Is it bad to want attention?

[nayia]

I know it's every girl's dream to have a man who cares about my personality and all that, who isn't shallow. The last thing I want to do is to give that up just because I'm a little vain.

I really like attention, compliments, and feeling desired. My fiancé is trying, but he's shy so his tone is always hesitant and he sticks to the same few phrases/actions and it's very obvious that it's not really genuine.

Would it be wrong to make a photo thread without telling him? Would you be hurt if your S/O did this? Or is this kind of attention something I'm going to have to give up to stay with this guy?

 

[Domesticity]

If you're honest with yourself I'm sure it's not just the verbal compliments he is slacking on. Does he look at you like he wants you? Do you catch him staring at you and share a look knowing he's going to fuck you well when you get home? Does he make you feel seen and appreciated as a woman, a sexual being? If not and those things are important to you, being married to him might be a let down. In my experience, once you're married the compliments, etc. become even less frequent. Do you see yourself spending a life with someone who makes you feel like you don't turn him on? I can tell you, it's a pretty lonely existence. Maybe I'm reading way too much into your post but little things that seem like no big deals such as sexual incompatibility or expressing and receiving love in ways that don't match well can become gigantic issues after you add a few kids and everyday adult married life stressors to the mix.

 

[Chris_Michael]

OH MY FUCKING GOD!!! Do him a favor and break off that engagement because if you're ALREADY asking a question like this, you don't need to be making a "lifelong" commitment. Personally, I'd want to know and I'd be mad about it. However, some guys are different.

I just smell alimony and child support here... and it stinks.

 

[Wyldfire]

Girl, you're gonna do you. But understand you're a bitch to do it.

 

[Bramblethorn]

I really like attention, compliments, and feeling desired. My fiancé is trying, but he's shy so his tone is always hesitant and he sticks to the same few phrases/actions and it's very obvious that it's not really genuine.

Would it be wrong to make a photo thread without telling him? Would you be hurt if your S/O did this? Or is this kind of attention something I'm going to have to give up to stay with this guy?

My rule of thumb is, cheating is whatever your partner says it is. I would be fine if my partner asked about doing something like that but I'd be hurt if she did it behind my back.

I'm pretty cynical about self-help books but one that I have found useful is the "Five Love Languages" one. The gist of it is that there are several different ways people express love, and a lot of disharmony comes when people don't recognise the ways their partner favours. Might be worth your while to find a copy and discuss it with him.

 

[mrspank30]

In the end do what you need to do. However, if your fiance can not make you feel sexy and desired now, what is going to change after you're married? You are naturally going to seek validation. If your life partner can not provide that, where are you going to look for it?

 

[Wyldfire]

I think in the long run she wants to play and be used. She also wants to do it dirty behind his back and still have the stability she can get from him.

 

[mrspank30]

I think in the long run she wants to play and be used. She also wants to do it dirty behind his back and still have the stability she can get from him.

My guess is you are correct. Lit certainly can provide the fantasy side of that. In some cases more.

 

[Wyldfire]

My guess is you are correct. Lit certainly can provide the fantasy side of that. In some cases more.

Nah, I think Lit is the place they come to get validation for their cheating ways. They come here wanting to step out but they need the validation. She'll get enough people here patting her back and telling her to be her.

 

[Wyldfire]

If he isn't giving you what you want break it off and find a man that will. Anything else that leans to the shady is just you being a gold digger.

 

[may_I_please]

I know it's every girl's dream to have a man who cares about my personality and all that, who isn't shallow. The last thing I want to do is to give that up just because I'm a little vain.

I really like attention, compliments, and feeling desired. My fiancé is trying, but he's shy so his tone is always hesitant and he sticks to the same few phrases/actions and it's very obvious that it's not really genuine.

Would it be wrong to make a photo thread without telling him? Would you be hurt if your S/O did this? Or is this kind of attention something I'm going to have to give up to stay with this guy?

