Anything but Christmas - Poems and comments thread

[Piscator]

Fuck Christmas

Ribbon-wrapped boxes
may as well be empty
under a browning tree
lights blinking intermittently
that are supposed to be steady
jingle bells are jangling
daydreams filled with strangling
every "Merry Christmas" quiet

No, I won't have a blue Christmas
without you
even that color has too much cheer
for the end of this fucked-up year
that began with you and me
wrapped in velvet and fire
making new reasons for the season

Remember when "fuck Christmas"
meant something different...
and we laughed?

 

[Piscator]

Submitters' Names

In alphabetical order, the authors of the poems (?) posted in this thread are: AlwaysHungry, Ashesh9, butters, greenmountaineer, Hard_Rom, HarryHill, legerdemer, Lyricalli, Piscator and UnderYourSpell.

 

[butters]

In alphabetical order, the authors of the poems (?) posted in this thread are: AlwaysHungry, Ashesh9, butters, greenmountaineer, Hard_Rom, HarryHill, legerdemer, Lyricalli, Piscator and UnderYourSpell.

oooooh, so no tzara or angeline in amongst them. hmmmmmn.

congrats to all the authors and piscator for running this fun alternate-x-fest

 

[greenmountaineer]

Anything but Christmas: Wishes for Hanukkah

I wish you smooth sailing to all your milestones
...That I may be free of your incessant kvetching

I wish you a bottle of chill pills
...That I need not clear the dishes, close the closets, or clean my desk a minute after use

I wish you unending patience and calm
...That I may enjoy a late morning teacup now and then

I wish you oneness with the electronic u-verse,
...That I will have no plastic bits and silicon chips to sweep into the dustbin

I wish you placid days and boring times,
...That I must not witness your dripping condescension

I wish you equanimity and a serene year
...That I may need suffer fewer temper tantrums

I wish you smooth and gentle skies on your journeys
...That I may be free of your desperate clammy grip on take-off

I wish you sleep untroubled by daily cares
...That I may enjoy uninterrupted dreams for once

I wish you the respect and adulation of all
...That you do not stretch the limits of mine

This is very literate and Hanukkah-themed, so I'm guessing Mer. If I'm wrong, it won't be the first time.

I agree it's Mer. In fact, I'd bet my dreidel on it.

 

[greenmountaineer]

Trees are bah

Cat breaking baubles
cat in the tree
tree shedding needles
tree is too big
big bloody bills
big turkey for oven
oven overloaded
oven gone off
off to the shops
off with his head
head aches and bursting
head of the house
house is a shambles
house is too small
small thanks I get
small present no good
good will to none
good job its over
over seas beckons
over my strop
strop from a teenager
strop from her mum
mum does it all
mum under pressure
pressure tempers rising
pressure from in laws
laws lay them down
laws are for breaking
breaking the bank
breaking the glasses
glasses are missing
glasses on nose
nose of the parson
nose keep it out
out and about
out delivering cards
cards still not posted
cards fell on fire
fire from faulty lights
fire at the neigbors
neighbors lights are better
neighbors drank all the wine
wine is your savior
wine drunk while cooking
cooking forever
cooking non stop
stop enough bah
stop with the humbug
bah
humbug.

This reads like a psychiatrist's free association exercise. But it looks like someone is inventing a form here, so I'll guess UYS.

Now that I know butters is in the challenge, I'd guess it to be hers. She's been writing poems with shorter lines without punctuation.

 

[legerdemer]

I agree it's Mer. In fact, I'd bet my dreidel on it.

You have one more dreidel than I do!

 

[legerdemer]

Fuck Christmas

Ribbon-wrapped boxes
may as well be empty
under a browning tree
lights blinking intermittently
that are supposed to be steady
jingle bells are jangling
daydreams filled with strangling
every "Merry Christmas" quiet

No, I won't have a blue Christmas
without you
even that color has too much cheer
for the end of this fucked-up year
that began with you and me
wrapped in velvet and fire
making new reasons for the season

Remember when "fuck Christmas"
meant something different...
and we laughed?

Hmmm - methinks this has the Calli touch about it.

 

[Piscator]

The list

Christmas, Diwali, Id - Ashesh9
Twelve Nights of Yule – Hard_Rom
A fishy looked up into the sky – HarryHil
Trees are bah – UnderYourSpell
Travis Longs for the Longest Night – greenmountaineer
Anything but Christmas: Wishes for Hanukkah – legerdemer
Anything but Christmas Muzac Rant - Piscator
The Packaging – AlwaysHungry
they said 'go find your inner grinch' – butters
Winter’s Solstice in Aleppo – Piscator
Peter plucked some pine cones – UnderYourSpell
Fuck Christmas - Lyricalli

Thanks to all who took time out of this busy season to submit and comment upon the poems.

 

[butters]

Hmmm - methinks this has the Calli touch about it.

looks like you were right

think just about everyone nailed gm's wonderful piece - had his prints all over it

and i'm honoured that my own entry was thought to be tzara's! made me smile

thanks, piscator :grinningfish:

 

[Lyricalli]

Hmmm - methinks this has the Calli touch about it.

Guilty.

Thanks for a fun and interesting challenge, Piscator.

 

[legerdemer]

Thank you, Piscator - so glad you found the time to run this one, weaving it around the holidays so deftly.

Hope everyone's having a grand time!

 

[HarryHill]

I also want to thank Piscador for hosting this challenge, bringing the pobo community together, seems we've all drifted away these past few months. Congratulations poets; you are all winners.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Honoured that so many fine poets got guessed for my Blitz and Alliteration poems and well done those that got them right. I thought I might get caught for using 'Piston' as an entirely different meaning altogether as I've done it before

 

[GuiltyPleasure]

I missed this challenge in all the Christmas kerfuffle but here's an old one to stir into the mix.

Sinister at Christmas

He's gauche,
a leftie and wrapping paper
does not cooperate.

The colourful rolls wrestle,
conspiring secretly
to unroll when he least expects it.

Scissors, stubborn in his
gawky grip, revolt.

The tape gives viscous kisses
where it shouldn't
and won't stick where he wants.

The festive corners are not crisp,
the paper-wastage appals
but he tries again
and again
until the pile is complete
and I promise
next year
we'll use cloth bags instead.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

I missed this challenge in all the Christmas kerfuffle but here's an old one to stir into the mix.

Sinister at Christmas

He's gauche,
a leftie and wrapping paper
does not cooperate.

The colourful rolls wrestle,
conspiring secretly
to unroll when he least expects it.

Scissors, stubborn in his
gawky grip, revolt.

The tape gives viscous kisses
where it shouldn't
and won't stick where he wants.

The festive corners are not crisp,
the paper-wastage appals
but he tries again
and again
until the pile is complete
and I promise
next year
we'll use cloth bags instead.

Cack handed