The Contradictions of BDSM: Open, As Long As You Don’t Deviate ?

[Saltfountain]

I don’t consider myself an expert, and no one even asked who or what I am. Everyone just assumed that only a man could say something like this. Maybe you should reread the thread.

No one explicitly said that a safeword is always necessary?
And my opinion - that a partner should notice discomfort long before a safeword is needed - triggers people? Good.

And are games and experiments not part of BDSM? Pushing boundaries? I see it differently, but I respect other opinions. A serious discussion about complex topics requires audiatur ad altera pars - let the other side be heard.


Ahhh, a Blue Velvet quote - how original! Nothing screams 'deep intellectual argument' quite like a curse from a David Lynch film. If only Dennis Hopper had given a lecture on ethics, maybe we could be having a truly high-level discussion here.

And you're seriously implying that I, as a woman, can't present myself in pictures however I want?
Or that my Dom would share pictures of me without my consent?
I really hope you're not a Dom.

You're really trying to imply that by posting a bio stating that you're male, and you're a so called dom that we should ask who is using the account?

Your actions are duplicitous, and you are a self righteous hypocrite.

You post hand wringing posts about how trust is so vitally important in D/s, so important that other basic safety measures shouldn't be needed, and then you claim to be someone other than the person people expect.

And nice to see the only freedom of expression you approve of is your own.

 

[Saltfountain]

I’m allowed to use his account for a week - maybe he’ll punish me, maybe he won’t.

If you're allowed to use the account for a week, why would he punish you?

 

[YourGentleDom]

I think everyone should petition site ownership to start a separate BDSM forum. Wouldn't that be a great idea?

Alright, I’ll accept you as a referee - but only if you don’t overuse the whistle.

 

[YourGentleDom]

You're really trying to imply that by posting a bio stating that you're male, and you're a so called dom that we should ask who is using the account?

Your actions are duplicitous, and you are a self righteous hypocrite.

You post hand wringing posts about how trust is so vitally important in D/s, so important that other basic safety measures shouldn't be needed, and then you claim to be someone other than the person people expect.

And nice to see the only freedom of expression you approve of is your own.

Do you have any idea how many men pretend to be women here? And I never claimed to be a man - I was posting from an account that sounds like one. But tell me, would it have been any different if I had said the exact same thing as a woman?

 

[YourGentleDom]

If you're allowed to use the account for a week, why would he punish you?

Maybe he’s annoyed by what his brat is up to?

 

[Saltfountain]

Do you have any idea how many men pretend to be women here? And I never claimed to be a man - I was posting from an account that sounds like one. But tell me, would it have been any different if I had said the exact same thing as a woman?

Read. Your. Bio...

Ffs

It explicitly states you're male

And yes, and I call people out on that too. But is your argument seriously that it's OK for you to do shit stuff because other people do shit stuff? And your account claims to be a lawyer? Jesus wept man...

 

[Saltfountain]

Maybe he’s annoyed by what his brat is up to?

Would be monumentallly funny if you somehow got his account banned

 

[RosewoodTulip]

Good grief this is exhausting.
You are just intent on changing your narrative to be "right". You give contradictory statements then drop a "gotcha" to try and find some kind of high ground.
First you're writing as a male dominant. Then oh sike you're actually a female sub trying to top from the bottom.

How dare we judge you thinking you were male even though your name and bio says that you are. You speak of trust but nothing you have done or said here is even remotely trustworthy.

As someone who was unfortunate to have a partner that either didn't see or, more likely, willfully ignored my obvious discomfort and carried on anyway I find your stance on safe words to be extremely dangerous.

Yes we as subs love to be lost in the moment. But should something go wrong having a safe stop is vital.

But I don't expect you to reply in good faith and, tbh, your personal opinion means nothing to me. For people reading threads like this to learn more about the lifestyle though please keep in mind there are many people in kink who do not have the welfare of their partners in mind.

 

[YourGentleDom]

Read. Your. Bio...

Ffs

It explicitly states you're male

And yes, and I call people out on that too. But is your argument seriously that it's OK for you to do shit stuff because other people do shit stuff? And your account claims to be a lawyer? Jesus wept man...

I thought we were discussing BDSM and freedom of speech - not about Jesus, Bible quotes and moral outrage. And yes, my Dom is a lawyer, and so am I. That’s why I brought up the copyright issue.

But please, enlighten me - what exactly is the 'shit' I’m supposed to have done?
And why should an account be banned just because of a discussion?

Good grief this is exhausting.
You are just intent on changing your narrative to be "right". You give contradictory statements then drop a "gotcha" to try and find some kind of high ground.
First you're writing as a male dominant. Then oh sike you're actually a female sub trying to top from the bottom.

How dare we judge you thinking you were male even though your name and bio says that you are. You speak of trust but nothing you have done or said here is even remotely trustworthy.

As someone who was unfortunate to have a partner that either didn't see or, more likely, willfully ignored my obvious discomfort and carried on anyway I find your stance on safe words to be extremely dangerous.

Yes we as subs love to be lost in the moment. But should something go wrong having a safe stop is vital.

But I don't expect you to reply in good faith and, tbh, your personal opinion means nothing to me. For people reading threads like this to learn more about the lifestyle though please keep in mind there are many people in kink who do not have the welfare of their partners in mind.

Dear Rosewood Tulip,
That was a discussion about Gentleman Doms, not Bad Boys who might not have a clue. And I completely agree with you if having a safeword gives you a sense of security. Personally, I’d rather not need one at all. That’s exactly my point. But I fully respect anyone who sees it differently.

 

[Saltfountain]

And yes, my Dom is a lawyer, and so am I.

Yet you constantly get upset that people "assume" you're male, whilst not giving them any credit for being able to read.

I believe you're a lawyer though. Full of shit, change the facts to fit your narrative, ignore the inconvenient bits...

 

[Otis_Ravelli]

Another person who thinks "Freedom of speech" means "Freedom to say what I want without challenge"

You have the freedom of speech to express your views but, equally, everyone else has the freedom of speech to say you're views are spurious, your arguments inconsistent and your behaviour duplicitous. If you dislike the consequences of you speaking freely you also have the freedom to stop but while you choose to exercise your right to freedom of speech others are free to exercise their equally right to free speech to say they think you're an assclown.

I am exercising my own free speech to say that you have chosen to argue your initial point from a bad faith position (pretending to be someone you're not) and when that discussion went against you you changed your position and thinking that would move the goalposts but it really doesn't. Whatever your true identity you conducted yourself poorly as everyone else here has pointed out. Any chance you had of having a genuine discussion about this has long gone and it is all your own doing, no one else's.

 

[Saltfountain]

Another person who thinks "Freedom of speech" means "Freedom to say what I want without challenge"

You have the freedom of speech to express your views but, equally, everyone else has the freedom of speech to say you're views are spurious, your arguments inconsistent and your behaviour duplicitous. If you dislike the consequences of you speaking freely you also have the freedom to stop but while you choose to exercise your right to freedom of speech others are free to exercise their equally right to free speech to say they think you're an assclown.

I am exercising my own free speech to say that you have chosen to argue your initial point from a bad faith position (pretending to be someone you're not) and when that discussion went against you you changed your position and thinking that would move the goalposts but it really doesn't. Whatever your true identity you conducted yourself poorly as everyone else here has pointed out. Any chance you had of having a genuine discussion about this has long gone and it is all your own doing, no one else's.

 

[ToPleaseHim]

[Snipped]

Yes. 100% people in BDSM relationships (casual or otherwise) should have safe words.

Don’t dare bring content to the BDSM Forum that ignores safety standards in BDSM.

BDSM is about trust and communication like any relationship, and there’s a very broad continuum of all things BDSM. At its core, it must be safe, sane, and consensual (SSC) and risk aware consensual kink (RACK).

You’re ringing very false in so many ways. Paying attention for red flags.

Note: I don’t need your permission to be a referee here and my whistle is real, so no need to bother with your condescending allowance

 

[Saltfountain]

Yes. 100% people in BDSM relationships (casual or otherwise) should have safe words.

Don’t dare bring content to the BDSM Forum that ignores safety standards in BDSM.

