Once every two weeks is fine for her.

[crazybbwgirl]

This is one of the most common problems on Lit. Was she like this when you first got married? Or has she changed over the years? Do you have young kids? I know my libido has been a long cycle. Very high, then rather low (little kids around) and now just keeps getting higher and higher (kids have moved out - gone to college) Maybe she just in one of her low cycles?

 

[bobsgirl]

Re: Re: ERMan,

Oh. My. God.


Approach her with that attitude, ERman, and you're as good as silent-treatmented, and it won't earn you a fuck, in ANY way.

Good god, I can't believe you just said that stuff.


Women need physical sex, too. And it is not HER JOB to pleasure him, nor is it HIS JOB to listen to her. Jesus Christ. Like she doesn't have to listen, and he doesn't have to pleasure? Like they're really JOBS, and not natural parts of a loving relationship?


Good god.

Yep. That may (or may not) be what you're thinking, ERman, but please take a little time to edit what comes out of your mouth. If Mrbobsgirl phrased it that way, two weeks without would be the least of his worries, believe me.


(BTW, Ms_Lilith, I recognize your AV. Nice to see you posting again!)

 

[SweetErika]

ERMan, would she be willing to pleasure you in other ways like giving you oral, a handjob, or letting you touch her while you masturbate? Or read a story to you while you masturbate?

My husband and I take responsibility for our own pleasure, and we're fine masturbating when the other doesn't want to participate. However, if he's horny and I'm not, I usually prefer to do something for him than have him masturbate by himself, even if it's just letting him touch me while he masturbates. If I'm not here or I don't want to, he has my blessing to look at porn and get off. I just like having the option to please him. I don't know if your wife would go for something like that, but it might be another item in your list of possible solutions.

Good luck to you!

 

[vargas111]

"ERMan,
Did you marry my ex-wife?

You have my sympathies, in any case.

Talk with her. Tell her how men and women are different and men need physical sex. And it's her job as your wife to satisfy you, as it is your job to talk with her and listen when she needs you."


Dear Erotic Man,

Welcome to the Club.

The No 1 problem married men have is the wife's reluctance to have sex, or to have sexy erotic sex. Once you arr "hooked" they stop dressing sexy, cut their hair and refuse to go out and have fun.

Yes you have to tell her you are frustrated. If at least acknowledges your frustration that is a help.

I doubt the "duty to satisfy you" will work with modern women. The "sexual revolution" empowered the to say 'No" and men can't do a damned thing about it.

Maybe you can explain that you love her, but you need more sex than she can give you (non-judgmental, it's not her falult she's frigid.)

Good luck!

 

[warrior queen]

(non-judgmental, it's not her falult she's frigid.)

and the non-judgemental thing about going in with this thought in the back of your mind, is....?

 

[Ms_Lilith]

Originally posted by vargas111
"ERMan,
Did you marry my ex-wife?

You have my sympathies, in any case.

Talk with her. Tell her how men and women are different and men need physical sex. And it's her job as your wife to satisfy you, as it is your job to talk with her and listen when she needs you."


Dear Erotic Man,

Welcome to the Club.

The No 1 problem married men have is the wife's reluctance to have sex, or to have sexy erotic sex. Once you arr "hooked" they stop dressing sexy, cut their hair and refuse to go out and have fun.

Yes you have to tell her you are frustrated. If at least acknowledges your frustration that is a help.

I doubt the "duty to satisfy you" will work with modern women. The "sexual revolution" empowered the to say 'No" and men can't do a damned thing about it.

Maybe you can explain that you love her, but you need more sex than she can give you (non-judgmental, it's not her falult she's frigid.)

Good luck!

Oh, my god, I didn't know so many men were really that piggish.

I've been with my guy for a few years. *I* am the one that initiates sex. *I* am the one that puts effort into my appearance.. I grew my hair 13 inches for him, I wear makeup for him, I buy lingerie for him, and *HE* doesn't notice. So before you go making stupid comments like you did, maybe THINK just a little bit.

 

[EroticRomanticMan]

Didn't mean to start anything like this

xxxxx

 

[EroticRomanticMan]

Crazy Girl is Right on

xxxxx

 

[crazybbwgirl]

Re: Crazy Girl is Right on

Dear Crazy Girl, I think you are pretty right on about highs and lows of sexual need. We do have kids around and I think my needs have increased and hers have decreased. Maybe you are right and time will heal all. I appriciate your thoughts and sometimes it is just enought to here someone else tell you what they are thinking. Thanks!

At least you know you're not alone. Many of the married folk on here bring up this subject quite often. Now us singles on the other hand..... won't here a word of complaint from us! Lol

 

[Ms_Lilith]

Re: Didn't mean to start anything like this

Originally posted by EroticRomanticMan
Dear Everybody, I didn't mean to start any big battles. Actually Lilith gave me some good advice on the matter and I am going to try what she says. I love my wife and think it is mostly a hormone thing. I appriciate all the advice people have given in this regard. Thank you.

