Ask a MtF TG a question

[Zrosey]

Never let the truth get in the way of a good prejudice?

This really sums up so many of the politicians these days.....
If I wasn't so happy I might get depressed thinking of that reality.
and hey, if there are any politicians reading this, I vote!

 

[OddLove]

Do MtF trans date guys? Might sound like a dumb question, but every trans women I've ever known, met, or heard about only liked women. The only time I've seen them hooking up with guys is when they're making online content for like Pornhub or something.

 

[Zrosey]

Do MtF trans date guys? Might sound like a dumb question, but every trans women I've ever known, met, or heard about only liked women. The only time I've seen them hooking up with guys is when they're making online content for like Pornhub or something.

Sure, some do. It's a dangerous world out there tho, so the desire to be safe could make connecting w a transgender woman difficult.

 

[OddLove]

Sure, some do. It's a dangerous world out there tho, so the desire to be safe could make connecting w a transgender woman difficult.

My theory is most trans women were straight men, so when they transitioned they became lesbian. And the only trans women who like dating men would've been gay men before they transitioned. That's how I've always seen it in my brain. Like if I met I dated a trans man, I would guess before the transition he was a straight female. But I think the safety point is valid too, cause there's transphobes and disrespectful chasers, and then there's transphobes who are also chasers. And 99.9 of people in those categories are most likely men. So avoiding men almost guarantees not accidental inviting that into your life.

 

[Zrosey]

Transgender women are all a varied bunch of individuals just like the rest of the world. Some prefer men others women as partners.
I can only speak for myself, but even tho I am attracted to some guys, I'm not sure it is worth the risk. Almost all the violence against women and transgender people is started by men.....sad fact.

 

[Escierto]

Do MtF trans date guys? Might sound like a dumb question, but every trans women I've ever known, met, or heard about only liked women. The only time I've seen them hooking up with guys is when they're making online content for like Pornhub or something.

My trans girlfriend and I have been together for the past five years. She has been a woman her entire life and she is now 38 years old. She has never had any attraction to women and she has never been a gay man! She is a hairdresser and has never been involved in sex work of any kind.

From what I have read a large majority of trans women are lesbian or bi and only about a quarter are straight. Of course these generalizations are not terribly useful when dealing with specific individuals.

 

[stickygirl]

My theory is most trans women were straight men, so when they transitioned they became lesbian. And the only trans women who like dating men would've been gay men before they transitioned. That's how I've always seen it in my brain. Like if I met I dated a trans man, I would guess before the transition he was a straight female. But I think the safety point is valid too, cause there's transphobes and disrespectful chasers, and then there's transphobes who are also chasers. And 99.9 of people in those categories are most likely men. So avoiding men almost guarantees not accidental inviting that into your life.

I'm living happily with a guy atm, but my last couple of meaningful relationships were with women.

The trope that trans women have transitioned to have access to lesbians, or women's spaces or restrooms is just laughable. But my mother had to pause for breath when I told her I was dating another girl. I could see her cogs whirring, then she reset and was simply happy for me.
What you illustrate is how gender and sexuality are two separate things. Transgender people are forced to question the heteronormative world - question everything in western society for that matter - so we're more likely to have shed the stigma of homosexuality along the way. We have to decide matters for our bodies that run counter to traditional societal values so why not sexuality as well?

ETA
Historically the medical gatekeepers had tickboxes to complete if they were to approve a trans patient for treatment or surgery. We had to provide proof we had dressed and socially transitioned for two years, our body language was scrutinised, and we were quizzed about our sexuality. In effect they'd want patients to act like 'proper little ladies' or else we'd fail to gain medical approval. Any hint of being lesbian would have meant failure to pass these checks.
Those hurdles were gradually coming down when I transitioned, but I was advised to remain tight-lipped over my 'deviant sexuality'!

 

[stickygirl]

Another trans woman I know and have spoken with quite awhile told me way back when I started hormones, "eventually you won't even think of being trans, you will just be you, a woman"
At this point I am having a hard time imagining that! Even two years in I have moments where I find myself in awe and giggling often until there are happy tears on my cheeks!
In a way, I'm afraid to loose this, like I want to continue to be so excited I won't hardly be able to contain myself!
Stickygirl, I hope you had moments also this joyful, and reading your stuff makes me think you def know what I'm talking about.

I still get reminders that make me smile.

Gender never used to be a common topic of conversation, but the tabloids and 'influencers' have pushed it forward, so I'm sure you'll always find yourself speaking up and advocating for trans rights. So one never really gets the opportunity to forget.

 

[OddLove]

Here's three more question for anyone who cares to answer.

1. Is it transphobic to lose attraction towards someone that you were interested in after finding out they're trans?

2. Is it transphobic to lose attraction towards towards someone you already knew was trans after finding out they had bottom surgery?

3. Is it transphobic if a woman is straight but won't date trans men?, or if a man is straight but won't date trans women?

 

[stickygirl]

Here's three more question for anyone who cares to answer.

1. Is it transphobic to lose attraction towards someone that you were interested in after finding out they're trans?

Not necessarily. Maybe they prefer cis women. OTOH if their reaction was being icked by the discovery, then yes, transphobic.

2. Is it transphobic to lose attraction towards towards someone you already knew was trans after finding out they had bottom surgery?

Not really. As an analogy, how would it be described if a girl was turned off by a dick that was circumcised (or not)?

3. Is it transphobic if a woman is straight but won't date trans men?, or if a man is straight but won't date trans women?

Again it depends on context and the way their preference is demonstrated/vocalised.

Trans folk appreciate that cisgender people can find us surprising or that we don't fit their idea of a good partner. These are topics that might be quietly discussed on a second date and before there was too much expectation and commitment from either side.

I think people can become a bit sensitive to other people's opinions and preferences and can make accusations in the heat of the moment. As Rosey points out, we're not a monolith, we're individuals with a medical issue, so there's going to be as many different opinions as there are people. Being respectful and polite, smiling and saying thank you's makes for a happier day for everyone.

 

[Zrosey]

Trans folk appreciate that cisgender people can find us surprising or that we don't fit their idea of a good partner. These are topics that might be quietly discussed on a second date and before there was too much expectation and commitment from either side.

This right here! With an emphasis on "quietly discussed". If I as a transgender folk don't fit someones expectations in a relationship that's fine. Cisgender relationships fail for all different kinds of reasons as well.
It starts becoming transphobic really quickly when the one partner feels the need to broadcast to the world how victimized they were.

 

[Paradox]

Once again, I express my thanks for this thread. I have learned so much more from the discussions here than I could have ever learned from searching the web and public media. The openness, personal stories, and willingness to answer questions with respect and honesty is wonderful. And, while I give props to Sticky for starting the thread and setting the tone, my thanks extend to all of you who share your lives and struggles.