alt.lit.blog

[unpredictablebijou]

I adored both of my grandfathers. They were actually good friends; I often visualize them playing cribbage together just as they did in life.

When my maternal grandfather died, my first instinct was an odd happiness. I'd miss him, of course, but I had a strong sense that he was still right there, and perhaps even more present than he had been when he was alive, since he was no longer limited by the distance we lived from one another. He understood me now, better than he had; he knew everything about me that I'd been struggling with telling him (I'm bi, I'm Not Christian, etc) and that it was all okay with him now. I felt accepted and loved, and really not that sad.

His memorial, despite his express wishes, did not feature a dixieland band. I was pissed off that they didn't do that after he'd been so clear about it, but it was my first lesson in the fact that funerals serve the living, not the dead.

I didn't realize how far away from the norm I was until I showed up at the church for the service and my sister said, "Only you would wear jewel tones to a funeral." Whoops. I realized I had dressed up for my grandfather, in shades of teal and gold. It hadn't even occurred to me to wear black. Oh well. I know he liked it, anyway.

Everyone is allowed to process grief in his own way. There are no wrong answers, if you're doing what's right for you.

bj

 

[Safe_Bet]

Just thought I'd let you know I'm saner this today and it is now safe for people to talk loud around me again.

I have to share this. When I woke this morning both girls were in bed with us. I couldn't sleep so I moved to the guest room for a while and then crawled back into bed with them shortly before the had to get up for school. Me doing this woke them up. Rather than the usual morning crabbies, the first words out of their mouths was "Mommy we don't want you to be sad or scared anymore. So we decided that you need a puppy."

They went on to tell me how puppies make people happy and that it would "protect" me and the babies so I wouldn't have to be afraid. The two of them dreamed this up last night and got into bed with us so that they could tell me first thing this morning.

God I love my kids!

(and yeah, I cried happy/proud tears and gave each of them an uber big hug)

 

[bluerains]

my father

was army for 20 odd years ...my aunt raised me mostly she had a daughter
cookie...evil to me as a child and still to this day...she put my aunt in a
assisted living place in Ohio and placed our family home up for sale..I saw it
on the internet virtual tour ...all the furniture , beds and appliances are still
there ...I could just cry right now..but, like vampiredust...I never really belonged
to my family..they were and still are alien to me...

 

[unpredictablebijou]

Just thought I'd let you know I'm saner this today and it is now safe for people to talk loud around me again.

I have to share this. When I woke this morning both girls were in bed with us. I couldn't sleep so I moved to the guest room for a while and then crawled back into bed with them shortly before the had to get up for school. Me doing this woke them up. Rather than the usual morning crabbies, the first words out of their mouths was "Mommy we don't want you to be sad or scared anymore. So we decided that you need a puppy."

They went on to tell me how puppies make people happy and that it would "protect" me and the babies so I wouldn't have to be afraid. The two of them dreamed this up last night and got into bed with us so that they could tell me first thing this morning.

God I love my kids!

(and yeah, I cried happy/proud tears and gave each of them an uber big hug)

Glad to hear you're feeling better.

They're right, of course. So, have you decided on one yet, or are you just going to head for the Humane Society and let the girls pick one? And have they chosen a name yet?

*grin*

was army for 20 odd years ...my aunt raised me mostly she had a daughter
cookie...evil to me as a child and still to this day...she put my aunt in a
assisted living place in Ohio and placed our family home up for sale..I saw it
on the internet virtual tour ...all the furniture , beds and appliances are still
there ...I could just cry right now..but, like vampiredust...I never really belonged
to my family..they were and still are alien to me...

Oh that sucks. That must be ridiculously painful. I'm really sorry.

I've always thought that we don't choose our families to make us comfortable; we choose the families we have because we would never hang around long enough to learn things about ourselves from them unless we were forced to interact with these people ** And it's usually hard to figure out exactly what we're supposed to learn. Sometimes maybe it's just that the myth of the Happy and Functional Family is mostly that: a myth. At least in the way we define it in this culture.

But our tribes, our larger webs of support, we get to choose more comfortably, from groups we actually enjoy and agree with, people who understand who we Really Are and encourage us to be those things well and beautifully.

Tribes like this board, for example. Ideally, we're encouraging each other to be who we truly are, with a lot less agenda and judgment than we get from our "families." And being compassionate when stuff happens like what you're going through.

