All Subs/Slaves Beware

[intothewoods]

I think all this jumping on someone who was injured is wrong, personally.

Just so we're clear, I was making fun of Primalex! I've noted several PYLs around here who bring up the suck my cock line, and I don't mean to trot out the oldie but goodie I only submit to my PYL blah blah but seriously, don't tell me to suck your cock! Is that too much to ask?

Ahem. Just a personal pet peeve of mine.

Yes, let's not beat up on the messenger. She only has good intentions, in my opinion. I do agree that the culprit, if outed, would just change his nick and go on being he same asshole he's so good at being.

But, what cherokee_dove says does bring to the surface something that everyone should be aware of. This is the Internet, and as such, there is always going to be someone who lies to get what he or she wants. Some people are a little naive, when getting into online relationships...assuming everyone is being totally honest. There's nothing wrong with that, and it's sad that people get hurt, when they expect others to be as honest.

Don't trust anyone you meet on the internet. Vet, vet, vet, and verify.

 

[intothewoods]

I am aware of a few Domly types who have used this forum as their personal playground for amusement over the years, and more pyl's who tripped over each other trying get noticedby them or anyone .

It's my least favorite aspect of this forum. And I've been there and made that mistake. Sucks, but you learn and move on and eventually put it behind you.

 

[WriterDom]

When I saw the title I thought the playground girls were back with their bad Dom.

I have a good idea who it is. Or I at least know someone who was recently hurt and I know others were involved. Someone if I'm right might even be on a list of top 10 Doms you'd name here. But I don't see the point in outing him. He'd just assume another identity.

Being here for years does give you some "good will" though. But I don't know specifically what all he did or his side of the story.

If anyone does know, I'd like to know. Just to settle my own curiosity. It is certainly not my place to out anyone though.

 

[DVS]

Amen.

This reminds me of a thread someone started . . . oh victoria. Remember? She wanted to start a thread just for outing the bad dominants here. Frankly, the reaction was a hell of a lot worse to her, than it is to you, dove.

For the record, that was my idea. Victoria just took my idea to the next level and posted it. I still think it's a good idea, but with the strict guide lines I had spelled out. But, seeing how everybody jumped on poor Victoria, I can see this forum isn't ready for it. I know...free speech and all.

So now, we swim with the sharks. And, I guess as long as we are aware of the sharks, we shouldn't get bitten. But, are the sharks afraid of being bitten? They always have the edge.

 

[graceanne]

For the record, that was my idea. Victoria just took my idea to the next level and posted it. I still think it's a good idea, but with the strict guide lines I had spelled out. But, seeing how everybody jumped on poor Victoria, I can see this forum isn't ready for it. I know...free speech and all.

So now, we swim with the sharks. And, I guess as long as we are aware of the sharks, we shouldn't get bitten. But, are the sharks afraid of being bitten? They always have the edge.

My issue with her idea was it could become a witch hunt. Eventually someone would be pissed and post outright lies or exaggerations about someone that ended a relationship.

In this case, I don't think outing this person will make any difference. I'm sorry that dove was hurt, but there are other ways of dealing with it. I've been known to send off the odd PM to people who flit too close to a specific person on this thread who has three restraining orders against him from litsters ALONE.

Plus, as stated, people need to remember that this is an online community. The majority of people lie in real life, and more lie online cause it's easier.

 

[CutieMouse]

I guess my point is caveat emptor - and there are two sides to every story.

I know it's cold, but really, who gets to decide where to draw the line when it comes to "warning" people about Joe Blow Domly Dom or Susie Sugar Sub? At what point is the decision made that PYL/pyl is a HNG asshole vs. PYL/pyl's idea of kink is okay but not how I'd do things? How does the board police things like a Lit "couple" having an argument and one using the forum to get back at another? Is it our job [as a board community] to hold every adult's hand and publicly point out that *in someone's opinion* XYZ PYL/pyl is full of hot air? Then what? Said person gets trounced, creates another ID and "strikes" again? Someone gets judged without opportunity to speak up for themselves?

It sucks that people's feelings get hurt. I've been bent over [in the not fun way] a few times, myself... but the whole "OMG there is a bad bad man on the forum and he's hurting all these subbies because he's a bad bad bad man!" just... meh. Gossip and innuendo of the sort that easily destroys thriving online communities. Suck up, move forward - older and wiser.

 

[graceanne]

I guess my point is caveat emptor - and there are two sides to every story.

