A Trans Thread For Trans Friends To Trans In

[stickygirl]

Good points, Sticky, and thanks for that.

There may be a loud minority, there may be a silent majority. Those who make most noise aren't necessarily representative of the rest of us.

I always have to remind myself that this is sex-based site, so proportions of one sexuality or another are hardly representative. Birds of a feather etc. It's a shame that more trans folk don't stick around, but I understand why. If I post these days it's usually in the GB because LGBT has little interest for me, apart from particular individuals who are fun to be around.
It's nice to meet you Gina, and welcome to Lit if it's not already been said

 

[yukonnights]

This is a really thought provoking thread and I think the one post I decided to quote is the closest one that reflects me. As for the definitions, I actually like the one that was criticised.

I would also pick up on the CD thing as "getting a kick out of what they wear and very often part of the kick is sexual". If I am a CD, then I haven't had a sexual kick yet (not to say I wouldn't). Going out en femme is actually more liberating and helps me think about, maybe decide, who the real me is. It feels more natural.

Back to the criticised definition: "a person having a strong desire to assume the physical characteristics and gender role of the opposite sex". Yes that describes me but then it generates more debate.

Coming back to basic personality, nature suggests that if I had 2 X chromosomes, it would be in keeping with my character. The Y chromosome defines physical characteristics at birth and how society nurtures us into a role. I guess if you have a weak Y chromosome and the X is (the next word sounds wrong) dominant, individuals can slip along the spectrum that others define.

At the end of the day, people can use labels as they wish. Some of us just wish we could have started off with 2 Xs and a proportion of us do something about it. As for giving myself a label, I only do so when it is attached to designer clothes.

How is kick defined?
Is feeling like it is natural or how you should be, considered kick?
Is feeling good inside with nothing to do with sexuality, considered kick?

"Because cross dressers are getting a kick out of what they wear and very often part of the kick is sexual. Drag queens are doing a performance, after which they take the corset off and the pastiche make-up and carry on being a guy." I thought that sounded like me and I take nothing back from the context in which it was put forward.

It's up to each of us to decide where we are on the gender spectrum and to decide our sexuality and how we express it. You only have to click to the GLBT Chatter to see how many men express their sexuality - and good for them: they get a kick out of being submissive, being a bottom and often assuming a feminine role because they see that as enhancing the role they play.

That's very different to people whose internal gender is at odds with their genes: trans or NB folk who become so distressed by that conflict that they consider suicide as a reasonable option. It might be that proportion of the sissy posters on GLBT are themselves depressed or have contemplated taking their lives or phone the Samaritans and Lit offers them a lifeline to help them unwind. If that were the case though, I suspect more people would join in this type of discussion.

Just thought I'd take a crack at this; The thing that comes to my mind is the common quest of humans to find a 'settled inner peace'. To feel at ease in their own skins and in the details of our lives.

I think we can see some correlation to this lack in closeted gays/lesbians. They know deep inside that they are being denied a certain right to be at peace with themselves. Usually, it's a great celebration and a whole new life when they 'come out'. They experience a new 'settled peace' that they are finally living an authentic life.

One can also get a glimpse of the issue in married bisexual men who chime in year after year on the discussion boards "wishing" their wives would understand and support them". They are having to hide a part of their true selves...and that extracts a price. But since they are primarily heterosexual males, they can more easily resolve their 'inner peace' since 'normal heterosexuality with a male gender identity' are the strongest players in their sexuality and gender identifications.

Thus, this seems to be an issue of both the intensity (or degree) of the non-conformance to socially expected norms...and one's ability to personally resolve the intensity of distress. Perhaps something like a "Distress Intensity Scale" is what I'm trying to say. It is that "whatever" which robs us of that precious Inner Peace which must be addressed.