BDSM is about trust and communication like any relationship, and there’s a very broad continuum of all things BDSM. At its core, it must be safe, sane, and consensual (SSC) and risk aware consensual kink (RACK).

You’re ringing very false in so many ways. Paying attention for red flags.

Note: I don’t need your permission to be a referee here and my whistle is real, so no need to bother with your condescending allowance

 

[ToPleaseHim]

Just for those who don’t immediately get scared and think, ‘How irresponsible, advising against a safeword or not having one,’ here are my thoughts:

I expect a man not to rely on a safeword, but to read my reactions and notice if there are any signs that might raise doubts about whether everything is okay. I don’t want a safeword because it prevents me from fully letting go. I’d have to keep focusing on whether a safeword should be used or not. Plus, I can communicate normally during a session.
And as a true BDSM romantic, the submissive side of me resists the idea of having the final say in control during a session.

If there’s no play involving pain or potential danger, then a safeword really isn’t necessary. The NoGos and taboos are already discussed beforehand. If BDSM is practiced in a way that involves open communication, then it’s also not essential to set a safeword.

Have fun with everything that’s allowed - whether with or without a safeword !

You only submit to psychics, then?

For the love of everything holy, stop spewing nonsense here. I do really appreciate how clearly you’ve outed yourself as a catfish, though. Few make it this incredibly easy for people to spot them as frauds. Thanks for waving your red flag so wildly!!

 

[Venefica]

...

 

[lil_jenni]

Before any confusion arises: At present, AI-generated images are not allowed in Illustrated Stories. Otherwise, 99% of Avatars would already be banned. So, I am not violating any guidelines. But I appreciate that you're engaging with this topic - especially since reposting freely available photos or captions from the internet in a separate post is, in any case, a criminal copyright violation. But reporting anyone is the last thing on my mind.

As Literotica seems to assume, copyright violations are not only subject to US law (such as the Digital Millennium Copyright Act – DMCA) but also to the laws of the country where the image is accessed and viewed. This is known as the principle of territoriality, meaning that copyright laws apply separately in each country, and violations can be prosecuted in the jurisdiction where the content is made available.

I'm not a lawyer (although I am married to one), but even I know that most countries either do not criminalize copyright infringement or only do at a specific dollar amount and, in the U.S. at least, if the infringement is willful. So, posting pics here is probably not criminal copyright infringement in most, if not all, jurisdictions. But hey... maybe it's a language barrier.

 

[Tina_LeVoiturier]

The limits of BDSM increase with your level of trust in your partner, the final limit is no limit at all

 

[kathyisgr65]

The idea for this thread came from a discussion in the 'Reflections on Gentleman Doms' thread. Normally, I'm the one who submits - but for a week, I took over my Dom's account. I am a woman. Not a man, as perhaps a few insensitive people might have assumed.

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I purposely asked, as a supposed Dom, about the necessity of a safeword because it's a topic that sparks emotional and controversial debates.

Some people agree, especially those who rely on intuitive communication and trust. Others argue that a safeword is a crucial safety mechanism and see anything else as a red line. Personally, I don’t think a safeword is necessary - not out of carelessness, but because I’ve long realized what a true gentleman my Dom is. He’ll pay attention to nonverbal cues long before a safeword would even be needed. For me, those cues are more meaningful than words.

So the question isn't whether a safeword provides absolute safety - because it doesn’t. It's an important tool for maintaining control and clarity when other forms of communication fail. And what happens when words aren’t even possible? In some scenarios, like with a gag, nonverbal communication is already key. But I understand that it might be different for others.

Honestly, I’m only shocked by the comments. BDSM is all about the idea that every preference and boundary can be openly discussed. But as soon as an opinion doesn’t fit the mainstream, you're ignored or excluded? That completely goes against the core values of BDSM - openness, communication, and mutual respect. Or is it only openness as long as you don’t deviate? As a woman, am I not allowed to decide for myself what I want - or don’t want?

I don't think one is necessary unless a gag ball is involved...but in my opinion to be able to truly submit to someone u have to trust 100B% that they will protect u and only want what's best for u..and should..hmmm fuck now I'm not sure.. I'll be back
It's hard never having had to use one
Sorry..stoner alert