A dom or a cry baby.....

[Endless_Night]

< I could care less if I, he or we fit traditional "roles" in dominance and submission. I like having a huge, artistic, intellectual, arrogant, primal beast of a lover... Who happens to enjoy bringing me coffee in bed, doesn't mind having final say/control, and is perfectly comfortable doing the dishes. He likes having a nerdy, submissive, intellectual, sexually kinky woman in his life... Who is frequently mistaken for dominant and perfectly independent (thank you very much). >

Completely off the thread track, but it's nice to see you so happy, CutieMouse.

/highjack]

 

[IrisAlthea]

If you're simply wanting a bit of cyber, and the above doesn't apply... HBGs are the price of admission, for playing online.

We should make and sell little pillows cross-stiched with this wisdom.

 

[CutieMouse]

We should make and sell little pillows cross-stiched with this wisdom.

Gaaaaaah I just saw the typo there. Not HBG. HNG.

<headdesk>

But it would make a great cross stitch sampler. Maybe I'll add it to my "fuck Mercury in retrograde" cross stitch idea...

 

[curiousoldman]

I agree with you

Oh please. I always state if I have to leave a conversation, I even give the reason. I also seem to be intelligent enough to know that SHIT HAPPENS and no one has the ability to wait by the phone. Maybe this isn't the type of thing I even want to explore if I have to give up everything I am as a person.
I understood the dom/sub relationship should benefit both sides and fill needs on several levels.

Maryanne, any sexual union should benefit both sides if it is to be satisfying to all.
I know that you understand that as do many men/women. Trouble is, some view dominance as a one way (usually) male power trip.
I believe that balance in all things and the ability to see where an individuals limits are is critical for reaching bliss. When there is trust this limit can be stretched to see if perhaps ones limits are a bit beyond expected but only in tiny increments to avoid negative results for both.
There are those who find incredible pleasure in being in a Dom/Sub relationship.
I think that maybe this post is dated but I just stumbled upon it and just wanted to let you know that I think that you are correct for whatever that is worth. ;-)

 

[SoulAssasin247]

Have I been meeting odd personalities or are they fakes? Is a dom supposed to get whiny when I admit that the reason I didn't answer a message immediately was that I was taking a shower?
Yes, I understand that one or two posers may be possible but a dozen? I think my exploration of the dom/sub thing is almost comical!

Mmmmm I see glad you're into dominant men. I see a lot of posers of all sorts on lit.

 

[HisArpy]

I've heard some men say that 50 Shades brought out women who wanted to explore the life style but
want it to be the movie. I agree and will take it a step further. It is also bringing out males who want to play the role of the movie heart throb. It's very disconcerting.
The other thing I'm finding is the fact that many of these men have issues with their own sexuality and think that being dominant will cover up their inadequacies.
Thank you for your remark concerning my ability to be reasonable. I think of myself as exactly that. What I would really appreciate is a clear idea of what the roles are. If I'm being unreasonable or if I have an incorrect idea of roles, then I'll pack up my tent and move on.

50 shades has a ton of real life issues in it that are totally ignored. Such as; the guys a creepy stalker type. He finds a 25 year old virgin who will let him do whatever he wants to her without being shy about it. The shy virgin doesn't see the aggressive pervert as any sort of threat either personally, socially, or financially. Etc.

In real life he'd be in jail and/or a registered sex offender.

What people DO take away from the plot is that, if you're a man seeking a woman, somehow the letters BDSM coupled with talk about rough sex make men more dominant. Dominant men get as much pussy as they want. And women want the aggressive attention, though not necessarily the rough sex or the creepy stalker bits, because it means that a REAL MAN is paying attention to THEM.

It's all crap. Remember it's FICTION! Very little real life wisdom in there or in any fiction book for that matter.

An Alt relationships is just as hard, if not harder, to find and keep as a vanilla relationship. Weeding out the nut jobs in a vanilla relationship is a chore but you have to do it, or go find and redecorate a cave to live in. Weeding out the nut jobs in an Alt relationship is harder because there are SO MANY MORE of them. It's even worse on the internet. Wankers and mouth breathers are common place and they will say/do anything to get you to respond. Their purpose in life is to get you to respond. It's how they get their jollies - messing up your head over them.