The unfortunate truth is; Transgender folks have a much bigger hill to climb in order to capture that elusive Inner Peace than the bi husband who is just a little miffed about having to remain faithful in his marriage. I think society is slowly moving forward to a day when all of this will be one of those things people look back on and say: "I'm glad I didn't live back in those days." On a less positive note; Unfortunately we are all living in "those days"

 

[yukonnights]

I always have to remind myself that this is sex-based site, so proportions of one sexuality or another are hardly representative. Birds of a feather etc. It's a shame that more trans folk don't stick around, but I understand why. If I post these days it's usually in the GB because LGBT has little interest for me, apart from particular individuals who are fun to be around.
It's nice to meet you Gina, and welcome to Lit if it's not already been said

SG, Fighting for rights is never easy. You have seen a need to educate, which I think is very important...but also tiring. I too find little of interest here on the LGBT forum these days. (I blame Tumblr ) The topics so often lack depth and interest for the most part...but that's just another reason to keep talking. One never knows who will read something that changes their life for the better...I know you know this and it's why you do what you do. Please, just don't overdo to the point you can't keep up...one person can only do so much. ~

 

[CallmeGina]

I always have to remind myself that this is sex-based site, so proportions of one sexuality or another are hardly representative. Birds of a feather etc. It's a shame that more trans folk don't stick around, but I understand why. If I post these days it's usually in the GB because LGBT has little interest for me, apart from particular individuals who are fun to be around.
It's nice to meet you Gina, and welcome to Lit if it's not already been said

Thanks for the welcome, Sticky. Nice to meet you too

 

[stickygirl]

Just thought I'd take a crack at this; The thing that comes to my mind is the common quest of humans to find a 'settled inner peace'. To feel at ease in their own skins and in the details of our lives.

~ snip ~ I think society is slowly moving forward to a day when all of this will be one of those things people look back on and say: "I'm glad I didn't live back in those days." On a less positive note; Unfortunately we are all living in "those days"

Thanks YN - you get it.
I like that you describe it as inner peace: that about nails it for me.

I try not to look back at my past too much because most of it was pretty crap. The most important thing when I was a young teenager was knowing there was a way out of my hellish life and I have my mother to thank for being my advocate and fighting so many battles on my behalf. Some I'll probably never get to hear about; some I've got to hear about second-hand. Sure, I had to walk the walk but knowing there was someone there for me - and my sister, gave me so much confidence.
I couldn't have got this far without them, so when I read about kids who get abused and thrown out by their parents. Jeez, it breaks my heart.

Soooo.... when I read posts in LGBT that brag about weeny shemales and trans girls, it does provoke a kinda negative reaction with me. I know - not everyone, not every trans person, but I see so many dead-eyes in porn. I know too that though a girl may say "I love sex, I love cock" there may be an abused person too frightened to say anything else. All we can do is be watchful, help the people we can, be an advocate, speak up.

.... a try not to sound like a tired old song with the same whiney note

It's supposed to be fun, right?!

 

[yukonnights]

Thanks YN - you get it.
I like that you describe it as inner peace: that about nails it for me.

I try not to look back at my past too much because most of it was pretty crap. The most important thing when I was a young teenager was knowing there was a way out of my hellish life and I have my mother to thank for being my advocate and fighting so many battles on my behalf. Some I'll probably never get to hear about; some I've got to hear about second-hand. Sure, I had to walk the walk but knowing there was someone there for me - and my sister, gave me so much confidence.
I couldn't have got this far without them, so when I read about kids who get abused and thrown out by their parents. Jeez, it breaks my heart.

Soooo.... when I read posts in LGBT that brag about weeny shemales and trans girls, it does provoke a kinda negative reaction with me. I know - not everyone, not every trans person, but I see so many dead-eyes in porn. I know too that though a girl may say "I love sex, I love cock" there may be an abused person too frightened to say anything else. All we can do is be watchful, help the people we can, be an advocate, speak up.

.... a try not to sound like a tired old song with the same whiney note

It's supposed to be fun, right?!

The eyes that have no shine...I thought it was only me who saw them. I too struggle in a world that seems far more callous and selfish than it should be...or needs to be. This world is not a place for tender souls with hearts that bleed from the wounds of others...but there is no place else to go.

But, there is a peace to be found...it's true, it's really true. Perhaps the fullness of life requires both pain and love in order to be complete? I don't know, the question I can ask but the answer is beyond me. Thus, peace...an abiding peace that sits above both love and pain...at least it's a place to rest for awhile before we have to begin doing life again?

I agree with the need for a voice, or three, who can at times say; Wait a minute folks, we're talking about another human here...a person with hopes and dreams and the need for love just like me...just like you. So as for me; I like tired old songs because those old songs almost always came from the heart. You have that heart felt desire to protect, maybe because such a heart was there for you when you needed it most. I say follow it where it leads you, to do otherwise will probably disturb your settled peace.

Fun? I think peace is the most fun I've ever experienced...