A Lit Poets' Christmas

[OT]

RE: "Lube Lovers" Jumboriffic

Naughty Santa came last night
and left a giant jar of lube.
(Sort of like the slippery stuff
you buy discreetly in a tube.)

On Christmas morning
mom and dad
giggle and explain

what that jar of goo
is doing
wrapped beside the train.

Dad is sort of grinning
and mom is blushing red.
"You kids play nice and have some fun.
We're... um ... going back to bed."

 

[Angeline]

LOL OT

what that jar of goo
is doing
wrapped beside the train.

Freud says he can see you Wednesdays at 3.

 

[Angeline]

Damn Those Elves!

Well hell's bells! And jingle bells! Where have you had those slippery fingers, SantaPeter? You just lost control of the steering wheel and shot right past sexlacious and all the Rowdy Ted 2000s and Angeline's new Ted 2003! (Be glad you didn't get it, Angeline. Looks like the elves have been... uh... partying.) Anyway, I'm going to see if I can get back inside the truck and have a seat on SantaPeter's lap. Maybe I can help the jolly old elf steer a little straighter.

Yes, I want a new Ted. I don't like to buy used cars either. And isn't he an exhausted old elf by now?

 

[JUDO]

Up in the sky; it's a bird, a plane.
Did you see it too or am I insane?
A flying truck--what could be sweeter
than Wicked Elf and the SantaPeter?

Peter is driving all greasy and luby.
Elf working pistons exposing her booby;
sliding down chimneys, delivering toys:
patron libido saints of bad girls and boys

Pretty soon they'll be flying my way
and I've got a chimney; works and say
I'll leave beer and cookies then off to bed
and I want a 2003 Rowdy Ted!

You guys are just so inspirational. *sigh*


Angeline We've Heard So High


Angeline, we've heard so high
Sweetly humming jazz refrains.
She wants dildos from the sky
Rowdy Ted gives joyous pains.

Buh… Uh-uh-uh-uh
Uh… Uh-uh-uh-uh
Uh… Uh-uh-uh-uh
Uzzing sweet.

Two Batteries Included.

Angel, why this howling cheer
That your joyous moans prolong?
What's that buzzing sound we hear,
Which inspire your heavenly song?

Buh… Uh-uh-uh-uh
Uh… Uh-uh-uh-uh
Uh… Uh-uh-uh-uh
Uzzing sweet.

Two Batteries Included.

Come to Laurel's site and see,
Him whose praise the girlies sing.
Come adore with spreaded knee,
Ted, the one who's vibrating.

Buh… Uh-uh-uh-uh
Uh… Uh-uh-uh-uh
Uh… Uh-uh-uh-uh
Uzzing sweet.

Two Batteries Included.

Two Bat-ter-ries in-clu-u-u-ded.


*Wiping a tear away*

 

[Angeline]

Thank You JUDO darling

Buh… Uh-uh-uh-uh
Uh… Uh-uh-uh-uh
Uh… Uh-uh-uh-uh
Uzzing sweet.

<tosses angel halo over shoulder and--in one of the few instances where I reveal my true self--runs off with Ted, snickering lewdly>


(I can't help it; I've wrapped 43,000 presents and lost my mind.)

 

[WickedEve]

You guys are just so inspirational. *sigh*


Angeline We've Heard So High


Angeline, we've heard so high
Sweetly humming jazz refrains.
She wants dildos from the sky
Rowdy Ted gives joyous pains.

Buh… Uh-uh-uh-uh
Uh… Uh-uh-uh-uh
Uh… Uh-uh-uh-uh
Uzzing sweet.

Two Batteries Included.

Angel, why this howling cheer
That your joyous moans prolong?
What's that buzzing sound we hear,
Which inspire your heavenly song?

Buh… Uh-uh-uh-uh
Uh… Uh-uh-uh-uh
Uh… Uh-uh-uh-uh
Uzzing sweet.

Two Batteries Included.

Come to Laurel's site and see,
Him whose praise the girlies sing.
Come adore with spreaded knee,
Ted, the one who's vibrating.

Buh… Uh-uh-uh-uh
Uh… Uh-uh-uh-uh
Uh… Uh-uh-uh-uh
Uzzing sweet.

Two Batteries Included.

Two Bat-ter-ries in-clu-u-u-ded.


*Wiping a tear away*

I couldn't read past "Buh... Uh-uh-uh-uh..." without getting wet as a Naughty Christmas Ho... ho ho.

