thinking about what you want to say next. Don't pick out one word from a paragraph and make it an issue. Listen carefully to everything the other is saying.

my ex-wife was a great one for telling me that i was always wrong no matter what the issue was. After a while i stopped talking about things she did that bothered me, (although she never stopped telling me what i did that bothered her, basically everything i did, well, maybe just almost everything). Why should i. i was going to be wrong anyway.

When i told her we were over and why, her first question was why didn't you talk to me about it. In ten years of marriage, she never had a clue that i was totally miserable. Not because i didn't try to tell her. She just wouldn't listen and never wanted to talk about it. When she asked for a second chance to work things out, i agreed. Unfortunately, when i tried to tell her my feelings about our relationship the first words out of her mouth were still "you're wrong - it wasn't like that at all".

In all fairness there were alot of problems with our marriage right from the start. We both made mistakes. We both were equally to blame.

It takes two to make a good relationship. It takes two to tear it apart. It takes two, working very hard together to keep a good relationship going.

Take the time. Talk. Listen. Work at it. Don't let misguided expectations ruin what could be a lifetime of happiness.

 

[raven2]

EXPECTATIONS
Where Fantasy Meets Reality

It all seemed so perfect. Sir was all you could ask for in a Master. Strong, authoritative voice. Eyes that could look straight through you. Hands with a grip that wouldn't let go no matter how hard you struggled. And when dressed in leather, Master was the image that dreams are made of.

In the dungeon Master was skilled at every fetish you enjoyed and many you had never tried. Master could take you places that you didn't even knew existed and bring you back again with a tenderness only a lover could give. You had spent a few weekends together, enough to know that this was the person you wanted to serve for life. Mr. Benson had become reality. You had found that "perfect" Master.

The slave was a wonder to behold. Perfectly on point at every turn. Never a misqueue. Never a hesitation in obeying an order. In play, slave took all You could give and was ready for more. And when slave looked at You with those hopeful eyes, filled with admiration, Your heart melted and Your chest swelled with pride. Certainly this time, You had met the "perfect" slave.

Although both felt ready to make a contract for life, it was agreed to start with a six month trial. The slave would move into the Master's home. As usual in today's society, both incomes would be needed, so both would retain their jobs.

The first two months were fine. The slave's training was going great and slave enjoyed being in protocal. slave didn't mind at first that slave was working a full time job as well as taking care of the home, the shopping, cooking dinner, the laundry etc, etc, etc. slave didn't notice at first that the time between play scenes was growing longer and longer. Instead of every night, it was maybe once every three or four days. But that was ok. slave knew Master had a very demanding job and that sometimes Master came home tired. Too tired to notice all the things the slave had taken care of for Master since slave had gotten home from slave's job.

Likewise the Master starts to notice more and more that little things aren't being taken care of like they were. The dirty dishes from last night's dinner were still in the sink this morning. The "yes Sirs" aren't flowing quite so quickly and slave was actually questioning some directives.

After five months the Master is no longer Prince Charming. In fact He's beginning to look more like the Prince's horse's you know what. And the slave is just one more boy wannabee that can't make the grade. Both decide it's time to split. Both go away discouraged and hurt, each blaming the other for the breakdown. What both of them failed to realize was that even in paradise it rains.

Story sounds familiar doesn't it. We've all seen it happen. Perhaps it happened to you, maybe even more than once. Why? Why do so many Master/slave relationships, that seemed so perfect in the beginning, wind up on the cutting room floor? Expectations, that's why.

We forget that Master/slave relationships have the same everyday pressures that every other type of relationship has plus the pressure of maintaining the Master/slave aspect. It's not an easy chore. It takes constant work and, most importantly, it takes constant, open, honest communication.

Both parties enter into a relationship with certain expectations of how that relationship should work. How the other party should act and react. When those expectations don't correspond exactly to reality we become disappointed.

We may try to hide that dissapointment at first, (things will always get better). We may try subtle (or not so subtle) hints in the hope that the other will pick up on what we are trying to tell them and suddenly change to our way of thinking (did i see the light bulb go on this time or was it just a reflection - damn, Master did it again, must have just been a reflection).

Before you know it the disappointment has turned to resentment which in turn becomes outright anger. The downward spiral has begun and another M/s relationship goes down in flames.

Communication. Talk till it hurts. Talk till you can't talk anymore without gettin lockjaw. Talk. Openly and honestly right from the beginning. Before any contract is considered much less signed.

Know as much as you can about each other. Where you come from. Not just what geographical area but socialogically, philosophically and emotionally. Where do you wish to go. What do you want from this relationship. What to you expect to get from this relationship. What guidelines are we going to put in the contract to allow us to talk about problems as they arise.

Talk!!!!! Let each other know exactly and precisely and completely as you can what your expectations are for yourself, the other and the relationship.

And when you're not talking, listen. Listen to what the other person is saying. Don't be thinking about what you want to say next. Don't pick out one word from a paragraph and make it an issue. Listen carefully to everything the other is saying.

my ex-wife was a great one for telling me that i was always wrong no matter what the issue was. After a while i stopped talking about things she did that bothered me, (although she never stopped telling me what i did that bothered her, basically everything i did, well, maybe just almost everything). Why should i. i was going to be wrong anyway.

When i told her we were over and why, her first question was why didn't you talk to me about it. In ten years of marriage, she never had a clue that i was totally miserable. Not because i didn't try to tell her. She just wouldn't listen and never wanted to talk about it. When she asked for a second chance to work things out, i agreed. Unfortunately, when i tried to tell her my feelings about our relationship the first words out of her mouth were still "you're wrong - it wasn't like that at all".

In all fairness there were alot of problems with our marriage right from the start. We both made mistakes. We both were equally to blame.

It takes two to make a good relationship. It takes two to tear it apart. It takes two, working very hard together to keep a good relationship going.

Take the time. Talk. Listen. Work at it. Don't let misguided expectations ruin what could be a lifetime of happiness.

Very nice thoughts. Lots of things in here mirror what has happened in my marriage. Fortunately, we have been able to talk enough to stay together.