"us blokes" (generalisation) still don't get it and could try harder.

[Franktedh]

Hi. Not sure if this is the right place to post and I might be wrong but hear me out. I've been on few swingers sites/contact sites and still amazed by the messages that "us blokes" send to ladies thinking that it will get them attention and make a lady want to hook up! Firstly, just because a women is on a swingers site doesn't mean she is a "cock hungry fuck slut" or variant off. How about she just likes uncomplicated sex is busy and finds a swingers site a good option. If you approached a women in "lifestyle" club with the same chat im sure you won't get very far and probably booted out. It goes back to the very basic rule of any engagement , show respect and ffs chill out. Talk, ask questions, listen properly. Secondly, try have a quick think before you hit send. Chaps do we think most girls will respond too, Hi "want to hook up. I'll throat fuck you till you puke" hi, "what's your address , why don't I come over and rape your arse" ..Hi, "im much younger than you, I bet you'd love me to suckle on your tits while I finger fuck your cunt"...and lots more.. And how many times you must have read "don't send doc pics" but it seems that we are still sending them!!

Sorry maybe im a little old fashioned but think that you might have a better chance of a hook up, with some respect, honest chat, pic of something that will grab attention rather than cock...it might make it more fun for all involved...If the lady you are chatting to says 'I want to arse fucked, coverd in cum and called bitch slut" then fill your boots, but it doesn't mean all ladies want that because they are in a certain website.

Okay I'll sod off, I don't mean to sound preachy, just want "us blokes" to come across in better light sometimes.

 

[Buffy47]

Hi. Not sure if this is the right place to post and I might be wrong but hear me out. I've been on few swingers sites/contact sites and still amazed by the messages that "us blokes" send to ladies thinking that it will get them attention and make a lady want to hook up! Firstly, just because a women is on a swingers site doesn't mean she is a "cock hungry fuck slut" or variant off. How about she just likes uncomplicated sex is busy and finds a swingers site a good option. If you approached a women in "lifestyle" club with the same chat im sure you won't get very far and probably booted out. It goes back to the very basic rule of any engagement , show respect and ffs chill out. Talk, ask questions, listen properly. Secondly, try have a quick think before you hit send. Chaps do we think most girls will respond too, Hi "want to hook up. I'll throat fuck you till you puke" hi, "what's your address , why don't I come over and rape your arse" ..Hi, "im much younger than you, I bet you'd love me to suckle on your tits while I finger fuck your cunt"...and lots more.. And how many times you must have read "don't send doc pics" but it seems that we are still sending them!!

Sorry maybe im a little old fashioned but think that you might have a better chance of a hook up, with some respect, honest chat, pic of something that will grab attention rather than cock...it might make it more fun for all involved...If the lady you are chatting to says 'I want to arse fucked, coverd in cum and called bitch slut" then fill your boots, but it doesn't mean all ladies want that because they are in a certain website.

Okay I'll sod off, I don't mean to sound preachy, just want "us blokes" to come across in better light sometimes.

I think There are some who play the game say same thing to enough Women and one will say yes.

 

[ShinyCrazyDi]

Yeah, I think a lot of guys would have a lot more success & receive a lot more positive response if they chilled a bit. Maybe kept their mouths shut for a bit longer or held off hitting the 'post' button if they thought a little more with their head & not their dick.

As a woman, we're fucking exhausted by our objectification. You want to know why women are exhausted & grumpy? It's *gestures at the entire world*. Everywhere we look we're being told 'what men want', what's sexy, what's the madonna, what's the whore, being punished for deviation from what's 'expected'. Every guy has different turn ons & kinks but SO MANY men (no, not all, don't get twisted) think their kinks are universal & they use their position (micro & macro) to spread those opinions with complete & unquestioned faith in themselves. Think about how for SO MANY YEARS the advertising industry just accepted the phrase 'sex sells'. Even though, after they forced that idea into the hegemony of our society, someone finally decided to do actually do some research on the assumption & it's now agreed to be a statistical fallacy that in reality turns off a majority of customers. But by now it's such an accepted idea that you still find a lot of people repeating the idea, unaware of how false it is. "Common sense" my ass. Women's bodies & minds are frequently commodified & regulated in microaggressions & macroaggressions. Men's too these days, but it's still MILES worse for women & it starts super early.

If many of us feel even a hint that we're being reduced to an object to stick a dick in it can make every drop of moisture evaporate from our vaginas faster than if you stuffed a bunch of new shoe moisture absorbents up there.

