A very short story

[Selq]

Right. You too, like many across the forum, appear to be trying to characterize a different writing and reading population at Literotica than is here. Nose-too-far elevated to see what "most" of the writers and readers here want, which means you'd have to leave the forum and look at the actual content of the story collection to understand reality.

From reading the comments, the only one who seems to have their nose in the air is you. The only one that doesn't seem to understand the "writing and reading population at Literotica" is you. You speaking for anyone other than yourself is showing a level of arrogance beyond belief.

I responded to the assertion of a poster that there were two separate paths to a story here: either plot emphasis or sex act emphasis, with the obvious assertion that "better" fell on the plot emphasis option. I assert that this is a sex writing site and that "better" falls in a merging of those two options: strong sex act coverage with a strong plot, and being strong and balanced on both.

I will agree with this part, to a point. You have to remember that Lit is a free website, built for mostly amateur writers. Combining both aspects is a difficult task. The purpose of forums such as this is for writers to get honest critiques of their work and learn what both their strengths AND weaknesses are. You see, whether you believe it or not, if the writers become better at their craft then us readers are the beneficiaries of their improvement with better stories. So slamming other commenters for doing what the writer asked seems rather foolish.

Yes, the website permits non-erotic stories--as a side interest. You'd have to be blind, however, not to be able to see that this is a mainline pornographic website. If there is emphasis to be had here, the very presentation of the website falls on the side of sex act.

If you believe that non-erotic stories are just a side interest, then I would suggest you never go into Loving Wives, because you would probably be highly offended with the number of non-erotic stories in LW (that also happen to be very highly rated). And though there are porn stories on Lit, I think you overstate the numbers quite a bit. There are a ton of EROTIC stories, but don't confuse the two, because there is a definite difference between porn and erotica. This is a mainline EROTICA site, not porn, so it looks as though the only person blind is you.

Happily, I think that "most" writers and readers at Literotica are too busy in the collection file using this as a sex story site to come to be denigrated by the high brows in the forum who would be publishing their non-erotic literary stories someplace else if they could find an equal audience someplace else.

Again, who is being denigrated? A writer voluntarily opens a thread and asks for honest opinions on their stories. The people replying here in the forum aren't attacking the writer (as can, and often does, happen in the comment section where their story is posted) . The commenters are giving their honest opinions and trying to help the writer to improve.

And for the second time in this comment, you have appointed yourself as spokesman for "most" of the writers and readers of Lit. Arrogance indeed.

I, as a longtime and daily reader of Lit, don't recall giving you permission to speak for me, and I would say that the other readers and writers would feel much the same way. As a matter of fact, I know the crowd in LW wouldn't think very much of you speaking for them.

You having an opinion is fine, when you start trying to speak for "everyone" you do nothing but make yourself look like a delusional fool.

Actually, you sound just like the anonytrolls in LW that everyone talks about. Hmmm, interesting.

 

[Selq]

I just published my first story and it is quite short. I'm hoping to get some honest feedback. Thank you.

Story published....
https://www.literotica.com/s/consumed-16

Very nice flash story. Very hot, very sensual, very sexy.

I liked how you did the dialogue, it was easy to read. You are certainly going to grow a fanbase very quickly with your writing style.

Others have already touched on the things that needed work, and your explanation for why you wrote it how you did made sense to me.

Also want to apologize for my rant at KeithD on your thread, but I felt it was better for a reader to do so, so you writers don't get one bombed for arguing with him.

Good luck with your future stories, and I will def be watching for them

 

[KeithD]

From reading the comments, the only one who seems to have their nose in the air is you. The only one that doesn't seem to understand the "writing and reading population at Literotica" is you. You speaking for anyone other than yourself is showing a level of arrogance beyond belief.

Speaking of arrogant, you speak with a great deal of claimed knowledge with only a month of membership here and no stories posted. Like a story that starts off like you have, I'll bail on reading any further.

 

[Selq]

Speaking of arrogant, you speak with a great deal of claimed knowledge with only a month of membership here and no stories posted. Like a story that starts off like you have, I'll bail on reading any further.

Oh, Keith, I have never claimed to be anything more than a reader. I actually go out of my way to make sure people understand that and don't get the wrong idea. I know that I don't have the gift all of the writers on here have, including you, but that doesn't make my opinion any less valid.

As for only being a member for a month, or so, I had no reason, before then, to join.

The fact that you are scared to read the rest of my critique doesn't bother me in the slightest and tells everyone way more about yourself than me.