I love that about this place. Whatever actual family we're saddled with, there's at least one section of a larger Tribe available from a weird little village like this.

So many people are working through Loss lately. Almost makes it handy that Halloween is basically an ancestor feast.

bj

 

[Safe_Bet]

was army for 20 odd years ...my aunt raised me mostly she had a daughter
cookie...evil to me as a child and still to this day...she put my aunt in a
assisted living place in Ohio and placed our family home up for sale..I saw it
on the internet virtual tour ...all the furniture , beds and appliances are still
there ...I could just cry right now..but, like vampiredust...I never really belonged
to my family..they were and still are alien to me...

~ Hugs ~

 

[Tzara]

I have, as I'm sure all of you have, gotten some strange e-mails. There is, of course, the I am fleeing {name third world country} with a bazillion dollars but need someone to help me launder it. Your name came up. kind of thing, like I am on some international list of money launderers. One of the things that always interests me about this is that there never seems to be someone fleeing Zimbabwe, offering me, oh, a couple million, which would be, like, five bucks?

Then there's the people who want to sell me something named v1A8ra, which does not, based on the sales pitch, seem to be some variation on V8. It usually does guarantee to fix whatever sexual malaise I might have in my personal relationships by, variously, making my cock an unlikely twelve inches long, ensuring my erection will be immediate and last hours, and guaranteeing that it will restore my stamina and interest to the level of an eighteen-year-old.

Oh, but this one today takes, not cakes (God), but something:

Flush up to 25lbs from your colon! If you can't read or see this email, Click Here.​

Erm, no thank you.

I am sorry I even have to say this. My colon is happy with its 25 pounds.

 

[sassynyc]

Oh, but this one today takes, not cakes (God), but something:

Flush up to 25lbs from your colon! If you can't read or see this email, Click Here.​

Erm, no thank you.

I am sorry I even have to say this. My colon is happy with its 25 pounds.

There is something disturbing about the prospect of 25 # of waste, lounging around in one's colon on any given day. Everyone ready to make colonic appointments?

*gulp*.......

and might i add *@!#$%&*@#!$%*

 

[Safe_Bet]

There is something disturbing about the prospect of 25 # of waste, lounging around in one's colon on any given day. Everyone ready to make colonic appointments?

*gulp*.......

and might i add *@!#$%&*@#!$%*

I kind of miss having things shoved up my ass. Maybe that's just me though...


ETA: I know that is a really disturbing thought to have at 6:30 in the morning. Sorry, but I'm just disgustingly horny and I can't do anything about it, so tough shitski!

 

[sassynyc]

I kind of miss having things shoved up my ass. Maybe that's just me though...


ETA: I know that is a really disturbing thought to have at 6:30 in the morning. Sorry, but I'm just disgustingly horny and I can't do anything about it, so tough shitski!

Awww. Here, have a trip down memory lane. I'll even pay for the ticket.

 

[Tzara]

I don’t want to necessarily worry supporters of Barack Obama, but there is a “soft” point in his campaign’s election plan. Not the polls, not the electoral college assessments, not even the Bradley Effect.

The problem is me.

I’m voting for him, which is almost, but not quite, the Kiss of Death (or Loss). I’ve voted in every presidential election since 1972 (and I know, sigh, so many of you were born after then) and if picking winners was a batting average, I’m hitting .222.

Granted, that’s not below the Mendoza line, but it’s close. Well into utility infielder territory and that cannot be comforting to The Candidate I Support.

Let’s look at the carnage, hey?:

• 1972: Voted for McGovern. Nixon won.
• 1976: Voted for McCarthy. Carter won. (Yes, I’ll grant you that was dumb. I was 23, and so was by definition.)
• 1980: Voted for Anderson. Reagan won. (Oops!)
• 1984: Voted for Mondale. Reagan won. (And reap the consequences of folly. See last election.)
• 1988: Voted for Dukakis. Bush (1) won. (Ditto.)
• 1992: Voted for Clinton. (Learned my lesson, helped by Perot.)
• 1996: Voted for Clinton. (Another weak single to left.)
• 2000: Voted for Gore. Bush (2) won. (I worked with a guy who oddly thought Katharine Harris was hot. I would imagine them copulating amid the chad and chaff of millions of 80-column cards.)
• 2004: Voted for Kerry. Bush (2) won.