EVEN when we're out there looking to get laid. You can consider yourself handsome, charming, a real catch (as so many men seem to) & you can undo ANY desire a woman may have had for you simply by coming on too strong, or being pushy, or entitled, or crass. Even if it's sometimes fun to screw someone you have no personal connection to - the act of dehumanising a woman will often simply have the effect of killing her wide-on. (You know, like how being kicked in the nuts will kill a hard-on). So even if you might have had a good night together, you've shot your chance in the dick. & trust me, the bar is SO LOW. Just pump the brakes a little before telling a woman all your first-thoughts & you might find the ratio of success improve.

End of rant. Good luck fellas.

 

[ShinyCrazyDi]

I think There are some who play the game say same thing to enough Women and one will say yes.

Yeah, if you're OK with handling rejection the number's game's a valid tactic. FULLY. Depending on what you're looking for you might be fine with getting 99 nos & one yes. It depends on what you want, how much time & persistence you have etc. Fair point.

 

[Buffy47]

Yeah, I think a lot of guys would have a lot more success & receive a lot more positive response if they chilled a bit. Maybe kept their mouths shut for a bit longer or held off hitting the 'post' button if they thought a little more with their head & not their dick.

As a woman, we're fucking exhausted by our objectification. You want to know why women are exhausted & grumpy? It's *gestures at the entire world*. Everywhere we look we're being told 'what men want', what's sexy, what's the madonna, what's the whore, being punished for deviation from what's 'expected'. Every guy has different turn ons & kinks but SO MANY men (no, not all, don't get twisted) think their kinks are universal & they use their position (micro & macro) to spread those opinions with complete & unquestioned faith in themselves. Think about how for SO MANY YEARS the advertising industry just accepted the phrase 'sex sells'. Even though, after they forced that idea into the hegemony of our society, someone finally decided to do actually do some research on the assumption & it's now agreed to be a statistical fallacy that in reality turns off a majority of customers. But by now it's such an accepted idea that you still find a lot of people repeating the idea, unaware of how false it is. "Common sense" my ass. Women's bodies & minds are frequently commodified & regulated in microaggressions & macroaggressions. Men's too these days, but it's still MILES worse for women & it starts super early.

If many of us feel even a hint that we're being reduced to an object to stick a dick in it can make every drop of moisture evaporate from our vaginas faster than if you stuffed a bunch of new shoe moisture absorbents up there.

EVEN when we're out there looking to get laid. You can consider yourself handsome, charming, a real catch (as so many men seem to) & you can undo ANY desire a woman may have had for you simply by coming on too strong, or being pushy, or entitled, or crass. Even if it's sometimes fun to screw someone you have no personal connection to - the act of dehumanising a woman will often simply have the effect of killing her wide-on. (You know, like how being kicked in the nuts will kill a hard-on). So even if you might have had a good night together, you've shot your chance in the dick. & trust me, the bar is SO LOW. Just pump the brakes a little before telling a woman all your first-thoughts & you might find the ratio of success improve.

End of rant. Good luck fellas.

It all comes down to what someone wants, if I guy just wants to Dip his Dick in a wet Hole then he isn't looking for the "Nice Normal Female that he has to work hard on to get a result"


There's been a lot of Talk from so called "Social Media Experts" this past year on how the mind of men are changing, the desire to settle down Marry do the relationship thing is becoming less of an interest to Men.

Many men (obviously plenty have different views) is they want to be on their own and then have a random fuck now and then. (Plenty of Loveless sexless marriages in the world might as well be single)

So they might be feeling why care, talk to women however they want do what they want and if it works then great if not no loss.
Plenty of UK Large towns and City's at weekends have all sorts of women that happy to just have a Fuck and say good bye in morning (or alleyway)

 

[ShinyCrazyDi]

I'm not even sure men have to 'work hard on' nice normal females (& what's a 'nice normal female' anyway?)

If men are looking for casual sex they can absolutely keep playing the number's game but it might increase their chances if they adapt their approach just a little. Maybe their opener could be 'hi, how are you?' rather than 'I'd love to fuck your tits!' + drool.

I'm in a casual relationship/fuck buddy arrangement with someone who doesn't live in the same city, & it's a bit of an open relationship. Sometimes I'll go out intending on having a one-night-stand but the approaches from guys are so off-putting I end up leaving them to it & using a vibe. The bar is LOW, but some of them make things so immediately awkward that the swerve is REAL. There are attractive guys I would have 100% got a leg-over before they opened their mouths. Would have happily said bye in the morning. But their approach was such a turn-off that my attraction was just completely switched off.

