John_Smith123
Loves Spam
- Joined
- Mar 2, 2024
- Posts
- 85
It all started a few years ago, when I joined THIS forum. I loved that forum, and I was determined not to screw things up that time. I asked the mods to guide me, I told them I didn't want to risk breaking any rules. They sounded supportive, they comforted me, they told me they wouldn't ban me as long as I followed the guidelines they gave me.
I was polite, I didn't provoke anyone, I never posted links to my work anywhere other than where the mods assured me it was OK to do so.
My stay there lasted only one week or so. I posted only 10-20 posts or so. Then I realized my new threads no longer had any views and no one replied to any of my posts. I logged out to check whether I had been shadowbanned. When I logged out, I couldn't see my posts anymore, so indeed I had been shadowbanned.
But why? In the 10-20 posts I had posted until then, I hadn't insulted anyone, I hadn't spammed, I hadn't promoted where it wasn't allowed. The only non-writing related thing I recall posting -- in the General Section -- was a thread in which I said that in my opinion COVID was a hoax (it was the quarantine era back then), to which a few people replied to say they disagreed.
Anyway, I sent the mods a bazillion PMs, asking them what I had done and screwed up so badly that, despite all my attempts, I had ended up perma banned. Not a single response. I made another account and asked them on the Introductory Thread why they had banned me. They banned me again, not shadowban this time, and also graced me with a message that went like, "Dupe accounts are prohibited, so you are banned again. As for your previous account, it was a difficult decision and we discussed it a lot, but we concluded you have nothing to offer to the forum."
I asked them a bazillion times what I'd done wrong. Not a single response. I was angry, I cried, I wanted to punch them in the face, to crush their site with a virus or something. Anyway, that experience, which came on top of a long history of me being banned wherever I joined, made me firmly believe that no matter what I do, no matter how hard I try, it is my destiny to be disliked everywhere, both in real life and online. Maybe I don't do anything wrong, maybe it's just my aura. Or maybe what I do wrong is something so obvious that it's not even worth explaining to me if I'm too stupid to figure it out myself.
After that, I spent years without joining any other forum. Then I discovered Literotica. I joined to discuss my ideas about sex stories. That improved my mood for a while. Believe it or not, at first I didn't believe I would be banned from here too. I was sure that a forum about sexual fantasies would have more loose rules than the ones I'd joined in the past. So I had fun here for a while.
Until a member complained that I never write any stories. That awakened my past memories of being banned. The nightmares returned. Sure that my new ban was only a matter of time, I opened THIS thread to ask about that. And even though everyone tried to comfort me, I didn't manage to shake off my fear that I would be banned. Over the following months, I could no longer have fun, all my posts were about my fear of being banned. In the end, I caused my permanent ban with THIS thread. I thought getting it over with would make me feel relieved, but it didn't.
Then I came back with a new account (this one) to apologize. I thought that would make me feel relieved, but it didn't either. Ultimately, none of what happened here matters. To me, time stopped that day back in 2020, when I was banned from Writing Forum. I would kill to know why. I begged the mods millions of times in PMs to at least tell me why. Not a single response. If they explained to me what I did wrong back then, perhaps that would give me hope, since I'd try not to do it again in the future. But now I have no hope. Since I tried my best back then and it still wasn't enough, I am 100% sure that I will be disliked by everyone for as long as I shall live. I am doomed to live forever on that day back in 2020, the day my time stopped.
I apologize for having gotten on your nerves these two years.
I was polite, I didn't provoke anyone, I never posted links to my work anywhere other than where the mods assured me it was OK to do so.
My stay there lasted only one week or so. I posted only 10-20 posts or so. Then I realized my new threads no longer had any views and no one replied to any of my posts. I logged out to check whether I had been shadowbanned. When I logged out, I couldn't see my posts anymore, so indeed I had been shadowbanned.
But why? In the 10-20 posts I had posted until then, I hadn't insulted anyone, I hadn't spammed, I hadn't promoted where it wasn't allowed. The only non-writing related thing I recall posting -- in the General Section -- was a thread in which I said that in my opinion COVID was a hoax (it was the quarantine era back then), to which a few people replied to say they disagreed.
Anyway, I sent the mods a bazillion PMs, asking them what I had done and screwed up so badly that, despite all my attempts, I had ended up perma banned. Not a single response. I made another account and asked them on the Introductory Thread why they had banned me. They banned me again, not shadowban this time, and also graced me with a message that went like, "Dupe accounts are prohibited, so you are banned again. As for your previous account, it was a difficult decision and we discussed it a lot, but we concluded you have nothing to offer to the forum."
I asked them a bazillion times what I'd done wrong. Not a single response. I was angry, I cried, I wanted to punch them in the face, to crush their site with a virus or something. Anyway, that experience, which came on top of a long history of me being banned wherever I joined, made me firmly believe that no matter what I do, no matter how hard I try, it is my destiny to be disliked everywhere, both in real life and online. Maybe I don't do anything wrong, maybe it's just my aura. Or maybe what I do wrong is something so obvious that it's not even worth explaining to me if I'm too stupid to figure it out myself.
After that, I spent years without joining any other forum. Then I discovered Literotica. I joined to discuss my ideas about sex stories. That improved my mood for a while. Believe it or not, at first I didn't believe I would be banned from here too. I was sure that a forum about sexual fantasies would have more loose rules than the ones I'd joined in the past. So I had fun here for a while.
Until a member complained that I never write any stories. That awakened my past memories of being banned. The nightmares returned. Sure that my new ban was only a matter of time, I opened THIS thread to ask about that. And even though everyone tried to comfort me, I didn't manage to shake off my fear that I would be banned. Over the following months, I could no longer have fun, all my posts were about my fear of being banned. In the end, I caused my permanent ban with THIS thread. I thought getting it over with would make me feel relieved, but it didn't.
Then I came back with a new account (this one) to apologize. I thought that would make me feel relieved, but it didn't either. Ultimately, none of what happened here matters. To me, time stopped that day back in 2020, when I was banned from Writing Forum. I would kill to know why. I begged the mods millions of times in PMs to at least tell me why. Not a single response. If they explained to me what I did wrong back then, perhaps that would give me hope, since I'd try not to do it again in the future. But now I have no hope. Since I tried my best back then and it still wasn't enough, I am 100% sure that I will be disliked by everyone for as long as I shall live. I am doomed to live forever on that day back in 2020, the day my time stopped.
I apologize for having gotten on your nerves these two years.
Last edited:
