3·Oct·2005 · "Unintelligent Design" · Tzara

[Tzara]

Wait... Tzara is a guy????

Mais oui, madame ou mademoiselle.

I would have thought the beard would....

Oh, that's right, you can't see that.

 

[twelveoone]

Starting from the idea, suggested by Hélène Cixous and others, that all writing is sexual in nature and preoccupied with the body (certainly a not unreasonable assumption given that Literotica is a site associated with "erotic literature" and pornography), we can almost immediately begin to see the value of this iconographic critical approach. Consider the first line of the poem:

Born under a bad sign, I guess.​

An obvious reference to astrology but also to the "blues" (the song performed by Albert King and others)—sex and/or sexual impotence. As will be seen shortly, this suggests the temperamental nature of the nameless protagonist's erection. (Notably, the second line of the blues song is "I’ve been down since I began to crawl"—another reference to impotence.) "I guess" suggests the uncertain nature of "his" ability to perform the sexual act.

When first he tried to soar​

The erection has now emerged from whatever confinement of clothing had concealed it. "Soar" implies height (above ground) and the climbing (continuing the flooding—with lustful blood—of the corpus cavernosa) of the penis towards full erection.

His alabaster wings​

At first glance, a curious phrase. "Alabaster" is a clear reference to something white (Caucasian) and hard. "Wings" is momentarily puzzling until we realize that this is a reference to birds (flight again) and in particular to the 'V' shape that wings in flight make. Here is again a reference to sexual insecurity—the man has obviously taken Viagra to help with what is undoubtedly a history of erectile dysfunction (ED).

would not cup the air/Nor flex.​

Alas, though, the drug proves inefficacious. The member does not "cup the air" (curve upward) nor "flex" (a subtle implied double entendre for "sex").

He fell, and falling,​

The battle with phosphodiesterase (the erection-defeating enzyme that Viagra counteracts) is now lost and the tide is turned as the erection begins to erode into detumescence.

His gossamer skin he tore.​

The man, humbled, sexually humiliated before his waiting partner, angrily rips off the protective condom ("gossamer skin") that has been worn in order to practice safe sex.

In short, the poem is a typically self-centered—one is tempted to say even mentally masturbatory—lament for the unreliable sexuality experienced by the older members of the male sex. Hence the title, which rails at the foibles of natural selection with its random mutations and the fickleness of the Darwinian process:

Unintelligent Design​

wow, explains EVERTHING but the title. Of couse, one always wonders about the amount of projection the reader puts into the poem. I did not see the obvious Black/ White issue. Thank you for pointing out the racist implications of this poem, "alabaster wings" indeed.

 

[Guest]

Starting from the idea, suggested by Hélène Cixous - yadyadayada - and the fickleness of the Darwinian process:

Unintelligent Design​

Muffie, is that you?

 

[bogusbrig]

wow, explains EVERTHING but the title. Of couse, one always wonders about the amount of projection the reader puts into the poem. I did not see the obvious Black/ White issue. Thank you for pointing out the racist implications of this poem, "alabaster wings" indeed.

Hmm You can have black, white or red alabaster (I think there is blue too) so the racist element is an illusion or if it is meant to have that meaning put upon it by Tzara, plain wrong.

I'm sceptical of such deconstruction into concrete meaning, it's really anti-art. I think part of the beauty of any art is that an element of it by passes the head and goes straight to the heart. Shouldn't the question be restricted to, does Tzara's poem work as a poem? If Tzara can fully articulate the concrete meaning of the poem, it would save us all time by him telling us what it is. My guess is that isn't his goal entirely.

 

[Liar]

Coming in late to post my reaction to this poem. A lot have been said here, and the only thing I can offer that is even remoteky unique is my first impression of it.

I didn't see it with it's dedication, to whomever that was, and I never thought of it as more than an abstract juggling of concept. But looking at it like that, it formally screams a message: Context is king.

You have the very hands on story where all the right components in all the wrong places spells disaster. A story about how easy it is to be fooled by content without context, often leaping out into the unknown, without knowing how to use our new, shiny toys. Be it wings, knowledge, power, love...it's all the same. Without knowing when and where it is to be applied, it will end in a lethal impact.