 

[Buffy47]

I'm not even sure men have to 'work hard on' nice normal females (& what's a 'nice normal female' anyway?)

If men are looking for casual sex they can absolutely keep playing the number's game but it might increase their chances if they adapt their approach just a little. Maybe their opener could be 'hi, how are you?' rather than 'I'd love to fuck your tits!' + drool.

I'm in a casual relationship/fuck buddy arrangement with someone who doesn't live in the same city, & it's a bit of an open relationship. Sometimes I'll go out intending on having a one-night-stand but the approaches from guys are so off-putting I end up leaving them to it & using a vibe. The bar is LOW, but some of them make things so immediately awkward that the swerve is REAL. There are attractive guys I would have 100% got a leg-over before they opened their mouths. Would have happily said bye in the morning. But their approach was such a turn-off that my attraction was just completely switched off.

What approach do you want from a Guy? How is a guy meant to know what each person's preference is?

 

[ShinyCrazyDi]

I guess instead of knowing each person's preferences (which are unlimited) it's just a reminder that each person's a person with unique preferences & not a programmable sex-doll. Again, the number's game's a valid tactic. But if men want to increase their success-rate they'll probably have a higher number of positive interactions if they start with 'hi, how are you?' & a little basic flirtation rather than a full list of their kinks before the woman even answers.

There's no 100% guarantee - but if men are being frustrated by how long it takes to get a 'yes' they may just need to consider their approach, change it up a bit if the approach they're using isn't getting a high response.

If they're happy with their success rate, using whatever tactic they want, & if they don't mind how many women they have to hit on before they find the 'right one' that's cool too.

 

[Buffy47]

I guess instead of knowing each person's preferences (which are unlimited) it's just a reminder that each person's a person with unique preferences & not a programmable sex-doll. Again, the number's game's a valid tactic. But if men want to increase their success-rate they'll probably have a higher number of positive interactions if they start with 'hi, how are you?' & a little basic flirtation rather than a full list of their kinks before the woman even answers.

There's no 100% guarantee - but if men are being frustrated by how long it takes to get a 'yes' they may just need to consider their approach, change it up a bit if the approach they're using isn't getting a high response.

If they're happy with their success rate, using whatever tactic they want, & if they don't mind how many women they have to hit on before they find the 'right one' that's cool too.

I think times changed and Men stopped accepting Women thinking they can dictate what happens, men ask for sex woman says no man moves on to next.

 

[ShinyCrazyDi]

Dictate? When have women dictated anything? Literally, the number's game is valid, always has been, moving on to the next is fine, nobody ever said it wasn't. But some guys will want to increase their chances. Adapting their approach, SLIGHTLY, is good advice. I mean, most men don't keep using the same pick-up lines they did in high school, right?

 

[Buffy47]

Dictate? When have women dictated anything? Literally, the number's game is valid, always has been, moving on to the next is fine, nobody ever said it wasn't. But some guys will want to increase their chances. Adapting their approach, SLIGHTLY, is good advice. I mean, most men don't keep using the same pick-up lines they did in high school, right?

NO they don't use pick up lines I doubt these days, they chat get an idea on chances and if very quickly looks like not happening they move on. They don't waste time trying to romance any more.

 

[ShinyCrazyDi]

Okie dokie

 

[cdstefi]

I've had a good few mid/long term relationships and a couple of short/one nighters, but the common thing to all has been engaging non-sexually at first (dating or flirting isn't sexual or a come-on per se, it's expressing interest in somebody with a little added cheekiness and confidence).

With my first wife I connected musically way before we got romantically connected. With my current wife it was photography. With an ultimately doomed but highly sexual relationship in between those, I initially piqued her interest purely by asking about her rather than talking about my dick (I mean we got to that eventually!)

Bottom line is that women (mostly) prefer to be seen for themselves and not objectified as a posh wank.

 

[cdstefi]

What approach do you want from a Guy? How is a guy meant to know what each person's preference is?

That's where conversation and flirting comes into it. You don't get the answers upfront, you talk and find out.

I've had first dates where I was 100% sure I'm getting laid (and did) but you know where that certainty came from? Conversation, listening, reading body language, communicating.

If a woman feels at ease with you and attracted to your confidence, looks maybe, personal manner definitely etc without you showering her with bullshit or pickup lines, it's going to be on.

 

[Buffy47]

That's where conversation and flirting comes into it. You don't get the answers upfront, you talk and find out.

