Be Tough

[Cagivagurl]

"It costs nothing to be nice, but sometimes it's necessary to set people on fire for the good of the species." - A.A. Milne, in a letter to D.H. Lawrence

Sometimes flaming people light the path....
Like streetlamps...
Somebody, not sure who said it uses less muscles to smile than frown...
I saw it on the internet so must be true...

Cagivagurl

 

[Voboy]

My day job is PACKED with people who are not tough.

It's a lot of work, dealing with them. I was probably happier in my last career, which was full of people who were very tough and had proven it. A lot of those people were kind, too, because they'd proven they were tough; they didn't need to act tough.

 

[Bramblethorn]

If I say "I'm hurt because of your bad behavior," I am admitting to myself that the way to feel better is for YOU to change your behavior or apologize in some way. But I can't control your behavior, so the chances of my feelings improving are 100% based on the whims of whether you change your behavior or not, whether you have the time and attention for me to even be able to do so, let alone the conscience, and if you do happen to be a sociopath or a sadist, I'm totally fucked. That is disempowering.

It's much more effective to base the improvement of your own feelings on things that you can control yourself. That's empowering. That's caring about yourself and loving yourself.

It is effective where achievable but there are limits to its achievability.

No man is an island. We're social animals by inclination, mostly; very few people are wired for a truly solitary life and none of those people are here on this website posting erotica for the consumption of others.

When I was younger, I did invest way too much of my own happiness in the choices of others; I talked about that in another thread a month or two back. I moved in the direction you're advocating and it was good for me. But the healthiest place to be is neither "without you I am nothing" nor "I touch no one and no one touches me, I am a rock" but at a balance between those two extremes.

 

[pink_silk_glove]

It is effective where achievable but there are limits to its achievability.

Only if you say there are.