You didn't start anything.. there are always people who don't understand women, and those people will always give bad advice, whether it's asked for or not.

*shrug*

 

[SweetErika]

"ERMan,
Did you marry my ex-wife?

You have my sympathies, in any case.

Talk with her. Tell her how men and women are different and men need physical sex. And it's her job as your wife to satisfy you, as it is your job to talk with her and listen when she needs you."


Dear Erotic Man,

Welcome to the Club.

The No 1 problem married men have is the wife's reluctance to have sex, or to have sexy erotic sex. Once you arr "hooked" they stop dressing sexy, cut their hair and refuse to go out and have fun.

Yes you have to tell her you are frustrated. If at least acknowledges your frustration that is a help.

I doubt the "duty to satisfy you" will work with modern women. The "sexual revolution" empowered the to say 'No" and men can't do a damned thing about it.

Maybe you can explain that you love her, but you need more sex than she can give you (non-judgmental, it's not her falult she's frigid.)

Good luck!

This is a conclusion drawn from several of your posts, but it's easy to see why you're not getting sex Vargas. No doubt your negative attitude breeds a lot of contempt in your marriage. Feel free to talk about your relationship and wife, but please stop stereotyping and demeaning the rest of us. Here are the facts... Most women work hard to make sure their spouses are happy and satisfied. Most women lose their sex drive when there's something amiss in the relationship, their hormones change, they're on medication, or they're under a lot of stress. Most women like to have fun and care what their partner thinks about their appearance. Most of us love to give and receive pleasure.

As far as duty goes, I want to make my husband happy, and he wants to do the same. Sometimes that means doing something I'm not so enthusiastic about because I get pleasure from knowing it makes him feel good. He does the same for me. That's the essence of love.

 

[SmilinAngel]

ERMan, would she be willing to pleasure you in other ways like giving you oral, a handjob, or letting you touch her while you masturbate? Or read a story to you while you masturbate?

My husband and I take responsibility for our own pleasure, and we're fine masturbating when the other doesn't want to participate. However, if he's horny and I'm not, I usually prefer to do something for him than have him masturbate by himself, even if it's just letting him touch me while he masturbates. If I'm not here or I don't want to, he has my blessing to look at porn and get off. I just like having the option to please him. I don't know if your wife would go for something like that, but it might be another item in your list of possible solutions.

Good luck to you!

I'm with you, SE, when I'm not in the mood or can't (if it's that time of the week) I'll "help" my man out with handjobs or oral or whatever. He says that he doesn't need to masturbate, and that he can wait for me, and I don't think that he has masturbated from frustration yet, but I wouldn't mind if he did. Plus, like so many other couples, we like different times. He is a morning person, I am an anytime-but-morning person ... I mostly enjoy night, but I like to spice it up with an afternoon quickie here and there. But, we work it out ... compromise. We try to meet in the middle in a way where we both are at least satisfied! Anyway, what I'm saying ERMan, is talk to your wife. See if she wouldn't mind the internet thing like Lilth said, or if she'd "help" you out when she didn't feel like it. You might be surprised. My SO was ... Good Luck!

 

[Zergplex]

Zergplex Says

Oh, my god, I didn't know so many men were really that piggish.

I've been with my guy for a few years. *I* am the one that initiates sex. *I* am the one that puts effort into my appearance.. I grew my hair 13 inches for him, I wear makeup for him, I buy lingerie for him, and *HE* doesn't notice. So before you go making stupid comments like you did, maybe THINK just a little bit.

Not that many men ARE that piggish, just the ones who are inherantly pigs are much more vocal then the rest of us.

Relationships are always give and take, I am the less sexual of our relationship so I make an effort to please her when I'm not totally in the mood and she cuddles with me even if she's not completely in the mood. Of course when we are in 'sync' it makes it all the better knowing our partner does things like this to show how much they care. Everyone seems to think a relationship should start perfect, when really your the one who has to work to make it that way...

-Zergplex

 

[manofsteel52]

I could use some advice. I love my wife. She is gorgeous, smart, funny and attentive. The problem is that we have totally different libidos. She is happy having sex once every two weeks and I am a twice or even three times a week kind of guy. Whenever we talk about sex it turns into an awful mess with crying and pain. She also likes it the same way every time and I would like to experiment. She has powerful orgasms when we do have sex but she says it just takes a long time to recharge her sexual batteries. I don't want to cheat on my wife but I have sexual needs. Anybody out there in cyber land have any advice? Thanks.

This is a very common issue, as most have already stated here. I'm kinda in the same boat. I'm a once or thrice a day kinda guy, my wife is more like once or twice a week. A great deal of her drive is directly related to stress, physical rest (or exhaustion, as the case may be), and hormones. Mine are saying go, hers are saying no.
The big only advise I can give is, if you really love her and care about her in every other way, but you're a little incompatible in the frequency department, live with it. Take matters into your own hands if need be. Look at porn, whatever. I've been with my wife for 30 years, and I wouldn't trade those years in just because of a bit of difference in sex drive.

