Please Light a candle/pray/anything.

[yui]

Much luck to all,

Yui

 

[Belegon]

 

[scheherazade_79]

You and your friend have my sympathies, Sunny When all the prayers are done, can I suggest a kick boxing class? There are a lot of nasty men and women out there, and sometimes it does your confidence the world of good to know you have something in reserve.

 

[joeys-game]

Thoughts and prayers to your friend and her boyfriend.

 

[CharleyH]

I've been around, in a manner of speaking. But something happened very recently that pulled me away from Lit for a second...

A friend of mine was raped.

No matter how much you understand the Whys of bad things happening to good people... Understanding does nothing to soften the blow.

Her boyfriend is heartbroken, and blaming himself for it somehow. I wish I could give more details, but it sort of feels disrespectful to do so.

If you guys could just say a quick prayer, to Whomever you pray, asking Someone to ease the pain of these two good friends...

I'd really appreciate it.

*edited to change "goo people" to "good people"

Sunnie, I do understand you are feeling bad, so take this as my honesty.

Having been raped and quite violently - the worst thing you could do is post this. Not to be cruel, but to be real.

I will not say what is really on my mind, but I will suggest that you should in fact deal with yourself and how you feel to ease 'your' pain first before asking for a prayer, or discussing her boyfriend's devestation.

 

[woodnymph_O]

Sunnie, I do understand you are feeling bad, so take this as my honesty.

Having been raped and quite violently - the worst thing you could do is post this. Not to be cruel, but to be real.

I will not say what is really on my mind, but I will suggest that you should in fact deal with yourself and how you feel to ease 'your' pain first before asking for a prayer, or discussing her boyfriend's devestation.

Charley , sending you much love,
but i do have to say, the BEST thing you can do as a victim is to come forward without shame. I was a victim of rape also. I lost my virginity in a rape, and for too long i hid in shame that was not mine.The shame is on the perpatrator. However it is up to her to come forward.
But lets be honest here, her name has not been posted , and how many of us would know who she is in real life?
Maybe what should be said is this.
Women are raped every day, all around the world. As we sit here debating , there is probably a woman being raped. Send love and prayer to all of them this morning. Take a second to send love to their family, the husbands , children , and everyone else affected by this crime. Take another second to look up your state, providence etc. view on rape and punishment of this offence. Is it tough enough? if not why aren't you sending your government emails like bullets? It's time rape started being more punishable than robbing the local Quickie mart. And it's time us victims starting holding our heads high.
Nymphy

 

[KarenAM]

Sunnie, I can't give details here, but I have been in your position.

The friends and loved ones of rape victims experience their own horror, their own guilt, and their own pain. A part of this is the feeling that because it was not actually you who was raped, you have less right or cause to express what you are feeling.

But you should.

In the awfulness of it all, people like you and your friend's boyfriend are often forgotten.

So with all due respect to Charley, posting here was the best thing you could do. You have along road ahead in this, and it's going to be very hard. You should never feel that you have to deal with these feelings alone.

If you feel a need to talk, please feel free to PM or e-mail me.

I'm holding you in the light.

 

[velvetpie]

She has my prayers, Sunnie. I hope they catch the asshole!

 

[CharleyH]

Charley , sending you much love,
but i do have to say, the BEST thing you can do as a victim is to come forward without shame.
Nymphy

No need for love to be sent to me, Nymph, though I appreciate it, and send it to you as well and with much empathy, if you need it. If I was not open, I would not discuss it, and neither would you. And yes - you are right, but in one thing I do not agree. I am not a victum, for that word gives power to the perpetrator or thing, and the best thing for such a woman is to ... get help or talk. Experiences are singular, we deal in our way, but let me ask this .... should we allow one night to overshadow all that is amazing about the greater part of our lives?

Quite frankly, I would not be who I am without that .... yes .... experience.

 

[CharleyH]

So with all due respect to Charley, posting here was the best thing you could do. You have along road ahead in this, and it's going to be very hard. You should never feel that you have to deal with these feelings alone.

If you feel a need to talk, please feel free to PM or e-mail me.

I'm holding you in the light.

Sunnie is not the one raped, as I understood. Even if she was? I hardly think she would immediately say so, and on a public forum she rarely posts on? Not saying her pain as a friend does not hurt - believe me - I know that too.

However, Literotica is a ... PORN venue. If one wishes to discuss sex in the context of rape on the Authors Hangout? Then cool. I am happy to give my opinion and my experience. The AH is, or at least was a place for authors to hang and discuss ideas ... writing, and how they mix.

It is fast becoming a blend of fluff (I apologise to Gauche and Doc for my seeing it too late) Psychology 101 and other things.

 

[SeaCat]

One thing that Sunnie mentioned, (Thank you Sunnie,) which many people forget is the feelings of the family members, S/O's of the rape victim. They often are neglected because they weren't raped. Unfortunately what is not understood is the feeling of helplessness and disgust they feel afer the rape. (No not disgust at the person who was raped.) They feel they have violated a trust because theyw ere not there, or if they were there they were not able to protect their wife or girlfriend from the attack. They, in their minds, have failed in their most important job.

