IS TEXTING CHEATING?

[Iwanttotry7777]

Why does my moniker have the word virgin under the moniker

 

[Mo_Bandy]

Dude it beats rubbing Vicks Vapor on your junk for action.

 

[Iwanttotry7777]

Dude it beats rubbing Vicks Vapor on your junk for action.

That’s for certain

 

[cascadiabound]

Why does my moniker have the word virgin under the moniker

That is the default moniker assigned by Lit to new members. In the previous iteration of Lit, members obtained the ability to change that moniker after a certain number of posts.
Idk of that is still true. Check your profile. There is a place where members can change that. If you are unable to change it now, it is due to you not having made enough posts to have obtained that privilege

 

[Iwanttotry7777]

That is the default moniker assigned by Lit to new members. In the previous iteration of Lit members obtained the ability to change that moniker after a certain number of posts.
Idk of that is still true. Check your profile. There is a place where members can change that. If you are unable to change it now, it is due to you not having made enough posts to have obtained that privilege

Thank you

 

[TheUKGent]

I had a situation a few years ago now where a mutual (female) friend of one of my friends started to message me about her concerns for his health. We did have a little bit of history, but from about 5 years before I even met Mrs. Gent. I considered it irrelevant at the time so never mentioned the messages, just updates on our friend's health. However, the messages went from innocent, to flirty (which I neither encouraged or discouraged), to more sexual in tone.

At that point, I did mention it to Mrs. Gent and explained what had happened and she didn't take it particularly well, more down to the fact that I'd been talking to this person for a couple of months and I should have mentioned it sooner.

I did explain that the tone had only changed in the last week or so, but I very much got the feeling that Mrs. Gent felt that on one level it was cheating. However, she also understood that it was all innocent enough on my part.

 

[BishopHeahmund]

I'll go with the poster who said anything you have to hide from your S/O is cheating.

However I gotta believe there are different levels for online world and the physical world.

 

[curl4ever]

If you have to hide it or lie about it it’s cheating.

As much as I always like you and your posts, @Chillygirl, I would like to put forth another view…

My wife unilaterally stopped having sex with me twenty-five years ago. I think that means that SHE was the one who broke the relationship. I haven’t had any outside physical relationships, but I have no guilt feelings about hiding my story writing and texting, since if I didn’t have that outlet, I would have left her long ago.

 

[Wand3rlust]

In my opinion, if you are feeling you have to hide your behaviour, then you must feel you are doing something you shouldn't. Or something that would cause pain and/or upset.

Now, I'm not judging. Communication is hard. But don't put the lack of communication on anyone else's shoulders but your own.

 

[curl4ever]

In my opinion, if you are feeling you have to hide your behaviour, then you must feel you are doing something you shouldn't. Or something that would cause pain and/or upset.

Now, I'm not judging. Communication is hard. But don't put the lack of communication on anyone else's shoulders but your own.

Hmmm. Weighing the pain and upset that would be caused by…

revealing my online activities

versus

divorcing her at age 66 with her not-good health

 

[Wand3rlust]

Discussions can be had. It doesn't HAVE to blow up everything. Whatever people use to justify the non communication is personal and up to them. Believe me, I've been there.

But each scenario is different. And people do what they need to do to get by in this life.

BUT. Your reasons will NOT mean anything to anyone else, should the discovery be made without your input.

I've been there too.

But it IS cheating. You can dress it up, and justify it how you want. And you may not like it. But it IS. I'm not saying you should or shouldn't do it. I'm not saying you have to change anything.

But it IS cheating.

My opinion. For what it's worth.

 

[Chillygirl]

As much as I always like you and your posts, @Chillygirl, I would like to put forth another view…

My wife unilaterally stopped having sex with me twenty-five years ago. I think that means that SHE was the one who broke the relationship. I haven’t had any outside physical relationships, but I have no guilt feelings about hiding my story writing and texting, since if I didn’t have that outlet, I would have left her long ago.

I’m not judging, simply giving my opinion/answer to the original question.

There’s two things that stand out to me though in your answer.

1. “As much as I always like you and your posts…” So you don’t like me now? I’m confused as to the point of this sentence.

2. Your point of view…it seems as if you felt attacked? You say you have no guilt but later you say she would feel pain and upset.

You may not call it cheating but would she? And that’s why my opinion is what it is. If I have to hide it or lie about it then I know it’s something my partner would not like. If it’s sexual in nature then I know he would consider it cheating.

 

[Hornymwtxn]

I’m not judging, simply giving my opinion/answer to the original question.

There’s two things that stand out to me though in your answer.

1. “As much as I always like you and your posts…” So you don’t like me now? I’m confused as to the point of this sentence.

2. Your point of view…it seems as if you felt attacked? You say you have no guilt but later you say she would feel pain and upset.

You may not call it cheating but would she? And that’s why my opinion is what it is. If I have to hide it or lie about it then I know it’s something my partner would not like. If it’s sexual in nature then I know he would consider it cheating.

