Any male subs feel weird because of their desires?

[IrisAlthea]

Honestly, for me a lot of the ... attraction? pleasure? whatever ... of submission is how difficult it is to do. For the first guy I had any real kind of d/s dynamic with, that was a big part of what he liked about it - he knew this wasn't something I did easily. Not because I felt guilty about, but because giving someone else power over me, even in a very negotiated way, was difficult.
Learning to be able to do that is a big part of the point for me. As someone said in the 'why do we like to be submissive' thread, 'it's cheaper than therapy'.

Yes, I get what you mean.
The conflict I was thinking of is more about not feeling that you live up to som ideal about how you should be. It’s less of a pleasure in my experience.

 

[KimGordon67]

Yes, I get what you mean.
The conflict I was thinking of is more about not feeling that you live up to som ideal about how you should be. It’s less of a pleasure in my experience.

Oh. Right. No, that sucks.

 

[supercollider00]

To the OP and submissive males struggling with this, don’t let anyone shame you. You are allowed to want what you want. It’s not abnormal.

It's actually one of the most common fantasies among men as well. That said, there's a pretty big difference between a random fantasy and D/s but still. It just shows that it's quite normal.

 

[Goldenfinger]

No. I’ve don’t think what we do is weird, that’s just our jam. It might be weird to others but I think they’re weird.

 

[PaxNurgle]

One thing I struggle with is, I obviously do have certain kinks related to female domination. But at the same time, I want to have a meaningful, lasting and romantic relationship. And it seems like you can't have it both ways. Is it possible to have a romantic FLR (Female led relationship) with kink play that is lasting and mutually fulfilling? In my experience, based on the available dating pool, it is not: Now, I'm not saying that is true for everybody everywhere, but it is based on where I live and the pool of women I interact with in the dating world, which is not that large where I live.

I've been with a pro domme who filled some of my fantasies, but she was clearly only about making money, and the lasting emotional bond that I had sought just wasn't there. And after a while it became sort of a turn-off, as it became more and more clear that her only "kink" was "Lets see how much money I can make you spend on me." That wasn't really sustainable. But at least, she understood (or appeared to) what I was feeling at the time.

So of course, if I'm dating someone, it would most likely be a very vanilla relationship, sexually speaking, and I would feel wierd breaching the topic of "Hey, honey, you know I really secretly like being (fill in the blank) by a hot girl like you."

 

[KimGordon67]

One thing I struggle with is, I obviously do have certain kinks related to female domination. But at the same time, I want to have a meaningful, lasting and romantic relationship. And it seems like you can't have it both ways. Is it possible to have a romantic FLR (Female led relationship) with kink play that is lasting and mutually fulfilling? In my experience, based on the available dating pool, it is not: Now, I'm not saying that is true for everybody everywhere, but it is based on where I live and the pool of women I interact with in the dating world, which is not that large where I live.

I've been with a pro domme who filled some of my fantasies, but she was clearly only about making money, and the lasting emotional bond that I had sought just wasn't there. And after a while it became sort of a turn-off, as it became more and more clear that her only "kink" was "Lets see how much money I can make you spend on me." That wasn't really sustainable. But at least, she understood (or appeared to) what I was feeling at the time.

So of course, if I'm dating someone, it would most likely be a very vanilla relationship, sexually speaking, and I would feel wierd breaching the topic of "Hey, honey, you know I really secretly like being (fill in the blank) by a hot girl like you."

I'm not sure this is an entirely gender specific thing. I have similar problems with dating guys, especially if I'm trying to keep things local. Contrary to what the world of Lit would have me believe, not EVERY guy wants to tie me down and beat my arse with a belt until it's bruised.

 

[lisaharlot]

If you have these feelings you really need to communicate them to your partner. By not sharing them you’re depriving her of endless hours of fun.

 

[ToPleaseHim]

I'm not sure this is an entirely gender specific thing. I have similar problems with dating guys, especially if I'm trying to keep things local. Contrary to what the world of Lit would have me believe, not EVERY guy wants to tie me down and beat my arse with a belt until it's bruised.

It’s been my experience (and others’ as well, based on reading here and other sites), that a LOT of men are very uncomfortable and reluctant to hit women in any way. They have been raised to never hit women and it’s ingrained in them. This is obviously a very good thing for everyone with the exception of those looking for kinky, rough sex. For any of us, actually matching up with another person with similar desires is a beautiful thing.

 

[Goldenfinger]

It’s been my experience (and others’ as well, based on reading here and other sites), that a LOT of men are very uncomfortable and reluctant to hit women in any way. They have been raised to never hit women and it’s ingrained in them. This is obviously a very good thing for everyone with the exception of those looking for kinky, rough sex. For any of us, actually matching up with another person with similar desires is a beautiful thing.

I totally agree with you. I couldn’t hit a woman.

 

[lisaharlot]

Am sure they do, lol!

And they should tell their Dommes all about it... while wearing panties.