Ageism in BDSM

[Bandit58]

I'm not comfortable doing anything sexual with anyone young enough for me to have given birth to. My son is almost 24, and so anyone I am with (this refers mainly to females, because I'm happy with the Man I married ) has to be at least 30, preferably 35.

When I had a personals ad up looking for female play partners, I would often get hit on by young women in their late teens/early 20s. I would turn them down politely, even though they were very pretty girls. At 48 my body is no longer as trim and taut as it was, even though I have been working out for a few months now. I also do not have that much experience - my first time with a woman was only 4 years ago, with big gaps in between.

Age for me doesn't equal experience, some of us are late starters even with hetero sex. I had one partner (my ex husband) right up til I was 43. I'm still learning and exploring even after 5 years. A lot of teens/girls in their 20s have WAY more experience than I do So I am not very secure in that dept either

So when I met Master Gil, I was a complete novice at anything BDSM. He has enjoyed teaching and showing me new things (and still more to come He says ) He is 6 years older than me. In my limited experience (3 other men besides my ex and Master), I had one 11 years older and one a little younger (18 months). The third was about my own age (2 years older). Surprisingly the oldest guy was the least knowledgeable

 

[SilkVelvet]

I have had one Master, who was eighteen years younger than me and he was an exceptional person who taught me that age is a number and not to have pre-conceptions. It was very rewarding, to be able to share life experiences.

 

[Phirefly]

The man who was, for a brief-time, an online master for me, was 19 years my senior, and I loved every minute I spent with him. We often talked about how similar our lives seemed to be even though we were two decades apart in life and experience. But, on the inside, we fit.

I'm 25, and heck, I'm not sure I'd want to be with anyone under the age of 23 anymore. *grins* But I'm sure that if I ever find a Master, He will be whatever age He is, and I will be happy to serve Him.

 

[NemoAlia]

I have had one Master, who was eighteen years younger than me and he was an exceptional person who taught me that age is a number and not to have pre-conceptions. It was very rewarding, to be able to share life experiences.

Yeah, I frequently hear "Age is just a number!" from guys whom I've politely turned down based on age disparity. But I don't see any of them dating 86-year-old women, y'know? Either the road goes both ways, or you're just being hypocritical.

I understand personal preference. I, personally, prefer men within about six years of me. Many of you prefer older, or younger, or whatever. But a person can't have a preference and claim "age is just a number" at the same time.

Besides, age isn't just a number. My collarme profile says "Age is not just a number. It's a stage of life, in almost every case."

 

[Quint]

..............

 

[Netzach]

<-- not that soft.


I don't really have age requirements for play other than your age not ending in the suffix "teen" and being interesting enough for me to want to do it. I even thought this through long enough that any potential bias I have against male Tops/Doms younger than me erodes at the prospect of being suspended in rope by someone better at it than I am. It's all context. As for older than I am, I've gotten involved with people well into their late 50's if there's enough of interest to talk about or enough common ground.

But I'm not talking about moving in together and buying a mini pinscher, I'm talking about beating you up and having a drink. For the former I prefer people within 0-15 years of my own age who like what I like and do what I do and fully completely *get* me.

(and I can't get a mini pinscher becase I have neurotic cats. and it's a moot point because I have a partner in crime now who's ideal)

 

[SilkVelvet]

Yeah, I frequently hear "Age is just a number!" from guys whom I've politely turned down based on age disparity. But I don't see any of them dating 86-year-old women, y'know? Either the road goes both ways, or you're just being hypocritical.

My view was that I wanted people around my own age, because I assumed that I wouldn't be able to relate to a Master much younger than myself, even though I have had male friends his age.

He convinced me that I was being unfair, and me being older than him never bothered him at all...in fact I think he got a kick out of dominating an older woman.

My view now is that there is time enough for me to get involved with an older man when I'm more wrinkled and that while I am in decent shape for my age I might as well enjoy being around younger people.. in other words I am not up for the bowls club, bingo, Womens' Institute and all the other things that come with old age yet.

 

[NemoAlia]

But I'm not talking about moving in together and buying a mini pinscher, I'm talking about beating you up and having a drink. For the former I prefer people within 0-15 years of my own age who like what I like and do what I do and fully completely *get* me.

See, if I were just looking for play partners, I imagine I'd be a lot more open-minded about age. But right now, I'm definitely looking for long-term. And long term with a guy that much older than I am is not really long-term at all, y'know?

 

[Quint]

..............

 

[Evil_Geoff]

... But I will always have a soft spot in my heart for the older (probably abusive) Daddy type who Knows What's Best.

Girls--oh, they're soft. I love them all.
...

Wise girl.... might get you out of a beating. Or into one!

 

[Netzach]

<--not that convinced.

Well physically....squish.

But you'd have to impress me to find that out wouldn't you?

 

[Netzach]

See, if I were just looking for play partners, I imagine I'd be a lot more open-minded about age. But right now, I'm definitely looking for long-term. And long term with a guy that much older than I am is not really long-term at all, y'know?