 

[SweetErika]

Re: Re: Once every two weeks is fine for her.

This is a very common issue, as most have already stated here. I'm kinda in the same boat. I'm a once or thrice a day kinda guy, my wife is more like once or twice a week. A great deal of her drive is directly related to stress, physical rest (or exhaustion, as the case may be), and hormones. Mine are saying go, hers are saying no.
The big only advise I can give is, if you really love her and care about her in every other way, but you're a little incompatible in the frequency department, live with it. Take matters into your own hands if need be. Look at porn, whatever. I've been with my wife for 30 years, and I wouldn't trade those years in just because of a bit of difference in sex drive.

Posts like this (and Zergplex's of course) are such a welcome read...lucky wife you have there, manofsteel!

 

[Zergplex]

Zergplex Says

Posts like this (and Zergplex's of course) are such a welcome read...lucky wife you have there, manofsteel!

Aww thanks Erika, it's always good to feel appreciated ^^

-Zergplex

 

[Ms_Lilith]

Re: Re: Re: Once every two weeks is fine for her.

Originally posted by SweetErika
Posts like this (and Zergplex's of course) are such a welcome read...lucky wife you have there, manofsteel!

What she said.

Sorry for my outburst, Zergplex, though I don't mind criticizing the post I was actually criticizing- it was brutal and stupid...


but I was having rather a rough day. Sorry.

 

[Zergplex]

Zergplex Says

What she said.

Sorry for my outburst, Zergplex, though I don't mind criticizing the post I was actually criticizing- it was brutal and stupid...


but I was having rather a rough day. Sorry.

No need for an apoligy, I agree he deserved anything you said. Just remember that a few of the men out there are far more loving and understanding then others and stereotyping us all together devalues the good among us. A few of the good ones (such as myself) are advocates of eliminating the horrendious male AND female stereotypes (and honestly the male ones are seem alot deeper ingrained in people's skulls...) which is why I responded to your post. I apoligize if my post came out the wrong way. I know you didn't mean anything by what you said and I hope nothing I said offended you.

^_^ so it's all good.

-Zergplex

 

[EroticRomanticMan]

Thanks for the Discussion everyone

xxxxx

 

[vargas111]

"Oh, my god, I didn't know so many men were really that piggish.

I've been with my guy for a few years. *I* am the one that initiates sex. *I* am the one that puts effort into my appearance.. I grew my hair 13 inches for him, I wear makeup for him, I buy lingerie for him, and *HE* doesn't notice. So before you go making stupid comments like you did, maybe THINK just a little bit."

Well, yes. All generalizations are false. But I'll bet you will find a man who WOULD notice sooner than a guy can find a woman who will initiate sex, grow her hair, buy lingerie, and wear makeup.

 

[trinityjons]

[B
Well, yes. All generalizations are false. But I'll bet you will find a man who WOULD notice sooner than a guy can find a woman who will initiate sex, grow her hair, buy lingerie, and wear makeup. [/B]

Men are quite as guilty as women are of the crime of failing to do those little things to please their partner. I will absolutely make the make-up/lingerie effort. You dress like a human being as well and pick your friggin' underwear up off the living room floor, 'kay? You guys could go back and forth about this for dayyyyys.

Another medication angle other than birth control which I did not see anyone mention is that presecription anti-depressants are notorious slayers of sex-drive and tons of people take them these days.

 

[NaiveOne]

Re: Crazy Girl is Right on

Dear Crazy Girl, I think you are pretty right on about highs and lows of sexual need. We do have kids around and I think my needs have increased and hers have decreased. Maybe you are right and time will heal all. I appriciate your thoughts and sometimes it is just enought to here someone else tell you what they are thinking. Thanks!

Hi ERM--

From my observations, it seems like libido is often related to energy levels. I'd recommend helping out around the house, especially with chores that would be considered hers. Or help the kids with their homework and let her relax a little. Not only will she appretiate your efforts, but she will theoretically have more energy to put into lovemaking. I always liked to "distract" my man while he was doing the dishes, or whatever. It kinda turned me on to know he was doing nice things for me.

Of course, don't do these things expecting sex. That would be bad. Do these things because you love her, because you love every part of her- including her sexual side.

Good luck!

 

[manofsteel52]

Re: Re: Re: Once every two weeks is fine for her.

Posts like this (and Zergplex's of course) are such a welcome read...lucky wife you have there, manofsteel!

Thanks. I like to think she is...

 

[EroticRomanticMan]

Thank Naive One

xxxxx

 

[vargas111]

Having tried everything mentioned here and them some, the secret of turning her on stilll escapes me.

Every two weeks looks like paradise at this point