a serious question ( it had to happen sometime)
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Netzach
>semiotics?
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For the longest time...
Men attracted me. Girls my own age attracted me. Women saddened me. Boys were just revolting.
That was the state of affairs at 18 or so. But I would never have thought creatively enough to call myself bi. I had to meet an actual bisexual who said she wa before it clicked:
Oh you can BE that...duh! That's me!
Now men are revolting with certain exceptions, girls my own age sadden me, boys delight me, and older women have me pussywhipped.
Men attracted me. Girls my own age attracted me. Women saddened me. Boys were just revolting.
That was the state of affairs at 18 or so. But I would never have thought creatively enough to call myself bi. I had to meet an actual bisexual who said she wa before it clicked:
Oh you can BE that...duh! That's me!
Now men are revolting with certain exceptions, girls my own age sadden me, boys delight me, and older women have me pussywhipped.
Luna_Wolf72
CinnaWolf circa 2023
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interesting topic...
I have always known that i was more attracted to women than men...always.I had my first girl/girl at about age 8 or 9 though i had no earthly clue what it actually was. I have been in love with members of both sexes and though (sexually) i love both...mentally and emotionally i am always more happier with women. What is really scary is that my mother seemed to know all about me...long before i actually showed up with my g/f at 16 and made the announcement.
I would assume that no-one enjoys feeling different but myself it seems like the less barriers on love...the happier we would all be.
(at least that's how it should be)
I have always known that i was more attracted to women than men...always.I had my first girl/girl at about age 8 or 9 though i had no earthly clue what it actually was. I have been in love with members of both sexes and though (sexually) i love both...mentally and emotionally i am always more happier with women. What is really scary is that my mother seemed to know all about me...long before i actually showed up with my g/f at 16 and made the announcement.
I would assume that no-one enjoys feeling different but myself it seems like the less barriers on love...the happier we would all be.
(at least that's how it should be)
PoliteSuccubus
Spinster Aunt of Lit
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I'm straight. I'm so straight that I like to watch gay porn over reg porn....the men are prettier and there isn't some women getting into the shot. Naughty, I know. But have you seen the guys in straight porn? UG-LEEEE.
Anyway, I digress.
I'm an artist, so I find everything beautiful and have no problem telling women and men and children and dogs and even tree stumps that they are beatiful.
So, of course, my daugher was used to expressing her apprication of the female form as well as the male form. In our house it was natural. So I think that might of delayed her realizeing that maybe her feelings took it a step further. When she was about 14 however she had a "wet dream" that left little doubt in her mind that she swung both ways and when she thought deeply about it she relized that she'd always felt that way, but didn't have the hormones to have it "kick in" the same way as before pruberty.
As it is now, when people ask her when she realized she was bi, she tells them about the same time they reailzed they were straight. (Which is pretty assumptive on her part, but, oh well)
Anyway, I digress.
I'm an artist, so I find everything beautiful and have no problem telling women and men and children and dogs and even tree stumps that they are beatiful.
So, of course, my daugher was used to expressing her apprication of the female form as well as the male form. In our house it was natural. So I think that might of delayed her realizeing that maybe her feelings took it a step further. When she was about 14 however she had a "wet dream" that left little doubt in her mind that she swung both ways and when she thought deeply about it she relized that she'd always felt that way, but didn't have the hormones to have it "kick in" the same way as before pruberty.
As it is now, when people ask her when she realized she was bi, she tells them about the same time they reailzed they were straight. (Which is pretty assumptive on her part, but, oh well)
WhisperHaven
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In retrospect, I always knew, but I realized I was in denial until my early 30's. When I look back, all the signs were there. I was turned off by "Playgirl" magazines and thought the nude male form was ugly, if not comical. However, at the ripe old age of 12, I would sneak into my father's Playboy and Penthouse stash and those pictures made me feel warm all over. I dated boys in high school and found most of them to be pigs, though I must admit I liked the way some of them made me feel.
When I got to college, I fantasized about girls often, but just brushed it off as a female bonding type of closeness, and even after I had my first sexual experience with a woman at the age of 22, I still denied that I preferred women until about ten years later. I even used to joke around that if I wasn't married by the time I was 30, I was going to become a lesbian, yet I was STILL in denial.
The epiphany happened when I was 32. I don't remember how, why, or the circumstances, but I do remember having the obsession hit me hard and furious that I could have just as easily ended up with a woman and that perhaps even women were preferable. I looked back at my life for patterns and realized that I had liked women all along.
