Writing Exercise 2: Answers [SPOILER]

[nice90sguy]

The numbers are links to the posts

1. Tlan
2. THBGato
3. TheRedChamber
4. VallesMarineris
5. SimonDoom
6. intim8
7. yowser
8. samhasstories
9. Jackie.Hikaru
10. pink_silk_glove
11. Rob_Royale
12. Bodington
13. joy_of_cooking
14. TarnishedPenny
15. gunhilltrain
16. Erozetta
17. TheLobster
18. StillStunned

 

[TheRedChamber]

I guessed 7 people and got exactly one right - Jackie.Hikaru and I had beta-read for her fairly recently so...

Nobody got me. Although people guess I'd written 17 and others said that 17 was the best one, so that's almost like a victory. Almost. Right?

But no, I didn't write 17 - the hero and heroine are too chiselled and self-confident. (And Papa John's isn't really much of a thing in the UK anyway). My heros need to be more neurotic and sexually-frustrated (at least in the first few thousand words). If I had written it, it would have gone like this:

17.

Roberto’s was as authentic an Italian restaurant as you got in Bankley, which is to say barely authentic at all. Oh sure, the place was draped in green, white and red flags, had a nice selection of Verdi arias (the ones where the heroines were newly in love rather than dying of consumption) and, once Disney got round to making the inevitable Lady and the Tramp live-action remake, they’d have no problem finding someone large of body and largely embodying all the classic stereotypes of the great Italian chef.

But it was the little details.

One of those details was heading from plate to mouth just now.

A yellow cube.

It wasn’t a big deal, thought Susan. She shouldn’t dwell on it.

Just like her virginity wasn’t a big deal. Even though she’d be thirty in a few weeks.

She’d gone on Tinder and given herself up to exactly ten left swipes before she had to swipe right. And, romantic that she was, she was sure that that fate could not help but smile and serve up the perfect gentleman.

And John was perfect. A little too prissy in his suit and tie maybe. A little balding round back. Divorced but the children sounded lovely. He wasn’t exactly short, but you didn’t need a tape measure to confirm he wasn’t six foot either.

Still, her standards now what they were, he was perfect. He was nice, even. He’d do nicely.

Except it really was vexing. It wasn’t just that he shouldn’t have ordered it. In a real Italian restaurant, it shouldn’t even have been on the menu. She should been left to discovered it a fortnight into the relationship with all the other inevitable disappointments.

Afterwards, in other words.

Pineapple on Pizza. Hadn’t the Pope issued an edict against it by now. Now that we weren’t in Europe any more couldn't the Tories just flat out ban it? Do something actually properly conservative for once.

She was pretty sure her soulmate didn’t eat pineapple on pizza. I mean, thought Susan, it’s goddamn fruit. And none of that tomato nonsense – botanically a fruit, culinarily a vegetable. It was just straight up a fruit. She’d heard that in Japan they put a whole fruit basket on top of their pizza. If she’d been dating someone called Junichiro instead of John she could have chalked it up to cultural differences and made the best of a bad hand. But he was from Ashby-de-la-Zouche. There was no excusing it.

This, thought Susan, this is the problem. This is why. There’s always a reason to put the brakes on. Always a reason why you don’t like the guy quite enough. This is you at your most ridiculous. John is a perfectly nice guy.

Fuck him.

Fuck him tonight.

And yet...and yet...and yet. It was undeniably vexing.

No, she couldn’t. When the time came she’d smile, thank him for a lovely evening, then never answer any of his calls.

It was safer this way.

With that sorted in her mind, Susan realized that the conversation had dried up. Now he wasn’t a potential lover, she found making magnanimous conversation much easier.

“How’s the pizza?” she asked.

“Bloody awful,” he replied. “I don’t know why I ordered it. You’d think a Hawaiian pizza would be some kind of sea-food.”

“Oh, thank fuck!” It just blurted itself out.

“Sorry? What?”