 

[Ezrollin]

You can say that about any story. There's a line of anti-sex act thread that goes through this forum that tries to present plot (good) and sex act (bad) as two different paths that have to be taken in writing a story. I find that very strange to find on a sex writing site. Maybe some writers here should be looking for another site to write on and stop badmouthing the writers who are writing to the stated site purposes.

I agree with you..this Literotica and stories should be erotic. If a story introduces the characters and goes into one sex scene after another it doesn't do much for me. I read one story that started out good, went to the sex. It would have been a good story but the author seemed compelled to repeat the same sex scenes for several pages with the same characters....boring !

 

[BJwriter]

Thank you!

I agree with you..this Literotica and stories should be erotic. If a story introduces the characters and goes into one sex scene after another it doesn't do much for me. I read one story that started out good, went to the sex. It would have been a good story but the author seemed compelled to repeat the same sex scenes for several pages with the same characters....boring !

A good story is never boring whether it is erotic or not. Porn to me, which I classify as sex and nothing but sex, can be VERY boring. Good erotica, on the other hand, tells a story about people who are interesting and engage in sex and perhaps other erotic activities. It should be interesting and engage the reader.

I appreciate your comment very much because I am working on a couple of stories that involve group sex activities and I'm trying to find a way to describe what happens without it being boring. So, I very much appreciate your perspective. If a story is done right, reading it should never be boring, whether it is erotic or not. That is my theory. Putting it into practice is always challenging. Read On! Write On!

 

[Iceprincess12]

Setting aside this as a scene rather than a story, it can still work by going beyond a description of events. Mix in more emotion so the reader can feel the sex and isn't just reading about it.

Your first sentence says she is already consumed. I take this to mean it's over, she is tired and is falling asleep. I think it would have made more of an impact to have that as your last sentence and "open your eyes" as a first sentence. It's much more active and makes me interested in what is going to happen, rather than telling me something already happened and I missed it.

The dialogue just switches from whispering to he said, she said. The scene uses all the right words but without emotion, it's like watching nameless, faceless porn. It's like a paint by numbers where all the right elements are present but there is no impact. Are they sweaty, is it light, dark, hot, cold? Is this a first time, is anyone nervous, is it a date...? Ambiguity can work to help the reader bring in his or her own preferences, but this gives me nothing. I don't even know if they are on a bed.

"I felt the pressure in my belly build as the tension built up. I shattered, convulsing around his beautiful cock with my pussy muscles and crying out a string of unintelligible obscenities."

This is a good example. We are told the tension builds up, but it's better for us to feel it. How does her tension build? Her hands grabbed his back, her breathing increases, she suddenly thinks of her pot pie in the oven. Words that describe and put us in the moment are the words that push and pull us as readers. Move beyond the descriptive typical sex or if you choose to use it, add something to make us feel it.

Easy to read, but lacks description for even a basic idea of who or where they are. Passive voice for telling about the sex instead of letting the reader feel the sex.

 

[BJwriter]

...

"I felt the pressure in my belly build as the tension built up. I shattered, convulsing around his beautiful cock with my pussy muscles and crying out a string of unintelligible obscenities."

This is a good example. We are told the tension builds up, but it's better for us to feel it. How does her tension build? Her hands grabbed his back, her breathing increases, she suddenly thinks of her pot pie in the oven. Words that describe and put us in the moment are the words that push and pull us as readers. Move beyond the descriptive typical sex or if you choose to use it, add something to make us feel it.

Easy to read, but lacks description for even a basic idea of who or where they are. Passive voice for telling about the sex instead of letting the reader feel the sex.

Great comment -- very perceptive and insightful. I would very much appreciate it if you could provide a link to something you consider a good example of the type of writing you describe, Princess. I suspect that would help the author of "A very short story," too. Seriously, I too am new to the writing of erotica and want to learn to do it well, which is why I read and pay close attention to thoughtful posts such as yours.

BJ

 

[makemewet69]

I stated here and elsewhere that this was a piece mostly just for me. Since I know who I am and I know who CJ is, it didn't occur to me to put I physical descriptions and all that. This was for the two of us describing a moment we shared together that I didn't want to forget. Upon his encouragement it ended up being something I shared. I do appreciate all the feedback, seriously thank to everyone.

I did have a story published yesterday. An actual story with descriptions and everything lol

https://www.literotica.com/s/an-afternoon-delight-4