When I got to college, I fantasized about girls often, but just brushed it off as a female bonding type of closeness, and even after I had my first sexual experience with a woman at the age of 22, I still denied that I preferred women until about ten years later. I even used to joke around that if I wasn't married by the time I was 30, I was going to become a lesbian, yet I was STILL in denial.
The epiphany happened when I was 32. I don't remember how, why, or the circumstances, but I do remember having the obsession hit me hard and furious that I could have just as easily ended up with a woman and that perhaps even women were preferable. I looked back at my life for patterns and realized that I had liked women all along.
Netzach, what about girls younger than you? Not that I'm asking for any reason in particular...
I don't remember thinking about it. And I thought about sex a lot. I do remember telling a girl that she was gorgeous in 7th grade (she was) and then later realizing that girls don't normally say that sort of thing to other girls, with a hot flush of shame.
But in my junior year of high school my boyfriend and best female friend started discussing the prospect of a threesome with me, and I loved the mental pictures and ideas. I guess it just wasn't relevant before then, not something that really applied to me. Plus I never did the sleepover-leading-to-experimentation-with-best-female-friends thing, ever; my best friends were normally boys. So I simply didn't think about it til it happened.
I'm much more amenable to thinking about it now, as well as exactly what I want out of it besides soft girly skin-to-skin action.
I don't remember thinking about it. And I thought about sex a lot. I do remember telling a girl that she was gorgeous in 7th grade (she was) and then later realizing that girls don't normally say that sort of thing to other girls, with a hot flush of shame.
But in my junior year of high school my boyfriend and best female friend started discussing the prospect of a threesome with me, and I loved the mental pictures and ideas. I guess it just wasn't relevant before then, not something that really applied to me. Plus I never did the sleepover-leading-to-experimentation-with-best-female-friends thing, ever; my best friends were normally boys. So I simply didn't think about it til it happened.
I'm much more amenable to thinking about it now, as well as exactly what I want out of it besides soft girly skin-to-skin action.
ReBeLBeLLe
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It took me years to accept the fact that I found other women attractive. I fought like hell to deny any such attractions whatsoever. While sex with a man wasn't bad it never really was what I wanted and I just never would look any further. I married, had kids, and only after the breakup of my marriage did I allow myself to come to terms with the fact that women were what I wanted. I can look back and see the writing on the wall so plainly now and I wonder why I fought it so hard. With a man a kiss always felt like trading spit...*whispers yuck*, and with a woman my toes curl. Some people insist I must be bi since I was married. I choose to believe I was blind and now I see. I'm fortunate that my parents support my happiness no matter which direction it takes me and my friends while they may not be happy with my choices, support the choices which make me the happiest. As for me, now that I have come to terms with my orientation I am as happy as I've ever been.
shaded_one
Virgin
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As far as people haveing a equal chance with me regardless of there gender, I have known that for a long time. However I have had quite a bit more trouble puting a prefix on my sexaulity. I have always wanted to be a guy that just liked to have sex and fall in love, but people didn't seem get that. So I have had to add bi to my sexaulity because it fit the best. I didn't really like doing that because it seemed to confuse people slightly less that what I was going with before. But I guess that is all part of growing up in the corn fields of Indiana.
killallhippies
Literotica Guru
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shaded_one said:
yep, indiana sucks. i was born there.
shepixie69
Experienced
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I've known since I was old enough to know what sex WAS...but
I wouldn't even allow myself to think about it when I was a teenager. I live in a seriously conservative town, where they treat gayness like a disease... We have a church or two in every square mile of this town...
*SIGH*
It does feel good being honest with myself, and I finally allowed myself to think of the possibility when I was 18.
she
I wouldn't even allow myself to think about it when I was a teenager. I live in a seriously conservative town, where they treat gayness like a disease... We have a church or two in every square mile of this town...
*SIGH*
It does feel good being honest with myself, and I finally allowed myself to think of the possibility when I was 18.
she
D's mariposa
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Do I have to have a label?
When we sit here and talk about being gay or bi or straight and when we knew I have a flasheback of sorts. I remember reading Lousia May Alcott's "Little Women" and there was a section where Amy says the girls at her school label your father if you aren't rich." Her sisters break up laughing and Meg says something to the effect "If you mean libel I'd say so and not talk of father as if he were a jar of pickles."
What does that have to do with the conversation at hand? Not much, but it always makes me chuckle and it always copmes up in my mind when we talk about who, or what we are. I'm not a jar of pickles. But I am bisexual. And I have been that way ever since my sexuality bloomed.
I prefer the label sexual instead though. I'm just sexual; I appreciate both men and women as sensual beings. I don't limit myself as gay or straight. And this brings up my problem with labels.
