BDSM: Lifestyle or preference?

[MissTaken]

When I started this thread, I was thinking, "BDSM doesn't define my lifestyle." Then, I have given a lot of thought to what does define my "lifestyle." Must we have a "lifestyle?"

I think that if there is such a thing, single parenting is how I would define my lifestyle. That pervades every decision I make, how I spend my free time, my thinking from one day to the next.

BDSM does not.
It is something I chose to engage in behind closed doors.
As some chose to engage in crocheting when they watch tv, BDSM is not who I am, it is simply something I gain pleasure from.

 

[Ishmael]

I've discussed this in other threads.

It can be either. As a preference, which it is to me, it is merely one facet of my life. It takes no precedence over nor is it part of my decision making outside of the sexual play.

I believe that when a sexual preference becomes a 'lifestyle' that you are skirting dangerously close to 'cultism'. I find it distressful to see that in anyone. BDSM, gay, whatever.

Just my opinion.

Ishmael

 

[Ebonyfire]

I've discussed this in other threads.

It can be either. As a preference, which it is to me, it is merely one facet of my life. It takes no precedence over nor is it part of my decision making outside of the sexual play.

I believe that when a sexual preference becomes a 'lifestyle' that you are skirting dangerously close to 'cultism'. I find it distressful to see that in anyone. BDSM, gay, whatever.

Just my opinion.

Ishmael

Not attacking you, but BDSM is not always a sexual preference. It is not a sexual preference to many of us here, myself included.

Ebony

 

[Ebonyfire]

Elaborating further...

Not attacking you, but BDSM is not always a sexual preference. It is not a sexual preference for many of us here, myself included. That sometimes leads to arguments and/or misunderstandings here and other places because the perception is that it is.

Ebony

 

[Richard49]

It can be either. As a preference, which it is to me,
Ishmael

What do you mean by preference?

 

[Ishmael]

What do you mean by preference?

Answering both you and EB. And with a question. (I know, I don't like it when it's done to me either but sometimes it works.)

Would you foresake all sexual encounters if you could not engage in a BDSM style encounter?

Ishmael

 

[Ebonyfire]

I said what I said because

I am uncomfortable about hearing the words BDSM lifestyle and "cultism" in the same sentence.

It raises my hackles (if I had any). There was a time in this forum when the lifestyle skin-to-skin BDSMers were always having to debate the validity of their point of view because the majority of the people posting here believed that the only "true" way of BDSM was the sexual preference route.

It was a "my kink is better than your kink" mentality that loses sight that there are as many ways to practice D/s, BDSM, 24/7 TPE or whatever you want to call it as there are human beings to choose it.

We here are trying to educate all who care to now about it the wide range of activities that can be practiced, not pass judgement on those whose choices we do not like/or understand.

Ebony

 

[Richard49]

Answering both you and EB. And with a question. (I know, I don't like it when it's done to me either but sometimes it works.)

Would you foresake all sexual encounters if you could not engage in a BDSM style encounter?

Ishmael

You have NOT given me your defination of the word preference.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Would you foresake all sexual encounters if you could not engage in a BDSM style encounter?

Ishmael

Hell no. I do not now, nor have I ever have.

I have posted this ad nauseum. To me sex is sex.

In fact, I have two part-time subs who I do not have sex with.


I have never met a truly vanilla man.

Eb

 

[Ebonyfire]

Hell no. I do not now, nor have I ever have.

I have posted this ad nauseum. To me sex is sex.

In fact, I have two part-time subs who I do not have sex with.


I have never met a truly vanilla man.

And I am not the only one.


Eb

 

[Ebonyfire]

Would you foresake all sexual encounters if you could not engage in a BDSM style encounter?

Ishmael

BDSM for me is not about sex. It is about service.

Eb

 

[Richard49]

I have never met a truly vanilla man.

Eb

What would one look like?

 

[Ebonyfire]

What would one look like?

Hell if I know.

I never met a man who did not have kink.

Eb

 

[lovetoread]

I have never met a truly vanilla man.

Eb

Would you like for me to introduce you to my ex husband?

To him blowjobs were too kinky.

Seriously.


Anyway, I agree with MissT,thats how I view it.

 

[Ishmael]

Hell no. I do not now, nor have I ever have.

I have posted this ad nauseum. To me sex is sex.

In fact, I have two part-time subs who I do not have sex with.


I have never met a truly vanilla man.

Eb

Then there is the answer. You prefer BDSM, but not to an exclusion.

Richard49: I suspect my definition is the same as yours. A choice. Putting of one thing before another in a list.

Cult and BDSM. Is BDSM a cult? No, I don't think that I impied that at all. Can a group of practioners raise it to a cult status within their sphere of influence. Absolutely. But that can be said of any 'preference' that becomes obsession.

Jonestown and Heavens Gate are examples. Religion and flying saucers getting way out of hand.

Ishmael

 

[Ebonyfire]

Then there is the answer. You prefer BDSM, but not to an exclusion.

Richard49: I suspect my definition is the same as yours. A choice. Putting of one thing before another in a list.

Cult and BDSM. Is BDSM a cult? No, I don't think that I impied that at all. Can a group of practioners raise it to a cult status within their sphere of influence. Absolutely. But that can be said of any 'preference' that becomes obsession.

Jonestown and Heavens Gate are examples. Religion and flying saucers getting way out of hand.

Ishmael

No, that is not true.

I prefer to get fucked with whomever.

I do not prefer BDSM
I live in a BDSM envonment, a wholly different thing.


Eb

 

[Ebonyfire]

Listen,

there will be no agreement here. So I will just drop it. Say what you like.

Ebony

 

[Ebonyfire]

Re: Listen,

there will be no agreement here. You are twisting my words to your own purpose. So I will just drop it. Say what you like.

Ebony