So, in the span of 22 years, I’ve hit two slap singles that barely made it through the infield.

Godammit, Barack, you don’t want me at the plate in the ninth.

Pinch hit or something, dude.

 

[Safe_Bet]

Awww. Here, have a trip down memory lane. I'll even pay for the ticket.

Thank you. You are TOO kind.

I can't tell you how much I appreciate this (because I don't!)

As a matter of fact I already have a matching left and right set of those (the left one has Amy's wedding ring on it)

I do want to thank you for your kind thoughts, though. I hope sometime you have the wonderful opportunity of being told you can't have sex for the next 7 1/2 months. I'm sure you believe me when I say that, after having daily+ orgasms since the day after the girls were born, it doesn't bother me much at all!!!! <I'm lying through my teeth smilie!>

 

[unpredictablebijou]

I don’t want to necessarily worry supporters of Barack Obama, but there is a “soft” point in his campaign’s election plan. Not the polls, not the electoral college assessments, not even the Bradley Effect.

The problem is me.

I’m voting for him, which is almost, but not quite, the Kiss of Death (or Loss). I’ve voted in every presidential election since 1972 (and I know, sigh, so many of you were born after then) and if picking winners was a batting average, I’m hitting .222.

Granted, that’s not below the Mendoza line, but it’s close. Well into utility infielder territory and that cannot be comforting to The Candidate I Support.

Let’s look at the carnage, hey?:

• 1972: Voted for McGovern. Nixon won.
• 1976: Voted for McCarthy. Carter won. (Yes, I’ll grant you that was dumb. I was 23, and so was by definition.)
• 1980: Voted for Anderson. Reagan won. (Oops!)
• 1984: Voted for Mondale. Reagan won. (And reap the consequences of folly. See last election.)
• 1988: Voted for Dukakis. Bush (1) won. (Ditto.)
• 1992: Voted for Clinton. (Learned my lesson, helped by Perot.)
• 1996: Voted for Clinton. (Another weak single to left.)
• 2000: Voted for Gore. Bush (2) won. (I worked with a guy who oddly thought Katharine Harris was hot. I would imagine them copulating amid the chad and chaff of millions of 80-column cards.)
• 2004: Voted for Kerry. Bush (2) won.

So, in the span of 22 years, I’ve hit two slap singles that barely made it through the infield.

Godammit, Barack, you don’t want me at the plate in the ninth.

Pinch hit or something, dude.

I struggle with a similar record. In fact, identical. But you're not actually batting zero, so maybe there are some odds in your favor for this one.

Here's my vaguely political blog for this afternoon. In fact, perhaps two.

First, we have an altar area at the shop where people can leave things like prayer requests and messages of gratitude. One area of it is the "Warriors' Altar," specifically for soldiers and their families. People leave the names of their soldiers there, light incense or a candle, send messages of safety and good luck.

We set it up specifically about two years ago for a friend of ours who was headed to Iraq for a year. He is home safely now, but he is not the same person. It is what happens to soldiers, even in the best of circumstances.

What's not okay is how that list has grown, and how many people have begun to participate in that area of the altar. There are eight or nine names now, maybe more, on slips of paper with messages: "Deployed January 2008. Please watch over her and be with her." "Be safe. We will miss you. Love Dad and Anna." "Come home safe, please". There's one slip that just has a heart, drawn with colored pencils, by a child. Some soldier's kid, drawing a picture for her daddy, or mommy. Come home safe. Keep him safe.

It's not okay. It must end. It must end.

Here's what is okay. The Audacity of Hope.

People are audacious. They keep surprising me with their heroism, their tiny victories, the unimaginable bravery with which they continue to get up every morning and try again. And try again. It astounds me that everyone is really trying to be good, even when they end up being terribly bad. That somehow everyone believes themselves to be a hero in their own story. That in general, people mean well.

I never want to believe it, and I characterize myself as a misanthrope, who is reluctantly drawn to liking the individuals who tell me about themselves, who share bits of stories in bars, who doggedly refuse to give up to despair, who just keep on keepin' on.

I believe in that. That will save us all, individually and maybe even collectively. Hope floats. Hope is the thing with feathers. Hope is audacious and ridiculous. Hope is what's always left, after everything else disappears.