Think about it. You feel you have one job and only one job. You are there to protect and provide for your wife or girlfriend. All of a a sudden you are shown that you have not done this. You have not protected your wife or girlfriend from this most vicious of attacks. One that rips at not only her physical well being but her sense of self as well. You have failed in this most important job that your society has given you. In the eyes of yourself as well as your peers you have failed. This is what the boyfriend/husband/S/O of the rape victim feels after such an attack.

Charley, yes this is a Porn Site. Yes there is a lot of fluff which gets posted here. Maybe some don't think this is the place for posting this kind of thread but where better? Who better to talk about the human condition andthe vagarties of it than a site like this. Yes we write about porn, but we also write about and think about sex and sexuality in all it's forms here. You were raped? So was my wife. She like you showed the strength to get through it unaided. (The first time.) It was because of people like us here that she got through it the second time. Please do not run down this site or the people here because we write porn. Too many of us have learned about life from way too many sources to have that happen.

Cat

 

[KarenAM]

Sunnie is not the one raped, as I understood. Even if she was? I hardly think she would immediately say so, and on a public forum she rarely posts on? Not saying her pain as a friend does not hurt - believe me - I know that too.

However, Literotica is a ... PORN venue. If one wishes to discuss sex in the context of rape on the Authors Hangout? Then cool. I am happy to give my opinion and my experience. The AH is, or at least was a place for authors to hang and discuss ideas ... writing, and how they mix.

It is fast becoming a blend of fluff (I apologise to Gauche and Doc for my seeing it too late) Psychology 101 and other things.

Quite correct, Charley. Sunnie is a friend to the one raped, and since a very close friend of mine was also raped some years ago, I offered (and still do) what help I can to someone whose pain I might have some insight into.

The AH has become a lot of things that don't relate to its original intent. In addition to their theraputic and community value, threads like this one can help writers learn about life as it is experienced by others, and can apply this to their writing, if they so choose. Not all writing discussions need be formal.

 

[Guest]

I believe that each person deals with trauma in their own way. Their own unique way.

For some, it helps in discussing details, crying on shoulders, talking to therapists (of course - that is a good idea for anyone).

Some would prefer to be left alone. To heal in peace. Over-comforting from friends and family only seems to be a reminder of the situation for them.

For others, they tend to attack the problem by strengthening their body, their mind, starting neighborhood efforts against violence, rallying politicians, and so on. That's how they cope.

The victim, of course, must progress through matters of healing at their own pace. Hopefully the healing will include friends and family, too.

But you can't personally disagree or disapprove of the manner in which anyone is coping. Everyone has to handle their situation in their own way.

 

[CharleyH]

One thing that Sunnie mentioned, (Thank you Sunnie,) which many people forget is the feelings of the family members, S/O's of the rape victim. They often are neglected because they weren't raped.

Cat

No. Thats the first thing raped people think about.

 

[KarenAM]

No. Thats the first thing raped people think about.

This has been my experience also. My friend has always thought about me and the rape's impact on me, and she has been an absolute saint in supporting me. She is nothing short of amazing, is much stronger than I am, and the word hero doesn't begin to do her justice.

 

[LadyJeanne]

The AH is, or at least was a place for authors to hang and discuss ideas ... writing, and how they mix.

It is fast becoming a blend of fluff (I apologise to Gauche and Doc for my seeing it too late) Psychology 101 and other things.

When you say this is what we are becoming, I think you are saying this is what people are posting in the AH. It makes sense the thoughts exchanged here now are not the same as in the past. The people aren't the same.

All of those things, the fluff, the psychology, the other things - all are part of living. Is that not what we write about?

 

[Sunnie]

Guys, please. I didn't mean for this to become a debate on what I should or should not have said, who was raped and who wasn't, who feels what and why and how. Fact is, every experience is singular -- I've been raped and molested and the whole deal, and I've never allowed the events to overshadow my life. Other women might have a longer road of recovery. And that's okay, too.

Let's be honest -- when something like this happens to someone close to you -- or someone close to someone close to you (I am better friends with the boyfriend than the victim), you feel powerless. All you want to do is turn back time and make it so that this thing doesn't happen, or take away all the pain your friends are feeling. But you can't. You can't change it and you can't fix it. And I was feeling that powerlessness, that helplessness, when I called for the thoughts and prayers of you good people. And I thank you sincerely for your responses.

But I do not agree that I shouldn't have posted this. I didn't give names, places, details, anything. I was in pain for my friend, and I could not express that pain any other way.

I don't know what else to say, really.

 

[CharleyH]

When you say this is what we are becoming, I think you are saying this is what people are posting in the AH. It makes sense the thoughts exchanged here now are not the same as in the past. The people aren't the same.

All of those things, the fluff, the psychology, the other things - all are part of living. Is that not what we write about?

Yes, but is not the very definition of Literotica to write? Going to bed love - sorry.