Tell Blatant Lies About....Yourself

Many years ago, I helped the local Bigfeet (do NOT call them 'Bigfoots'!) shave and get jobs as Football Linemen and Pro Wrestlers.
 
Imagine my disappointment to find two unopened packets of custard cream biscuits when we cleared out the boat for winter. Luckily they have long use-by dates so they'll be packed away with the other gear till next year.
 
In October of 2021, I set in motion a chain of events that will bring about the end of life on Earth as we know it in... *checks watch*

Precisely 11 minutes. You're welcome.
 
I have a magical prehensile tongue which can lengthen, thicken and lift small dumbbells.
 
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