I understand. I've found people pushing 48/50 who like the same music and read Italo Calvino - so a decade or so isn't that big a deal. It's the details.

 

[Gypsybyrd]

I can't think of anything to add except thanks for saving me from having to start this thread ... I've been thinking about this very topic lately as I search.

I've found myself having to remind myself that just because a Dom is my age does not mean he is inexperienced or less Domly. It's more or less his personality and how he presents himself.

 

[PleasurePuppy]

My master is 32 years older than me. There is deffinately a difference of perception based on age, but that's all it is. Age and the perception of others mean nothing.

 

[pyramider]

Do you believe that it exists? How does it manifest itself in your experience?

Perhaps it's that I find people older than me have more life experience, more history to draw on, but I've always found that I have difficulty submitting to those younger than myself.

I'm a switch, and have never had a problem Dominating anyone older than myself, or younger than myself.. which I suppose may come across as somewhat hypocritical.

I'm having difficulty articulating this... but perhaps you know what I mean...

In my twenties I became a dom master for a 34 yrs woman, it was very rewarding for both of us. Strange as this may sound she helped me understand what a woman needs and how to help a slave get it. At one time of my life, at the same time, I was a sub and dom with two different women. The dom about my age and the sub much younger but I never thought the age was the deciding factor. People have different experiences and I can only share mine.

 

[graceanne]

I've mentioned my beliefs on this before, and they weren't very popular with people my age and younger. I do not think men under the age of 28ish (with some exceptions) are mature enough for a steady relationship, let alone to be a dom. Women mature more quickly than men, and quite frankly I'm not so sure that most women are mature enough for a relationship till their early twenties, if then. I do think that their are more exceptions with women than men. I was engaged at 18 and married at 19. K and I are coming up on our 10 year anniversary and still going strong. But I've been an adult all my life. For those that believe in reincarnation, I've been told I'm an 'old soul'. *shrugs*

 

[SilkVelvet]

I've mentioned my beliefs on this before, and they weren't very popular with people my age and younger. I do not think men under the age of 28ish (with some exceptions) are mature enough for a steady relationship, let alone to be a dom. Women mature more quickly than men, and quite frankly I'm not so sure that most women are mature enough for a relationship till their early twenties, if then. I do think that their are more exceptions with women than men. I was engaged at 18 and married at 19. K and I are coming up on our 10 year anniversary and still going strong. But I've been an adult all my life. For those that believe in reincarnation, I've been told I'm an 'old soul'. *shrugs*

Bit patronising ? Don't do as I do, do as I say lol

 

[serijules]

I've mentioned my beliefs on this before, and they weren't very popular with people my age and younger. I do not think men under the age of 28ish (with some exceptions) are mature enough for a steady relationship, let alone to be a dom. Women mature more quickly than men, and quite frankly I'm not so sure that most women are mature enough for a relationship till their early twenties, if then. I do think that their are more exceptions with women than men. I was engaged at 18 and married at 19. K and I are coming up on our 10 year anniversary and still going strong. But I've been an adult all my life. For those that believe in reincarnation, I've been told I'm an 'old soul'. *shrugs*

I have to say I agree with you.

 

[graceanne]

Bit patronising ? Don't do as I do, do as I say lol

Um, out of curiousity sake, my husband is 9 years older than me - he was 28 when we got married.

 

[catalina_francisco]

See, if I were just looking for play partners, I imagine I'd be a lot more open-minded about age. But right now, I'm definitely looking for long-term. And long term with a guy that much older than I am is not really long-term at all, y'know?

That is also a thought which crosses my mind when I read of submissives in their late 20-30's+ who say they are in a relationship with a Dom who is 20-30+ years older than them...while they might get lucky and have a very long time together, they might just as easily not be that blessed or spend much of that time physically caring for their Dom possibly without any or much D/s remaining.

Catalina

 

[Trajal]

Having read through this all I'm a little torn.

Right now? I'm a 32 year old professional in a relationship with the most stunning woman I've ever seen in my entire life. I can't believe my luck. She's young and I've been shaping her to what I most desire. She enjoys that and is looking forward simply to being what I most want.

Then.. I have the past relationships, most notably my first.

She was 35 years old, I was 19. She was very submissive and knew that I was at least, well assertive, and she took a risk that I was dominant. It paid off, since then I've never had a "vanilla" relationship in my life.

American woman, gorgeous, and boy I'd love to know how she was doing now. She taught me so much despite being submissive to me. These things sometimes pass us by. I actually didn't realise what she'd done for me until later. Much later.

Ageism? I hope it doesn't exist. None of my friends have this issue and given my personal past experiences, I think it'd be foolish to think it is anything which has any place in the generally all-encompassing world that we enjoy in the BDSM community.

But.. that said... Holy shit do I get a kick out of fucking a girl 11 years younger than me every single day of the week, whenever I want