Other than that... I liked the language, it is pretty neutral, giving focus instead to the cliché paradox... Another example of the value of context.

And no, Tzara, I'm no yankster.

 

[Tzara]

I see that Liar has stepped up into the on-deck circle, so perhaps I can just strike out and go back to watching baseball.

Thank you all for your comments. Thanks also for tolerating my inanity.

I think the biggest thing I learned from this is that I don't really understand anything. Even my own writing. (Sigh.) I'm no longer sure I understand what I was trying to write. So since some of you expressed an interest in what I "meant" by the poem, here's a brain dump, for what it's worth, of what I was thinking of when I wrote the "poem" (I'm not sure I like using that word with this piece anymore). This isn't a "solution" to what the poem means; it just happens to be how the thing happened to be written this way:

• The beginning was a discussion of cliché in poetry, as Boo indicated. Someone mentioned that the words "alabaster" and "gossamer" were cliché, in particular in the combinations "alabaster skin" and "gossamer wings." So, being the contrary kind of person I am, I promptly mixed the metaphors to "alabaster wings" and "gossamer skin." That got me to thinking about clichés in general--what are they? Phrases that keep replicating their way through writing until their meaning becomes dulled? Kind of like a verbal virus? So mixing the metaphor is what? Mutation? A bad mutation? In Darwinian terms, unfit? Destined to extinction?
• OK, now I've got two "genetically corrupt" phrases and two themes: cliché writing and evolution. So, what kind of creature can I build with this? My first thought (because of the wings and the gossamer) was to write about a poorly "constructed" angel. (Oh, oh. Now I'm also thinking about Icarus, whose father Dedalus is a designer and artificer who built wings with which to fly.) It also (because of the evolutionary theme) suggests a bird with genetic problems (dysfunctional wings, fragile skin).
• All of this leads to thinking about misfortune at birth. Which is where I happened to pluck "born under a bad sign" from. Another cliché phrase (because the song has been recorded by everybody in the universe except for me, and you don't want to hear my version) but also the "bad luck" aspect--genetic inheritance is mere luck and this creature didn't fare well.
• And back to the basic "action" then: the creature/angel/Icarus tries to fly (he has wings, after all, and presumably the compulsion to use them) but the wings are alabaster (per m-w.com, "a compact fine-textured usually white and translucent gypsum often carved into vases and ornaments, or a hard compact calcite or aragonite that is translucent and sometimes banded") so they don't work very well--too heavy, too stiff.
• So the creature falls (from the nest? heaven? the skies?) and, clunk!, that "gossamer skin" doesn't survive the impact too well.
• And so to the title. "Intelligent Design" (ID) is a proposed alternative "scientific" explanation to the theory of evolution that some school districts here in the USA are proposing be taught along with evolution in Biology classes in secondary schools. You may perhaps at this point may be able to guess what I think about that. So, "Unintelligent Design": referring both to the fact that nature often produces creatures that don't survive, species that become extinct and so on, but also that the image structure of the poem is "unintelligently designed" by not only using clichéd terms in the first place, but using them ineptly (as mixed metaphors).

A word about the capitalization and punctuation of the poem: Some of you mentioned the punctuation and that some of the initial caps should have been in lower case. While I probably more often only use caps as I would in prose (at the start of sentences, for example), I occasionally also use the convention of capitalizing the first letter of each line, which is I think, more common in older poems. Here, though, I need it. Take this line, for example:

He fell, and falling, His gossamer skin he tore.​

The cap on "His" needs to be there for the Intelligent Design meaning. (Who designed the skin? ID, which is careful not to say who, certainly implies this is God.) If I take it off, it weakens the meaning of the line. Yet I don't want to cap only these uses and have have the line beginning "Nor flex" be the only line with no caps. So, I used the classic convention of caps on each line, so that it can be interpreted as either His (divine) or his (the creature's).

Now about the questions. I sure wish I had just left those off. But I didn't.

The first four were intended to be fairly generic. The last was intended to be a joke. (Yeah, I know. I'm not always funny. Or maybe rarely or never funny. Sorry. Gotta joke! Gotta joke Gotttt taaaa jaaape!! (sung to "Gotta Dance" in Singin' in the Rain--you can tell the stress of writing this is making me a bit giddy at this point. Tap tap tap goes Gene Kelly! Ring ring ring goes the bellll!)