A REAL Alt relationship isn't based on any of that. For instance, SHE has a life other than just being the submissive part of the relationship. SHE works, feeds the cats, takes care of the horse, and does the laundry, shopping, housekeeping and all the other mundane things people have to do in real life. (If you look you'll notice that NONE of this is in 50 shades anywhere.) What makes my otherwise vanilla sounding relationship Alt is that all SHE has to do is follow my instructions. Simple right? SHE knows this. SHE also knows that not doing her part means I may not be happy with her performance and may take steps to refocus her attention to where it belongs.

In exchange SHE gets just what SHE wants in a relationship. Along with stability, SHE gets someone who loves her and will take care of her. Forever.

Best advice: Drop the attention seekers and find someone who wants YOU for YOU. Explore your fantasies from there. If that means you have an Alt relationship, fine. If not, that's fine too. I think that's called win-win in whatever form it winds up being.

 

[xxxSubSamxxx]

I am with meekme on this one, I have had multiple online experiences with Doms and they have not even once had a problem when I had to leave the conversations temporarily or end the conversation. I have at times started off with emails before instant messaging and never had a problem with them not being happy with my response time.

I sometimes instant message in the shower too if a Dom requests, no big deal.

Sam xx

 

[NOIRTRASH]

I've said it before. Pay attention.

If you wanna real dom find a real crisis or emergency or disaster, and look for who's got it in hand.

There's a wonderful story about Napoleon in Russia. On one occasion he was out with his escort and attacked by a large force of Cossack cavalry. Napoleon's escort fled, but he remained, and sat his horse calmly as the Cossacks came. And when they came he calmly stuck his sword through their horses. Its how doms act.

 

[busycouple26]

I always set expectations at the beginning and then go from there. Boundaries are great, and if they are crossed, then the other party needs to be reminded of their agreements.

I live a full life, and I expect that my subs live a full life too. I don't need an immediate response, but I also have no time for flakes that can't keep up with what they agreed to doing.

 

[policywank]

I agree with what others have said here. It is not hard to imagine the many pedantic posers who confuse micro-managing or needing to be constantly "stroked" with being in charge.

But I am curious as to the nature of the conversations and proceedings at the time that you exited the conversation.

 

[KimGordon67]

I suspect part of the problem is that as soon as you *say* you're looking for a 'dom' (or whatever), all sorts of people come out of the woodwork who think 'oh, I know what that means' ... and for a lot of them it seems to mean 'do whatever I say without question, even though we haven't discussed any of this at all'. (I often suspect these guys are either lazy, or don't really like women that much, or don't understand how actual human relationships work.)

I ended up in an online relationship for over a year that had very definite BDSM elements to it (although I wouldn't identify as 'sub' per se, but I clearly occupied that position during the times that dynamic was in play). But it evolved out of personal attraction based on other things. I knew he was into that sort of thing, and I guess he knew I'd played around the edges a little bit, but I was pretty clear I wasn't looking for 'a dom', in part because, as noted above, some people seem to have very set (and, for me, unattractive) ideas of what that means.

The other problem is that, as women, if we're looking for any sort of online connection, we sort of inevitably have to wade through a lot of unsuitability - it's the negative aspect of the gender imbalance for us (as opposed to the negative aspect the guys end up with).

 

[NOIRTRASH]

The d/s stuff is all about intimacy, and all the blabber, costumes, and choreography are obstacles to intimacy. Capes and tiaras and magic wands and such do nothing to improve the sensory levels most desire.

 

[FurryFury]

There are roughly eleventy billion fakers to each reasonable adult PYL/pyl online.

 

[HisArpy]

There are roughly eleventy billion fakers to each reasonable adult PYL/pyl online.

Roughly? I'd say that's dead on accurate.

 

[just4friends]

Wait.. all this started over a shower? Bad domwit .. find another with the equipment you want... interesting frail old lady in search of big dick..
Interesting .. certainly
Frail? Not so sure given desire for big dick