I'm counting on that.


bj

 

[Tzara]

It is a lovely fall day here in Seattle. The winds are, or were at the time, apparently from the south, so my flight’s approach took us up the east side of the sound to bank over the city back toward the airport. I had a window seat on the left side of the plane, and so had an excellent view of the Kitsap Peninsula where I grew up.

The view was, as it always is, disorienting. You’re so high up that the topography appears quite flat. (Trust me; it’s not.) You have to pick out landmarks on a scale you’re not used to and have never seen from anything other than a plane. Still fascinating, though I’ve seen it a whole hell of a lot of times, and today it was very beautiful. There were the wide green swathes of evergreens, threaded through with lines of golden deciduous foliage. The Olympic Mountains, as we descended, looked gigantic, as they rose straight out of Hood Canal.

And the water. There is water everywhere—the Sound, the Canal, the lakes and rivers—its deep blue contrasted with the steady, even blue of the sky.

I don’t think I could live someplace there was not a lot of water, though I need the mountains too.

 

[champagne1982]

I don’t think I could live someplace there was not a lot of water, though I need the mountains too.

I thought you'd have very few choices. I'm surprised. If anyone can think of other coastal mountains link us up.

New Zealand

Northwest North America

Western South America

Hawaii

Norway

 

[bluerains]

some time ago

major tom said the only places safe on this moving warship was New Zealand and
ie Austraila...maybe I should be making plans..oh but my funds can't seem to
keep up with the time rider...what shall I do...
on the election...Obama is a choice to most of us boomers ...ie social security..
really we do need a degree of social order...in balance with capitalism...in a balance...and this election really is about balance...change must come now
and I will tell you it will not be an easy transition...New Zealand sure looks
nice...

I thought you'd have very few choices. I'm surprised. If anyone can think of other coastal mountains link us up.

New Zealand

Northwest North America

Western South America

Hawaii

Norway

 

[bluerains]

is "desire" the same as "need" ??

i know the principle of when in need you oppose that which you need ... and also when one is in need it confirms that they do not already have .... but is this the same for desire? .... is desire the same as need!! and thus not OK ... is desire a preference and thus is not a confirmation of not having whereas need is a want and confirms not having ... i.e. i want what i dont have ....

how does one desire for something, wish for something without repelling it??

perhaps my ego is clouding the issue .... i.e. i think my needs are desires when in fact they are really needs and were never really desires except the ego tells me "no no they are desires .. it is OK to have them"

so how does one tread this path between wanting, needing, desiring, wishing without repelling that which one desires ...

or does one simply not do either ... .. have no desires, no wants, and sit motionless ??


major tom said
need states "I need this or that to be happy" ... the reliance on outer
circumstance for one's well being or happiness .... in contrast desire
states "I want to experience this or that" ...

you are here for two reasons ... to find one's self and to experience
the physical plane.... desire is the engine driving us toward experience
... once you grasp the truth that outer condition or circumstance is
only a reflection of one's mind set of thought and emotion then need
becomes a thing of the past ... and not present ...

desire is playful in discovering the physical dimension .... look at
your new born babe giggling and playing with itself/innerself .... with
no outside distractions, rattles, lights ... need is rather tragic for
it denies play .... but from the onset of birth it becomes a goal to
distract the innerself with outside influences until one cannot rely on
the inner but only the outer ...

...it might be helpful to remind yourself that need comes from a space
of fear ... while true desire comes from love for life and its
exploration ....

emotion is of the ego/fear based

feeling/sensing is of the soul-spirit/love based

needless to say that both are alright ... however... if emotions don't
serve the individual very well ... then it is perhaps time to look at
their cause ....

a state of feeling is the closest to reality, for it bypasses the
intellect and touches the realms of the soul/spirit .... whatever the
desire maybe ... its value lies not in its manifestation on the physical
level whatever shape or form it may manifest as this has no value ...
but what does have value is the fact that you can create the fulfillment
of your desire in the first place ... because that is a parallel
expression of your true nature as a creator ...

whenever the form/physical level is valued ...then the point of the
exercise has been missed and the only gain is the form .... when
expectation is attached to the manifested object or situation the
circumstance or condition (effect) is put before its cause ... this is
ego-self/false-self




how does one then find self ?? a popsicle or popped corn...

 

[Tzara]

I’m just back, as of yesterday, from Las Vegas.