Uff. Sorry. Um...

The other two are related concerns. The dedication was originally for the Dover, PA school board. The Dover school board passed regulations requiring the mention of intelligent design theory in secondary school biology classes. There is a lawsuit currently being adjudicated in the Pennsylvania court system contending that ruling. The question about whether you are American or not was to help me get a feeling as to whether this is a parochial USA issue or whether ID encroaching on school science curricula was a problem elsewhere as well. Trust me--I don't consider this a sign of the superiority of the American secondary education system.

And, finally, to single out poststructuralist's comments, which were very different from everyone else's and which I think (hope) were meant as a joke. Let me say this:

ps, all of that symbolism may be there in the poem, but I know I didn't put it there intentionally. It's an interesting exercise, though and I did learn things from it. But, come on, phallologocentrism?! (Yes, I can google 'Cixous'.) I think that's a pipe dream of yours. My work is more like fallow logocentrism. Ultimately, I find the line of that argument phallacious.

Oh, and my apologies if it was not a joke.

Hmmmm. Language is one damn ambiguous instrument. Perhaps I should go back to playing the guitar.

That's all. Liar's turn.

 

[twelveoone]

I read your crack about the New Yorker

Scop(es)ing this out, it is more than you just monkeying around with cliches.
The lead off line with it's semiotic "bad sign" calls attention to a whole host of associations that Tzara wants us to make. The sign refered to is a red neon "Vacancy" a sign Norman Bates was born under, a bad sign indeed. Doesn't matter, the key is Red and Vacancy.
Next, there are two concrete objects described as alabaster and gossamer. I know some might suggest this argement is flimsy and won't fly, however both are white, that is the key here: White.
Tzara apes the Icarus legend here, and the desent of man into the sea, where he made a big splash. Both the sky and the sea are Blue.
The reason for the "are you an American?" is obvious now, we have the colours and reversing it we have the national anthem.
from see to vacant-see

Mods - don't delete - two can play this game, eh?
I cheated, I played it backwards.

maskling....State v. John Scopes ("The Monkey Trial")



I like a good joke - you must be one hell of a guitar player.
As for me, I don't beleive in either evolution, nor intelliigent design, nor the New Yorker but rather global warming is a direct result of a decrease in piracy.

 

[bogusbrig]

Aah. It all seems so logical now but it didn't when I first read it. I'm not so sure I am prepared to figure out a thesis from a five line poem, no matter how much it rattles in my head. If it rattles, I'd just let it rattle and enjoy the rattle.

I have the same prblem with music. It don't really matter where the composer got his inspiration from. Sibelius could have got his inspiration for Finlandia from Hackney Marshes for all I care, it's what resounds in my ears that matters.

 

[SolMan]

Unintelligent Design--Poem #4 of thread

To Tzara,

I think dedications are fine, sometimes they clarify a poem, but your poem is universal, if you provided a dedication you may end up pushing your opinion, which may take away from the poetry.

Often, our inflexibility keeps us from soaring to great heights, or even over the hedge, whether to spiritual heights, or personal achievement, so we can relate to the rigid alabaster wings.

Isn't it hard to mend after a fall?

Brevity is better than long-windiness.

Anyhow, I like your poem. I'd read it again before sending this comment, but the strange arrangement of this web page won't allow me. I'll look for some of your other poems.

Sol

 

[Cub4ucme]

Unintelligent Design

Born under a bad sign, I guess.
When first he tried to soar,
His alabaster wings would not cup the air
Nor flex. He fell, and falling,
His gossamer skin he tore


​

Just a quick comment: The word gossamer is so overused
by fairy poets and the like, I would avoid it forever unless
it's used in a very clever way. Here, it isn't.

best,
andy​

 

[FifthFlower]

A word about the capitalization and punctuation of the poem: Some of you mentioned the punctuation and that some of the initial caps should have been in lower case. While I probably more often only use caps as I would in prose (at the start of sentences, for example), I occasionally also use the convention of capitalizing the first letter of each line, which is I think, more common in older poems.