 

[StillStunned]

My guesses:
1: samhasstories
2: THBGato
4: Tlan
5: Intim8
9: Joy_of_cooking
10: Jackie.Hikaru

So one guess out of six (THBGato).

One person guessed me correctly (Plathfan, who seems to be deleting their posts almost as soon as they've written them), but that was after I'd debunked five incorrect guesses.

 

[Rob_Royale]

I didn't participate with the guessing because, though I have read most of you, not enough to get to know a writing style. Nor have the time that Pink_Silk_Glove obviously put into it.

I'm not sure if I should be glad that no one connected my story to me, or not. I mean, fun, sexy stories with older women with younger people is sort of my thing. But if I haven't read all of you enough to guess, I can't fault anyone else. This was fun. I will probably continue Miss Janie's Gate at some point.

 

[samhasstories]

My guesses:

01. samhasstories (had a feeling this one was wrong)
02. joy_of_cooking
03. Erozetta
04. Rob_Royale
05. SimonDoom
06. yowser
07. TarnishedPenny
08. TheLobster
09. Tlan
10. pink_silk_glove
11. THBGato
12. VallesMarineris
13. Bodington
14. TheRedChamber
15. gunhilltrain
16. Jackie.Hikaru
17. StillStunned
18. intim8

Got 3 out of 18. I think that falls comfortably in the range of blind luck - a random shuffle might do better - but I'll take it.

 

[SimonDoom]

My guesses:

01. samhasstories (had a feeling this one was wrong)
02. joy_of_cooking
03. Erozetta
04. Rob_Royale
05. SimonDoom
06. yowser
07. TarnishedPenny
08. TheLobster
09. Tlan
10. pink_silk_glove
11. THBGato
12. VallesMarineris
13. Bodington
14. TheRedChamber
15. gunhilltrain
16. Jackie.Hikaru
17. StillStunned
18. intim8

Got 3 out of 18. I think that falls comfortably in the range of blind luck - a random shuffle might do better - but I'll take it.

Congrats. You're the only one who correctly guessed which story was mine!

 

[samhasstories]

Congrats. You're the only one who correctly guessed which story was mine!

I'd hesitate to call it an educated guess, but based on personas here I'd say the ones I got right (and wrong) were semi-educated shots in the dark.

 

[gunhilltrain]

I'd hesitate to call it an educated guess, but based on personas here I'd say the ones I got right (and wrong) were semi-educated shots in the dark.

Thank you, you got the right one for me. As for myself, I made no attempt to guess any of them.

Mine was an excerpt from a recent three-part series on another site. If anyone wants to read the full version, I'll send a link to it. It would be in the BDSM category, but it's more of a romantic comedy rather than anything truly hard-core. If I had mentioned that much of it takes place in New Jersey, that would have been a give-a-way.

 

[yowser]

High degree of difficulty with the guessing here. I kept my scorecard secret here at home (couldn't be fear of embarrassment with presenting my wrong guesses in public surely?) and was only able to confidently make five guesses (two very wrong.)

I've read perhaps half of the authors, for at least one story, and it is perhaps not by accident that my three 'corrects' were folks I'd read before: Simon, TP, and Jackie.

Short-length samples pose problems, and I suspect I am not the only one with stories possessing 'styles' of high variability. I'm impressed with those of you with accurate guesses. And some high-quality responses to a not-easy scenario request.

Thanks all, an instructive exercise, have to read more of you all, lots of fun.

 

[StillStunned]

The present tense is what gave you away. You're the only one who enjoys experimenting with tenses, who would be bold enough to present the present as their calling card.

The present tense has an immediacy and intensity that may work well in poetry or flash stories, portraying a single, vivid scene, but I'm uncertain about longer formats. It might feel too "weighty."

Thanks. I couldn't actually come up with a secret to reveal, so I went heavy on the idea of a secret. Like you say, present tense gave the snippet immediacy and intensity to make up for the lack of substance.