I know it's cold, but really, who gets to decide where to draw the line when it comes to "warning" people about Joe Blow Domly Dom or Susie Sugar Sub? At what point is the decision made that PYL/pyl is a HNG asshole vs. PYL/pyl's idea of kink is okay but not how I'd do things? How does the board police things like a Lit "couple" having an argument and one using the forum to get back at another? Is it our job [as a board community] to hold every adult's hand and publicly point out that *in someone's opinion* XYZ PYL/pyl is full of hot air? Then what? Said person gets trounced, creates another ID and "strikes" again? Someone gets judged without opportunity to speak up for themselves?

It sucks that people's feelings get hurt. I've been bent over [in the not fun way] a few times, myself... but the whole "OMG there is a bad bad man on the forum and he's hurting all these subbies because he's a bad bad bad man!" just... meh. Gossip and innuendo of the sort that easily destroys thriving online communities. Suck up, move forward - older and wiser.

You put that so much better than me.

 

[Kajira Callista]

I guess my point is caveat emptor - and there are two sides to every story.

I know it's cold, but really, who gets to decide where to draw the line when it comes to "warning" people about Joe Blow Domly Dom or Susie Sugar Sub? At what point is the decision made that PYL/pyl is a HNG asshole vs. PYL/pyl's idea of kink is okay but not how I'd do things? How does the board police things like a Lit "couple" having an argument and one using the forum to get back at another? Is it our job [as a board community] to hold every adult's hand and publicly point out that *in someone's opinion* XYZ PYL/pyl is full of hot air? Then what? Said person gets trounced, creates another ID and "strikes" again? Someone gets judged without opportunity to speak up for themselves?

It sucks that people's feelings get hurt. I've been bent over [in the not fun way] a few times, myself... but the whole "OMG there is a bad bad man on the forum and he's hurting all these subbies because he's a bad bad bad man!" just... meh. Gossip and innuendo of the sort that easily destroys thriving online communities. Suck up, move forward - older and wiser.

Hush now pretty girl...I wanna know who it is. BTW I know a lot of bad bad men on the forum... i personally prefer em that way.

 

[CutieMouse]

Hush now pretty girl...I wanna know who it is. BTW I know a lot of bad bad men on the forum... i personally prefer em that way.

*chuckles*

Okay, I'll hush... I prefer 'em wicked to bad, but I think I know what you mean.

 

[Kajira Callista]

So when do we find out who the big bad dom is? I already took my ambien... I am on limited time here!

 

[intothewoods]

So when do we find out who the big bad dom is? I already took my ambien... I am on limited time here!

LOL. Ambien.

 

[rida]

Just an idea:

Instead of outing name, always bad form in my opinion, how about outing behaviors? commonly used techniques? More of, for instance: "watch out, there is someone that likes to make you believe he is single/breaking up with the gf/wife but he is only after a piece of tail", and so on.

Of course it should all be obvious that being the internet, you should take all info with a grain of salt, but reminders could be good.

End of my 2 yen.

 

[Tyr51]

Rida and Stag.... I couldn't agree more.


I understand where the thread originator was coming from. However, I also strongly think absolutely no good will ever come out of "someone was horrible to me and I wont say who he is, but he's here so watch out!" There is nothing constructive in it, and it only encourages people to look at their neighbor's sideways.

I'm also sad that people were hurt, of course! I think we have all hurt others to some extent or another in our lives. However, I also strongly believe in the power of good forum moderators. If there is a predator who is systematically victemizing multiple members of the site, logs need to be taken. These logs should then be sent to Literotica's forum moderators. They can then take action based on the rules of the forum, and determine if banning is required, if IP banning is needed, or even if police need to be called if the abuse is extreme.

I do not think anything can be accomplished by posting "someone hurt me and others, I cannot tell you who."

If it was truly that bad, then do consider collecting your logs and sending it to those in charge of the forums. If it was truly abusive, collect the logs and involve the police. If it was a jerk who played several women all at once, let him know you all know and simply no longer give him the time of day.

All will be well in the end.



My mother always suggested I give a person a "rope and a little space."

Many people will use that rope to get out of the hole they dug for themselves.
Others will use it to hang themselves.
Give them the rope, walk away, and let it be their problem.

 

[BiBunny]

My opinion, which I doubt will be very popular, but fuck it, is that you KNOW who the assholes are if you just sit back and watch for a little while and think with your brain instead of some of the more southerly parts of your anatomy. Idiots give themselves away by, well, acting like idiots. You can only be taken advantage of if you allow yourself to be.

And, at the risk of getting my head bitten off, it's the Internet. That's all I'm going to say about that.

 

[cherokee_dove]

To each their own opinion.

i did not do this as a witch hunt. i did not do it out of pettiness, spitefulness, or vengeance.

Even though we are an online community forum, we are also friends. And as a friend, i was warning others.

So be it.

As advised by One i completely trust here on Lit, that i spoke to after the thread was started; the name will only be said to those that need to know to pass the word to other women. And by His advise, it will be done in PM's only.

