Question about what my situation is called

[NewJourneyAz]

Sorry this is probably a bit of a silly question but I am super new to all of this and the terminology is a bit confusing

So, a bit about my situation. My husband was in an accident years ago that left him paralyzed from the neck down. We have been a part of a support group for others dealing with similar situations. A bit over a year ago my husband approached me telling me it was ok if I wanted to be with other men. At the time the thought hadn’t crossed my mind and I was upset / angry at his suggestion. He didn’t relent and constantly assured me that he not only would be ok with it but wanted it for me.

In our support group we befriended an older couple who was in a similar situation only with the wife who sustained the injuries. Several months into that friendship the wife opened up to me that her husband was attracted to me and intended it to be just sharing a compliment at first before she brought up the idea of us seeing each other. To cut this long post short the four of us eventually agreed to give this a try and we had our first date last weekend.

Both spouses do not want to watch or be present, only to hear about it afterwards via group conversations and private conversations with our spouses

Does that mean what we are doing is considered cuckolding? Or is there another term that this would fall under?

 

[LoneMilf]

Wikipedia to the rescue:
A cuckold is the husband of an adulterous wife; the wife of an adulterous husband is a cuckquean. In biology, a cuckold is a male who unwittingly invests parental effort in juveniles who are not genetically his offspring.[1] A husband who is aware of and tolerates his wife's infidelity is sometimes called a wittol or wittold.[2] The slang term bull refers to the dominant man who has relations with the cuckold's partner.

I hope that helps

 

[NewJourneyAz]

Wikipedia to the rescue:
A cuckold is the husband of an adulterous wife; the wife of an adulterous husband is a cuckquean. In biology, a cuckold is a male who unwittingly invests parental effort in juveniles who are not genetically his offspring.[1] A husband who is aware of and tolerates his wife's infidelity is sometimes called a wittol or wittold.[2] The slang term bull refers to the dominant man who has relations with the cuckold's partner.

I hope that helps

Thank you, I think it does. So in this case my husband would be a cuckold the other guys wife would be a cuckquean?

 

[LoneMilf]

Well, if you read a little futher, it sounds more like the term wittol or wittold could be relevant. It makes a difference that he's aware and approves

 

[NewJourneyAz]

Well, if you read a little futher, it sounds more like the term wittol or wittold could be relevant. It makes a difference that he's aware and approves

Ah you are right! Thank you so much!

 

[R_Clairmont]

Honestly, cuckholding has a negative and cheating connotation. Since everyone is aware and in the loop, you might want to consider what you are describing as polyamory. There are a lot of great articles about this, with an emphasis on constant communications with all parties.

 

[NewJourneyAz]

Honestly, cuckholding has a negative and cheating connotation. Since everyone is aware and in the loop, you might want to consider what you are describing as polyamory. There are a lot of great articles about this, with an emphasis on constant communications with all parties.

I had heard that term before and considered it, you may very well be right

 

[LittleGreene]

Personally I see this as open marriages

 

[Hornymwtxn]

Sorry this is probably a bit of a silly question but I am super new to all of this and the terminology is a bit confusing

So, a bit about my situation. My husband was in an accident years ago that left him paralyzed from the neck down. We have been a part of a support group for others dealing with similar situations. A bit over a year ago my husband approached me telling me it was ok if I wanted to be with other men. At the time the thought hadn’t crossed my mind and I was upset / angry at his suggestion. He didn’t relent and constantly assured me that he not only would be ok with it but wanted it for me.

In our support group we befriended an older couple who was in a similar situation only with the wife who sustained the injuries. Several months into that friendship the wife opened up to me that her husband was attracted to me and intended it to be just sharing a compliment at first before she brought up the idea of us seeing each other. To cut this long post short the four of us eventually agreed to give this a try and we had our first date last weekend.

Both spouses do not want to watch or be present, only to hear about it afterwards via group conversations and private conversations with our spouses

Does that mean what we are doing is considered cuckolding? Or is there another term that this would fall under?

I would consider it the ultimate expression of love by the spouses who can no longer perform and want to see their partners enjoy life again.

 

[LoneMilf]

Polyamory, open marriages and probably other terms are great for describing the setup. But if you want a term specifically for your husband, wittol seems to be the most accurate (although a bit old). Definitely agree that cuckold has negative connotations and imply cheating

 

[Britva415]

So in this case my husband would be a cuckold

Only if you're going to have the other guy's baby.

 

[NewJourneyAz]

Only if you're going to have the other guy's baby.

Yeah this is definitely not happening

 

[Oshkosh60]

Ah you are right! Thank you so much!

Out of curiosity, has it ever been brought up or discussed about the two other partners spending time together..... talking or kissing or more...... I am reminded of the Christopher Reeves interview that he did with his wife. The moderator said it must be difficult to not have a sex life and she left him speechless when she replied that they still had sex. All time funny clip if you can find it.

 

[NewJourneyAz]

Out of curiosity, has it ever been brought up or discussed about the two other partners spending time together..... talking or kissing or more...... I am reminded of the Christopher Reeves interview that he did with his wife. The moderator said it must be difficult to not have a sex life and she left him speechless when she replied that they still had sex. All time funny clip if you can find it.

It has been discussed but I don’t think there is mutual interest between the two of them. I do think the other guys wife is far more inclined to want to potentially watch her husband and I at some point but my husband, at least for now, is not interested

 

[jbird4]

You are lady chatterly.

 

[NewJourneyAz]

You are lady chatterly.

Oh wow! I just looked that up and it is definitely fitting in some ways!

 

[jbird4]

Oh wow! I just looked that up and it is definitely fitting in some ways!

The value of my liberal arts education never ends!

 

[liliput1]

You are lady chatterly.

The 2022 screen adaptation isn't half bad.

 

[liliput1]

These situations generally require a tedious amount of conversation to ensure that consent is maintained. It's very much the case that people believe they're up for scenarios in this realm when they are still hypothetical and discover they can't handle it as soon as it becomes concrete.

There's a range of emotions that could be underlying this conversation from compersion at the Best Outcome end down to the Bargaining phase of Grief - fear that trying to hold your partner to a social contract which you can no longer fulfill may cause them to lose you entirely. It's a very well documented phenomenon of human psychology that hardships you volunteer for are easier to endure than those forced upon you.

Given 4 adults the odds that all of you are on the same page is statistically low and the danger is in selective listening and hearing what you want to hear.

 

[cadman7777]

The 2022 screen adaptation isn't half bad.

I kind of liked the movies as well as the mini series with Joely Richardson

 

[imustadmit]

Honestly, cuckholding has a negative and cheating connotation. Since everyone is aware and in the loop, you might want to consider what you are describing as polyamory. There are a lot of great articles about this, with an emphasis on constant communications with all parties.

Yeah, I'd be hesitant to call this cuckold. All parties are aware, no one's being humiliated, no bi sex happening....I'm a sort of a cuck, but I always like to say I'm halfway between cuck and stag/vixen. I encourage and find the guys for my wife, and I participate and watch.