 

[WickedEve]

Re: Damn Those Elves!

Well hell's bells! And jingle bells! Where have you had those slippery fingers, SantaPeter? You just lost control of the steering wheel and shot right past sexlacious and all the Rowdy Ted 2000s and Angeline's new Ted 2003! (Be glad you didn't get it, Angeline. Looks like the elves have been... uh... partying.) Anyway, I'm going to see if I can get back inside the truck and have a seat on SantaPeter's lap. Maybe I can help the jolly old elf steer a little straighter.

Yes, I want a new Ted. I don't like to buy used cars either. And isn't he an exhausted old elf by now?

You deserve a brand spanking new 2003 Pleasure Ted. That's right, the old Rowdy Ted has been replaced by the gentler Pleasure Ted. What? You want Rowdy?!!
I don't think SantaPeter is exhausted. He may be beyond that. He's not... uh... moving... Oh no! Who will deliver a Buh-uh-uh-zzzing Ted to Angeline?

 

[Rybka]

Merry Fishmas!

Twas the night before Fishmas
and all through the ocean
(or in the sea),
not a single thing was in motion
(not even me).

The kelp was all hung by the reef face with care,
In hopes that St. Fisholas soon would be there.
The rybkas were snuggled all safe in their nests,
While visions of wormses danced in their breasts;
And ma-fish in her reef-hole, and pa (who's a sap,)

Had just settled down for a long winter's nap,
When out in the surf there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the seabed to see what's the matter.
Away to the sea shore I swam in a flash,
Jumped over the breakers and drew up aghast.

The moon on the breast of the new-breaking surf
Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects on Earth,
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny floundeer, . . .

 

[WickedEve]

Love it!

But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny floundeer, . . .

 

[Angeline]

O Vibrator O Vibrator
Your whiny buzz doth call me
O Vibrator, O Vibrator
Tis such fun to install thee

I named you after my prof Ted
Though never did he this girl bed
O Vibrator, O Vibrator
Your whiny buzz doth call me

O Vibrator O Vibrator
Two batteries required
O Vibrator O Vibrator
Then this seraph inspired

I think of my prof when we play
Too bad I found out he was gay
O Vibrator O Vibrator
Two batteries required

O Vibrator O Vibrator
A new name I shall give thee
O Vibrator O Vibrator
Someone with remote possiblity

I've lusted after him and so
I now dub thee Al Pacino
O Vibrator O Vibrator
A new name I shall give thee

 

[WickedEve]

Here it is Christmas day! For those who tuned in for the Christmas Eve live update of SantaPeter and Eve, I have good news! Even though it turned out that all that lube was toxic for poor SantaPeter, everything turned out merry in the end. I was able to breathe the gift of life back into SantaPeter. I blew and blew and blew until he was ready for action. So once again there was a Merry Christmas as good girls like Angeline cradled their new toys snugly between their jolly thighs.

 

[JUDO]

...and sugarplums danced on our heads. Mmmm...

 

[Never]

Fuck
yah
all
and Merry Christmas.

 

[WickedEve]

Fuck
yah
all
and Merry Christmas.

Thank you for the fuck, Never. My Christmas gifts are improving. Fuck yah back and ho, ho, ho.

(Next Christmas I demand some foreplay before the fuck!)

 

[Angeline]

Hi Never!

Nice to see yah, thanks for the um love , and Merry Christmas.

 

[Never]

Joy to the Never
For someone remembers her
Now Everyone!
Must eat!
Their peas!

Now Simon and Garfunkel sings.
Now Simon and Garfunkel sings.

Now Simon and Garararfunkel-el sings.

 

[Angeline]

Never?

Not often here, but never forgotten!

Here is Never's Christmas present!

At the Zoo
Paul Simon

Someone told me
It's all happening at the zoo
I do believe it
I do believe it's true

It's a light and tumble journey
From the East Side to the park
Just a fine and fancy ramble to the zoo
But you can take a crosstown bus
If it's raining or it's cold
And the animals will love it if you do

Somethin' tells me
It's all happening at the zoo
I do believe it
I do believe it's true

The monkeys stand for honesty
Giraffes are insincere
And the elephants are kindly but they're dumb
Orangutans are skeptical
Of changes in their cages
And the zookeeper is very fond of rum

Zebras are reactionaries
Antelopes are missionaries
Pigeons plot in secrecy
And hamsters turn on frequently
What a gas! You gotta come and see
At the zoo