Labels can be be descriptive, self affirming or limiting. You can describe yourself as gay, and that is affirming. In some places you still can't be gay and have that be a good thing, but luckily, things are changing. But if I chose to only express the lesbian part of my psyche, or only the straight part, I would be limiting my self. And I would be desperatley unhappy.
When we sit here and talk about being gay or bi or straight and when we knew I have a flasheback of sorts. I remember reading Lousia May Alcott's "Little Women" and there was a section where Amy says the girls at her school label your father if you aren't rich." Her sisters break up laughing and Meg says something to the effect "If you mean libel I'd say so and not talk of father as if he were a jar of pickles."
What does that have to do with the conversation at hand? Not much, but it always makes me chuckle and it always copmes up in my mind when we talk about who, or what we are. I'm not a jar of pickles. But I am bisexual. And I have been that way ever since my sexuality bloomed.
I prefer the label sexual instead though. I'm just sexual; I appreciate both men and women as sensual beings. I don't limit myself as gay or straight. And this brings up my problem with labels.
Labels can be be descriptive, self affirming or limiting. You can describe yourself as gay, and that is affirming. In some places you still can't be gay and have that be a good thing, but luckily, things are changing. But if I chose to only express the lesbian part of my psyche, or only the straight part, I would be limiting my self. And I would be desperatley unhappy.
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sigh
chant mistress
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This is a complex and disturbing question and I'm not sure I want to even explore the answer, but it's early, it's a beautiful morning and the coffee is good (and my son is still asleep) and there's a feeling of rightness about the day. Maybe I can pull it off.
Prior to my mid teens I don't really remember much about feelings of sexuality at all. I certainly didn't identify myself in sexual terms. My friends were pretty much all girls then, and at a certain age they began to talk about boys, and then sex, as early teen girls are wont to do. I might have participated in those talks though honestly I don't remember. I was late coming to puberty, later than the girls I knew anyway, so when they were talking boys, I was closer to being asexual than homosexual or hetero.
At the age of fifteen, being a "woman" by then for about a year, I was raped and conceived a child who was born when I was sixteen. High school after that became a bizzare and twisted place. Though the whole town knew my story (my rapist came to justice and it was in the paper for quite a while) the fact that I had a child set me apart in a distinctly discriminatory way. My former friends simply ignored me after that, and boys just stopped looking my way. I pulled into myself, my child, my family, my studies and my therapy. I excelled in all things scholastic and languished at all things social.
When my son was about a year old I did discover a dear friend. His name was David and he was the most openly gay person in high school. In retrospect, I realize that he sought me out, pestered me into being his friend and then taught me how to laugh and not give a shit about things not worth giving a shit about. David was a wonderful and good boy. From the start he carried my infant son in his arms with as much confidence as a grandmother, could tell stories to fit any occasion, and a few years later taught me to drink tequila until I puked. For about four years he was quite literally the only friend I had. And during those years, any notions I might have had regarding homosexuals were changed irrevocably. David showed me the goodness that's inside everyone, regardless of sexuality, and stripped away all my reserves regarding the "naturalness" (for lack of a better term) of sex with a person of like gender.
So perhaps I was primed by David, then, for my first sexual encounter in college. I was a sophomore and she shared many classes with me (being in the same curriculum) and we were lab partners in Quantitative Analysis (eesh...what a terrible class THAT was). I'll just skip all the awkward courting nonsense that led up to it but by the end of the fall semester we ended up in her bed in the dorm across the street from the pharmacy building, then repeated that meeting numerous times (mostly between classes) right up until graduation.
Sex has never been a large part of my life. I've been to bed with just three different women (and one of those was a single occurrence). I'm not even sure today that I'm not bisexual. I've never explored sex with men. I feel a certain revulsion, in fact, about being intimate with a man but at the same time I went through a period where I wrote erotica, with myself as the primary character of the stories, and wrote of myself not only having sexual relations with men, but being in deeply submissive roles to them.
So go figure that out, huh?
I haven't time for therapy anymore so I may never know what the hell is going on. Someone here once described me as a bi-curious lesbian and maybe that's close to the truth. The fact is, though, most days I still feel more asexual than anything else.
Prior to my mid teens I don't really remember much about feelings of sexuality at all. I certainly didn't identify myself in sexual terms. My friends were pretty much all girls then, and at a certain age they began to talk about boys, and then sex, as early teen girls are wont to do. I might have participated in those talks though honestly I don't remember. I was late coming to puberty, later than the girls I knew anyway, so when they were talking boys, I was closer to being asexual than homosexual or hetero.
