Share your writing gems

[spiralholly]

If he's working class and not a big reader, I'd probably favor a more mundane version: 'just let the things sit while the math voodoo used by rich people made it grow faster by neglect'

 

[MK_Whimsy]

I really enjoyed writing this snippet, but "unparalleled uncompromise" especially tickled my fancy. So melodramatic.

Would that qualify as a double negative?

 

[TheExperimentalist]

If he's working class and not a big reader, I'd probably favor a more mundane version: 'just let the things sit while the math voodoo used by rich people made it grow faster by neglect'

I hear what you're saying, and I considered when writing it whether the fancy language really fit, but he's not actually uneducated. He grew up 'upper middle class' (though I hate those labels), the son of the worst kind of corporate executive (with everything that brings to mind and more), but left when he was 18, cut off from his parents, which is why he ended taking whatever job he could find.

 

[MK_Whimsy]

From a new work Taloned Transport (I'm so good at titles!). MC describes his anthropomorphic avian pilot splaying his talons:

Watching it was like observing the petals of a flower opening--a dangerous and sharp one at that. And in its opened state, I couldn't help but think it resembled a giant trap that, at just the right trigger, would quickly, mercilessly snap shut around its hapless target.

 

[caleb35]

So... I'm never really all that happen with my writing. I consistently think of it all as a "work in progress," and I vacillate between thinking it's pretty good and oh god this is dreck. With that said, I just wrote the following in a brand new draft and... I don't know if it's a gem but I don't think it's half-bad:

You looked at Dylan and thought “sharp edges” – sharp clothes, sharp haircut, sharp angles on her chin and cheekbones. Like you could cut yourself on her. Then you saw her glinting dark eyes and the smile on her face that always seemed a fraction away from a sneer and then you thought that she’d enjoy cutting you.

 

[TheExperimentalist]

I consistently think of it all as a "work in progress," and I vacillate between thinking it's pretty good and oh god this is dreck.

Hard relate to this part.

I also gotta say, I really like the word play in your snippet, especially because I can think of one or two real life people it reminds me of.

 

[caleb35]

Hard relate to this part.

I also gotta say, I really like the word play in your snippet, especially because I can think of one or two real life people it reminds me of.

Thanks for the feedback. I think almost every writer feels that way often (and if they don't, they're likely not working hard enough at their craft).

 

[SmilingLez]

"But only if you stay —
Only then do I own you."

This line is from my free verse exploring the author/reader dynamic Spoon Fed

 

[Stanfield2025]

_______________

"Christ, Miguel, it's fine," Inna said. "It's done. You want to know my regrets? I remember the first time I lost hope in our real estate business, and Michael was willing to listen. He cared. You were at clinical that day, in case you're wondering."

I sat there and listened, more shame and sorrow creeping in.

"I remember Michael giving me tips," she said. "Places I could go to appeal to the right people. We kissed. We talked. Political subjects came up. And you know how that goes with him."

"I can already imagine him," I said, unable to help my shaky smile. The image of Michael defending his talking points with the seriousness of a heart attack came to mind.

"One man, three opinions," she said.

"What else do you remember?" I asked.
_______________

This part of the conversation is inspired by a conversation from the TV show known as The Wire.

 

[anthrodisiac]

Would that qualify as a double negative?

Not in this case, because canceling them out doesn't result in the same meaning.

Unparalled uncompromise > an unmatched unwillingness/inability to compromise
Paralleled comproise > a matched willingness/ability to compromise

Or:
Unparalleled uncompromise > uncompromise that eventually intersects the the comparitive uncompromise
Paralleled compromise > compromise that never insersects the comparitive compromise

 

[MK_Whimsy]

Another one from Bound Company:

"But this cell was still an upgrade nonetheless. I couldn't complain. Well figuratively I couldn't, of course, but I guess also literally. After all, I had a big fucking ball gag sitting in my mouth."

 

[TheExperimentalist]

From a work in progress.

"What do you want me to do, unfuck him?"

So here's a weird one. I was just writing a line that started in my head as "well, it's not like we can undo it" and then morphed as I was into "well, it's not like we can unfuck" as I was typing, and for a second I was like "oh, that's good! I'm so clever!" before I remembered that I had not, in fact, come up with it on my own. It FELT natural, but I legitimately don't know if I'd have thought of it without yours lurking in the dark recesses of my memory.

Anyway, long story short, the sentence is going to end with something more similar to "undo it" because I don't want to steal your gem.

 

[StillStunned]

I just came across this paragraph in a half-written sword & sorcery story in my WIP folder. The main character Bedric the Beautiful (or Bedric Break-Oath) has returned to the City of Scum after four years:

Now the whispers and rumours ran like the rats along the alleys and over the rooftops. Men – and some women – sharpened their knives and talked to their friends. Reliable friends, friends they could trust at their back. Women – and some men – paused by their burnished mirrors and adjusted their clothes to show off their assets. All wondered who’d find Bedric first.

 

[liliput1]

So here's a weird one. I was just writing a line that started in my head as "well, it's not like we can undo it" and then morphed as I was into "well, it's not like we can unfuck" as I was typing, and for a second I was like "oh, that's good! I'm so clever!" before I remembered that I had not, in fact, come up with it on my own. It FELT natural, but I legitimately don't know if I'd have thought of it without yours lurking in the dark recesses of my memory.

Anyway, long story short, the sentence is going to end with something more similar to "undo it" because I don't want to steal your gem.

This all feels very reminiscent of the old dirty joke:

What's the difference between a nun and a light bulb?

You can unscrew a light bulb.

 

[Kumquatqueen]

I rather like the parallel in this:

"Yeah, well, you live and learn. Don't put your dick in the crazy, don't put your dick in the lab equipment."

 

[Djmac1031]

From my latest, I Dream Of Jenna


Jenna sucked me like she was under water and my cock was her sole source of oxygen.