OK Theres a split on lit between being here is just being a cheater and a little bit of fantasy never hurt anyone (It's also funny when lifelong virgins comment on others relationships as though they know the slightest thing about holding down a relationship.)

I think personally you can help him become more comfortable with his sexuality and the little cues it takes to get your motor running. There's enough erotic literature and movies around, share some. Are you embarrassed to compliment him? Do you talk dirty during sex. Change the parameters of your relationship slowly. Show him how appreciative you are of compliments ..it's a little carrot and stick type training but it works with people.

You want someone to treat you a certain way you show them the response they get when they do.

As for your own picture thread...yeah...no

 

[Wyldfire]

OK Theres a split on lit between being here is just being a cheater and a little bit of fantasy never hurt anyone (It's also funny when lifelong virgins comment on others relationships as though they know the slightest thing about holding down a relationship.)

I think personally you can help him become more comfortable with his sexuality and the little cues it takes to get your motor running. There's enough erotic literature and movies around, share some. Are you embarrassed to compliment him? Do you talk dirty during sex. Change the parameters of your relationship slowly. Show him how appreciative you are of compliments ..it's a little carrot and stick type training but it works with people.

You want someone to treat you a certain way you show them the response they get when they do.

As for your own picture thread...yeah...no

Carrot and stick? Really? Try treating him like a human being and talk to him. Tell him what you want and see how he responds...

 

[SissySalina]

I know it's every girl's dream to have a man who cares about my personality and all that, who isn't shallow. The last thing I want to do is to give that up just because I'm a little vain.

I really like attention, compliments, and feeling desired. My fiancé is trying, but he's shy so his tone is always hesitant and he sticks to the same few phrases/actions and it's very obvious that it's not really genuine.

Would it be wrong to make a photo thread without telling him? Would you be hurt if your S/O did this? Or is this kind of attention something I'm going to have to give up to stay with this guy?

What are you looking for?
Finding the right person is hard and takes work. If you need attention, complements, and feeling desired will he provide it?
First I think a relationship needs trust and truth, if you do stuff behind his back does that say something about the relationship? Is it really fair to him?
To really answer these questions of yours , you need to look in a mirror and ask them.
Everyone is different and do things differently but you need to figure what is really important to you.

 

[may_I_please]

Carrot and stick? Really? Try treating him like a human being and talk to him. Tell him what you want and see how he responds...

Communication goes beyond the verbal for all humans

And when there's a basic discomfort or embarrassment, whether through puritanical upbringing or misplaced virgin-whore mentality, then yes the unspoken forms of communication can be far more effective.

 

[Wyldfire]

Communication goes beyond the verbal for all humans

And when there's a basic discomfort or embarrassment, whether through puritanical upbringing or misplaced virgin-whore mentality, then yes the unspoken forms of communication can be far more effective.

Damn. As an ex-stripper who made a living taking dude's money I feel sorry for the dude you have........

 

[may_I_please]

Damn. As an ex-stripper who made a living taking dude's money I feel sorry for the dude you have........

I'm sorry you feel the need to try to personally insult me just because we disagree

Seems a little OTT to me but takes all sorts

Please don't feel sorry for my husband, he's quite happy and has been for decades

 

[Chris_Michael]

OK Theres a split on lit between being here is just being a cheater and a little bit of fantasy never hurt anyone (It's also funny when lifelong virgins comment on others relationships as though they know the slightest thing about holding down a relationship.)

I think personally you can help him become more comfortable with his sexuality and the little cues it takes to get your motor running. There's enough erotic literature and movies around, share some. Are you embarrassed to compliment him? Do you talk dirty during sex. Change the parameters of your relationship slowly. Show him how appreciative you are of compliments ..it's a little carrot and stick type training but it works with people.

You want someone to treat you a certain way you show them the response they get when they do.

As for your own picture thread...yeah...no

A lifelong virgin is a man with no divorce court hearings, marriage counseling sessions, alimony or child support payments, or failed/miserable marriages.

A lifelong virgin may use a site like this as a distraction. What's your excuse? You have more posts on one profile than I have on all my profiles since 2006

 

[Chris_Michael]

I'm sorry you feel the need to try to personally insult me just because we disagree

Seems a little OTT to me but takes all sorts

Please don't feel sorry for my husband, he's quite happy and has been for decades

Says the woman starting off this thread with an insult. Ad hominems don't work if the argument is sound. And my point was on point. It may have hurt your fee-fees but that doesn't warrant your insult. Now my fee-fees are hurt and I'm going to call you out on your bullshit.

And just because I know this will get misinterpreted, there was some sarcasm in there. If you can't see it, then perhaps your IQ is in the negatives or you can't speak English.

 

[may_I_please]

A lifelong virgin is a man with no divorce court hearings, marriage counseling sessions, alimony or child support payments, or failed/miserable marriages.

A lifelong virgin may use a site like this as a distraction. What's your excuse? You have more posts on one profile than I have on all my profiles since 2006

And no relationship experience surely?

 

[may_I_please]

Says the woman starting off this thread with an insult. Ad hominems don't work if the argument is sound. And my point was on point. It may have hurt your fee-fees but that doesn't warrant your insult. Now my fee-fees are hurt and I'm going to call you out on your bullshit.

And just because I know this will get misinterpreted, there was some sarcasm in there. If you can't see it, then perhaps your IQ is in the negatives or you can't speak English.

Commenting that a virgin knows little about relationships and is possibly not the best source for advice is not ad hominem.

Weird that you think it is

 

[Chris_Michael]

And no relationship experience surely?

Commenting that a virgin knows little about relationships and is possibly not the best source for advice is not ad hominem.

Weird that you think it is

No, it is. You're taking the argument off the point and onto me, which is a complete fallacy. What did I say that was incorrect?

Relationship experience? Maybe not. However, I have marriage statistics. And spoiler, the statistics do not weight heavily in your favor by a long shot.

 

[may_I_please]

No, it is. You're taking the argument off the point and onto me, which is a complete fallacy. What did I say that was incorrect?

Relationship experience? Maybe not. However, I have marriage statistics. And spoiler, the statistics do not weight heavily in your favor by a long shot.

I apologise for hurting your feelings. That was unnecessary.

But no statistics don't define us.

 

[Chris_Michael]

I apologise for hurting your feelings. That was unnecessary.

But no statistics don't define us.

They are a good predictor for possible outcomes. And thank you, I feel better now. If you do it again, I'm going to consider turning my PMs off so you can't get ahold of me, at least for a day.

 

[Paul_Chance]

I know it's every girl's dream to have a man who cares about my personality and all that, who isn't shallow. The last thing I want to do is to give that up just because I'm a little vain.

I really like attention, compliments, and feeling desired. My fiancé is trying, but he's shy so his tone is always hesitant and he sticks to the same few phrases/actions and it's very obvious that it's not really genuine.

Would it be wrong to make a photo thread without telling him? Would you be hurt if your S/O did this? Or is this kind of attention something I'm going to have to give up to stay with this guy?

Off hand I would say don't do it. The quiet rule of the internet is that anything posted out there eventually will come back to bite you in some shape or form.

However, it is something worth discussing - if it matters to you and it's unresolved in the relationship it is a potential fault line that make break free at a future point.

As for communication - different folks communicate differently and the ability to adjust your style to match their style can make the different between success and failure. I'm a direct communicator by choice and style, but I have learned the art of subtlety. Sometimes being direct creates conflict which draws attention away from the message. I'm sure we've all had the relationship fight where the original issue gets lost in the flurry and the fight about the fight is far worse.

Finally, as too marriage - always remember when it comes to statistics the danger of the ecological fallacy - An ecological fallacy (or ecological inference fallacy) is a logical fallacy in the interpretation of statistical data where inferences about the nature of individuals are deduced from inference for the group to which those individuals belong. It's one of the most common mistakes in reasoning.

 

[thefishfryer]

This argy bargy is all well and good, but has she posted her naked boobs yet?