At the age of fifteen, being a "woman" by then for about a year, I was raped and conceived a child who was born when I was sixteen. High school after that became a bizzare and twisted place. Though the whole town knew my story (my rapist came to justice and it was in the paper for quite a while) the fact that I had a child set me apart in a distinctly discriminatory way. My former friends simply ignored me after that, and boys just stopped looking my way. I pulled into myself, my child, my family, my studies and my therapy. I excelled in all things scholastic and languished at all things social.
When my son was about a year old I did discover a dear friend. His name was David and he was the most openly gay person in high school. In retrospect, I realize that he sought me out, pestered me into being his friend and then taught me how to laugh and not give a shit about things not worth giving a shit about. David was a wonderful and good boy. From the start he carried my infant son in his arms with as much confidence as a grandmother, could tell stories to fit any occasion, and a few years later taught me to drink tequila until I puked. For about four years he was quite literally the only friend I had. And during those years, any notions I might have had regarding homosexuals were changed irrevocably. David showed me the goodness that's inside everyone, regardless of sexuality, and stripped away all my reserves regarding the "naturalness" (for lack of a better term) of sex with a person of like gender.
So perhaps I was primed by David, then, for my first sexual encounter in college. I was a sophomore and she shared many classes with me (being in the same curriculum) and we were lab partners in Quantitative Analysis (eesh...what a terrible class THAT was). I'll just skip all the awkward courting nonsense that led up to it but by the end of the fall semester we ended up in her bed in the dorm across the street from the pharmacy building, then repeated that meeting numerous times (mostly between classes) right up until graduation.
Sex has never been a large part of my life. I've been to bed with just three different women (and one of those was a single occurrence). I'm not even sure today that I'm not bisexual. I've never explored sex with men. I feel a certain revulsion, in fact, about being intimate with a man but at the same time I went through a period where I wrote erotica, with myself as the primary character of the stories, and wrote of myself not only having sexual relations with men, but being in deeply submissive roles to them.
So go figure that out, huh?
I haven't time for therapy anymore so I may never know what the hell is going on. Someone here once described me as a bi-curious lesbian and maybe that's close to the truth. The fact is, though, most days I still feel more asexual than anything else.
I always knew that I thought women were beautiful... and I loved to look at women... but I was raised VERY Catholic, so it didn't occur to me that I could have a lesbian streak in me. I am an artist, and i guess I always thought my interest in women's bodies was purely in an artistic way... looking at the smooth curves, the grace with which many women carry themselves, the round, softness of breasts, etc... It was when I moved away from home and into my university, into an environment that allowed me to experience other gay people, and just talk about things, that I grew to understand that I was bisexual... it just took some open-minded folks to draw it out of me... it was always there, I just didn't recognize it for what it was.
G
Guest
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The first inclination that I was bi...happened when I was 9. While other girls were playing doctor with boys... I was playing doctor with other girls. As I got older...I had morality issues about it... and devoted myself to finding 'mr right'. Didn't get really comfortable with being bi until I began talking to more open minded individuals online.
sighBiguy77578
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At first I didn't realize sex was a gender specific thing. I just knew it felt great and wanted any and all I could get.
When young I lived in a horny neighborhood with lots of horny dudes. I was bullied by an older neighbor boy to suck him and liked it so I continued bi sex for my entire life. When the opportunity for sex with girls came along I enjoyed that too. What ever was available I indulged in it.
When young I lived in a horny neighborhood with lots of horny dudes. I was bullied by an older neighbor boy to suck him and liked it so I continued bi sex for my entire life. When the opportunity for sex with girls came along I enjoyed that too. What ever was available I indulged in it.
whiteasianlvr
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I think Queersitti's take is mine to a "T"! I think I knew I was "different" in 4th grade but only began coming to grips with what that meant in 8th grade. Acceptance, however, took more time.
I still remember the moment very clearly. I was driving through the Arizona desert in December of '93, during a rainstorm of all things, listening and singing along to the song "Bi", by Living Colour, when I realized that I really did feel that way and that it was okay. I had never done anything sexually with a male at that point, being in some denial, but I accepted that I really did want to try being with a guy some day, and it was perfectly fine. I actually cried tears of relief (good thing the highway was pretty deserted at that moment
) as I admitted to myself that I could be bisexual, and accepted that it was okay. I can still feel that relief when I think of the moment in time.It was several years before I acted upon that feeling (I was incredibly shy and not good at reading flirting cues), but it was liberating to know that I could go there and accept myself in the process.
Wow, I just realized I've never told anyone about that moment. That's something.