No, I don’t gamble. It’s one of the few vices I don’t have. Or, at least, it’s one of the few vices I can control. Sort of. Control. Sort of.

But I don’t gamble, at least there. I go there because my job requires me to. Frequently. In the typical year, I serve—sorry, spend—time in Vegas probably four times a year.

This last sentence, er, engagement was, as they usually are, for a show of some kind. It was pretty comfortable, actually: Check into cushy hotel. Go to cocktail reception and shake hands with appropriate people. Have good but expensive dinner. Rinse, repeat. (The exception is to add in one day of performance for, oh, an hour or so).

My Totally Off-base Random Observation: I’ve been doing this thing for years, at the same hotel, the same convention center. Big convention center. We ain’t talking about the Strip Motel 6. But the place has been here for some time, so it has row upon row of phone booths—ten, twenty phone booths at a shot, separated by big plastic fins that look like they’ve been scammed off a ’59 Plymouth.

In The Old Days (meaning, like ten, even five years ago), people would stream out of a meeting to the phones. Queue up to call their office and find out what was going on.

Now? Well, there still are shitloads of phone booths. Some of them, not very many, have no phone at all. Easily eighty to ninety percent of them have house phones. House phones! Have you ever seen anyone actually use a house phone?

We’re talking maybe 50, maybe 100 house phones on a floor. Ridiculous.

But there are still pay phones. Still. A few, a very few. Like two, on a floor the size of two football fields.

Motorola, What hath thou wrought?

 

[normal jean]

.............

 

[Tzara]

I was up in the mountains today. Lovely, clear day, and you could see the strata on Rainier, as the snow hasn't yet blanketed the rock not covered by glacier. Checked out the new Visitor Center, which seems kind of bland to me, and took a lot of photographs.

And, boy, was it mother effing loving cold. The ambient air temperature wasn't that bad (maybe 45-50°F, 27-32°C), but the wind was quite strong and apparently blowing down off the glaciers, so it was like standing in front of the cooler for an ice machine. Y-Y-Y-Yikes.

A lot of color in the ground vegetation—brownish red mixed with the rather tepid green of the grass—but quite beautiful, especially when the background was the summit with its gray and red rock and white snow.

The big downer is driving Pacific Highway to and back. Strip mall city. Picturesque (or picaresque), I suppose, in its own way.

I know all of us live in areas with their own natural beauty, but dammit, I'm chauvinistic and think I live in the Most Beautiful Place on Earth.



Well, except for that Pacific Highway thing, of course.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Cold?? It's 8C here and how do you do degree sign?

 

[Tzara]

Cold?? It's 8C here and how do you do degree sign?

It's technical.



I bring up the Character Map application in Windows. It allows me to pick any character in the PC character set and copy it into my message. The application is "somewhere" in your Windows directory (I usually find it at c:\Windows\system32\charmap.exe, but I wouldn't guarantee that and if you have a Mac or Linux box, none of the above applies.)

To be pragmatic about it, just quote my post and copy the character, then save it someplace. That's probably the simplest thing.

 

[champagne1982]

° <<< copy and paste that. I grab my symbols from my character map utility (under Start, all programs, accessories, system tools, char map).

It was lovely to read you nj. I admire your brave (and somewhat lucrative) forays into the industrial occupations.

 

[Maria2394]

.........................

 

[champagne1982]

Dear Champ-

You are so kind and caring. Thank you for the notice. I wasn't and still am not sure I am "allowed" in here, ( that's why I deleted my post) but sometimes it's fun thinking I am getting away with something, lol.

I won't be fire-watching tomorrow, I will be working with my boss man chalking out the layouts for the next run of pipe. I got my forklift operator's license last week and that's kinda cool. Instead of helper, I devised a new title for myself, it's "Field assistant to the pipe superintendent." But like a candy-coated turd is still a turd, that title is merely ego for "helper".

wonderful to hear from you Sweet Lady.



~j

LOL I guess you'll be drawing lines then. As to thread access, be easy, laugh, flirt and tell us stories. It's always good to keep caught up.

 

[Tzara]

I wasn't and still am not sure I am "allowed" in here...

Anyone is explicitly welcome to post anything they want to here, provided it meets the overall guidelines of Literotica (no bestiality, no child porn, etc.). My preference would be that we not snipe at each other, but ultimately that's all your own selves' business.