And for the GBers, have a nice day.

 

[honoria]

I'm one of the women he hurt. I'm not a kid. I'm not naive and I did check him out. He's very very good at what he does. He's sweet, funny, kind, dominating and the biggest liar you'll ever meet.

Having said all that, I will also say that I think his behavior comes from a pretty big heartache of his own. I don't think he started out to hurt people. I think he got carried away with the power and the attraction of having all these women doting on him. I also think we were a poor substitute for the one he really wanted.

Should we give out his name? No. I would like to see him have a chance to heal and cutting him off from friends that could maybe kick him in the butt and straighten out his head wouldn't be helpful. As angry as I am with him and as much as I'd like to slug him, I still care about him.

 

[cherokee_dove]

I'm one of the women he hurt. I'm not a kid. I'm not naive and I did check him out. He's very very good at what he does. He's sweet, funny, kind, dominating and the biggest liar you'll ever meet.

Having said all that, I will also say that I think his behavior comes from a pretty big heartache of his own. I don't think he started out to hurt people. I think he got carried away with the power and the attraction of having all these women doting on him. I also think we were a poor substitute for the one he really wanted.

Should we give out his name? No. I would like to see him have a chance to heal and cutting him off from friends that could maybe kick him in the butt and straighten out his head wouldn't be helpful. As angry as I am with him and as much as I'd like to slug him, I still care about him.

{{{Hugs you}}} PM anytime, we are friends and friends look out for each other.

 

[FurryFury]

Just so we're clear, I was making fun of Primalex! I've noted several PYLs around here who bring up the suck my cock line, and I don't mean to trot out the oldie but goodie I only submit to my PYL blah blah but seriously, don't tell me to suck your cock! Is that too much to ask?

Ahem. Just a personal pet peeve of mine.



Don't trust anyone you meet on the internet. Vet, vet, vet, and verify.

I knew that's what you meant. I wasn't talking about your post.

 

[FurryFury]

Honoria I'm sorry you've been hurt.

*HUG*



I do remember other threads. I think it's kind of like being a rape victim, if we keep silent are we not somewhat responsible for what happens with the next person?

Of course I married my rapist. So WTF do I know.

 

[WriterDom]

I do know who it is now and I was right. I don't think the guy is very stable and this could end very badly if we push it. I think he has two choices. He can man up and say he has behaved badly and will work to be a better person. Or he can quietly fade away.

I don't have a dog in this fight so I'm not saying what I know. Hopefully he's reading this thread and he will either defend himself or find other hunting grounds.

 

[Kajira Callista]

I do know who it is now and I was right. I don't think the guy is very stable and this could end very badly if we push it. I think he has two choices. He can man up and say he has behaved badly and will work to be a better person. Or he can quietly fade away.

I don't have a dog in this fight so I'm not saying what I know. Hopefully he's reading this thread and he will either defend himself or find other hunting grounds.

So is anyone gonna tell me who it is?

 

[jockdom]

I do know who it is now and I was right. I don't think the guy is very stable and this could end very badly if we push it. I think he has two choices. He can man up and say he has behaved badly and will work to be a better person. Or he can quietly fade away.

I don't have a dog in this fight so I'm not saying what I know. Hopefully he's reading this thread and he will either defend himself or find other hunting grounds.

Well stated WD.

His MO is pretty damn clever tho.

But looks like the game is up.

 

[Christian_Day]

Did you read WHY she has not named him or said why yet?

Yes, I read it.

No, it doesn't make sense, unless the real reason is to spread drama.

Look, people lie on the internet (and rl as well). If you get so wrapped up in someone before you truly know who they are, no amount of empty warnings are going to help.

"ooh, that sub is talking about a poser, not a real master like Lord Darkity Dark Dark I have."

Please.

 

[rida]

....
Having said all that, I will also say that I think his behavior comes from a pretty big heartache of his own. I don't think he started out to hurt people. I think he got carried away with the power and the attraction of having all these women doting on him. I also think we were a poor substitute for the one he really wanted.
....

I understand how you feel, but the "he does not mean too and it is only because he is hurt" is no redeeming excuse.

And if that is the truth, he should be working on healing first, and not throw himself in relationships, as he is surely not ready for one, let alone a PE one.

 

[FurryFury]

I've seen other people outed on here who actually went on to be a good Dom and have a sustained relationship with another.

I've seen some who do apologize on thread and then continue to repeat mistakes over and over again. Talk about drama queens!

I honestly don't buy the, "he's been hurt" bail out either.

I hope in this case, as I always do, he learns and gets to where he can conduct relationships without hurting others (except in yummy ways, of course).