I've had first dates where I was 100% sure I'm getting laid (and did) but you know where that certainty came from? Conversation, listening, reading body language, communicating.

If a woman feels at ease with you and attracted to your confidence, looks maybe, personal manner definitely etc without you showering her with bullshit or pickup lines, it's going to be on.

Not talking looking for romance, dating. Its all about one night sex, going into Town meeting women for sex. Or online Looking for sex.

I fully understand you are talking about meeting a partner you have common likes with. There are alot of guys giving up with that and just looking for sex and they don't want to waste time on someone that wants to check they suitable personality. Dating Apps are full of people just want to hook up

 

[cdstefi]

I think times changed and Men stopped accepting Women thinking they can dictate what happens, men ask for sex woman says no man moves on to next.

I don't think you can tar us all (men) with the same brush. Sure I love sex and when dating it was always an ultimate goal, but not the only goal. Sometimes a date was just a fun conversation without a sexual spark, and I always prided myself on being thoroughly decent and parting on friendly terms if that attraction wasn't there. I'm still friends with a couple of women I dated ages ago but didn't sleep with, because they're just nice people and worth having as friends.

 

[cdstefi]

Not talking looking for romance, dating. Its all about one night sex, going into Town meeting women for sex. Or online Looking for sex.

I fully understand you are talking about meeting a partner you have common likes with. There are alot of guys giving up with that and just looking for sex and they don't want to waste time on someone that wants to check they suitable personality. Dating Apps are full of people just want to hook up

I'd guesstimate about 90% men wanting a casual hookup and 10% women. It's not that there aren't women who just want NSA sex, just nowhere near as many as there are men.

I recognise the symptom you're describing and find it a bit sad and reflective of the age of goldfish attention spans from social media and app burnout.

 

[Buffy47]

I'd guesstimate about 90% men wanting a casual hookup and 10% women. It's not that there aren't women who just want NSA sex, just nowhere near as many as there are men.

The numbers are changing but yes alot more men, same as online chatsites like this one. 1000 men all looking for 1 woman that's real online lol

 

[cdstefi]

Bottom line is even if you're just looking for a casual hookup, you still mostly need more game than just "DTF?" Flirting is fun, and women like it too. It's like social lube

 

[cdstefi]

Dating Apps are full of people just want to hook up

And there's been a lot of discussion recently about people deserting Tinder etc purely from app burnout and realisation that the apps just trivialise and monetise people's emotions.

I've tried the swipe apps (Grindr in my case because I'm fortunate to be happily married to a woman who knows I'm bi and accepting of my need for cock too) and found it incredibly depressing, the shallowness of the vast majority of interactions (if you can even call it that)

 

[Buffy47]

And there's been a lot of discussion recently about people deserting Tinder etc purely from app burnout and realisation that the apps just trivialise and monetise people's emotions.

I've tried the swipe apps (Grindr in my case because I'm fortunate to be happily married to a woman who knows I'm bi and accepting of my need for cock too) and found it incredibly depressing, the shallowness of the vast majority of interactions (if you can even call it that)

There is also an age Problem that lifestyle, needs and opportunities can change older you get if you looking for someone Similar. Not impossible but I'm sure it's easier for someone 18-24 to go out and just hook up, and their social Groups would be alot bigger than someone like me Aged 48.

 

[cdstefi]

There is also an age Problem that lifestyle, needs and opportunities can change older you get if you looking for someone Similar. Not impossible but I'm sure it's easier for someone 18-24 to go out and just hook up, and their social Groups would be alot bigger than someone like me Aged 48.

I did most of my dating including one-nighters between 40 and 50 (met my now-wife when I was 50 and not needed to look other than for some occasional cock ever since).

That age range is no longer considered middle-aged, and I had some amazing sex with women with plenty of experience who knew exactly what they liked

 

[Franktedh]

From the Welcome to the Personals Forum sticky thread: "This forum is for personal ads only."


At the risk of stating the obvious, most people—both men and women—looking to "hook up" with new casual sexual partners via swinging websites and apps dedicated to that end are very much interested in the their potential partner's physical sexual assets and attributes etc.

That's pretty much the whole point of sites like that... to find other people to have casual no-strings sex with, not to fall in love or build lasting relationships etc. Use the right bait to catch the right fish and all that.


Maybe try turning your profile pic right-side up? Seems like that would be an easy place to start.

Nah, I like it upside down. Makes me much more Interesting!

 

[learninggirl]

Part of me appreciates poor first impressions--it immediately rules out the undesirables. No time wasted.