Meh

 

[curl4ever]

I’m not judging, simply giving my opinion/answer to the original question.

There’s two things that stand out to me though in your answer.

1. “As much as I always like you and your posts…” So you don’t like me now? I’m confused as to the point of this sentence.

2. Your point of view…it seems as if you felt attacked? You say you have no guilt but later you say she would feel pain and upset.

You may not call it cheating but would she? And that’s why my opinion is what it is. If I have to hide it or lie about it then I know it’s something my partner would not like. If it’s sexual in nature then I know he would consider it cheating.

1. Nah. I absolutely still think you are one of the coolest posters on lit. (I was just a bit surprised because I can’t remember ever not being completely in tune with one of your posts before.) I didn’t mean any negs at all.

2. Sorry if I felt attacked. I ABSOLUTELY understand the moral high ground that you shouldn’t need to hide anything and I actually did live by that for several years. But after she spent those years rejecting counseling and medical advice, the built-up hurt just caused me to start checking out of our marriage as well.

3. I’m fine with other people having other opinions. I just was getting a vibe from some other posters that they thought I was treating her WORSE by hiding my online activities, versus dumping her in a divorce. Divorce would have been happier and easier for me, but not much of a loving option given our family backgrounds and issues.

Peace.

 

[Hornymwtxn]

I think those that aren't in a sexless relationship fail to grasp is our partner has taken all sexual things off the table and thus it ISN'T cheating, in fact it IS LIKELY SAVING THE RELATIONSHIP.

Should simple sexting with a willing person ONLINE be considered cheating?

No I don't think it should be considered cheating, in much the same way I prefer to talk sports with, you know, an actual sports fan instead of a brick wall.

 

[Chillygirl]

I think those that aren't in a sexless relationship fail to grasp is our partner has taken all sexual things off the table and thus it ISN'T cheating, in fact it IS LIKELY SAVING THE RELATIONSHIP.

Should simple sexting with a willing person ONLINE be considered cheating?

No I don't think it should be considered cheating, in much the same way I prefer to talk sports with, you know, an actual sports fan instead of a brick wall.

I think most of us are in a sexless or intimate void relationship (I’m sure there’s a better way to phrase that but my brain is mush today) maybe that’s why we’re here, to meet and talk with those in similar situations.

I’ve been in both sides of this. Upon discovery we both felt horribly betrayed and it did major damage to our marriage.

The lesson I learned was just because A didn’t think it was cheating didn’t mean B felt the same way. If we had both been honest maybe we could’ve worked things out OR mutually decide to divorce sooner.

But every situation is different and I respect that!

 

[Chillygirl]

“…our partner has taken all sexual things off the table and thus it ISN'T cheating, in fact it IS LIKELY SAVING THE RELATIONSHIP.”

I will say this sentence bothers me…a lot. I can’t quite verbalize it yet. Need some time to process. All I can say is it took my breath away and felt like I had been punched in the gut.

 

[Hornymwtxn]

I will say this sentence bothers me…a lot. I can’t quite verbalize it yet. Need some time to process. All I can say is it took my breath away and felt like I had been punched in the gut.

Well it is my reality.

What can a person do when their partner has become asexual after menopause?

Have you had sex with an unenthusiastic partner before? It sucks and not in the good way either.

 

[curl4ever]

I think most of us are in a sexless or intimate void relationship (I’m sure there’s a better way to phrase that but my brain is mush today) maybe that’s why we’re here, to meet and talk with those in similar situations.

I’ve been in both sides of this. Upon discovery we both felt horribly betrayed and it did major damage to our marriage.

The lesson I learned was just because A didn’t think it was cheating didn’t mean B felt the same way. If we had both been honest maybe we could’ve worked things out OR mutually decide to divorce sooner.

But every situation is different and I respect that!

It sounds like you have had it worse than me. In some ways, the freeze-over of my wife NOT wanting discussions about things she was unwilling to negotiate was probably much easier than HAVING many painful discussions that don’t actually resolve the impasse.

 

[Chillygirl]

It sounds like you have had it worse than me. In some ways, the freeze-over of my wife NOT wanting discussions about things she was unwilling to negotiate was probably much easier than HAVING many painful discussions that don’t actually resolve the impasse.

I think it’s pretty crappy for everyone involved. No one gets married and makes these vows thinking they’re going to end up in a situation like this. We all have our reasons for staying or leaving.

 

[Playwithmee]

I have things that I hide, include being here. But if you have to hide then it’s cheating. Doesn’t mean that in a good healthy relationship it wouldn’t be ok, but if you have to hide if because that’s the nature of your relationship, then it’s cheating. So yes I’m a text cheater.

 

[English_guy_bkk]

We had a fax machine in the South of Thailand circa 1996. Not too handy I know but I did hang around it it on occasion trying to look casual.