a little perspective please

[sheablue]

knot sweet, I don't have any advice, I'm in a totally different yet comparable situation myself. I feel like a lot of advice given here could be directed at me, especially MWY's last post. You have my empathy. I hope you eventually end up in a place that feels ok.

 

[sheablue]

And also especially your own words ... No one ever died from unrequited love.

But are you sure? Sometimes I feel that it's possible ...

 

[Dyslexicea]

Let's see... Ask him. He should know.

That thing where lovers break up, only to reconcile a month or so later after a sad montage of cheesy songs and the consumption of hundreds of lattés doesn't really happen. It's an invention of the rom-com industry just as "happily ever after" was an invention of the fairy tale industry.

He's using you and you're not getting any value out of the usage. This can't end well, no matter who you hire to write the script.

That's not really true, Jessie and I were apart for almost 9 months. We've been back together for over six years, married for over four.

What I didn't do was sit around waiting. I moved to New York, started my career, worked 12 hour days but I still made time to make new friends. If Jessie wouldn't have come to New York, I would have been fine, I may still be single, I may never have been in love again but I would still have a life, I'd still be happy.

Sweet Knot you're not moving ahead you're stuck in limbo.

Without putting him under too much external emotional pressure...he's got another 14 weeks of basic training...So trying to confront him or talk to him openly from the other end of the country is out of the question.

I think you're afraid to confront him, he's a grown man, he can take care of himself, if he can't you surely don't want a relationship with a child. Tell him how you feel, tell him what you need from him, if he can't or won't commit to you, you need to stop being his nanny, move on. You'll survive!

 

[kiwi_submissive]

I quite often find that it is the habit of the relationship and the (often) loss of a friendship that is hardest to deal with.

Not having that person to talk about a funny part of your day, not being able to have something happen and say to that person "hey remember when we did that or that happened", not having that person that knows you so well and can give you advice about how to deal with something.

I think with text and emails it is alot harder to make that final break because it's just so easy to email or text when you are feeling low or missing that person.

Also in my experience people seem to think the grass is greener on the other side, they just forget that it still needs to be mowed.

 

[knot_sweet]

If anyone is keeping track, the fat lady has sung.

Today J was telling me about one of the women he's on course with.

And knowing him the way I do, if it wasn't for the fact he was on course, there would be a lot more happening than snugling under a doona or her climbing into his bed drunk for a cuddle.

Yeah, it's over.

He's done with me.

'S'ok.

Life will go on, and next year all the chapters in my new life will start too.

It'll be with yet another whole new chunk missing, but I'm kinda used that and at least I can patch over the hole now.

 

[LallyH]

Hugs from me xx

 

[Ropebunny]

I'm pleased you have some closure.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

If anyone is keeping track, the fat lady has sung.

Today J was telling me about one of the women he's on course with.

And knowing him the way I do, if it wasn't for the fact he was on course, there would be a lot more happening than snugling under a doona or her climbing into his bed drunk for a cuddle.

Yeah, it's over.

He's done with me.

'S'ok.

Life will go on, and next year all the chapters in my new life will start too.

It'll be with yet another whole new chunk missing, but I'm kinda used that and at least I can patch over the hole now.

First,

Second, at least it's not dragging on for another quarter-year, keeping you in suspense and pain and hoping, and (emF) fucking with your emotions and the rest of your life for all that time.

I would suggest that you take a little time to think back over your relationship with J and extract two sets of memories from it. First, the "bad" memories, including this period where you've been stuck under the limbo stick unable to move while the campfire beneath the small of your back began to flare. Put them in a mental folder called (f.e.) "J - bad shit." Next select the best memories of your time with him - the laughter, the loving, the quiet moments shared - and put them in a different folder, say, "J - good shit."

PUT BOTH FOLDERS AWAY FOR 30 DAYS! Password protect them and date-lock them. Next month this time, open them back up and I think you'll be pleasantly surprised at the lessened degree of pain you feel in looking into *either* of them. Close 'em up for another month, and do it again. Odds are good, you'll not need to open them a third time, unless you just get a flash of one memory or another and want to take a nostalgic peek back for a moment.

Good luck to you.