 

[nice90sguy]

My abandoned piece was this: Jane and Tom, a married couple, go out on a dinner date, for the first time in ages. Jane is finally going to reveal that she's been having an affair, and is leaving Tom, and Tom is about to reveal that they've won $50M in the lottery...

 

[THBGato]

Mine was in the present tense too!

Ah, so I only got one right...

Nobody got me. Although people guess I'd written 17 and others said that 17 was the best one, so that's almost like a victory. Almost. Right?

Definitely, though I really liked number three, but I got it in my head that it was by Jackie, so that threw me off...

Well done everyone!

 

[nice90sguy]

There was a Columbo episode that was kind of similar to my idea. I think the Colombo episide might even predate it.

 

[Jackie.Hikaru]

I got @TarnishedPenny right!

 

[TarnishedPenny]

I got @TarnishedPenny right!

Yeah! Well, I got you right too!

Okay, you did it honestly.

 

[StillStunned]

If we guessed someone, do we get to take them home? Like a teddy bear that we've won at the fair?

 

[THBGato]

I'm not into teams I'm afraid.

 

[gunhilltrain]

@TheRedChamber.

"Next Gunhilltrain, I'm looking for an urban environment with nods to a rich history. I'm not finding much, so I'm also looking for a semi-period setting with whistful looks back at what was presumably the authors youth...hmmm.

I got hopefully when 17 started with a mention of a Italian pizzaria but then once I saw Tinder, I knew for certain it wasn't him.
Possibly 12 but the characters seem too well-spoken and upper crust for him. I'm voting 6 - needs to wait till fourth date, parking lots and automobiles, feels youthy and a little period."

Very good thinking! However, unfortunately, wrong. In the full number 15, Alisa then immediately invites him to the Cliffs diner on Route 9, NJ (it's summer, 1989). That would have made it easy, I suppose. My characters are well-spoken I think because they are usually ambitious even if working-class or lower middle-class. (City College, the Harvard of the Proletariat.) I finally got to Tinder (set in 2017) via The Battle of the Crater.

 

[gunhilltrain]

If we guessed someone, do we get to take them home? Like a teddy bear that we've won at the fair?

I assume you mean a lady. Well, how far are you willing to travel, or have her travel to you? Check with your wife (?) first, or just keep it all secret. Seems like you are going to motel, not home.

 

[StillStunned]

I'm not into teams I'm afraid.

I assume you mean a lady. Well, how far are you willing to travel, or have her travel to you?

For once my comment wasn't intended to carry any sexual innuendo.

Here's a revolutionary idea for discussion forums: change the background colour of your post to convey your meaning. Sarcasm, flirting, insult, sincere inquiry, admiration... It would make life so much easier.

 

[gunhilltrain]

For once my comment wasn't intended to carry any sexual innuendo.

Here's a revolutionary idea for discussion forums: change the background colour of your post to convey your meaning. Sarcasm, flirting, insult, sincere inquiry, admiration... It would make life so much easier.

You should at least serve them a nice dinner and offer cognac or whatever their drink of choice is.

Envy used to be be green. Insult: red? Sarcasm: orange? Sincere inquiry: maybe blue? Admiration: purple? Flirting: pink maybe?

 

[gunhilltrain]

I removed that frog with the tongue. That was a typo.

 

[pink_silk_glove]

Yeah! Well, I got you right too!

Okay, you did it honestly.

I gave much thought to swapping 9 and 14. Judging by the commentary I think that a number of us considered both you and Jackie for both 9 and 14.

 

[TheLobster]

Welp, it seems that I have guessed exactly nothing.

On the flip side, no one has figured out that I am the mastermind behind pineapple on pizza so I got that going for me which is nice.

 

[gunhilltrain]

@TheRedChamber

Bad girl Alisa does get punished later in a role play. (The tutor-bad schoolgirl trope.) Then she punishes him, in an aggrieved boss-wayward employee trope. But they are also having a a very nice love affair by that point. A romance between two switches.

If I may boast a bit, one comment was, "I am loving this amazing story, so please do write more when you can." I bet he tells that to all of the erotica writers.