Seeking feedback on first part of exhibitionist series

[Offeredup]

This is my first story and I'm looking for constructive feedback before I release future parts in the series.

I'm particularly interested in the experience of women discovering and accepting pleasure, so feedback from women who fantasize about exhibitionism is extra welcome.

This is a slow burn. Later parts in the series will be more explicit.

Many thanks.

https://www.literotica.com/s/too-much-skin

 

[ElectricBlue]

This is a slow burn. Later parts in the series will be more explicit.

It might be a slow burn in terms of getting to the sex, but the pace is relentless, it doesn't stop. I left a comment and a five, but now I need to slow down!

 

[Offeredup]

Thanks! I got your comment. Considering the rhythm on the next one. I might slow it a bit. Still playing with it.

 

[AlinaX]

I found the short paragraphs too short and too distracting. It made me constantly itch to edit. And then I was too irritated with Ethan to really enjoy it at all, but that's a me thing.

The first person present tense is consistent - good - but also there's a continual focus on what is happening and no real exploration of who she actually is. And while that might work for a scene, it felt missing to me here.

 

[Offeredup]

Thanks Alina. These are good notes.

 

[Offeredup]

Hi all, I'm just completing part two of the series and I'm looking for beta readers. I was thrilled to get a high rating but I think a lot of these comments were spot on. For the second part, I tried to do more for readers to get to know Mia and I focused on secondary characters that are more likable. I have mostly kept my short paragraph style but I've muted it slightly to make it appeal more broadly. I would like beta readers to be a balance of women and men because I'd like it to have appeal. FYI this is an exhibitionist story with edging so only read if that's your thing. Approx 7000 words. Will send file.