I didn't mind the caps at the beginning of each line. Last weekend, I glanced through one of Charles Simic's books and noticed that he also puts caps at the beginning of the line, although he is writing free verse.

All of this just leads to the question:

If caps should not be used, why use line breaks?

Even Baudelaire dispensed with line breaks in his prose poems. Personally, I find they get in the way of the message unless the poem is formally structured; in which case, they expose the form that is used.

 

[lobomao]

did I reply allready to this Tzara? I can't see my post to this thread...

as with all your children i loves it....

Born under a bad sign, I guess.
When first he tried to soar,
His alabaster wings would not cup the air
Nor flex. He fell, and falling,
His gossamer skin he tore.


i have read thru the posts and the long back and forth debates... I think I'll pretend I didn't read then and start afresh, as I suspect what you want is each author's initial response.

>>>>What does the poem say or mean to you, if anything? (There is not a "right" response to this. I know what I think it means, but I want to know what you think it means, if anything. Checking on whether I am communicating well or not.)

ah communication, the old test... I just got reamed for this myself.. so i'll say it again - I believe the poem or painting once finished, belongs to the audience more than the poet, and what they see is really not the fault or doing of the artist - HOW they see it is. I respect profoundly those who use IMO. to that end IMO this work conjures up for el lobomao (naturally) many classic references and he suspects some that he has not yet read....

i think of icarus, of galatea, promethius, and that Michael Parks painting with the gargoyle jumping off the ledge to catch a bubble... "gossamer" here how ever sounds remarkably like one of those dragon books I am always getting from friends and not reading. (this I think speaks to the post about "gossamer" being over used these days.

I like how the images throw me. I don't expect alabster wings or gossamer skin, and the repetion of Fall in the same line is the kind of thing I would write, "he fell falling..." hmmm....


>>>>Is it too short? Too long? (And, for either response, why?)

I really love epic reads that do what your piece does here; you read it one way first, second, third and fourth reads are different... I'd love to see it longer.

it could further the image you are trying to create. that's me opinion.

>>>>What, if anything, did you like about the language?
I enjoyed being taken by surprise and stopping and thinking "what is Tzara up to?"

>>>>What, if anything, did you dislike about the language?
"his gossamer skin he tore..." for some reason I wnat a different, more dramatic ending... I don't know why... it just doesn't ..um...fly... for me...

>>>>This poem originally had a dedication (for ...) that was meant to be ironic. I removed it before placing the poem here. Are dedications pretentious?
I like dvd extras.

>>>>Are you American? (That isn't a gratuitous question. I actually have a reason for asking it. Of course, feel free not to answer it.)
I am Northern Californian. the more I travel in the US I feel the need to more and more make that clarification. Of course American also means Mexican and Canadain... and Northern Californian... so yes.

>>>Am I fated to make millions as a poet, or should I work harder at my day job?
wait. you can make millions as a poet? how in the hell does THAT happen? movie rights?

>>>>Anything else you'd like to say (e.g., "you've got a really dopey avatar") is, of course, welcome as well.
"festooned" I love that word. oh and "floatilla"

 

[lobomao]

CRAP IN A HAT!!

I fergot to comment on my fav part of the poem - I am such a loser!!

"born under a bad sign I guess..."
this is the kind of juicyness I love - I would love to blend more blues into the legend of icarus... "i'm fallin' and fallin baby, just can't seem to catch no air...."

I always love to see song lyrics popping in as they provide an uncoscious soundtrack to the piece - i do this and I love it, for me; as I read your piece I start singing "born under a bad sign... had trouble since I was born.." and it becomes a dialog with the poem...

at least that's how i read.

thanks
LOBO

 

[Tzara]

Hey, folkies!

Yikes. I thought this poem was dead, gone, and wadded up, people. Yet here we have new comments on it, after a year of fallowlylyingness! What can I possibly say, other than thanks to SolMan, Cub4ucme, FifthFlower, and lobomao.

May I be forgiven if I look at this poem in retrospect as kind of like clandestine photographs of me peeing on the carpet? Oops! Sorry, Mrs. Bush!

Anyways. Thanks you all you recent commentators! Your comments, for good or ill, are what make this place worthwhile.

Thud!

tz